lwatkins test log

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Men's Journals
181

Wed 2/25

1 spray, 6PM

using this mix still..
eNone 0.75 mcg / spray
eRONE 3 mcg
P104 3 mcg
P77 2.3 mcg

I added 1 spray of P78 at 15 mcg per spray at the same time as above spray.

I feel a sense of relaxation and slight bliss with this combo, but I am also somewhat sedated. There is some visual attraction effect. The food I cooked smells unusually good, and I have unusual food craving even after eating, I keep focusing on the scent. I feel some mood elevation, and don’t feel very dominant. I feel helpful and patient. As for wife - Lordosis behavior observed. Wife seems very slow and calm, comfortable. When she has to yell at son to get him to do things, she does so more quietly and gently than usual. Wife does NOT get a headache this time. When we go to bed, she says “can we cuddle”, which implies she does not want sex, but she really does wants to cuddle. There is no sense of aggravation or anxiety with her that night. Honestly talking. She starts to fall asleep around 11PM.

182

Thurs 2/27

Not showered since weekend (I know, I don’t shower much). Have not applied any products today yet. However I’m getting the impression that I’m getting hits just from buildup alone. Unusual hits compared to the norm.

Around 6:30 AM, a late 20’s 1/2 Asian woman at my work who never talks, I randomly started up a conversation with her about bags I saw her carrying yesterday… she is very receptive to convo and tells me all about the Chinese calendar year. Convo is a bit aimless but she keeps trying to draw it out.

Go to Grocery Store 3:30 w/ kid. 50’s older lady starts up a conversation with me at the Deli counter about cheese. Comes across a bit flirty and directionless.

Later at same grocery, looking at the beer selections (Yay DC!) A thin 20’s woman starts up a conversation with me about the beer. She wants me to help her pick out a beer 6 pack to buy. She comes across a bit flirty and giggly, she doesn’t know what she wants and keeps talking to me until I pick something out for her. She then helps me pick something out too.

Go home, make dinner, wife comments on how she has been feeling very content and relaxed lately (this week in particular). She describes a sense of relief and assurance. Lately, she is more willing to spend money, where usually she is such a miser. She talks about spending money to fix up the cars, and also putting son into expensive summer program.

No harsh words this evening. Very relaxed atmosphere.

At one point we are on couch, she starts rubbing my upper arm in a way she does not do normally, she is aggressively massaging my upper arm, but I’m not sure she was totally conscious she was doing it.

I take a quick shower to wash off old 'mones.
around 9PM, I apply this mix again repeating previous day:

eNone 0.75 mcg / spray
eRONE 3 mcg
P104 3 mcg
P77 2.3 mcg

I added 1 spray of P78 at 15 mcg per spray at the same time as above spray.
Let it dry down 15 min while walking dog.

Early on she displays lordosis behavior again like yesterday.

We sit on couch from 9PM - 11PM watching “Young Frankenstein” (1974). We feel very relaxed and casual. At one point she does the agressive massaging again as with earlier this evening, but this time she’s aggressively massaging the back of my head with one hand. I’m feeling very affectionate and keep kissing her. Feeling blissful. We kiss many times. Later on, I am massaging the back of her thighs while she is laying on couch. I’m getting turned on. She falls asleep around 10:45. Baby asleep shortly after.

I put baby in crib and wife wakes up and says she has to send writing sample on laptop to job prospect (oh why, the procrastination?) she spends 20 min in bed sending email on laptop, but the whole time I’m rubbing the back of her thighs. Once she’s done we have sex. Sex goes well. I try to get her off after and she seems responsive but can’t get off, could be she’s over-sedated or sleepy? We cuddle and go to sleep

I note that again, she did not get any headache with this mix combo.

183

Fri, feb 27th 2015

6pm
I do one spray this mix
eNone 0.75 mcg / spray
eRONE 3 mcg
P104 3 mcg
P77 2.3 mcg

Plus I add
1/2 spray TAF at 2.5 mcg per spray
1/2 spray P74 at 15 mcg per spray

Pick up wife and kids in car

Wife says she has a headache.
It appears P74 and TAF do not moderate headache at this dose.
I keep giving wife things to do - text this person, do this..
Wife notes that I am being very impatient.
I am driving faster than usual.
Wife seems calm and wants me to relax also

When we get to BIL’s house I do one spray of P78 at 15 mcg per spray, and 1 spray P96 dilluted to maybe ~1 mcg / spray

Ask wife later, she says she does not have any headache anymore.
It appears the P78 does moderate headache at this dose and pinch of P96 does not negatively impact.

