So I’m trying to figure out where I go wrong when I meet a guy and try to get it to go past the interest stage.
I mean, I don’t force it, but I do try to steer the conversations to where I can maybe find something in common with the guy.
I’ve found over the years that I rarely make deep connections with people. Girls and guys. I noticed that my best friend has a lot of guys that like her and gets boyfriends easilly and I’ve realized it’s because she can develope a strong connection with them. I’m wondering if it’s because she’s so confident and bubbly and flirts a lot..?
So any ideas on what can help me develope this?
I’m already thinking of using some B-nol and P86, but what else might work?
Besides pheros, what else should I do? Any advice is great.
I can relate to rarely making deep connections with people. I am the opposite of your friend, not bubbly and I lack confidence, but I have been told that I am a natural flirt. I don’t flirt much these days but I loved the boys and would smile a lot. Before I was married, I always had a bunch of different guys who I would date at the same time. I never made lasting connections with those guys because no matter how attracted I was to them, I could tell if a guy was marriage material or not. Most were not, so I would only date them for a little bit, maybe ten dates at the most. Then I would move on to avoid a connection that would lead to an attachment for either one of us. I don’t have any advice about pheros, but I just wanted to let you know that even though our experiences seem different that I can relate. My advice would be to just have fun with the guys. If a cute guy who is nice likes you, go out with him before there is any type of connection. If there is a connection, it will come, if not, then you had fun without losing out on anything.
I like your response cindy. That’s actually how I am. I’m flirty, but I’m not all that bubbly. My confidence is getting better tho. And yes, I also can tell when a guy is marriage material so it cuts a lot of the guys I like in half.
Thanks for the response. I guess it really is just something you feel. It just sucks not feeling it completely after 3 yrs. I’d love to fall in love again, but I think it somehow happens faster when I’m not looking so I’m just gonna chill and let it be as it be.
Btw, were you looking when you found your husband?
You know, I think you’re overestimating the deep connection, especially as seen from you pov. I’m fairly certain what you consider an ability to develop that connection in your friend’s life is simply her good social skills and easygoing attitude for the most part. One way or another, it is SO difficult to connect with people - for most of us. The whole of humanity is right there with you. =)) In my experience, connections take time(a lot) - and once they made, a lot of work to maintain. I’d say, the chance of meeting someone who truly ‘compatible’ with you on many levels is pretty slim. The question I normally ask myself when I contemplate why it doesn’t work with some people isn’t ‘what I’m doing wrong’, but ‘am I interested in investing in this connection’.
Yeah, she does have good social skills, but somehow she is able to really connect with these people to where it’s not just a short relationship, but a long one that seems as though the two will be together forever. However she usually ends it because she gets bored of them.
Yes, connections do take time, but I’m looking for something more that clicks, which I have gotten several times with guys. Idk how I bag em, but I’m able to click easilly with certain guys. And now I feel like I’ve lost that touch and need to figure out what I’ve done wrong. I’m starting to see what I need to change tho. Thanks for the advice
Btw, were you looking when you found your husband?
I was only 20 when I met him so I was not looking for anything other a boyfriend just to have fun with. I actually met him through a guy who I had just started dating recently. Funny, how I thought the guy was so hot until we went on our first date and I realized that I didn’t want to date him anymore. I thought of him as just friendship material, but he was so into me that I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I continued going out with him, knowing that I would eventually let him go gently. My husband was a friend of his that he introduced me to. I thought he was really cute and a very nice guy but I wasn’t attracted to him romantically. My husband felt the same way about me. By all standards he seemed to good for me anyway so I never allowed myself to find him attractive. We weren’t even good friends, just hung out with mutual friends every now and then. I broke it off with the other guy, but my husband and I remained in the same circle of friends. We felt a connection about two years after we met. We were both young and neither one of us was looking to get involved in a committed relationship. It was such a strong connection that we were both aware that if we didn’t get together that we would always think of each other as the one that got away. Everyone thought it wouldn’t last, but here we are years later.
Hey I know how you feel and I think everyone does! I am the bubbly, cheerful type but I have the same problems as anyone. I think the biggest thing is to keep a positive mind. Don’t let your past experiences with guys affect you or how you feel about your friend. Most people can tell if someone has negativity or anger in their heart from a mile a way and it repels them. Haven’t you ever known someone that everyone couldn’t stand because they were always shuffling their feet? Lately, I’ve been trying to do this thing where I only think about the positive people that have come into my life and how wonderful they are and how happy I am to have them. It’s been making a positive change in my social interactions with people and my energy.
