One more milestone in the QEG story: last night, she slept with me in my bed. Still nothing happened (details on that later in the post), but I was still very happy to have hit this milestone.
Let’s read about what happened last night.
We were not actually supposed to hang out. Earlier in the week, we sort of made some tentative plans for the weekend and left it at that.
Before the girlfriend fiasco, we would text each other occasionally. After the girlfriend fiasco, we would only text to make plans, then have no contact up until the day of the date where we might text briefly just to confirm the date plans.
I felt bad about this change. It’s like a “I’ll only talk to you when I need you” situation. She tried to reverse the change first and would sometimes text me random things like “Just got off work. What a long day!” I would reply and the conversation would stop there (details on this too later).
I tried to do my share in reversing the change yesterday by texting her and wishing her a happy 4th of July. She has more friends than I do and was bound to be partying somewhere. Immediately, she texts back that she has no plans and asks if I want to join her in meeting some friends. I agree and we set a time for a few hours later that evening. The date before this one was also scheduled on the same day so we’re getting pretty good at squeezing in time when we can.
I got to her place to pick her up and she informs me that plans have changed. Her friends’ party grew too large and nobody could agree on where to go so they decided to just meet at a large bar. QEG, with her hippieness and all that, doesn’t like large bars and prefers smaller places like lounges and dive bars. She said she was in no rush to meet her friends and that once we met them, we only had to stay for a short time and then we could leave (her friends also know she doesn’t like large bars but they couldn’t go against the group’s decision).
This turned a pre-date and group party into almost a proper one on one date. She asked me to pick a place to go and I picked the closest one to her house because I didn’t want to waste time. She liked my choice and we headed off.
I wore IBF in the usual neck and arm application points along with 3s of Spaceland in my hair. Before leaving my place, I was preparing for a large party and figured Spaceland would help. Once it became a date with just QEG, I wanted to see if Spaceland could help us open up without the breakdown effects of IH.
At the first place, we started with one drink each and talked about simple topics. A thing that I enjoy, though I know we don’t do it consciously, is we lightly touch on deep topics and jump around to see which ones we want to open up. A few topics such as her girlfriend and “our” (her and mine) future were looking pretty good, and the drinks were kicking in.
I’ll sum up those two topics very quickly. She does have a girlfriend but they have some issues and she’s not entirely happy all the time. They have been intimate with each other (beyond kissing). She stated herself that she is more than bisexual but would not consider herself a full lesbian (what the fuck that even means, I have no clue). We both used the word “date” a lot, we mutually agreed that we are very good friends, I reaffirmed the fact that I am attracted to her sexually and understand if she does not feel the same way, and in a slightly tipsy state, we both said we enjoy each other’s company.
Some of this comes into play later in the post, some might come in during future dates.
Her breakdown rolled in but it was not nearly as bad as before. I’d actually just call it a confession. She said that over the past few months, with work getting heavy and some issues with her girlfriend, she has turned to weed and other light drugs to take a break. The reason our text conversations never got past my one reply is because she would send a text and then go get high, or send a text while high, and by the time I replied, she would either be sleeping or too zoned out from the drugs.
I made huge strides in accepting this fact last night. She knows I’m not a fan of it, yet she also knows she can be very honest with me about these things. If I’m talking to the version of QEG that is under the influence of something, I would like to know so I can prepare myself accordingly. We touched on this topic again later in the night and we’re starting to get on the same page.
“But pheros, jayarea, pheros!” Yes, there were pheros. We did not hug or anything when I went to her place, probably because we just saw each other less than a week ago. Our first kino of the night was at the first place where we were seated in a booth. She got in on one side, I got in on the other, and she scooted almost to the middle. I scooted past the middle so I was right next to her. Our legs were touching and at first she pulled hers away, then eventually it was just natural to let them be and then they were touching again. I had a nice warmth from the drink and the booth had a high back so I could feel my cloud just engulfing our little area. There was DIHL, lots of playful touches, and some coy glances.
We spent about two hours at the first place and decided it was time to meet her friends and get that out of the way so we could continue with our date. On the way there, as we were walking, I made a stupid joke and she said “You deserve a slap for that.” She said this as her hand lightly (seriously) brushed my arm so I braced for a playful slap, and she just lightly brushed my arm again with her hand. I don’t know if I’m reading too much into this but it was the softest playful slap I’ve ever received (and I know she’s capable of putting some sort of muscle into a playful slap).
We met her friends, some of whom I’d met at the birthday party a month ago (the girlfriend fiasco). They remembered me and seemed happy to see me. I don’t have much in common with them but it’s nice to think I’m slowly being accepted by her friends. I know I’ve said this before: you don’t just date a girl, you date her friends too.
I introduced myself to some of the people I didn’t know and let the A314 shine through. QEG saw me out of the corner of her eye and turned to smile at me, as if she was happy I was making friends with more of her friends. The conversation fell flat because I was very much an outsider but I gave it my best shot.
Because we had spent so long at the first place, her friends had grown tired of their first place, the large bar, and wanted to move on to another large bar. QEG had a good time seeing her friends but I could sense she was not in her comfort zone so we quickly finished our drinks and parted ways with them.
We made our way to the second and final place of the night. We have been to this place before and it’s a regular hangout for us so she instantly felt comfortable again. More of the same occurred here: touching on various topics from the night and digging into some of them.
She dropped a bomb on me and it was one of the greatest bombs I’ve ever received. In summary, she said that she is not sexually attracted to guys. She’s had boyfriends before and has been intimate with them, but largely it was going through the motions and because it was the thing to do at the time. She likes smart guys, she likes guys at work who get their stuff done, etc, but she only likes those guys for their respective “external” qualities. When the clothes come off, if it even gets to that point, there’s just no spark, no matter how attractive the guy is.
