Falling in love at first sight

For those who have experienced love at first sight, please share your experiences.

Were pheromones involved? :wink:

Understanding the Chemistry of Love Relationship Center

"At the risk of putting a damper on your passionate memories or your favorite fantasies, what exactly is going on when you feel that tingling feeling all over? What causes that initial hormonal explosion? Falling in love is actually one of the most thoroughly investigated and well-understood phenomena in the relationship field. When we meet a person of the opposite sex, we are mentally sizing them up to see if we want to mix our genes with theirs. We then put the object of our affection to certain tests. First, we check for symmetrical facial features (evenness is a reflection of healthy genes) ─ men scrutinize women for curves (which represent fertility) and women generally go for a tall mate and will often choose kinder, more nurturing (feminine) features, over harder, more classically-masculine faces. In other words, women will more often choose Matt Damon over George Clooney, if they are looking for long-term love. Once our brains have scanned the other person’s physical attributes a flood of chemicals and hormones are released into our system ─ the chemistry of love. Now we begin to evaluate that special person across the room under the influence of dopamine, norephinephrine and phenylethylamine . Add to this mixture a surge of adrenalin and testosterone and your heart begins to skip a beat and boom ─ you’re in love. It should surprise no one that all of these chemicals are also released during sex, and occur in both men and women.

Unfortunately, those magical first sparks soon disappear, unless you take steps to keep them alive. After a period ranging between eighteen months and three years, our brains become less reactive to these chemicals and the levels begin to drop. The good news is that with the next phase of love come feelings of warmth, attachment and closeness. These feelings are accompanied by another hormone called oxytocin, which is associated with intimacy, caring, and mother-child bonding. In other words, this is the point when momentary lust becomes long-lasting love.

Couples who are successful together for the long haul are able to master the challenge of creating a shared identity for their relationship. Although the relationship is comprised of two distinct personalities, it needs to develop its own unique personality, transcending each of the individuals. Couples who do not respect that third personality ultimately suffer when they are confronted both with problems from outside of the relationship and internal conflicts between themselves.

Obviously, success in relationships involves a lot more than just hormones. The way that the couple treats each other when they fight is much more predictive of long-term success in marriage. In addition to dealing with conflict, nurturing the following ten elements of their relationship will improve a couple’s chance of keeping their love alive long after that first spark dies down."

That all sounds very scientific, beautiful and interesting.

When it comes to falling in love and love I have mixed feelings and am trying not let what the media (movies/songs/poems/scientists) have said affect my judgement so I am not 100% sure where I stand on this.

I do believe however that in some cases falling in love might leave to love but falling in love is more sexual where love has to do with will and commitment.

Then it brings me to big question that I can’t seem to answer : What is love?

Can anyone of us really put a definition on something so great. :confused:

I covered my opinion on that here… Not saying this is what it is but its what it is to me. I think it can mean different things for different people though.

Basically Love is your natural state before being human jades you LOL

Oh my goddess, this is gonna be embarrassing sort of LOL

I knew my husband on and off all though my childhood, just from school and seeing him on the playground and stuff LOL. We were not close or in the same circle of friends till high school though. I had no interest in him as a child, he was just a stupid boy who at the time I could beat on field day at school in any event LOL. I didnt think about him much.

Then in high school when my current boyfriend Ricky broke up with me for that slut Donna who went to another school. (She put out) I was crushed of course so my girlfriends flanked me in student center trying to cheer me up. They said all the normal loyal girlfriend things …

He is a dirt bag, He will regret it, He’s a pig… Hey we were 15 LOL

So Mia says pick another guy and we will reel him for you. LOL (we work in packs at that age you know) I said I wasn’t interested right now in anyone. It was the end of the day so we stood up and looked over towards the courtyard entrance to start out to the parking lot and there he was walking towards me with Mia’s current boyfriend. He was a year ahead of me in high school but had quit so I hadn’t seen him in a few years and he was just coming in with Brian to pick up Mia. I dont know what happened but in that second without saying a word to each other I fell in love. I got that weird tingly feeling in the pit of my stomach. I froze up though and didnt tell Mia. I probably had the DIHL look. I still remember exactly what he was wearing down to his boots and how white his teeth were when he smiled at us and how he smelled like ivory soap. LOL From that point on we all hung together as friends. He didnt ask me out and both of us saw other people but I knew I loved him. My father wasn’t to fond of him at first even as a friend. I think he sensed it.