As for finding something in common with guys, it doesn’t have to be that way, it’s always easier to be yourself than to search for someone else to be. Just be the brightest, and most loving you that you can be! (wow I sound like a motivation coach right now) the more comfortable you are with yourself, the more confident you will appear to everyone else Good luck!
Everybody has that problem. It’s not easy to make a connection with random people somewhere “out there.” I usually found I had almost nothing in common with the women I met–other than sex–and we were just spinning our wheels. We’d end up fleeing one another after a few weeks or months. What helped me was to filter the field to people I knew had common interests, lifestyles and passions. If you’re passionate about musical theater, that’s where you should hang to meet like minds. If you live for conservative politics, hit up the young republication meeting on campus.
I prefer female artists–mainly musicians–and we are on the same wavelength making everything else much easier and natural. In fact it’s almost too easy to make a connection with them and I have to avoid hanging around married ones with non-musician husbands.
I don’t post much in the women’s forum, but I can give my $0.02. I am going to give you the same advice I give guys about attracting the opposite sex. Talk to them like you would one of your friends. For guys, we just need to avoid dirty jokes. For you I would say avoid talking about past boyfriends/relationships (we really don’t like hearing about it). Other than that, all I can say is talk to us like one of your friends. Nothing is more attractive to me than a girl that can be herself around me and not put on a show. I have dealt with fake ditzes, showoffs, girls that pretend to be big partiers, etc. I never keep them as a serious relationship.
A true connection takes time to develop. It isn’t something that can be forced, even with the best of conversation. You also have to remember that the personality of the guy is a big part of the equation. Many guys around your age aren’t looking for a real relationship. You’ll find a lot that pretend they want one, but most don’t. Sorry, nothing can really be done to change that . The only thing I could recommend is maybe talking to guys in their mid to late 20s. They’re usually the ones that have played the field and are ready for something real.
P.S. The best way to attract a guy…smile! We are all suckers for a pretty smile .
Thanks. I honestly I never change myself for anyone. I mean I’m not gonna act really weird, like I might with my friends, but I do talk about stuff I would normally with my friends.
And you’re right. A lot of the guys my age are still acting childish and dating several girls. I’ll keep in mind what you said and look out for some older boys.
Lol, nah. I have told a few guys about my rats, but those are the guys who have known me for a while. Gotta get em to like me before I scare em with my rats
Yeah, I think IShine is great too. And I have had pretty good luck with SL coupled with P83 so I’ll see what kinda combo I can come up with.
Betanol and est promote deep connections, alphanol and shine help with bubblyness.Or try MX135.
Behaviour wise, do fun things together. some dates get you talking and bonding more than others. Something scary can be good, or overwhelmingly beautiful nature, or some exotic food. Doing a variety of things together and talking on a variety of subjects broadens the connection. After you met a few times, let out some of your soft vulnerable side slowly. Sometimes finding things you have in common is a bit hard. I prefer looking for things I enjoy or admire and respond favorably, which helps further openness. Sharing things you havent shared with many others deepens the connection. But be careful to share things he wants to know, not how your ex hurt you so much or how narcissistic your mother is. Those are better for therapy or maybe your female friends.
Thanks. I totally agree with you on that.
I’ve been working on being positive and happy lately and so far it’s paid off a great deal. Right now I’m trying something out and so far it’s worked.
See my ex was dating a girl and since we’re so close he felt this need to confide in me. I didn’t like it so much, but when I realized he’d think better of me and worse of her when I didn’t dog on her and I applied this it turned out that he was beginning to like her less and less each day, while I, the happy fun one, continued to grow more appealing in his eyes.
He finally broke up with her last night. I don’t think he hates her, but he hates what she does. I plan on being a friend I always am to him, though he’s already pointed out he wants more.
Now to lure him in like I’ve been trying for years. Only this time I’m taking a different approach. I won’t be easy at all…
Hmm wonder how this will play out
. The only thing I could recommend is maybe talking to guys in their mid to late 20s. They’re usually the ones that have played the field and are ready for something real.
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