This is a good point - we are ALL the shit! It’s like a sceptic system of awesome!
(I think I found my new band name on Rock Band 3 when it comes out. lol)
I appreciate that.
But her choices in men isn’t indicative of how she really is. I’ve known plenty of great women that date assholes, I’m not talking about abusive ones, and I’m not talking about the player types, and they’ve gone out.
The big difference is, most of these girls, her included, don’t take the disrespect if it comes to it. I guess the best explanation is the asshole tendencies, but the not so big deal ones.
I think a lot of the perception some guys have of assholes is hating on dominant.
It’s like you have your beta nice guys, you have solid alpha men, and you have assholes. Some women, and quite a few men have a hard time identifying the difference between an asshole and a guy that’s simply strong, confident and dominant.
You say she doesn’t tolerate disrespect when she goes out with asshole type guys…maybe they’re not assholes then. When I used to see “the girl” dating guys other than me I told myself they were assholes simply because they weren’t kissing her ass and making her the center of their universe like I was prepared to do. And they would argue and get in fights as couples do. Me being so emotionally attached to the girl at the time I’d say asshole right next to her. They weren’t beating her or fucking around, they just weren’t putting their own lives on the back burner to please her at any given moment. Now I’m pretty much the same way, not from conscious effort “must resist temptation to give up everything for girl”, but out of just changing my focus to wanting a girl to share in my life instead of needing a girl to become my life. When I go out with a new girl and I playfully bust her chops or not so playfully put my foot down in a serious debate I can tell by the looks from her guy friends which ones are crushing on her and think I’m an asshole.
To a more relevant part of the discussion though. If all you want is to be civil and maybe maintain some semblance of a friendship…that’s admirable and much respect to you for that. And…there’s nothing wrong with being OPEN to the possibility of a rekindling. However being open is not the same as actively pursuing. You are not the same person you were when you were together and in all likelihood neither is she. Keep an open and objective mind when deciding if the person she is now, is the person you want in your life as it is now. Would she support you in your efforts and be a companion?, or would she be an obstacle to your journey of self growth?
Missing the way you felt in the past is not the same as bonding with the person she may have become since then…it’s easy to get the two confused emotionally.
You’re absolutely right.
There is more to her than I didn’t put on this forum. It’s just way too long and it would get into it too deeply.
You’re correct in saying that I might be confusing the previous emotion with how things really are now. But I think that the core of a person is hard to change, and that’s what I really fell for. This time it will be on my terms, I’m deciding if this could be something that could have been pursued or just some sort of platonic friendship. I just want to know now where I’m going to go going forward, thanks for the insights Radman.