Then one day I was between boyfriends and he just broke up with a cheating girl and we were all hanging out consoling him, telling him all the stuff loyal friends tell each other at that age …She’s a slut, Your to good for her, She doesn’t even like the things you do, play the field… bla bla bla and we asked him to describe the ideal girl. He did and Brian starts laughing and says "you realize you just described Tish right ? " He asked me out that night and we got married a year later when I was 19. Everyone said your to young, explore life more bla bla bla…but you know when you know.

He is out working in the yard right now and I went to bring him a drink. He looked up and smiled and that same weird tingly feeling flipped in the pit of my stomach.

So thats my love at first sight story. I think it was for me but not him. He sort of grew into love with me although he says otherwise. Nope no pheromones involved even natural ones. I knew from a good 50 feet away. :smiley:

Tisha

That was lovely, Tisha. May you have a long and happy marriage with lots of grandchildren and a house filled with love.

After all, despite all the PUA BS floating out there, that is what we as humans are intrinsically motivated to do in the end - settle down with a good person (*a 10!) and procreate.

The right person will always be a 10 in your eyes.

:stuck_out_tongue:

A conversation I had with current beau (it is really scary, we finish each others’ sentences - my friends reckon that we will end up cheating on each other as we are both Libra’s, ah whatever… cynical people) shows how far we’ve both departed from the “WE HATE HALLMARK! LOVE IS FAKE!” mindset.

Me: “I can’t believe a person like you can fall for a person like me.”
Him: “You’re gorgeous. How could I not fall for you?”
Me: “Unbelievable.”
Him: “I am the luckiest guy on earth.”
Me: “No, I’m the luckiest girl on earth.”

So we are making the people around us clutch their bellies retching and reaching for the nearest vomit bag but we don’t care.

He gave me a piggy back ride in the sun yesterday and we laughed like children.

Lalalala. :smiley:

This is what I want. What I’ve never had. My friends say I’m foolish; “it’s never like that, you have to be practical,…” Well I did practical every (all 3) times, but ironically they were the furthest from truly practical as they could be. Truly “practical” is – find a good person with which you harmonize, not "stay with a certain person and just make it work, make it do. Life should seem easier with this person, not just “happier,” because happiness is bolstered by all those lust/falling in love hormones running around in your mind and body. I’m not saying it will be easier, just that it seems like it, like you don’t remember the harder/worse times because you’re just happy to be in it together.

Yeah, you made me cry. I’ve never had that or anything vaguely resembling it. As each day passes in a blur of boredom, it’s easy to wonder if I’m ever gonna ever find a love. Not even daring to ask for a ‘the love’. Shit, that’s depressing. I’m so bored right now; I’m not even up to cock hunting. Nor even a booty call.

Actually LOL! :smiley::smiley:

I’m apologising right now for the language, ok? I’m so sorry I was a mental midget and couldn’t think of anything but swear words for the descriptives.

Fuck them, their attitude and the dumb ass they rode in on. Fuck practical. When did practical make anyone happy? Isn’t ‘you need to be practical’ what you say/use just before you deprive yourself of something?
Keep your frame, your list, mental picture or whatever. As I said on another thread: the heart wants what it wants, we know ourselves best. What satisfies and what doesn’t. For those who have the need to be practical - let them. Let them make a sensible choice for a mate; settle into the rut that goes with apathy - which happens when the dynamics are missing. Let them make certain to maintain the divorce statistics.

I wish for you the love of your most private dreams. Be impractical, whimsical and fey in your love life.

