Good questions that will result in a long post…
The relationship took off when we were teamed up on a project nine months ago. Prior to that we hardly talked at all, also, I had a bad motorcycle accident that kept me out of the office on disability, during which time her mother died.
She talks to me about:
Work –disappointment, she feels that her efforts are not appreciated or recognized, hates coming in to work every day, got a tiny raise in the last review, et cetera. I view work the same way.
Kids –disappointment, she has two boys, one is 14, one is nine, she loves them deeply, the older boy has serious behavior problems at school and at home that were misdiagnosed for months, these problems cause her great frustration and misery.
Husband –big disappointment - yeah, she’s married, but in name only. He is only at home to sleep, spends no time with his sons, was no help to her at all with the older boy’s problems, does no chores around the house, et cetera. The stereotypical cuckold.
Me – she asks me personal questions about why I’m not married, about my relationship with my parents (they are dead), how I feel about children, my military career (I’m in the Army Reserve) and the possibility of being called up for the war, et cetera. Also asks me about health and nutrition (I’m studying to be certified as a personal trainer).
She has always been the one to initiate the increases in conversational intimacy.
Her actions:
Once she called my name, I stood up and looked over the cube wall, she was seated, leaning over her file drawer, which offered me a view down her top all the way to her bra. During this she talked to me about the project.
Another time the setup was the same, but this time she was standing, unfastening her belt.
Many times she talked to co-workers in adjacent cubes, while standing with her hands down the back of her pants or squatting and offering me a view down the back of her pants all the way to her panties.
Many times she talks to me while applying lip gloss to her lips.
Once she said she had a headache, I offered her an Aleve from my supply, she held out her hand for the pill, I held her hand steady and shook the pills out into her palm.
Her words: She says she could never divorce him because she would miss her boys too much when he had custody of them. In the last month or so, the quality and quantity of her conversation with me has fallen off.
Her personality: She deeply needs admiration and recognition, wants to be the center of attention, has high expectations for her family, is frequently disappointed. At work she has few friends, is perceived to be selfish and snobbish. Most of the women do not like her. Few co-workers stop by her cube for social conversation.
My personality: I live to be of service to humanity, have a need to give admiration and recognition, relate very well with teenage boys, want a little family to love and protect. At work I have many friends, male and female. I never thought I would be still single at this age, but the Persian Gulf War and my mother’s decade-long decline in health due to Alzheimer’s spoiled my plans many times.
My view is that she is a flame, dying for lack of oxygen.