Lakerman34's Fallout Journal: Target Acquired

[lakerman34]

So, like I promised, I am starting this journal on my co-teacher whom I’ve had a bit of a crush on for a couple of months now. I’m 24, mixed race, 6’1", a bit of a quiet alpha, and very toned and athletic.

She’s curvier (in all the right ways), ALSO 24 (6 months YOUNGER than me though), has been sheltered most of her life (VERY militant mother – sweet lady, but militant, met her before), white and brunette (though her hair has turned blonde from the sun).

Armed with:
1-1.5 drops of A314 Applied right on wrist, rubbed together, rubbed behind ears
2 sprays A1, 5mcg each Right to the side of the neck

Wouldn’t say there were any serious IOIs (none should be expected on day 1 of Fallout mix), BUT definitely noticeable differences:

-She was stressed because the kids were acting a bit crazy. She seemed more in tune with me than she has recently. Kept staring at me A LOT with the “ughh…these kids…” look, and then laugh of disbelief. This was consistent. Constantly looking over at me.
-She seemed a bit more smiley towards me, but nothing too overt.
-During lunch, we dropped off the kids, she came in to the faculty room (just her and me), gave a “gun to the head” sign to me, then got her lunch. She proceeded to tell me everything about her lunch (I made lemon pasta with peas, parmesan coated tilapia)
-I ask her a question, she doesn’t answer (she’s texting), then she apologizes “oh sorry, I’m texting my cousin” then she answers me
-Problem: I went up to our English teacher’s classroom, looked into our classroom (the one where target and I teach), the lights are off and she’s making out with her best friend. I believe mobo is right about her. He seems like the aggressor. It LOOKS like she enjoys it, but he’s ultimately a placeholder (also, he’s moving back north in a couple of months, so he should be out of the picture).
-We had a meeting, which I arrived late to and sat at the other side of the room. I think she looked over at me a couple of times.

Ultimately, nothing SCREAMED out attraction, but I think that is to be expected, at first. I’m considering upping the A1 dose from 10 mcg. to 15 mcg.

Self-Effects
-I heard someone tell another person “he’s really good at his job”
-EXTREME confidence. I get the depression feeling, but for me, A314 sort of balances it out
-People appear less capable and you feel like you could rule the world (might be a negative effect)
-Become more work-focused than people-focused
-Many seem to recognize you as an authority, even when you’re not
-Just SUPER cool feeling

Effects on Non-Targets
-My superior, a BEAUTIFUL black woman who is only 3 WEEKS older than me seemed timid in my presence (almost girly)
-Women in general REALLY notice you – wouldn’t say curling their hair with their fingers, but rather more, “this guy is SUCH a man, he just wreaks of manness. I’m slightly intimidated, but also slightly turned on” feeling coming from them.
-My OTHER superior (above the girl) TRULY sees me as an equal (he’s an alpha), but ALSO concedes to a LOT of what I’m saying (“I see what you’re saying” and “yeah, when you look it like THAT…”)
-BIGGEST HIT: Our school principal is a 28 year old mega-alpha, but HIGHLY respected, a little intimidating, VERY confident, and very well-liked (also, a gorgeous fiance to boot). A teacher told me that in the elementary school (the school is K-8), some teachers nicknamed me “Baby [Principal’s name]” Pretty cool!

Children
-Surprisingly a LOT less defiant, more willing to listen to rules. One came up to me to tell me that I smelled musky. I just laughed, “that’s the way a man is SUPPOSED to smell.”

Will post more later in the week. I’ll be exposing her to Fallout Mix tomorrow and Thursday again, and taking off on Monday, so we can see if fallout worked quickly towards her. If not, continue to do what I’m doing, see if I get dough eye from another dime.

[lakerman34]

April 15th

Armed with:
1.5-2 drops of A314
A1 15 mcg (3 sprays of 5 mcg)

Results on Target?
She didn’t say ANYTHING to me the entire time. VERY closed off, it seemed. Not even a single IOI. Wouldn’t call it avoidant, but more she was annoyed by something (not me).

