Not a problem at all, you’ve been pretty busy as is.
Yea, maybe. Try it out. 
Yes, sometimes it’s more about keeping stuff in even. That’s what mine is more about, and sometimes my…enthusiasm..isn’t contained like it usually is and it just comes out in one big flood. Some people dig it, mostly when I’m in a good mood, but other times it can definitely be overwhelming.
Couldn’t be a more honest, bare confession, IMO.
I have similar reservations on wants and needs. I can’t pick a specific point in my life, but whenever my dad asked if if I needed anything (more so in a sense of, do you want anything from the store?) I’d tell him no, because I was answering literally. I didn’t need anything else. I had food, I had clothes, and I had a roof over my head.
I understand seeing want as weak or dependent. If you want something, or express desire in something, then that’s a commitment. You’re taking a risk, taking the risk of possibly not getting what you desire, leading to disappointment. In a way, for me, not wanting was a way to avoid disappointment. Sometimes, I think it still is.
As you said, what are the positives of desire, of want? Ambition, drive? Yes.
Which is exactly what I was lacking in my earlier life. I had many opportunities in my life, but I let them go because I lacked ambition. I lacked drive. It manifested in the form of ‘depression’, and certainly I had somethings in my life to be depressed about, but my main shortcoming (in my view) has been my lack of drive.
If I had ambition, I would have actually tried to earn good grades, in order to go to the college I wanted, in order to study where and what I wanted.
If I had ambition, I could have tried harder in sports to earn a scholarship.
If I had ambition, I could have tried to earn scholastic scholarships.
If I had ambition, I could have worked on my art skills at a younger age.
If I had ambition…
If I had wanted…
If I had desired…
But I didn’t. Now, looking back, I’m pissed. And I want it back. I will not apologize, I will not give in – I want. Perhaps my issue has never been an issue of not ‘wanting’, but rather, in being unable to deal with disappointment.
I don’t know what it is, but when I watch people, I can see their inner children popping out to say hi. Sometimes when they’re happy, but usually when something disappoints them. I can see that spark get smothered for a brief moment while their ‘child’ is disappointed and sad. Perhaps this is a reflection of my own ‘child’, who sees disappointment in others because he is disappointed himself. Who knows.
So, I don’t know, for me the best thing to do was to just start grabbing for what I wanted. It’s hard, because when I win (get what I want) that means others aren’t, mostly because people seem to want the same things (that girl, that guy, that car, that house…etc..) Oh well, what can I do?
I’ve always limited myself because of my upbringing. Don’t rock the boat, don’t cause problems with your peers or with your elders. Almost a sense of, if someone ends up getting into trouble because I’m standing up to them, I’m still in trouble. Or, perhaps it’s rooted in not wanting to ‘dominate’ others. Meaning, in order to get what I want, I might need to step on toes, and I timidly tried to avoid that.
Maybe it’s my recent life experience, maybe it’s these Glauberman CDs, maybe it’s the A314 and company. I don’t know.
All I know is that ironically, now, I need to desire want.
I’ll have to figure out the rest later.
Southern stoicism is not necessary. Even just a brutally literal understanding of the words ‘need’ and ‘want’ coupled with a growing distaste for all the ‘hypocrites’ and ‘hogs’ who want and want and want, while saying “I neeeeeeeed it so bad!”
Shut up, kids in Africa need things. You don’t. At least, that was my logic.
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