That is tough. So are you planning on talking with her about any of this when you see her? Even if you don’t, I wouldn’t be surprised if things work themselves out by Thanksgiving.
jay,
I agree with the poster above. In a few days, it boils over. Granted it’s been two arguments in fairly close succession, but only if it becomes really common does it matter in any concern!
just now i wrapped up a conversation with her about what happened last night. i got a good morning text from her and originally i thought she was playing it cool like she sometimes does, pretending not to know anything bad happened. i reply accordingly and then add something about getting upset last night at her comments. she apologized and honestly seemed shocked, so we talked about it and smoothed things out. our first distance-related argument was due to a misunderstanding that blew up because we weren’t readily available to talk on the phone or even text, and of course we can’t talk in person. from that, we’ve learned to be more open with each other so that small misunderstandings don’t blow up. yeah, i had a little anger in me from last night and i had to word my text messages very carefully, but she got my point and got back on track with me.
this changes my thoughts from last night. i was almost expecting this to blow up, or at least get worse than it was. it didn’t. instead of seeing that as a step towards ruin, i see that as a step towards making things work out in a decent manner.
we have a slightly odd relationship in that because we’ve both been at school during our dating, we don’t really know each others’ parents that well. she only met my parents over the summer, roughly 4 months after the start of our dating. i have not yet met her parents, only seen pictures. we’re scheduled to meet during thanksgiving break, so that in essence is our short term “end.” she’s been saying she’s very excited to show me off to mom and dad so that natural high will balance out any problems we may encounter on the way.
but…
i still don’t see the long run end. we haven’t talked about this because it’s a very touchy topic to do even over the phone. the next time i’ll be within visiting distance of her is near the christmas holiday season. everything gets a fair shot until then, and i really hope i can talk to her about it in a positive light (i.e. nothing is going wrong, but this needs mentioning) as opposed to a negative light (i.e. something is going wrong, and also this needs mentioning).
she’s not dumb and will clearly see the issue, but she’s very emotional and will let the “good vibes” of all those old fashioned couples fill her with sadness. very touchy topic. yikes.
Jay,
I hate to tell you this, but I’d give you a 99% chance to not make it if you have 3+ years of separation to look forward to. And I’m being generous with that 1%.
No advice for you, though, except this… clear, consistent, honest and pro-active communication is your only hope. VOICE ONLY. Text is too easy to misconstrue.
I have been in your shoes. Hope you fare better than I did.
Ditto. I hope it works out, though.
thanks for giving it to me straight guys. chugging forward now and no looking back til it’s over.
good for you man. i wish you the best.
p96 does not work on sarah. no idea why. my first time using i thought (and people here came to the same conclusion as well) that she was already comfortable with me and any further comfort-inducing properties of p96 were negated. i used it again recently and actually found some negative results. she was very standoff-ish. always had a snappy reply or would shy away when i tried to get close.
she came to visit me over the weekend and i used p96 on our first night together. one would think after so long of not seeing each other and working out our relationship problems and all that, we’d be all over each other. not the case. she just wouldn’t have it. after i washed it off she was fine, then the rest of the weekend i didn’t even touch it.
at first i thought it might be the scent, since grapefruit cuts more than game or akuto. but i have other things in grapefruit and she responds well to them. it’s not my mannerisms either; i could blatantly grope her in public with an mx on and she’d be ok with it, but one hand on her back with p96 on and she tries to wiggle it off.
conflict of interest so i can’t really pursue this one any further.
also, somebody left me an anonymous positive rep regarding my issues with sarah. it was anonymous and private for a reason so i’m not gonna post it here, but i will say that aside from one point, i do agree with it. if you wrote it, you know who you are and what i mean. apologies to the rest of you for being left in the dark. just know that you’ll see a change, fairly immediate too. i don’t know if there’s an option to see all of your reps but i’m glad i checked my reps when i did. again, that’s what i love about this place. people tell it like it is, and since i do that myself, i appreciate that coming from others.