On Self
I felt the depression, but it wasn’t really a “the world is crumbling” depression. It was more of a somber, VERY serious, almost militant in attitude depression. I just felt VERY serious, didn’t feel up for a joke, just very curt and “cut the BS.”

Also, I found myself especially annoyed by a teacher that EVERYONE knows is highly incompetent (she asked me too many stupid, annoying questions). Usually, I’m one of the nicest ones towards her, but I just couldn’t handle her today.

On Students
1 student, in particular, was HIGHLY disrespectful. Others were OK, somewhat playful.

Other People
There was a teacher that was implicitly trying to recruit me to her business that she is a part of (MLM – so I was polite, but didn’t want to sound interested).

I had a phone interview where I was completely honest, and the lady over the phone REALLY liked me. I was sort of listening to myself talk, and I thought I kind of had bedroom voice, speaking very slowly, VERY deeply (deeper than usual), very clearly, and with lots of confidence and certainty. The interviewer kept telling me how awesome I was.

Item of Note:
I was straight up IGNORED by my target and another teacher. We were at a team meeting, and it was as if it was between the both of them, and I wasn’t involved. I was asking questions, they’d talk right through them. I got highly annoyed by this. I walked out b/c I had “somewhere to be.” They didn’t acknowledge me. VERY strange.

I don’t know. Not sold on this fallout mix yet. IShine and IH just came in the mail w/ TUTH. Deciding if I should use any (though probably will use IShine).

Please leave feedback on the following:
The reality is, I got to teach in HER classroom. She was very awesome towards me (though lately, aside from yesterday, a bit standoffish), so I’m getting her an appreciation/birthday gift on her birthday next Wednesday. I’ve drafted a letter talking about my appreciation for her and how awesome I think she is (an entire page). Should I even bother send the gift (would it be congruent with a fallout mix) Should I omit/add things to the letter, or not even send it at all.

Lemme know!

[lakerman34]

April 16th – *Is this a new girl? COMPLETE turn-around
Armed with:
1-2 drops A314 SAME APPLICATION SPOT AS USUAL
2 sprays A1 (5 mcg each) SAME APPLICATION SPOT AS USUAL
1 spray IShine BACK OF THE HEAD, IN HAIR

Results on Target
I want to say ‘WOW,’ but can’t count your chickens before they hatch.
Each class is an hour and a half, and in the first class ALONE there were 5-6 BLATANT IOIs. They are as follows:

-She came over to talk to me, tell me something about what we’re going to do. She does this usually. What was different was she was taking her thumb and playing with her necklace (like pulling on it with her thumb and running her thumb across it). I found that strange.
-A LOT more talkative, friendly, smiley, catching her looking at me A LOT throughout class to get confirmation about whatever she said
-Dangling foot orientation: Caught her dangling foot pointing right towards me several times throughout the day
-At one point, she came up to me and poked me in the shoulder to tell me something (don’t remember what)
-Another teacher sent a student to ask for my assistance with something. Co-teacher says, “I think she needs help lifting something heavy, and she’s looking for a man. Looking for a manly man.”
-Shortly after trying to get my attention, she tried to get my attention AGAIN! I usually orient myself in a walk where I’m standing next to her talking to her, she threw herself FACING me, and she did the whole eye contact thing

REST OF DAY:
-Talking to her, she makes GREAT eye contact, looks away, keeps talking, I keep staring at her eyes, and they meet again during conversation. She smiles (though it seemed like a genuine smile, not a flirty smile. I kind of just smirked).
-Throughout the day, the blatancy of IOIs died down a little bit, but I always have a FEELING that she looks at me when I enter a room, she just acts coy as to seem uninterested
-As a gift for all the IOIs, I flirt with her for a second. Walked up to her during class, and pretended I was kicking her. She reciprocated with a pretend shoulder to my ribs saying, “we gonna start wrestling up in here!”
-Caught her once (and I realize–this could just be happenstance) flipping her hair in the OPPOSITE direction of me as she walks past me. This one COULD just be happenstance, but I’ve caught her doing this before.

