Hi guys, I’m having difficulty moving up and escalating once attraction is established and I know there’s something more than friends there nowAny advice on what I could do to go for an escalation?1) Just go in for a goodnight kiss2) Grab her hand while we’re out shopping, make some silly excuse about needing to see her hand and then holding it, looking her in the eye and tell her you’re not letting go3) Look at her in the eyes and suddenly say "Let’s start dating"4) Look at her in the eye at her doorstep and say “shall we get cosy?”
Google the Dicarlo escalation ladder. You’ll find it helpful.
See the thing is, when you go for the kiss, you don’t want either of you to feel awkward about it. It should not be this BIG huge thing where you’re sitting wondering should I, and she’s sitting wondering “when is he?” or worse yet “will he at all?”
Start slow with incidental and innocent contact and little by little move to more intimate contact. You want her to become so acclimated to you breaking the physical contact barrier that you touching her feels natural. If she’s nervous when you go for it, she’s going to shrink away or act startled…even if she wants to kiss you, it’s just an awkward moment. And her reacting like that will fuck with your head.
So start with harmless contact, watch her reactions, at first she might pull away, if so respect that and don’t acknowledge it, that makes you seem insecure and defensive.
Just wait a while and then make another move for incidental contact, when she behaves in a way that makes it seem like she’s comfortable and you touching her shoulder or whatever is very natural and comfortable, escalate step by step. When it’s time it should feel so natural to both of you that it would feel wrong NOT to do it.
The single most important thing to remember though is to actually PAY ATTENTION to the girl. I know guys that get the escalation ladder and look at it like a walkthrough for a video game and simply go through each step as fast as they can get away with.
Some girls might be receptive enough that you can do that and escalate pretty damn fast, some others might be slow to warm up to being touched by a guy, if you plow through it, you’ll piss her off and and probably get your ass kicked by some guy that sees your argument as a chance to cockblock you and steal the girl. Nothing attracts an amog like the sound of a woman angry at a guy…it’s like ringing a dinner bell for them. Also, don’t get all butt hurt if she’s slow to respond, you freeze her out on an escalation step and she’s gonna assume you’re after one thing and lose interest. So read the girl.
Great post Rad.
I agree with Rads post but sometimes I find people need some examples and methods on how to achieve that. I remember when talking to my sons they would always ask well thats good to know but what exactly do I do LOL. So I taught them… The art of being a gentlemen. Its becoming a lost art. Now keep in mind I am not saying every single male in the world has lost it so men dont get your knickers in a knot. If you learned these skills then kudos to you and your fathers. However they probably didnt teach you that its not only about being polite and respectful but its about controlling your environment.
Many men look at this art as being weak or a push over now a days. They think it is giving to much value to a women. Its just not “cool” to be a gentlemen. That really is the farthest thing from the truth. You see it more with the younger generation and I dont necessarily blame them. Its there parents job to teach this skill and many dont. I even see it here with product choice. Men see IG and dismiss it thinking, I dont want that, they some how think that being a gentlemen devalues them. They want to give the alpha aura or make girls find them irresistible so they jump right to TUTH or A314 then try escalating far to quickly or awkwardly.
You can be a powerful alpha male as well as a gentlemen and have women swooning.
Gone are the times when men would open the door for women and allowing them to walk in first or open the car door for a women. Pull out a chair, walk a women to the door, hold out there arm for them to hold as you walk.
All these actions were not just designed to be a polite good boy who respects women. These actions afford you the opportunity to escalate and use kino. To control your environment and show dominance. To create sexual tension and a sense of intimacy. Subtly and naturally without awkwardness. The older generations were smarter then you know. 
For instance just a few examples.
Holding the door open for a women to enter along side or slightly ahead of you. As you do this place you hand to the small of her back and lead her in. Just dont take your hand off her back right away once you enter… Kino, dominance, escalation.
Opening the car door for a women. Again you have the opportunity to touch the small of her back and lead showing dominance. If you lean over and put her seat belt on you are now in her intimate space and creating sexual tension. There can even be a small amount of kino occurring by holding out your hand to lead her into the car or on the small of her back.
Pulling the chair out for a women. Again shows dominance but if you lean over her a bit as you scoot the chair in as she sits and bring your face close to her neck or face she feels your breath, depending on the chair she can feel your chest leaning against her back. This is subtle kino and a subtle form of escalation.
Holding your arm up for them to hold while you walk is sort of reverse kino. It invites them to touch you and allows you to take the lead. It pulls them into your personal space.
Walking her to the door Oodles of opportunity here to escalate further. This will depend on the situation but suppose she lives alone and your dropping her at her apartment. Ask her if she has her key as your walking to the door. (this seems like a polite thing to do)
Usually she will dig in her purse for it or say yes and have it in hand. Take the key and open the door for her. By doing this you shows dominance but also you place yourself between her and the door. You are controlling the situation more. Now turn around to say your good night’s. Dont hesitate lean in for the kiss. Do not peck and run. Friends peck and run. Make eye contact, lean in slow, glance at lips and back to eyes and kiss. Linger a bit. Lingering while you kiss gives her time to decide if she wants you to come in. If she is responding well to you kiss this is time to engage your hands. Put them at her waist and pull her into your body. Dont tug just a gentle pull.
