im 16 and i need more confidence and to get rid of my approach anxiety

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports
1

I know a lot already about pheromones but i need some last second help before i order.

i like a girl who’s older than me she 18 i know im going to use instant gentleman to give off a mature vibe

but what should i use for my confidence ? instant shine is apparently good but im not sure.

and when i talk to her i was just gonna say hi to start things off but im worried that i wont know what to say so does instant openness make you talk more without having awkward silences ??

other products im getting are ammo (just to test out i know im young) and IH

2

If you don’t actually have confidence…she’ll find that out no matter what mones you have.

P75 i find as great for getting rid of social anxiety, however. Confidence is a skill. It can be learned. but it’s been my experience that if you don’t actually have it…it will come out in body language, seeking approval, etc..many ways…and the women will “shrug off” the vibe that mones might have given off.

So Try IG, IS and P75 just one sprayof P75 2.5 mcg. And read these next words very carefully… “Fear of rejection” is only in your head. You can’t lose, what you don’t already have. And you never actually have a women, You never own her. as for talking…talk about what YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT. If you don’t wanna talk…just sit there and listen. Trust me, women like to talk.

Ask her, so tell me about the women you hate at work/school…she’ll talk for HOURS! :slight_smile:

3

so how can i learn the skill of confidence ?

4

honestly, it varies from person to person, but one tried and true method for me: get out there and experience failure.
yeah, it hurts like hell, but through trial and error is the way I best learned. any rejection/failure you do face, express the general frustration that comes with it through something, anything really. sports, music, etc etc etc
This is from personal experience, 100% first-hand.
I’ve learned so many things from eprsonal F*-ups: how to dress (still working on that :wink:), what and what isn’t funny (I advise watching Comedy Central Presents for help on humor, those comedians are on there for a reason), to embrace various music (very important to get yourself to get into what’s popular, trust me, girls like to dance, and not to Ozzy or Pantera), to do adventurous things (as simple as getting out to dances, I still need to learn to dance not so white :stuck_out_tongue:), and how to behave at parties (prom night party was a disaster haha, I know my limits now!)
Only by embracing and learning through your mistakes can you hope to better yourself.
Of course, the gurus here at pheroTalk are always a help :smiley:
I hope most of this is coherent! Anyway, I still have a long way to go myself, but best of luck, hope I’m some help!

5

Books, advice, all of these can only help so far. For me, the fastest and most effective way to gain confidence is to jump out into the deep end. Sink or swim. It’s a terrifying thought, but if you can get past that initial first step, you’ll find that things get easier as time rolls on.

My personal feelings for personal social development is that pheros aren’t the answer. You could be wearing a314 and ammo which gives off quite a confident vibe, but if you’re hiding in a corner, shoulder hunched inward, then the body language still overrides the pheros. So I won’t suggest any pheros. I’d wait and see what Tish says. I’ve always thought she’s got a good perspective on these sort of things.

6

Agree with all the advice so far. Sound advice really.

7

Ya, great advice. The A314 may make you feel a lil more confident or it may be a placebo effect but as you are out there and get good hits (learn about body language so you know when a girl is into you, that was what used to screw me up, I was never sure), amongst a host of other issues but you have to get out there and make memories, good or bad. I talked to a few girls that I used to have crushes on and it turned out they liked me too, I felt so stupid that one of the prettiest girls in the town I lived in liked me and I missed it because of being terrified of rejection…but found when I would just got out and go clubbing with a couple friends, (the alcohol may have helped with the edge) but overall I would act more cocky and full of myself and confident and girls started taking enough interest that I got more and more confident and it just kept getting better…course had I learned patience…I wouldn’t be in a complicated situation right now…I think knowing I had a lil edge and the self effects of the mix made me comfortable and confident and it doesn’t matter what does what, it’s getting results that matters and you will, but you are going to have to work on yourself and it may be tough at times, though it will be rewarding in the end. Every day is one that should be used to better one’s self then the previous one…you’ll get there…it’s different for everyone…

8

Well, I have a bit of advice that can go along with the advice the other members have given you with what to wear. If you really want to boost confidence… There are two things that really helped me when I had none.

One: Go to the mall, or somewhere that you always see attractive girls. Every time you see one, and are walking toward them/past them, smile at them. It is the natural human reaction for them to smile back. You will notice, that 98% of them will most likely smile back. It helps build up that confidence.

Two: Believe you are confident! Convince yourself that you are confident. I’m sure you have heard of the saying: “Fake it 'till you make it.” It’s 100% true, and it’s psychologically proven that when you act a certain way, and think a certain way long enough, you will eventually become that way.

9

Rundown is right on. Start with lil things and work your way up as you start seeing good results you will continue to get better…and we all get shot down some times…

10

OK here’s the thing about confidence, it’s a side effect of competence. If I gave you a stack of boards and some tools and said now..build me a desk. How confident would you be that you could do it? Well that would of course depend on if you had taken some shop classes, or at least had a book on wood working, hell even a good instruction manual would help you feel more confident that you could do it.

