What are your opinions on this topic…
ie do you lead or are you “equal”… I would prefer to lead though there may be times when she can lead depending on how one agrees..
how can one help a woman to accept your take on this subject, possibly using a314?
I don’t think this is a “learned” thing, Phoenix. Some men, some women want the dominant role, others want a submissive role.
Most, perhaps, are either ignorant of power relationships, power/authority exchange, or they are equivocal about it (i.e., “I can be dominant or submissive, but it’s not as important to me as many other things.”) Some like a mix of both, some reject dominance and submission completely and are fiercely egalitarian.
If it is important to you (is it important in every relationship?) then at the point your relationship moves in a direction that “puts the question” you need to qualify/discuss/probe.
Someone who wants to be submissive, but … has reactions that resist that … that’s a learning opportunity, I guess.
Otherwise, I suspect not.
Thanks, cause I really think some people in my country who get married are just ignoring the authority thing completely, and ending up in power struggles then as a result..
I guess you have to see what works for you / the couple..
My opinion is in any serious long relationship, you need to consider who has teh dominant role, the consequences thereof, and whether you are happy with things that way… Personally, I dont like to be too submissive ALL the time, but I am happy doing it sometimes. I like the relationship to be approximately equal or maybe be a tiny little bit on the dominant side. I dont like to overly control females or tell em exactly how to behave, I just beleive you cant be completely passive and give your partner complete control if you want a happy lasting secure relationship where both people are faithful. Of course, I think alot of the game applies to relationship dynamics also…
I’m close to you.. leading in some areas though still asking for the woman’s opinion which is important.. I don’t tell them exactly how to behave, perhaps when kissing if I see she isn’t kissing me the way I would prefer… oh well..
He has some interesting stuff, I think..
it’s interesting to see someone like Deida integrate sexuality into spirituality, .. there is a need for people to learn how to become “balanced” as I call it..
I prefer to lead. Always have, but particularly so since my last relationship. I have my reasons, and believe a man should always lead (partly due to C.Y.A.), and when you open a woman up enough, my experience is that she’ll even TELL you she wants you to lead. She just doesn’t want to be abused, as following you puts her in a “weaker” position to be so.
As for your second question, she’ll either accept it at the beginning, or she won’t. If you’re submissive now, but decide to grow balls later, she’ll rebuke you because she like the power she has over you. If she accepts from the start that you’re dominant (through accepting your behavior), then you have nothing to worry about except occasional testing of her limits with you.
I can see A314 being good at setting the initial tone, as well as strengthening the dominance you have in your relationship. (Judging by the one I’m in now) The thing is, I already had dominance, but when I wear A314, it seems she expects MORE leadership from me. Interesting, and perhaps I’ll write abit on my experiences later, if a topic on A314 in Long-Term relationships doesn’t already exist.
~Journey
It just occurred to me that there are some males that may not understand what I wrote, so let me make clear that dominant does not = domineering. They are two different things entirely.
I know that may be obvious to some of you, but from past experience I have reason to clarify what I just wrote. Seriously. Some people have issues.
~Journey
Journey is suggesting that we slap women around and act like pimps. Did i get it right?
lol! Good shot Tater. Don’t forget your Pimp Cup. Yeayah! <- (Said in the voice of Lil Jon from the Eastside Boyz) Bye the Bye, good post in the African-American Women thread.
~Journey - Beyatch!
I know of that difference too.. thanks..
Wow. Some people are Emo.
~Journey
Who’s Emo???
sigh
You are. (Hey, you asked) As well as anyone else who feels the need to respond emotionally to my statement. (Which I ironically wrote to avoid such nonsense). If I offended your intelligence in any way, I am sorry (not).
Look buddy. You started a topic. I answered it from my own point of view with a genuine willingness and interest to help you. Hey, we’re all phero lover’s here. I got a couple of “interesting” replies. Now I’m done.
~Journey
No I didn’t respond emotionally. I just said I am aware of the difference of the two terms. That’s all. I was very logical and cold, almost spock-like when I wrote " I know of that difference too.. thanks..". That’s Emotionless actually.
On the other hand I think you’re the one taking it emotionally… 
I wonder how you could ‘read’ emotions over the Internet, anyway.. not that easy..