Mix continues to be very pleasant with P78 added. No harsh words or blowback.
Wife is happy to sit as close to me as possible watching “Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home” (1986) in honor of the death of Leonard Nimoy

I notice I am often quite hungry wearing this mix - I like to eat, probably twice as much food as everyone else.

Brother’s dog (female) gives me an extreme amount of attention, following me around, just like last week, being very submissive.

Sat, feb 28th 2015

10 AM
wash neck
I do one spray this mix
eNone 0.75 mcg / spray
eRONE 3 mcg
P104 3 mcg
P77 2.3 mcg

plus add one spray of P78 at 15 mcg per spray

Wife says she does not have a headache.

She and my mom go shopping. When she comes back she says she got a headache during the shopping trip while she was gone. However after she returns her headache apparently goes away while hanging out with me.

around 3PM we are at the beach for an oyster roast by campfire and tents, etc.

I repeat the above sprays.

It’s pretty windy, but in a few occasions women seem to start up conversations with me randomly. My mood is elevated somewhat and I like to talk pleasantly. I am eager to eat, and the freezing weather does not bother me much.

184

3/2 - 3/8/15

Tried adding both 1x P79 @ 2.5 mcg / spray
and/or 1x to 1.5x P78 @ 15 mcg / spray

plus the above spray mix I’ve been using recently.

P79 adds more kinetic energy, lots of chatter! More jumping around. Reactions in conversation are more intense. Just those two together without the mix, women are very chatty and will talk my ear off. There is a lot of momentum to the talking like it can be hard to get a word in. Lots of hugs and kisses on the cheek from women saying hi/goodbye. Women press their boob into me fully rather than leaning in. There is a combination of mood-lift and intensity. I tried adding 7.5 mcg TAA, and this brightened it a bit as well, more shiny-happy which worked well for a Sat morning breakfast. After this everyone was in the mood to go window shopping. By lunch the girls wanted to blow some money and eat out for brunch again. Then we passed by a liquor store going out of business, they bought 3 bottles of champagne each and loaded up the stroller. I see a trend of the girls being very free with money.

When I let this combo settle in then later add 1x of the above mix, I get my wife now saying she is “So lucky to have me” and giving lots of comments about how much she appreciates me. She is sitting right on top of me on the couch and eager to cuddle. Her sister touched me on the arm in a way that was rather bold and unessasary when talking to me… and kept looking at me trying to get my attention, she started leveraging sympathy about various things to keep my attention on her. Later that night we are home watching a movie and it’s just simmering, she doesn’t seem very interested, focused on planning things out on the ipad etc, and but when I kiss her it’s 0-60 and we have a fun night.

185

Tues 3/10/15

TAA 1x @ 7.5 mcg / spray (to hair)

TAC 1x @ 10 mcg
TAL 1/2x @ 2.5 mcg (1.25 mcg) (to neck)
B-Nol 1x @ 12 mcg
P74 1x @ 15 mcg
P75 1/2x @ 10 mcg (5 mcg)
P79 1/2x @ 2.5 mcg (1.25 mcg)

Recent Mix noted previous posts - 1x.
eNone 0.75 mcg / spray
eRONE 3 mcg
P104 3 mcg
P77 2.3 mcg

Venue: I get a text from friends about meetup for dinner at my place. I mention that my wife is busy at some table event for networking. Friends’ wife asks if she can bring her son over anyway, so she comes but husband can’t make it until later that night. She is maybe 6 months pregnant now. I find it interesting that she insists on driving 1 hr to visit in pouring rain though city traffic to visit on a weekday in this condition, when wife is not even around to talk to.

