the evilness comes out
3s p74 @ 30 mcg total
small group meeting for class today. roughly an hour of exposure to SEG with other people around, around 30 minutes of “alone time” exposure. (15 min walking to and from the building)
i actually think i may have od here. maybe it was too much of an initial shock or change for her.
good rapport while walking to the building. i could see the tension in her, and a bystander could cut it with a butter knife. it was thick. of the 15 minutes walking to the building, the first 3 were a bit awkward. not so much between us, but just in general – who schedules group meetings for saturday? the next 12 were completely awesome sauce. she started drifting towards me and closing the distance between us. body language and ioi were on point too: hair flips, chest held out, smooth graceful movements. then she got really close. my hand hit her purse many times because she was so close, and let me just say that if her purse was not there, well, you can guess what my hand would have brushed. i think that is what she was going for too.
then she got too close. close enough for the relationship meter to go off in her head and snap her out of her trancelike state. it might’ve been that last brush against her purse, or too much kino, or whatever. i watched her face as the realization came to her: “wow, i’m really close to this guy.” it was amazing, like she had no idea just how close she was getting to me. we were walking side by side and after the realization, her next few steps were almost perpendicular to me, like she was a running back juking a defender. she put a good 3 feet between us in a matter of steps, and this was even more surprising considering there wasn’t even 3 inches between us before.
decided to play it down a bit before turning it up again. met up with other students and found an open room. luckily the other students were timid so the focus was still on my sig. i threw some jokes and funny comments out there to get everyone relaxed and ready to work, with a secondary goal of getting SEG comfortable.
the topic was teamwork and synergy in groups, so i waited for the perfect time to bring this into me turning things up. as we filed into the room, we just grabbed random desks. i actually started out very far away from SEG. panicked a bit at first before this idea came to me. once discussion started, i brought my idea out. we were seated in a circular fashion. i picked up my desk and placed it smack down right next to SEG’s. she and everyone looked surprised while i kept my cool. i simply said, “hey, if we’re talking about teamwork, let’s start looking like a team, right?” then i explained my reason – i was far away from SEG, and also happened to be far away from the whiteboard. by moving my desk closer to the whiteboard (read: closer to SEG) and having everyone else turn to face the whiteboard in a semicircle, we could still converse with each other and now use the whiteboard. everyone applauded me for this idea and moved their desks.
come on guys, i’m just trying to get my cloud closer to the target. two birds with one stone, right? 
that was the start of turning things up. SEG got lost in her trance again. it began with body language mimicking. leaning back, leaning forward, arms crossed, hands at sides, whatever; she was an exact mirror of me. originally i had planned to escalate by using words, as i did last night. i saw how much she mirrored my body language that i decided to use this instead. slowly i leaned towards her (to my right). you would think that if she’s mirroring me, she would also lean right, correct? no. and this was one time i was very happy to be wrong. she started leaning towards me. eventually i was kinda slumped down in my desk and had my head near my right hand in the “thinker’s pose.” she was sitting up more proper but with her weight on her left side, sort of resting her left elbow on the desk.
regular joes might stop there and be happy. not us good folks from pherotalk. i then introduced humor and extreme cloud immersion. humor to get her comfortable and build on the anchor feelings i established last night. cloud immersion simply to get more use out of my product. she loved it. group meetings are never fun, and what’s worse is that we had one student who “tried” to be a leader but wasn’t organized, so things were sloppy for a while. everyone put things together by the end and i was there with my humor to help things along. to be able to hear “hey, you made today’s meeting really fun, thanks”… that’s something out of this world.
regular good folks from pherotalk might stop there and be happy. not jayarea. jayarea is sort of stupid like that. i further introduced light non-sexual kino. passing papers back and forth, brushing her if i got up to draw on the board, etc. harmless touches. these were accepted well. i wanted to find her limit. on top of that, i wanted to try to break her limit within good reason.
the very first time i met her, she was kino-ing me up and down. at one point she was walking in front of me and just stopped so that i bumped into her, then kept going. later on i think she caught wind that my buddy liked her (he used to, doesn’t now, but appreciates having the company of a female around) so she got a little confused and withdrawn, i.e. “well if touching jayarea will make his buddy mad, and touching his buddy will make jayarea mad, then i’ll just stop kino altogether.” she’s been like that recently. i wanted to get her back to that first day’s feeling. relaxed, casual flirting, not worried about too many logistics and social implications.
i might have found her limit, but the meeting was wrapping up so i didn’t try to break it. on the walk back away from the building, i think she got a little overloaded from the mix. or she was physically tired, or both. the meeting blew us all out. not too much talking, a few laughs, no more kino. i also stayed reserved to sort of “hold/save my spot” and not ruin whatever i had just built up.
we parted ways and just texted each other briefly a few minutes as i was writing this. it seems like her mood changes when i bring up my buddy. it’s perfectly fine if i walk to the meeting with her, but once i invited her to dinner with us, somehow her saturday evening just got filled up. she likes hanging out with us, but i think she’s still torn between us. i believe my best option is to not mention this anymore and just go with the flow. let the mix work around her and feed it to my buddy if he needs it.