flew solo tonight with mx330. half spray, nothing much. i’ll get a PJ up when i can test it for real. cold and rainy here and nobody is going out to play.
sorry guys, gotta bitch again, but this time it’s not about relationship issues so if you’re reading this, at least you don’t have to wade through my mushy stuff.
as mentioned in the previous post, i flew solo last night. somewhat expected since we’re on a mid-semester break right now and many people go home or take daycations. somewhat surprising as the people who don’t leave should be going out and partying, right?
turns out they were, and they left me. blatant as a mx292 hit. no returned texts or calls.
gah…
mind isn’t right at the current moment. let me go get some air and i’ll be back later to finish this post.
cheer up! 
yeah, flying solo is really tough. i wish i had more courage to do it =)
thank you.
ok, went out for some lunch, grabbed some alcohol (ran out of popular mixers like vodka), walked around town for a bit. let’s tackle this issue…
in regards to your post perfectionist, flying solo wasn’t too bad this time. as you know, the buddy i hang out with gets shy to the point of being annoying so it was rather nice to not always have to worry about him. the only bummer was that it was cold and rainy, kinda like a combination of fall and winter. not the best weather for going out and having fun.
now, the reason for flying solo is what irks me. here’s where the bitching begins mainly because i just need to type this out. if you don’t feel like reading it, hit the conclusion at the bottom.
we had a group event last night that was organized by our student leadership board. diwali is here and so is our mid semester break so they decided to throw a large combo party for everyone. the “party” was scheduled for 6-9 at a bar, and obviously when the party ended everyone just stayed at the bar.
well, that’s right when i have my night class, along with a few other people you may have read about (SEG, my buddy, db friends, etc). i knew about the event and was planning to go but right around 6, i had a friend call me with some technical questions. i helped him and chatted for a bit and when i looked at the clock next, i thought “oh wow, it’s time for class or i’m gonna be late.” pack my stuff and i head to class. on my way i text another friend asking him to save me a seat. my buddy, the one i usually talk about, left for home earlier in the day to extend his break as much as possible.
no response from the other buddy. i get there and there’s maybe 10 people max in the lecture hall. expected, given that it’s the last class standing between tired college students and their break. 30 minutes into class and none of the regular players have showed up. a little while later a guy comes and sits next to me. talked with him a few times and he’s generally late to class. he says “so, you’re not headed to that party either?”
oh. crap.
i had totally forgotten about the party. at that point i realized why none of the players showed up: they were partying. i recognized only one other regular and he doesn’t drink, so of course he’s in class.
i consider my options and quickly start to text people. first was my other buddy, the one who i asked to save a seat for me. i asked him where he was and what the plan was for the rest of the night (it was near 9 and i didn’t know if they were gonna leave the bar). next was SEG since she’s a texting fiend when drunk/drinking.
no returns. i get home from class and i call SEG. doesn’t matter if we can’t hear each other, maybe the vibrations of her phone will alert her. nope. the other guys that were out aren’t that close of friends to me, so a text or call to them would get me a “who is this?” response.
it was near 11 at this point so i made myself decent and went out solo. wanted to get a feel for mx330 too. spent about a half hour out, came back, chatted with sarah for a bit before bed, then dozed off.
i was peeved last night. not irritated, just peeved. i tried to talk myself out of mental situations too – maybe they just lost service, but 4 times in a night and right when i’m trying to reach them? the bar they were at is right by school so i know they have service. as mentioned before, SEG is a texting champ in bars, she had to have seen her phone at least once during the night.
then this morning things really hit me. i sent an email to one of the other guys who went out (not my other buddy and not SEG) regarding something that’s due on monday. in passing, i asked how the party was. he replies saying that the party was awesome and that they went to 3 other bars after that.
i let him know to keep me posted on anything that’s going on this weekend. they’re going out, and i can guarantee i won’t get a call about it.
conclusion
this is not a finger-pointing event. it was my own fault for missing the party in the first place and it’s not fair to anyone to say “well why didn’t you remind me of it?” i’m not vain to the point where i’ll say “gee, didn’t you guys miss me or anything and wonder where i was?” i’m just curious as to why my outreach was not returned, and now i’m a little leery of who my friends are.
critical thinking questions
answer some, answer none, help me out if you can.