She comes by and we chat for a few hours. Early on she asks me for some wine or beer, but I don’t have white wine or light beer, only the dark stuff. She makes a lot of eye contact and tells me some personal information. The boys are REALLY loud and rambunctious, I keep yelling at them to keep things in order. She wants to know how “I’m doing as a person”. and makes some comments that I must be making a lot more money than than they are (not true her husband makes twice what I do). She invites us on a few trips they were planning on taking. She asks me to make her some tea with a shot of brandy in it. Overall effect is chatty but also somewhat sedating, deep and and reasonably alpha feeling. Women are submissive yet still a bit confident and quite relaxed. I did feel like I needed a drink after spraying the P79, it gives me a bit of a tension.

Wife came home a few hours later and initial reaction is positive, she comes back for a second kiss when I’m greeting her at the door. Husband comes by later and has some positive comments. When we have a difference of opinion on something philosophical, the women back me up. After the guests leave, we head upstairs for bed and wife is VERY sleepy, she keeps falling asleep while I talk to her, and she seems submissive. Baby is extremely active and will not go to sleep. Wife and I fall asleep.

186

1x of Mix
eNone 0.75 mcg / spray
eRONE 3 mcg
P104 3 mcg
P77 2.3 mcg

1 and 1/2 of P79 @ 2.5 mcg per spray.
1x of B-Nol at 12.5 mcg / spray

Wife is very quiet all evening.
I keep trying to get her to talk but she does not respond much. She seems lost in thought.
She is changing jobs now and days her anxiety is higher because of that

When talking, she brings up vacation with the girls invites (wants to celebrate her 40th), and I get upset about the details of the trip (single guys, divorced women who I don’t know, I’m not invited, the heavy drinking plan and shared accommodations, and the friend who is planning it is not friendly with me and also generally ignores her husband’s feelings). She denies the details but I’ve already fact-checked this. When I compare this trip to another friends’s invite, all-women and all married, she just says “you know there are single men at the bars” like that’s what this trip means to her. She is being insensitive. I get upset and start yelling. She shushes me quiet at the table.

Later she is quiet, not talking much, I feel sulky. She promises that she won’t go on a trip if it’s going to upset me.

Later she insists on having sex, even though I’m not really in the mood and facing away from her, but it goes extremely well performance-wise, and I feel better afterwards. She finally gets off after several prev. times she couldn’t.

187

so you’re saying you’re moderating head aches with p78? thats pretty amazing if so..

188

P78 seems to be a mood enhancer. I have yet to find a woman who doesn’t like it.

something that decreases headache for women also decreases emotional pain.
So in my presence, I want that burden to be lifted.
She described the effect of my recent mixes as “lightheadedness” and “clarity”.
A rebound effect is not uncommon.

189

1x of Mix
eNone 0.75 mcg / spray
eRONE 3 mcg
P104 3 mcg
P77 2.3 mcg

11:00AM
Meeting at work, 4 women sitting near.

Young african american woman, skinny & athletic.
She has legs crossed fidgeting w/ hands, then sits on hands,
then fidgets again, crosses legs with hands sandwiched between,
fidgets again, sits on hands again, etc.

Woman behind me is legs crossed, fidgeting, rubbing her ring finger.

Woman to other side is with her husband, but turns her legs completely towards me, fidgeting.

I start to clearly notice the scent of lady parts heating up. I can smell the ladies all around me, clear as day it’s affecting someone.

2:30PM, I go to a bar, 1 more spray of MIX.
plus 2 1/2 sprays of P78 @ 15 mcg / spray… the first spray felt like less than a full one, not sure

There is a girl right next to me out on a kind of date with a guy. She glances over at me a few times, but mostly keeps facing her guy interest. She gets MUCH more flirty and giggly a min or so after I sit down… laughing hysterically and they both get quite chatty. She gets very fidgety and keeps re-crossing her legs different ways. I noted that I was spending money in ways I usually do not. P78 strikes again with the wallet-opening effect.

Later at home, with wife she is VERY quiet. This mimics other reports of how significan other is less verbal at home with this P78 at medium dose. She is quiet and spacy. I ask her what she is thinking about… she says she’s “thinking about how much she loves me” saying it sweetly.

Later that night I start to get unbearably turned on, but the baby won’t sleep so we get no chance to do something about it. I have a feeling that willpower is gone, and I have to have her right now, but I can’t. I can see how this one makes people feel impulsive.