Hits with Others
-Hit EARLY on in the day. The 6th grade math teacher, a 22 year old GORGEOUS black girl, was helping me on an assignment yesterday. I asked her for help, she emailed me some links, and I thanked her for it this morning. She just started TALKING. Like, quite a bit. It wasn’t an instance of, “OH YEAH! No problem! I feel the struggle, man.” I don’t remember the content, but the general feel was she wanted to have a conversation with ME and ONLY ME! Then, I started singing a song to myself shortly thereafter, and she just responded with, “what you say?” I find women tend to think of you almost as an authority figure, and they become almost girlishly intimidated by your presence.

Same girl from yesterday (my superior) came to talk to me upset about something I said. I apologized, and again, it just felt like I was HER superior. She seemed almost nervous to talk to me!

On Children
-VERY friendly and playful. Was called “the chillest teacher in the school.”

With my target, I like that she’s making out (possibly even sexing), her best friend. Why? HE’S LEAVING BACK TO HIS HOME STATE IN A MONTH OR TWO, AND IN THE MEANTIME, SHE ISN’T TALKING TO OTHER BOYS!
He looks like a placeholder, in my opinion. Seeing him hanging on her at the end of the day, she CLEARLY loves the attention (and may genuinely even like the guy), but I get the feel that she’s going to eventually want a “manly man.”

Insert me.

Self-Effects
OH MY GOD the ISHINE makes a WORLD of difference. This could even be a club mix because my confidence is SO high, rejection isn’t a thing and I can walk up to a girl and look her dead in the eye. No backing down.
-Made me feel a LITTLE lackadaisical, but also, felt like a god amongst men
-Had the feeling that I could reel in ANY girl I wanted
-Even looked at my target at one point, and thought “wow. She is beautiful, but I could probably do better if I tried.”
-I was flirting with HER a lot. For some reason, I had the incessant need to act towards her in a way that said, “I’m a man, I’m sexual. You WILL notice me, and you WILL respect me as such.” I brushed up against her a couple of times, just little things that could get her hot and bothered. I felt VERY dominant, and almost felt a vibe from her that said, “you are dominant to me, I am submissive to you.” It was as if I was peacocking my social status up against hers, and with the Fallout mix, I think it may have made her rather uncomfortable between the legs (possibly, I don’t know).

[lakerman34]

4/20

Armed with:
2 sprays A1 (5 mcg. each) SIDES OF NECK
2 drops A314 WRISTS, THEN BEHIND EARS
1 spray IShine BACK OF HEAD
1 spray IH ON LEFT ARM

HITS ON TARGET:
Not many. There were some body language IOIs, but ultimately, she felt like she was not into it to me.

Today I wore VERY tight pants. The kids all commented on them. I really don’t like them, but didn’t have a clean pair of khakis (lazy weekend). I told her, “WORST MISTAKE EVER: I’m never wearing these khakis again!” Her response? “You look good in them. Not much bothers me anyways. I’m dating this hipster-y guy who wears sweatpants to work.” Just completely out of the blue told me who she was “dating” (and I don’t even know if I should believe her anyways – posting song lyrics that sound about her complaining about her 4 year relationship that ended in January – not something that would come from a girl looking to move on).

I’ve noticed she has been mirroring what I do lately. When I cross my legs, she crosses hers almost at the same exact time. Today? None of that.

The whole foot orientation thing was one point though. WHENEVER she crossed her legs, her foot/knee was pointing RIGHT AT ME. She was also curling her toes up towards me (not sure what this means body language wise).

Also, she asked me how my interview went from Friday (although she already asked me this on Friday). I told her it went very well. She told me she had one that afternoon. I noticed as time came for her to leave for her interview, she was playing with her hair, pacing back and forth, looking at her work.