Your day to day is practical enough for a quorum of scientists.

The Art of Chasing Boys While Making Sure They Think They Are Doing The Chasing.

(glad you liked it)

Oooh, teach me oh Sagacious One! :stuck_out_tongue:

:smiley::smiley::smiley: OMG you make me laugh! Thankyou for that btw. Sagacious?? I truly wish. It’s not hard really, just not something that can be done via correspondence - which brings to mind something else, completely unrelated. But if you do it right, they really do think it’s their idea. :roll_eyes: And will deny everything to the contrary. :smiley:

Oh that’s too bad.

And what that is unrelated?

Oh, nothing important. Just pre-Sciencestudent days on here; there was a rather combative thread started by a troll about this and PUA being complete garbage, the pretty are the only ones that make out in this life, ugly people don’t get attention, and people judge you on appearances blah, blah, blah.

The upshot being that no matter what he did; it was still everyone elses fault that he couldn’t score a HOT woman. Bitter and twisted, with an ugly heart, basically. But he gave himself away as a computer geek and that of course, opened up a whole other can of worms. :roll_eyes:

But what came to mind with the correspondence thing was this: Most of these guys buy books or DVD’s; so, in buying this material (or any, for that matter); if the individual can’t grasp the concept without a live person, there’s no way it’s gonna work. Somethings needs a more hands on approach, face to face. That could very well be why there’s a percentage of guys that are bitter and twisted about their lack of love lives. If you’re social skills are that lacking, how then would they hope to grasp the concept of something they’ve never understood in the flesh?

Did that make sense?

Very much so. (I may have run across that or a similar thread.)
It must be obvious that I disagree with the intent of most of those PUA materials, but that some of the methods can be valid. (All those “be busy, better yourself for YOU” comments I’ve made.) And that the PUA/“be a bitch” lifestyle is just perpetuating the nasty cycle that most of them will want to get off. Anyway, I see that it makes jaded people who are less attractive for that, and many of these turn bitter, which is ANTI-sexy! (IME: having chatted with at least 200 guys to varying extents in the relatively free atmosphere of the ether.) :wink: [Nerd joke, btw.]

Yes.
Yes. I think so too.
Yes, absolutely. And rather shortsighted, really.
Yes. Nothing sexy about bitter and twisted. Or jaded and cynical.
And I must be a nerd, or something. I got the joke, found it funny, and the explanation unnecessary. :cool:

My canine companion has no proboscis . . . . ha hahaha

Absolutely shortsighted.
Explanation was intended for nonnerds who might need the prodding. :stuck_out_tongue:

I got that, the surprise being that I got it and the joke. Like waking up, going outside and realising that you somehow know enough Spanish for day to day living (I wish) :wink:

The intent doesn’t come from the material it comes from the person using the material. Don’t judge the material by the intent of the user its like judging a gun bad simply because it can kill someone. Its not the gun its the users intent that makes the gun bad.

A guy who is looking for a long term lasting relationship can use the same tactics as the guy looking to get laid in a ONS. My husband used these same tactics since before they had a name for them. He still does. How do you think he landed me LOL I teach a lot of these tactics when I coach. In fact pua tactics are modeled after how women have attracted men for centuries.

I have told many guys in here if they want to see expert PUA tactics watch a little 5 year old wrap her daddy around her finger. Its ingrained in us.

I know women get pissed when I point this out or defend PUA’s. I coach women as well as men and they always tell me “Oh I would never fall for those stupid PUA methods they use” then I laugh while I watch some guy use those very methods to get there number and set up a date. They do usually pick up on the ones who are just not good at it though.

I agree that the books and DVD’s can only get you so far. You have to get out there and implement what you have learned. Practice it. You were not born with social skills you learned them. Some people need a manual and some people just jump right in.

If they need more help then that … Higher a coach LOL :smiley:

Tisha

I was trying to distinguish method from intent, and not specify people, is all. :wink: