Old Guy and Young Wife

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports
1

Brief Summary:
I am 56, she is 41. Sex between us is essentially nonexistent. We do both love each other, and have two amazingly wonderful girls, aged 8 and 5. (Yes, I am out numbered). I already know I am going to have to be careful in a few years!

[now there’s a topic for another thread - men with teenage daughters or women with teenage sons - precautions (if any) that need to be taken]

I tried a few of the products almost a year and a half ago. At that time I was aiming to get the wife in bed. That didn’t happen. I had what I would call mixed results. But there was enough that I was rather intrigued. I am interested in these products because I want to improve the intimacy between my wife and I. This may or may not include actual sex. The idea of an affair is not part of this equation. We actually have a good relationship in general. Even my wife mentioned that a couple weeks back by saying that the ability to laugh together about us is something that helps hold us together.

This time around I made sure I had no expectations. What I got surprised me and made me rather happy. The base of 1-2 squirts a314, 1 instant shine, and 1 of instant honesty appears to be the base upon which all my other testing will be based.

Today was the clincher. She was pissed off at me, and had been since yesterday over the Christmas card. I was supposed to have taken pictures of our daughters, combined them in an image with some text greetings on it, and had it printed out like a week ago. I have my own (medical) issues at the moment which contributed to this. She called me yesterday to tell me how pissed off she was. Today I slept in until 3pm … first sleep-in in … well .. I honestly don’t know, at least a year? She expressed her dissatisfaction this afternoon, and yes, she was still rather grumpy this aft … to say the least :slight_smile:. So, I retreated to the kitchen to get a few things done, and gave myself the “base” as noted above. My main intention was to divert or diminish her negative feelings to me. I had already apologized for me being grumpy (which I was) but that appeared to have no effect on her mood.

A short while later she came downstairs to talk to me. I don’t know what her mood was when she entered the kitchen. I jumped because I hadn’t seen her coming and I had “Big Hairy Christmas” blasting in the kitchen. (Big Hair Metal Christmas songs :slight_smile: )

She was in a much different mood. The moodiness was gone. She was calm, bordering being cuddly, almost frisky, and in a much much better mood. It was a dramatic change from the state of argument that we had been in about 1/2 hour previously.

That was the clincher for me. I had noticed the “calm, cuddly, almost frisky” thing several times before, but wasn’t 100% sure until the dramatic mood shift earlier today.

I guess at this point I am not sure where to take this, or how to build on it. To me, the “base” is a success. Where I go from here depends on a lot of things I guess. Right now, it is baby steps. I am happy with the progress, but do not want to screw it up. I already know that OD, or close enough to it, that playing a crossword puzzle online meant that she was too busy to talk to me :slight_smile:.

So, forward from here will be a slow exploration. I would like advice from people who understand this age difference. I know I should tell my wife at some point, but have to figure out the when and the how. Advice or input from anybody with experience in dealing with spouses would be appreciated.

Thanks
Messy Guy

Addendum:
My wife has always found sex to be a painful experience. This has been the case since day one with us, and with any of her previous partners. I will not make her suffer pain just to satisfy my sexual desires. What I will do is find what works for her in order to lessen the pain, or better yet, eliminate it. As her husband, it is the least I can do for her :slight_smile:. And the phero’s are the first step. Yes, I know, I should have mentioned this to begin with.

2

My advice would be to recognize that you deserve to have a satisfying sex life, tell your wife exactly that, and ask her what she wishes your sex life would be like.

Your current pheromone mix should be just fine; maybe a little more IH to build intimacy.

3

Well, I edited my original post to include an addendum (read it plse). You are technically correct, but in light of the addendum, it is not that simple. She does know that it is her “duty”, but as a husband who actually cares about her, I feel she deserves to enjoy it as much as I do. I happen to like a partner who reacts with pleasure to what I do. Her enjoyment is one of my wishes.

I agree with you about the mix. I will compare the one or two squirt of IH versions.

4

I definitely didn’t say it was her to duty to have sex with you. I said you deserve a satisfying sex life.

If your wife isn’t able to enjoy intercourse, then a therapist may be able to help her correct her frigidity.

Is she able to enjoy any type of sexual activity? If not, it’s an issue she needs therapy for or your marriage will never be as fulfilling as both of you deserve for it to be.

If she is able to enjoy other types of sexual activity but is unwilling to participate in any of them with you, then there is a problem with your relationship that you both need to work on. Accepting the problem and giving her a pass only robs you of your masculinity.

Have you asked her what her ideal of a sexual relationship would be?

5

I’m gonna assume you already have some idea’s on how to work on the sex life. I don’t know if her issues are hormonal, actually physical, (unusually small etc.) or what. What I’ll say is that you have a solid base going there. A314 for value, shine for a general feel good vibe, and IH for a sense of connection.
Given that sex itself is painful for her I think you could probably stand on that for now. Adding a heavy sexual product like TuTH could communicate to her that you’re desiring the very thing that she might be dreading. This could create a number of problems either her seeing you as being insensitive to her feelings (which you are not to your credit) or even some self worth issues regarding her ability to satisfy the natural desires of her husband…which can make a woman feel pretty bad. The mix you have gives her what she needs, comfort and the security of a connection with masculine energy.
As you work out the sex issues to find something that will satisfy the both of you THEN you might consider adding a spray of TuTH during the right moments. Otherwise I think you got a pretty solid handle on what you’re doing.

6

Actually, her desired sex life is like the one that I want. We certainly have had our problems, but have made it past the major hurdles. The sex life is the last one to tackle. She has no idea as to how to proceed. I have had ideas, but have to figure out how to implement them.

I know pheromone production changes with age, which is why I used the subject line I did. She does enjoy sexual activity, but I wanted to try and take things to the next level.

7

Thanks Radman. This was the kind if advice I was seeking. I had never thought that using TutH might act against me instead of in my favour. It is definitely something to keep in mind. We have both been working on this for a while now, including a few promising advances from her. I think the a314 definitely gives me the edge as it were, but the IS and IH relax her, making her feel comfortable.

8

Yeah TuTH creates a sexual tension that USUALLY is communicated in the form of a sexual desire coming from you. Now this can under the right conditions make a woman turned on because feeling wanted makes her feel sexy and thus sexual.
But if sex is something painful a signal that tells her you’re feeling sexual could be a bad thing.

9

Duty (snort) I hope that was a slip of the tongue and for the love of god never say it in front of your wife LOL. :smiley:

Well I have seen this problem many times and I am not going to assume you know because many people dont know some of the causes of lack of libido. I dont know if either of you have spoken o a doctor or anyone about it so I dont know what you know just yet and for me to give mone advice that will benefit you both its something I have to consider.

So I will cover some possible issues in case something rings true for you or may help you with picking the right mones…

I do agree with dbot and you deserve a satisfying sex life and there is more then one way to achieve that with your partner. I do not agree she is frigid or needs a therapist. She could benefit from seeing her OB-GYN though. It is extremely common for women to have a decrease in arousal and desire when they have small children. While people do have sex for enjoyment our natural instinct leans more towards procreation. Before you had kids her arousal is naturally heightened so procreation can occur. You have 2 kids and that urge to procreate has been met. Not to mention kids, even though they are a joy to have, put a stress on intimacy and can leave you tired and not in the mood. There is nothing wrong with your relationship unless you cant talk to her about it. Relationships are not about sex they are a partnership derived from love and respect. Sex is just one expression of that.

Anywho…That coupled with the pain is why your not getting any so you have to approach it from a few different angles.

Now if the problem just stems on the stress of having kids all you may need to do is be more attentive. Get a sitter once in a while and go out together and relax. Spend time together without the kids. Couples go into parent mode after kids and tend to forget there own needs especially the women in the relationship. Its not that she doesn’t love you or doesn’t desire you its just her world now revolves around them. I have 2 sons 22 and 16 and while I am very open with them about sex many people are not with there kids and this can cause inhibitions. They worry about everything from what if they hear us, what if they walk in, what if they ask what we were doing etc etc… Some women and even males have these subconscious thoughts depending on there personalities, life experiences and beliefs and they affect libido.
You have to make a conscious effort to remain a couple instead of just people with kids.

Onto Pain…

The pain has little to do with pheromones and is not something pheromones can prevent. It can be her hormones or perhaps after childbirth her uterus tipped a little which is very common and can cause painful intercourse. There are other medical conditions that can cause pain as well such as endometriosis. Once she gets checked by her OB-GYN you will know if these are the cause. Both are very common especially in those who have carried a child. Oh and tell her to ask if the uterus is tipped because they dont tell you unless you ask. Its not considered dangerous or symptomatic so they just dont mention it.

Now if she has a tilted uterus trying different positions usually helps. Even just shifting your weight so your thrust projection changes can help tremendously.

If she has endometriosis which is a lot more common then people know and has very few symptoms other then pain during sex her doctor can prescribe her something depending on how advanced it is. Its important to get it checked and mention it to the doctor because he/she cant see it just by looking and it will progress. (Its not harmful to general health just sexual health and pelvic pain)

Generally Advil for inflammation and some relaxation techniques can help.

One more thing to consider. Is she on the pill ? The birth control pill stops ovulation and is notorious for adversely effecting the libido. Its one of the most common complaints about the birth control pill. Sort of ironically works two fold. Prevents ovulation and desire for sex so you dont get pregnant.

OK those are all things for you and your partner to consider. There are a few more but those are the most common. Now onto mones.

I agree with RAD in that you should hold off on the TUTH until you explore what the causes are. TUTH can help if its just the stress of having the kids or she is on the pill but not for the other possibilities and until you know where the problem is coming from it can come off as insensitive.

I would increase IH as well to help you both communicate more deeply and increase intimacy. But the basic combo your using is great.

Give her some time to adjust to the new signature as well. With repeated use you may see even more reactions over time. It tends to take a bit longer for those close to us to process because of preconceived notions they have about you.

If you can rule out most of the medical causes I mentioned above and the pain is more physiological or kid/stress related in your opinion you may want to explore P83. This helps decrease inhibitions.

Another thing to consider is A1 which they dont sell here. You can get it in the drug store or super market in a product called Dial magnetic. Its a men’s body wash in the soap section. You may have to check a few stores. A1 is a pheromone and causes affection and ease. The ease part is what we are going for here but the affection is nice to LOL. I shouldn’t tell you this but its actually effective at getting women to do what they are reluctant to do.

P93 is another option to explore. Some similarities to A1. Has a stress reducing, uplifting quality to it.

So stick with your basic combo and maybe over time test out some of the above with it to see if it heightens the effect more for you.

I agree with this partly but TUTH is arousing in itself. If a women wears just a little she will become aroused without the presence of a male. That’s one of the reasons we use it. The other reason is it causes men to be more aggressive sexually. Its not always the cause of your signal making them feel sexy and wanted.

Yes that is a good subject probably best discussed in its own thread. You should start one. There are some good points to explore but you kids are not effected by your pheromones the same way partners or people unrelated to you would.

Tisha