COMPLETELY RANDOMLY she told me about her slicing her finger open the previous day. Just really boring, uninteresting, irrelevant stories about her. This has been happening more often as of late (her telling me random unimportant stories about what she made for dinner or whatever).

MIX ON STUDENTS
Students were, for the most part, great with me. Same one defiant kid though (I wonder if he has a disdain for A1?)

SELF-EFFECTS
Maybe I didn’t do something right (or maybe it was the addition of IH), but I didn’t feel AS confident as I have with this mix. I felt very, well, blah and even a little bit exhausted. VERY curious… Going to try WITHOUT IH tomorrow.

Question: Should I introduce a sexual (TUTH 5 mcg.) to heat things up a little bit?

[lakerman34]

4/21

So, I took off the IH.

She mentioned her boyfriend again.

Other than that, IOIs were basic. Foot orientation, seemed to be physically close to me a lot, telling me mundane, uninteresting stories about her life, and weirdly enough (I don’t know if it’s me or the pheromones), I’m beginning to lose interest DRASTICALLY.

Realizing I may never really talk a whole lot with her after this school year, and I’m OK with it.

Will continue Fallout mix for giggles, but think I ultimately need to withdraw myself completely from her.

Who knows? When I leave the school, maybe I get a phone call to “hang out” afterwards. She may end up missing me…

[lakerman34]

4/22 – Her Birthday
Same Fallout Mix (A1, A314, IShine)

So I gave her her birthday gift. I hid it under her desk, told her to look, she opened it, and texted me that she loved it and I was “too sweet.” She thanked me for it later. I didn’t make a big deal about it.

The gift was REALLY geared towards her. A cookbook (she told me she loved to cook) that screamed her name, and a coffee grinder w/ coffee beans (she LOVES coffee). I also wrote a note expressing my gratitude for her, but nothing too serious that would be handing my balls to her on a silver platter.

Her “boyfriend” (henceforth called Mr. Placeholder, although he’s actually a pretty cool guy) got her flowers and chocolate. Something tells me that I won a couple of more points. Mr. Placeholder is heading back north (completely different state on the opposite side of the country) in a couple of months.

Same IOIs as usual. Early in the day, I noticed she flicked her hair as I passed her, but I turned around and her “boyfriend” (who she calls “the guy I’m dating,” have yet to hear her use the “b” word), was there.

In class, I got a lot of foot orientation (standing & sitting), and quite a few stares. I noticed she was playing with her hair again, but not sure if it was just a nervous tick.

After school, I stayed a little late to help her grade papers. Before I left, I went to talk to her. I said something to her that caused her to grin HUGELY – ear to ear. I walked away and headed to another teacher that we both work closely with. I overheard her say to another teacher, “see, look at them. It’s hot because they both like each other, but neither will say anything yet. Lots of tension.” I asked her what she said, she said, “HUH? Oh nothing.” We were the only 4 teachers in the room.

I’m done working with her in 2 weeks. I’m going to remain mum and see if she asks me to “hang out” or to get lunch (in my letter, I included that she owes me lunch – all year she has been trying to buy me lunch, but I’d always say “no” because I brought lunch. Now, I put the ball in her yard. She has the opportunity to ask ME out now. If she doesn’t, ah well. Her loss).

[lakerman34]

4/23, 4/27, 4/28, 4/29, 4/30

Sorry I couldn’t keep up with the journal. I have a friend over who is taking all my energy, and my mom is also visiting from the northeast.

Same Fallout Mix

Some days, I realize that she’s a bit standoffish. She has decided that she will not be returning to the school next year. She’s going to teach elementary school (3rd or 4th grade) at another school. She’s just done, and it’s rather obvious. Kind of half-assing her job, yelling at the children a lot, even going so far as saying inappropriate things (“I’m going on a job interview because you kids are chasing me out of here”).