Note I said could…this is truly important because the best PUA’s in the world do in fact strike out. Yet this doesn’t destroy their confidence. It doesn’t effect their sense of knowing what they can do. A guy who’s confident with women doesn’t know that he WILL develop attraction or succeed in seducing her…nothing is truly certain. But he knows he CAN, ie that he has a better than average shot at succeeding.

Here are some mentalities that a good PUA or even a guy that’s just confident with women will have..think about them and most importantly, internalize them.

1.) The WORST thing that can happen is that she rejects your approach.
2.) It’s only the approach that was rejected, not you.
3.) A rejected approach has the same end result as no approach at all, what separates them is that an approach has a chance of success, standing there doing nothing is embracing failure.
4.) a rejected approach is not the end of the world…you’re still alive and uninjured, not actually hurt in any real way.
5.) If rejected guess what, there’s still several BILLION other women in the world that may not reject your approach.
6.) she may be pretty, but pretty is common…you can easilly find dozens of girls as hot if not hotter than her, so instead focus on finding out if she has anything else going for her besides her looks…you want and deserve more than just a pretty face.
Be the judge, not the one on trial.
7.) make a list of the qualities about yourself that are positive, interesting and attractive. Don’t include the ways you would treat a hot woman or kiss her ass IE “I’m a romantic guy that would treat a woman like gold” is not a positive trait…it’s a tendency to capitulate. I’m funny, intelligent, fun loving, talented etc. Don’t concern yourself with figuring out how to convince her that these things about you are true, simply know that they are and because of this she’s damn lucky to have gotten your attention in the first place.

You’ll note that these beliefs switch the mentality from you wanting to get the girl..which women sense when you want something from them, to you being curious about the girl and finding out if she’s worth wanting. A dynamic that few attractive women are used to being in. It doesn’t devalue her, but simply doesn’t give her unearned value simply for being pretty. It removed outcome attachments and expectations so the end result good or bad has no long term effect on your sense of self.

I will admit it takes time and practice to adopt and internalize these mindsets. The first few times you may recite affirmations in your head and go in, and fall right back into a shy awkward state…this is ok. If being shy and awkward at first gets you blown out, you’ll be able to sit back and think on the aftermath and realize that you’re still ok…still breathing, alive and uninjured and still seeing other women around you every day just as if not more attractive than the last one. Then you begin to lose that sense of desperation. Realizing that pretty women are everywhere so you focus on what’s beyond that. They’ll sense this and that is a moment when it’s like pulling the lever and all the fruits on the slot machine line up and you find women showing interest in you, without you even really trying.

11

By pushing yourself further one edge at a time.

Seriously, just go out and start doing things you normally wouldn’t do. Start with something you slightly fear, conquer that and then move onto the next one until you’re jumping out of an airplane if that’s your greatest fear.

As you conquer each little obstacle in life, you add just a bit more confidence to yourself.

You don’t just have to approach women to get over this fear, that will come in due time. So let’s create a simple plan for example.

Lets say you have a fear of heights. You wouldn’t go the empire state building and climb on the fence atop the balcony on your first try.

But you could climb that tree in your back yard. Then go out on a 5th story balcony. Then maybe ride a big roller coaster, then maybe climb up an observational tower at a state park, and then jump out of a plane.

This was discussed in the Deep Inner Game series from David Deangelo. I can’t recall the Psychologists name that discussed this, but it was great material. You don’t even have to build up to jumping out of a plane, as long as you’re doing something challenging you will add more confidence to yourself as you complete these things.

Good luck.

Edited to add - Everyone has approach anxiety to some degree. “Fear” is a natural reaction, allowing it to overcome you and stop you dead in your tracks and keep you from living a fulfilled life is not natural.

Sammy Davis Jr. A man who performed literally 1,000’s of shows in front of huge audiences most of his life said that every night, he still threw up before he went out on stage because of Stage Fright. But he fought past the “fear,” and still went out there and performed. That’s what you need to do.

12

Beautiful! I couldn’t have said it better myself.

You said exactly what I learned in Real Social Dynamics. It’s a skil like, golf, art, music, public speaking…just learn the skill set for someone much more experienced and practice often.

One very helpful thing we did was “disassociate” with youself while practicing…it’s easy say when you are learning to play guitar, cause you know “you’re not the guitar” …so they had us come up with “cool nicknames” for ourselves…or they picked a cool nickname…So in the “field” …if Slick Larry got shit on…no biggie…Slick Larry can handle himself.

13

Dr. Paul (Dobransky) ?

This guy has a lot of work especially for men. Google him. It’s good stuff.

14

I’ve read both “Mature Masculine Power” and “Mind OS” (basically an unabridged version of the former) and yes the man’s advice is tremendously helpful. I learned about him via David D’s “Deep Inner Game” product.