Hiya, I’m a newbie to the pheromones thing. I’ve just joined up and was thinking about what pheromones to start with. I figured I’d get a couple for my hubby to test out, although I’m not sure what would suit him best.
He’s already what you would call an ‘Alpha’ - he’s not laddish or aggressive at all, but gives off a completely unapproachable aura, which means that although he’s climbed to the top of his work tree (with virtually no qualifications to back it up), people find him very difficult to speak to, despite the fact he’s actually a really nice and caring guy - it’s just no one sees him this way, and he’s managed to earn an unwarranted reputation for being fearless and ruthless (which couldn’t be further from the truth!) I’ll give you an example: One of his colleagues was telling him about an idea. My husband listened with an impassive face, and the guy finished what he was saying, although my husband thought he had more to say, so hubby sat in silence, still holding eye contact. His colleague turned round to another colleague and said “don’t you hate it when he does that?” and three of his colleagues chimed in to say that he had a ‘look’ that made them feel 2 inches tall. Not at all the intention :o
So although he likes the ease with which he can get people in the workplace working hard and respecting him (and doesn’t want a ‘Beta’ pheromone to cancel this out), he doesn’t want them to feel undervalued or frightened of him. He’s not the most chatty of people, but that’s because he feels a little socially awkward, not because he’s dismissive (but at the same time he really doesn’t like mindless chit-chat that some of us ladies can be guilty of at times). I should point out that he makes women feel particularly shy and self conscious (I knew him for 2 years before I plucked up the guts to talk to him - and I’m generally quite outgoing and confident). So would any of you experienced phero-men be able to suggest a good combo of pheromones to preserve respect whilst softening the edges a little so he doesn’t come over as the ice-man, and perhaps make him appear less of a threat and more of a support to his boss?
If its any help, Instant Shine and IO from the instant line all get me (and others around me) happy and talking. Instant Gentleman may also be worth a look as many here report very good things about it but I’ve not tried it myself.
Wearing it around your throat/neck/chest works best for myself whilst wrists and forearms tend to get to folk around me faster.
For more advanced use, P114 from the putatives also seems to help conversation along. I’ve been using that to soften the strong alpha vibe of A314 recently and my most consistant observation is the long and very pleasant conversations I’ve got into whilst wearing it.
Oh and I maybe tend to be one of those “men of few words” guys, and maybe a bit standoffish too. People often don’t know how to take me. :hmm:
I agree with Mobo with the IO and Shine idea but am thinking maybe your guy should try some IH. Instant Honesty have tended toward making me more trustworthy and when people trust you they usually drop their defenses a bit and are willing to get to know the actual person.
OK, Lucy, this is what grabbed me first. In conversation, most people aren’t totally silent. Not even if they are the ones listening. So what are they doing?
They’re making little conversational noises like ‘Uh huh’ or ‘Umm hmm…’ or ‘OK… Yeah… I get you’. Very few people sit there like they have been turned to stone. Even if they are silent, they normally nod or shake heads, flick eyebrows, widen or narrow the eyes etc.
A stony look is unnatural and intimidates people. Before using pheromones, ask your husband to be a little more expressive in his interactions. Maybe he could practice in front of a mirror or ask you to role play as a lower ranking employee coming to him about whatever.
That way, you can probably see where he’s going wrong and set him right.
As far as pheromones go, I would suggest Instant Honesty in a fairly high strength and Instant Shine. You want him to stay away from anything that suggests status and power or he’ll make them even more skittish than they are already.
IH works wonders, and probably IS (which supposed to make people happy and comfortable) or IO will go well with that. Today was my first day of using it. Couldn’t get my coworker to stop talking, even though I had work to be done..Normally talking stops after a few minutes, but still went on, even if I was silent or giving one worded response noises such as what MuskCloud said. It was really funny in the end though, I was actually surprised.
In a nutshell, IH is for deeper conversation, as IO helps with initiating conversation with others as it will make one feel more approachable.
I think your hubby may be already secreting a bunch of mones that makes him intimidating..along with looks I suppose? I believe you just need to get him things that will take off that edge. Preferably what we call “socials” IO, IH, IS etc. You’ll learn more as you browse through the forum..really helpful!