I have very vivid dreams that night.
Wake up very turned on again, physically affected.

Next morning around 10AM, wife calls and is very chipper. She comments on how happy she is about our bank account. She seems eager to buy something. Paint. Tickets to events this weekend. She wants to try something new - an event on saturday. There seems a greater openness to experience.

190

I find that P83 and TAL have effects that resemble Oxytocin Release.
In women, the ability to identify kinship resulting in trust, empathy and generosity, also affects opposite behaviors, such as jealousy and gloating.
It causes women to become forgetful and irrational, and rapidly form strong emotions. It improves the perception of disgust, for example. This seems the best candidate for pair-bonding in women, but not in men.

On the other hand what stimulates Vasopressin release. Vasopressin should cause flushing due to PGE2 release, similar to Nicotinic Acid. In men it should cause nausea at high levels, like motion sickness, and arrhythmias. This is similar to “love-sick”… you can’t sleep! You just want to take care of her! I feel sick…
It causes people to want to defend their mates and children. Children feel they need protecting. Men become aggressive toward one another. Men feel more bonded to women, however women not more bonded to men. Women, feeling stressed, feel less bonded to their partner and seek the protection of an authority figure. Could get you arrested. useful if you ARE the authority. In men, the feeling of wanting to be responsible towards your mate … defending your turf. Being HER bad guy.
Melatonin should inhibit the synthesis and secretion of Vasopressin.

In other words, if a molecule causes drowsiness due to Melatonin stimulation, then it should help block Vasopressin effects.

A Positive allosteric modulator (PAMs) like allopregnanolone and TDOC would inhibit the anabolic path of serotonin > N-Acetylserotonin > melatonin
hence it would prevent the block of Vasopressin, but would also be relaxing.
the 3alpha-OH group is essential for the anesthetic actions of these steroids

A Negative allosteric modulator (NAMs) like pregnenolone sulfate and DHEA would not have this effect… it would be stimulating but also allow melatonin to be formed normally at night and act in an uninhibited way. In other words it does not cause insomnia, it just makes you not weary in the day.

191

3alpha-OH steroids should increase the effect of alcohol,
whereas 3beta-OH steroids should block the intoxication effect,
at least in terms of GABAA receptor-related effects of alcohol.

hence, alpha-nol or alpha-Rone should should be relaxing and increase alcohol intoxication…It amplifies fatigue.

meanwhile beta-nol or beta-Rone should be stimulating more activity and counter intoxication… preventing fatigue

192

This could be useful..

193

“Androsterone (3α,5α)-3-hydroxyandrostan-17-one; 5α,3α-A] and its 5β-epimer etiocholanolone (3α,5β)-3-hydroxyandrostan-17-one; 5β,3α-A)], the major excreted metabolites of testosterone, are neurosteroid positive modulators of GABA-A receptors. Such neurosteroids typically show enantioselectivity in which the natural form is more potent than the corresponding unnatural enantiomer. For 5α,3α-A and 5β,3α-A, the unnatural enantiomers are more potent at GABA-A receptors than the natural forms.”

“The unnatural enantiomers of 17-keto androgen class neurosteroids have greater in vivo potency and a longer duration of action than their natural counterparts. The more prolonged duration of action of the unnatural enantiomers could reflect reduced susceptibility to metabolism. Unnatural enantiomers of androgen class neurosteroids could have therapeutic utility and may provide advantages over the corresponding natural isomers due to enhanced potency and improved pharmacokinetic characteristics.”
Anticonvulsant potencies of the enantiomers of the neurosteroids androsterone and etiocholanolone exceed those of the natural forms. - ResearchGate (published April 2014)

In other words ent-Androsterone and ent-etiocholanolone are far more potent than the natural forms of Androsterone and etiocholanolone. In fact, the potentcy of these enantiomers was similar to allopregnanolone, synthetic 3B-methyl analoge ganaxolone, which is in clinical development for treatment of epilepsy. ENT-Androsterone, the more potent of these two entaniomers due to higher relative affinity, is slightly more potent than the clinical drug ganaxolone, and 3X more potent than allopregnanolone in the 6 Hz seizure test… in the PTZ test, it was only slightly weaker. In addition to the greater potency, the unnatural enatiomers have more prolonged durations of action due to reduced selective activity of the xenobiotic enzymes that remove them

