Gloom Despair and Agony on Me !
Day 1 – A Friday
7:45am – in the car going to work – 25 mu to neck – heater on in recirculation.
WOooo! Momentary spacey buzz. I’m thinking that is the alcohol.
8:00 – arrive at work and tease Ms E that it is a Friday and just what is she doing at work? “Oh Shut UP!” she says and then laughs.
That was about the highlight of the day.
8:45 – 25 mu to the back of my hands and then wipe across my jaw line.
Had a few co-workers drop by with problem cases that I helped them with – but I noticed that I was just business and rather self-absorbed. (Gloom)
Noon – 25 mu to the back of my hands and then wipe across my jaw line.
I went to southern fried chicken place for lunch. The food was a lot blander than usual. The flavor was there, but it was as if the volume control on my taste buds was cranked way down. I lost interest and I couldn’t finish eating the whole thing – what a waste.
(Despair)
2:00 – 25 mu to the back of my hands and then wipe across my jaw line.
I passed a couple of co-workers in the hall that said, “Hi”. My response was slow as my mind was pre-occupied. Back in my cube I realize work has been drudgery today.
More exchanges with co-workers – just business. For a Friday, I’m usually in a lot better mood.
4:15 – 25 mu to the back of my hands and then wipe across my jaw line.
As the workday comes to an end, I shut down the programs and log off. Head down to the restroom and get a drink of water. Wind up back at my cube past my departure time and I just sit down and look at my messy desk and shelves. So what if I get home late? Not interested.
I realize now that some may have thought I was unsociable today. I wasn’t myself in that I didn’t go on breaks today and talk to everyone like usual or come back early from lunch and banter with anyone.
5:30 – take a shower and wash all this off.
Day 2 – Saturday
Went phero free all day until
5:30pm when I went down to watering hole N and applied 50 mu to my forearms while in the restroom. I exchange greeting and order some food and a beer. Talk amongst the regulars is upbeat about funny things that happened to them earlier.
6:00 – Notice the volume control on the taste buds is cranked down again. Even the beer tastes watered down so I ordered a shot of my preferred 80 proof and even that was lackluster!
I’m self-absorbed again, not contributing any to the conversation and am ignoring the television. After a while I start to tune in to what is going on around me and just listen.
About 6:30 - They’re not talking about funny things at work and play anymore. They’re talking about ex-s and incompatibilities and general nastiness in the past. (Is it the P101 cloud I brought in?)
All of this complaining and 20/20 hindsight has me on the edge of despair. I haven’t said much all night.
Lady L expresses the opinion, “I think everyone should get married once”.
The woman next to me agrees and adds something about the experience and looks at me.
I look at her.
She looks at me and asks, “What to you think?”
I say, “I think it should be illegal.”
The entire bar – me excluded - is in a uproar of laughter.
After it dies down she says, “You were serious when you said that.”
I replied, “Yes.” (and Agony on Me!)
I think this is the P101, and I think at these levels I am in an OD zone of depression.
I might want to try it again later - diluted down to around 2.5 mu and work up.
Second, that was a great report. Reps. Third, LOL! I always start low with the P’s…they’re tricky little mo-fo’s. 