You can do the same thing if you walk her to her car. Most cars have the lock opener on the key now a days. Either ask for the car key or when you approach the car open the door for her placing yourself between her and the door.
Now if you have been doing your due diligence and using every gentlemanly opportunity to create sexual tension and use kino while you were together that night then you have a better chance at this point of being asked in.
Another thing men tend to do is if in a environment where dancing is occurring they skip the slow ones. They think the sexy bump and grind dances are more arousing… NO no no…men. The slow dance is a major opportunity to not only show dominance by leading but to use tons of acceptable kino that other wise would not be tolerated just sitting together.
Remember that story telling question you had. Perfect time to use kino. Touching her shoulder or arm. If you decide to buy her a drink (dont over do paying for shit) perfect time to touch her hand or arm and ask what she would like to drink.
Little story…My husband still does this for me. We just went to a wedding last week and he got up from the table to get a drink. He was standing sort of slightly behind me off to the side a little and he leaned down close to my face and asked “would you like a drink ?” Course as is customary I turned to reply and his face was like 4 or 5 inches from mine. He had his hand on my shoulder sort of caressing it. He even did the quick look at my lips like he was about to kiss me. Seems polite and harmless. The husband of another couple at the table just got up and went with my hubby to the bar to get a drink. Once they walked away his wife says to me “your husband is such a gentlemen” LOL He is a scamp thats what he is. Sure he was being polite but he deliberately was creating sexual tension which he did all night. He knew exactly what he wanted and how to get it and it wasn’t a Budweiser. He doesn’t like dancing at all but he did the slow ones. Other husband was busy banging back buds and chatting it up with people. He wasn’t mean to his wife, he just didn’t pay attention at all. Now dont think my husband catered to me all night. He hung with the guys and chatted and had a good time but when opportunity presented itself to create tension he did. Needless to say by the end of the wedding things were not looking favorable for the other couple. They were not looking happy with each other at all, she looked tired and annoyed as we were leaving… Ah I almost forgot the old coat trick LOL… He went to the cloak room and got our jackets. He helped me on with mine like a gentlemen should. Once it was on he sort of straightened the front so both his hands were holding each side of the opening of the jacket. Course in this position the back of his hands were right in contact with my boobs. Oh yes he knows exactly what he is up to. LOL My husband and I barely made it home without pulling into a rest stop for a quickie LOL. He probably could have banged the other guys wife if he wanted to because he is so good at creating that tension she could fell it as well. (snort)
Sure its different for you singles out there just meeting but the concept is the same. Even if she doesn’t invite you in creating that tension will heat her up and have her thinking about you other then her friend.
The above are all just mild forms of kino and escalation. Once inside her domain or in a private environment you begin to increase the kino which increases the escalation. The ladder that Rad mentioned. To many men try jumping up to the middle of the ladder. You risk falling on your ass that way. It may be a little more work but start at the bottom and and start climbing. You control the ladder better that way.
I notice from chatting with you before you tend to skip steps. Your jumping on the ladder. Have you asked this girl on a date ? Even if your just going to hang with friends you want to establish that she is with you not just hanging with the group. Its hard to escalate anything that way . ONS are a bit different and yes they happen with people who just meet at times, those men experienced in seduction can pull it off but you seem to be talking about a girl you see often how you want to date. If you wait to long to create tension she is going to throw you in the friends box. You analyze to much and that hesitation is the difference between success and failure. You gotta make your move man.
Tisha
I have found it easiest to escalate on the dance floor. For a date take her out salsa dancing or the club, which ever you prefer. Both methods are great excuses to get physical and touch. Both are great for creating chemistry. Salsa dancing if done right can basically make the girl silly putty in your hands.
As far as kiss and close go. When you are dropping her off and saying good night look at her lips if she is licking them or if they are slightly open then she is anticipating a kiss. What I like to do is look at her lips then back her eyes then back at her lips and back at her eyes. Or in a different sequence and remember to make sure that you make eye contact. As far as the kiss goes, just go for it. I have had people say that you should ask. But I have never asked once. I just read her body language and go from there. I mean some girls respect a guy who respects them enough to ask to kiss them and others think that they are not Alpha. Just depends on what is comfortable for you.
When you go out do not expect anything to happen, for when you have a preconceived notion or idea how things should go that takes away the spark and the mystery. I have personally found that when I do go out for the purpose of having fun I do way better then going out with the purpose of hooking up with someone. Girls have a sixth sense about this kinda thing and they can tell. Don’t ask me how but they just can. But when you go out for the purpose of just having a good time and meeting quality girls and women then that gives off the vibe your a easy going man and you do not need hook up with a girl. Not getting the girl that night is not the basis of your night but, if you do then you do but if you don’t you will continue to make it. Being able to just leave it on the table and walk away as if there are more girls out there is one thing that my father taught me that helps convey a social status of a valuable and important man. Have a life, and girl you meet and are interested and have a romantic connection with should be a part of your life, they should not be your life.
What kind of situation are you trying to escalate in man?
This is weird. I thanked Tisha and Jabez but after thanking them it said "Thank you for using the action Post Thanks Hack"And earlier I had problems thanking them and saying that an error occured please contact administrator