GABAergic Signaling as Therapeutic Target for Autism Spectrum Disorders
Growing evidence links Autism Spectrum Disorder to disfuntion of the GABA system. GABA is the main inhibitory neurotransmitter in the adult mammalian brain, However, in particular conditions and during brain maturation the intracellular chloride concentration [Cl−]i rises in such a way that the opening of anion channels by GABA produces a chloride efflux and a membrane depolarization that through the activation of a persistent non-inactivating sodium conductance may reach the threshold for action potential generation… Generally, low [Cl−]i facilitates GABA-mediated inhibition, whereas high [Cl−]i facilitates GABA-mediated excitation. The mechanisms underlying chloride accumulation inside immature neurons, start to be unveiled with a different efficacy of chloride co-transporters such as NKCC1 and KCC2. Before and immediately after birth, chloride accumulates inside the cell due to a reduced expression of the cation?chloride exporter KCC2. Later in development, the intracellular chloride concentration decreases thanks to the up-regulation of KCC2. Autism-related genes have been found to be expressed mainly in GABAergic interneurons. In these animal models a loss of oxytocin-mediated GABAA-mediated inhibition occurs during the transition from fetal to postnatal life. The excitatory GABAergic drive to principal cells leads to an increased network activity in a broad spectrum of frequencies including gamma oscillations. Oxytocin, the maternal hormone involved in delivery, has been shown to cause an abrupt shift of GABA from the depolarizing to the hyperpolarizing direction, thus exerting a neuroprotective and analgesic action on newborn. The developmentally regulated expression of KCC2 results in extrusion of chloride with age and a shift of GABA from the depolarizing to the hyperpolarizing direction. KCC2 is a critical mediator of synaptic inhibition, cellular protection against excitotoxicity, and may also act as a modulator of neuroplasticity. There are two isoforms of KCC2: KCC2a and KCC2b, KCC2a levels remain relatively constant during pre- and postnatal development, KCC2b, on the other hand, is scarcely present during prenatal development and is strongly upregulated during postnatal development. The upregulation of KCC2b expression is thought to be responsible for the ?developmental shift? observed in mammals from depolarizing postsynaptic effects of inhibitory synapses in early neural networks to hyperpolarizing effects in mature neural networks.

In other words - autistic behavior is primarily a disorder of GABA funtioning in the depolarizing direction long after KCC2b should have up-regulated. However inducing Oxytocin release should have the same effect to shift GABA to the hyperpolarizing direction, thus causing the neural network to behave in a mature manner, relieving their symptoms of over-stimulation and excessive plasticity.

Note that Niacin (Nicotinic Acid) is also a Positive allosteric modulator which causes PGE2 release, similar to vasopressin.

PGE2 plus oxytocin is used to induce labor.

========

vasopressinergic neurones also espress oestrogne and androgen receptors
thus, the gonadal steroids can have an influence on vasopressin release, directly or indirectly, by actions in the hypothalamus, or in the projecting areas of the brain. (Perspectives on Vasopressin, edited by John Francis Laycock)

194

P78, 1 1/2 sprays @ 15 mcg / spray = 22.5 mcg
TAF 1 1/2 sprays @ 2.5 mcg / sprays - 3.75 mcg

Bring kids over to friend’s house to play with their kids and have lunch. They prepared a big meal and then the kids ran around and played.

The kids were bouncing off the walls like ADD, very silly and not listening

His wife and my wife gravitated towards me and and kept a close distance most of the visit - lingering effect. Husband was a bit more distant but upbeat - he settled into a comfy chair at opposite end of the room and talked about their past, reminiscing.

His wife was talking Non-stop, very chattery on and on telling me everything about her life. Good mood elevation and stimulant effect with this mix. Lingering and very verbal - she kept thinking of more stuff to talk about, I didn’t have to do any work it just kept going. Husband was in good mood and remembering the good old days.

They seemed to really enjoy having us over because was trying very hard to make plans with us again.

Wife is german background, brunette, but a free spirit type, very long nose, tall and thin.
Husband is latino guy from Panama.