- what do you think happened? did i deserve this? paradigm shift? cell phone service dropped all night on all carriers?
- if you read this before sunday 10.18.09, should i try to contact them again?
- ever had this happen to you?
- i am so confused…
just received word from SEG. to paraphrase, she did get my text and “tried” to respond, but was “too drunk” and ended up saving the text as a draft instead of sending it. if it was just her i might believe this since she would do something goofy like that while drinking, but since it was a collective group thing, i still think something is fishy. i asked her to keep in touch with me regarding plans as well; we’ll see what happens.
Too drunk to text…I’ve had that. Then I’ve had those mornings after where I wish I had been to drunk to text. Heh.
listening to her explain was hilarious and made me smile through all this.
“yeah, i typed it all out, and then there was this button with four letters and i thought that it said “send” so i hit that, but it turned out it was actually “save” 
”
i don’t like bitching and i know you guys don’t like reading it, but it was good to get this off my chest. i spoke with SEG again and a few of guys today and they tried to clear some stuff up with me. actually, i think SEG nudged them to say this, but whatever. they said they did wonder where i was but since everything was so crazy between 3 bars, they lost track of who was where and didn’t really contact anyone except for the immediate group of people there, and with drunkards like SEG, that proved to be hard enough.
water under the bridge. back to pheros now.
-none rage
1s tuth 2x neck
before app, sarah made a joking snide comment. it was a little brutal coming from her, but i brushed it off and went about my day.
10 minutes after app, the more i thought about the comment, the more it hit me.
20-45 minutes after app, i just got angry thinking about the comment.
60 minutes after app, i brought it up to her in a calm way. she seemed almost taken aback by it, like “hey, take a joke” or something, and now we’re in deadlock. in my defense, i was annoyed that she said what she did before app, so tuth 2x didn’t start any new feelings, only fueled existing ones.
it’s been 80 minutes after app now and i’m just raging. not at her, not at the comment, just in general.
tuth 2x could be the nectar of the gods that gets me women and riches and immortality… and i can’t say i’ll ever use it again because of what it does to me.
hot shower and lots of scrubbing starting now.
busy week coming up for me, had to chill out for a bit tonight while doing some work.
2s spaceland 30ml
2s p74 @ 20 mcg
smooooth. my buddies in class caught this mix and started leeching. since we’re in mostly the same classes we have the same workload and need relaxing at common times. any more spaceland would’ve been too a -noly, 2s was just right. p74 mostly as a cover scent and also to help with mellowing out.
Excellent idea! Gotta try that sometime. I’ve been having great fun with Spaceland at the laundromat. 
I hate when people cut out on me like that JA. Like, they cant stop for one moment from the fun, and let you know what was up? not a single person? I’m calling bullshit, and I’ve been there, so i know exactly how fucked up that feels. Also, just as a sidenote, when was the last time you saw a phone with a button specifically designed to save a text message? I’ve never seen one, and be honest I think SEG pulled a fast one on you right there.
On a happier note, be safe and have fun this weekend buddy.
thank you.
and yeah, it does suck to be left out. it’s one thing if these were random people, but these are my classmates, people i see every day, people who you would think i could trust, at least for going out.
there are 2 new reports in my mx297 PJ, one from when i tried to regain some social standing by hosting some of the guys who left me over at my house and another from today where i used it in class around most of the people who left me. good responses from both times. genuine good time at my house and lots of laughing and reminiscing about that time today in class.
this might be giving more credit than what is due, but in retrospect, i think they just got lazy in trying to return my outreach. maybe this party was so fun that nobody had time to pick up their phones, and of course you have SEG there who saves texts instead of sending them.
for now i’m just trying to keep my outreach open and stay sharp so i don’t get played for a fool again.