No major hits. Foot orientation, a couple of hair flips, that’s it. I told her one day when she said she was feeling well and didn’t really prepare a great lesson, “at least your hair is REALLY on point today.” She smiled and told me, “my hair dries like this, I did nothing.” I told her, “oh, so you got perfect hair? I hate you.” She smiles, “I know.”

That same day, she was walking down the hallway as I approached her. I saw her fix her hair and flip it to expose her neck to me, I mentioned how perfect it was again, and she was on her high horse. I followed it up asking for a favor (didn’t want to seem like I was raining compliments on her), and she complied.

Thursday (4/30), was my LAST day with her. A couple of “interesting” things happened:
-She bought me breakfast – kind of as a “thank you for helping me out”
-We played a game with the kids where they got to crumble pieces of paper and throw it in the garbage. She was going to throw a piece of paper in the garbage, I pretended to block it, she kept saying, “Don’t do it, don’t do it,” then she threw it in my face. The kids called us out for flirting, she didn’t respond (she may have actually said something like, “I do what I want.”)
-LOTS of smiling
-The game included multiple choice questions. The kids only got the chance to throw a piece of paper in the garbage if they got it right. To make sure we were on the same page with the answers, she’d come up to me and **rub the letter on my back
-One of the girls mentioned her having a boyfriend. Her response: “I don’t have a boyfriend, I don’t need a man.”
-Lately, she has been texting me a LITTLE bit more often and Snapchatting me a LITTLE bit more. I mostly don’t respond, only once in a while. When I do send a Snapchat to the world, she’s usually the first to look at it (but this could mean that she’s REALLY attached to her phone)
-IOD? OR IOI: I went to go talk to the English teacher on my team (50 year old lady). She said she was so over my co-teacher and me. She claimed there was nothing there and that my co-teacher came to her saying that she didn’t know how to feel about **my giving her a gift.

Anyways, I’m no longer in the classroom with her. I won’t see her for a week, and when I return it’s going to be in a completely different classroom in a completely different part of the school (they are moving me to 4th grade, she was in 5th). I guess this is Fallout withdrawal commencing.

[lakerman34]

5/6
Target (probably) lost

Same mix

So, I’m under the impression (more out of intuition, no one has told me explicitly) that my target is seeing someone she REALLY likes, and all other guys no longer matter. LOTS of smiling while texting these phantoms (part of me thinks the news reporter is back in her life).

Anyways, haven’t seen her for a week. Battled with whether or not I should wear my Fallout mix today because we work in same building, but completely different ends now.

She sees me, she smiles and asks me how I am. Seems genuinely excited to see me.

Then, she passes me in the hallway shortly thereafter with an ear to ear smile (no teeth). I’m dressed EXTREMELY sharply, so ya know.

Throughout the day, I see my old kids (her current kids). They are all extremely excited to see me. They even tell me that they can tell that she REALLY misses me in the classroom. One even told me that she wishes that I were still there with her. Now, this is just a bunch of 11 year olds, so what do they know?

At the end of the day, I was in the library amongst a few other staff members doing work. She sees me, asks how my day was, sits down next to me, but QUICKLY gets up and moves on. That was my last encounter with her.

LOTS of people excited to see me, LOTS of compliments on my dress, LOTS of people saying I look and act like the principal (a young guy, SUPER alpha), and the kids treated me like a celebrity.

[lakerman34]

5/7
Same school, no interaction.

ONLY thing I noticed was at the end of the day, I was talking and joking with an older teacher (she’s mid-30s to early-40s, sweetest little black lady). As I’m telling her a story about where I plan to move (I’m joking with her and she’s laughing), my target passes by and RIGHT as she is about to turn the corner, my target glances over at me REAL quickly (saw her thru my peripherals), and keeps moving on.

Part of me thinks she’s getting Fallout VERY minutely, and her reaction is to avoid at all costs, but sneak a small convo in with me or look over at me whenever she can – kind of like a schoolgirl trying hard to get over her crush by ignoring him as much as she can. Like Helga from Hey Arnold. Almost.