195

Made a mix I’ve seen other users try:
TAC, P75, eNone mix, 9:3:1

9 ml of TAC @ 10 mcg / spray
3 ml of P75 @ 10 mcg / spray
1 ml of eNone @ 10 mcg / spray

This follows the advice I’ve seen of 3x as much TAC as P75,
and 3x as much P75 as eNone being well-accepted.
It also keeps the eNone at less than 1 mcg which diffuses well.

This comes out to around:
6.923 mcg TAC
2.308 mcg P75
0.769 mcg eNone

Put in 15 ml Wyndmere sprayer.
using 1 ml syringe

effects on me: mildly sedating, a bit giddy and drunk-chatty. Made me want to dance to one of my favorite songs in the afternoon. Later in the evening, I was getting really turned on, but still felt sedated.

Wife: relaxed, quiet, calm. No harsh words. Not much conversation. Comfortable.

My 5yo so: silly, playful.

Baby girl: playful, would not go to sleep until late, so we didn’t get to have sex.

Co-workers at 6AM, young men: Boss was excessively talkative, several individuals talked more than they had expected themselves to - similar to what you’d expect after having a few beers - light aimless convo that keeps going. Giddy and upbeat, but somewhat sedated. This feels somewhat like IO, but more masculine undercurrent, and more sedating. A few people made some honest comments that were more honest than necessary.

196

3/31/14

1x

6.923 mcg TAC
2.308 mcg P75
0.769 mcg eNone

relaxing but not as sedating as the day previous. Maybe I’m better rested. Slightly giddy.

Baby still stays up late, is playful. We play chasing games.

Wife is quiet, relaxed. Mildly positive. No harsh words.

I try a spray the following morning at meeting, it’s again fairly social and I get people talking for longer than usual.

Young half-asian woman near me is quiet, giggles a bit.

Men say a few things that are slightly dis-inhibited.

197

4/1. - 3x of mix at bar/cafe… White lady nearest is polite, but distances. Later she sits on her hands repeatedly, palms facing in. Young couple adjacent, initially quiet, becomes increasingly animated and flirty with one another. The African American woman across from me puts her hand on her inner thigh, then began stroking up and down slowly, she keeps looking over at me.

198

2x of mix, same venue, 4/2

Sit at bar, larger tall African-American woman very nicely dressed sitting at the bar getting her check with doggy bag on the counter, she sniffed the air looked at me as I sat two seats away, told the bartender she’d like another drink. So I get a drink and comment about something, we end up in this very giddy run away conversation about drinks, then camping, then traveling. She’s been all around the world.. Then eventually 30in later her Uber shows up. a very fun conversation.

She was rubbing her upper chest and tilting her head most of the time. Indicates comfort and arousal.

199

Update to 4/2, when I came home, two more sprays a few hours later, wife whispers in my ear, “honestly, I just want to drag you upstairs to bed”… Her meds had worn off because she had forgotten to get a refill, so I got a rare glimpse of effects without her meds. Nice, except then the sedation kicked in and I fell asleep at 9:30.

200

4/3

2x sprays
6.923 mcg TAC
2.308 mcg P75
0.769 mcg eNone

2x of P78 @ 15 mcg / spray (30 mcg total)

bar with a dozen of wife’s co-worker girls and a gay guy, a few boyfriends show up.

Wife seems quiet, relaxed, no harsh words. Most of the other girls get extremely animated and lusty… it’s mostly girls. Girl across from me keeps making the most shocked wide-eyed smiling expression at me. Gay guy right next to me gets bright red. Girl over next to him keeps laying on him and holding on to him - he repeatedly keeps peeling her off since he’s gay and has a boyfriend, but she looks like she is about to rip his clothes off… this is at an after-work happy hour thing. A few other girls show up with boyfriends, they keep hovering around me and lingering, touching my back when talking to me etc…event though they are blocking the hallway to the kitchen/bathroom area in order to linger next to me and the wait-staff keep telling them to move, they don’t… boyfriends keep their distance and spend the next hour trying to convince their girls to leave. Girls get increasingly horny and animated over the next hour. Everyone keeps feeding me and offering me their food. Extremely social vibe, uplifting.