CTTM2 Report.
Continuing report from last test.
Boyfriend was flirty very touchy feely and suggestive no follow through though.So some arousal or at least stimulation of the cognitive processes associated with arousal for him.
A few fits of giggles we were sillier than normal.That was nice.Boyfriend was talking to me about something post spray and I seemed distracted to him so he got irritated.
Went grocery shopping. I didn’t notice any indicators that anyone even looked at me unless I almost bumped into them. sigh Maybe I’m an invisible girl.Tried to initiate conversation with one male but he just sort of blinked and looked to one side of me like he wasn’t sure who was talking to him odd to say the least.
My mood in general was very up and playful.More of a desire than usual to be social.Much less sensitivity to quips and barbs from the bf.Held my own better.Trouble maintaining attention span in terms of initiating actions beyond conversation IE i kept forgetting what I was doing.
Spent half the day alone. Pretty dull.
Around 8:30ish reapplied CTTM2 one spray to belly one to hair.Sprayer seemed to have better output.Covered with escada considering getting a softer scent for cover.
I feel a bit TOO up. checked heart rate heart rate was about 60 which is pretty close to normal resting for me.Respirations were normal even and steady.Very much borderline anxiety attack response.I was fine as long as I was talking but when I sat still I got super anxious.Music helped but I wanted to dance.
Boyfriend complains of headache later on much grumpies over smellies blames pheros.I think hes actually oding on my perfume.
I’m chipper in my responses.We get ready to go out and skate out skating.
Tonights session was with 2 of the other guys to start and then a different two at the end.
The boys seem stand offish to begin with then after a few minutes of sitting near them one of them just starts yammering at me.
I get cold and move to car when the chatty guy goes back to skating.
Call my mom talk her poor ear off.. I think she was sleeping or going to bed but I was in such a good mood she was more than happy to talk/listen.She was also more than happy to go to bed when the guys were done skating.
Mother and i covered some harsh topics and generally I would have been mad but I just sort of chippered my way through the general grrs and snarky stuff.
Finally going to go get the other member of our group for part two o the skating session.The guys are agressive rollerbladers.Kinda sad xgames canceled that part of the games some of these guys would have been worth sponsoring.Me I sort of just skate for the exercise at this point I’m a hemophiliac so doing tricks is a bit out of my range but I love to watch.
Chatty in the car on the way to the spot.I’m impaitent but not ornery or irritated. Its just this sort of hyper restlessness.Talking to the guys they get off on their general “boy talk” and I’m more than happy to chime in with my thoughts and observations.I think over the course of the night I fairly blew their minds a couple of times.I’m generally fairly upfront,honest and somewhat blunt tonight I was just riddle me this.Almost any question asked was answered.
I skated better than usual for me more balance less fear I just felt more solid on my feet.After awhile skating wasnt enough and I felt tired physically so I sat down with my headphones on and watched the guys.Its hard to initiate a conversation when they’re skating.
We went to in and out post session to eat.I won’t eat there after the last time I was there and I got really bad sick but the guys forgot. No bigs.
Reaally super sexy guy walks in.I’m just kinda. 
Beautiful hair I’ve always had this twitch for guys with long dark wavy hair.
The guys kinda looked over our way and moved away.I’m stitting there kind of wondering if I look like some sort of monster or something.Piffle and poffle there goes my eyecandy.
My guys are at the table porn talking. Boobs boob jobs this star and that star my boyfriend is being unusually cuddly and I’m super quiet and tired my back has been hurting.Boyfriend rubs my back while hes eating a hamburger with his other hand. I’m kind o.O over that because generally he doesnt want to rub me and also never when hes eating.But he was trying anyway.
He at some point in the night put instant jerk on.I could smell it but much like instant gentleman the reaction was bad.I felt more standoffish than usual.
Maybe its just me though.I’m fairly unhappy with things right now.
He’s pretty bad for sending me mixed signals. Flirty and interested kissy touchy feely but pulls away over anything sexual.I like to be kissed and held and I like to make love but eh at this point in our relationship it seems like that area of my life is dead.Its very hard for a girl to not take that kinda thing personally especially when he IOI’s other girls.Which simply tells me hes bored of me.Happens.Affection died when I went sterile.
Sorry i digress.
General positive response from boyfriend and friends.It was actually a fun hangout night.Still on that invisibility radar with people.I’m wondering if I naturally ghost for some reason.
Self response was good and very positive. I think if i go clubbing I’ll wear this one as I feel more inclined to be social and dance than usual.
Somewhat increased feelings of aloneness.Nothing bad though just something tossed in with that restless mix.
I like the sexual overtones seemed like everyone had sex on the brain last night or at least talking about it.
I was a bit more extroverted than usual. Which i dug.
Massive fight with boyfriend when we got home.
CTTM2 was wearing off but his jerk application was still there.
Sans the CTTM2 I felt hostile.
I was sore and wanted to go to bed. Bf ended up sleeping on the couch his choice.