This is what I wanted to hear from day one, even though it’s not good news. I just wanted it straight and simple. Does QEG like guys? Do I have a chance with her? I got my answer (no, and probably not).
She got very drunk very quickly at this place because the bartender knows us and gives us strong pours. I was driving so I had one drink and then water the rest of the night. We decided to head out thirty minutes before closing time to beat traffic and so she could get home to rest (she told me this morning that her vision was blurry, but she seemed in control of herself at the time).
As we were leaving, she wrapped her arm around my arm. Not playfully, not in a “drunk and hanging on” way, but in a way similar to how the girl from the adventure tour put her arm in my arm while hiking, and how other girls in my life have done the same. It felt nice. It felt right. I’ve yet to hold her hand, one of my favorite things to do with a girl, but I’ll take this as a start.
Since it was close to closing time on a major holiday, I decided to take the side streets and avoid the main roads where the DUI checkpoints would be set up. (unrelated note: even though a checkpoint would not affect her as the passenger, she thanked me many times for having the forethought to avoid the checkpoints in the first place and said this earned me plenty of brownie points.)
We again found ourselves in a similar situation where staying on the current street would take us to my place, whereas going back to her place would require a turn. Again, she realized this fact and this time straight up said “We’re already headed toward your place; let’s go there instead of you having to make a turn.”
And sadly, again, I failed to deliver the correct response. Because she had thanked me so many times for caring about our safety and avoiding the checkpoints, I was too focused on “sober driver” mode and completely lost touch with “I’m on a date with QEG” mode. I said something to the effect of “It’s not a problem, I’ll have you home shortly.”
I’m so smooth, right? 
But all is not lost! Remember, I may not be the smartest guy, but I learn. She got sad after I said that and I could see it. I drove straight past that turn. She realized this and asked “So we are going to your place?” I said “Yes, we’ve been to your place many times and you’ve not been to mine, so since we’re headed this way, I want to show you my place.”
I’m so smooth, right? 
I could not believe what was happening until I closed my front door behind me and QEG was standing in my living room. Finally, after multiple failures, she was at my place with some intention of spending the night. Even with the notion of sex pretty much shot down, I felt good that things were headed in a better direction than just hugs goodbye. Also, I knew that if I had made that turn to go drop her off, all doors to any sort of future intimacy would be shut. Her wanting to come to my place and me taking her there at least keeps some doors open.
As I mentioned in the start, nothing happened. She sort of was resting against me at one point in the night but then she rolled over and that was the end of that. Here are some other incidents and my take on them.
First, I was deathly afraid to make any sort of move on her for the first part of the night. I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship, especially after what she said about not being attracted to guys. After she rolled over next to me though, I got braver and decided to test the waters.
She made no move on me at all during the course of the night. The judgement is still out on this - maybe she was a bit too drunk and just wanted to sleep, or maybe she just didn’t want to make a move. Aside from rolling over next to me, there was zero initiation from her all night.
However, given that, she was not cold to my advances. I did my own rolling and we often ended up with our bodies touching - after all, we were sharing a bed. I know that for at least one of those times, she was awake and coherent, and yet did not try to roll away from me. Good so far.
She’s a side sleeper and I’m a back sleeper. This works out nicely for me because when the girl is on her side, I like to rest my hand on her ass. It’s sort of sexual, sort of friendly, and not too overbearing. If the girl rolls over onto her stomach, then my hand naturally cups her ass. This happened with QEG. The hand on the ass was good, the natural cupping was good, and in the morning, when we were both drifting in and out of sleep, I even lightly moved my fingers while cupping her ass and all was good.
Then came the big challenge: spooning. I didn’t try for full on, body to body contact spooning because her head was in a position that didn’t leave room for my arm to go under her, and also I was “standing at attention” and didn’t want to poke her in the ass (yet). 
I rolled over, left a few inches between us, and placed my hand on her ass as I would in a normal spoon position. My arm was in an awkward position since it wasn’t under her so I didn’t sleep in this position, I just held it for about thirty minutes. The semi-spoon test passed.
Side note: I’m actually very glad I failed that first time. If we had ended up going to my place, I most certainly would’ve made a move on her. It’s safe to say she probably would not have liked this, given what you and I know now, and we’d have some awkward talk in bed or something. Patience and stupidity paid off.
The crowning moment came in the morning when we were up. I went to go get her a cup of water. When I got back, she was curled up on her side playing with her phone. Her ass was pointed up and my shorts were pulled tight across it because she was rolled over. Perfect smacking position. I set the cup down and made an exaggerated movement of bringing my arm up. She had two options at this point: roll away, playfully or otherwise, to avoid the smack, or remain there and take the smack. She didn’t move and I took my chance. My hand came down gently enough to be flirty and playful but hard enough to make a sound. I also left it there briefly after the smack. No reaction from her. The judgement is still out on this one too. Either she didn’t care for it and just didn’t bother to react, or she liked it / didn’t mind it. I couldn’t read her either way.
Besides the final ass smack, all of these motions are what I would do with any other girl in my bed. Yes, I had deeper intentions of seeing where my boundaries are, but at face value, I’m sharing a bed with a beautiful girl and there’s bound to be some touching. There was no followup touching from her so I can’t say if it’s doing anything for her, but the basic semi-spoon and hand placements are tolerated and that’s a good thing.
The worst part about last night was probably the morning. She was feeling hungover and the car ride didn’t help, so we didn’t talk much during the ride to her place. I was hoping for some friendly chatter and I think I set my expectations too high. She left my car without a hug or anything and we said we would keep in touch, and then she was gone. Again, too high of expectations, but I could see how she could’ve been eager to get back to bed and out of the sun.
Three takeaways from all this:
One, I have to bring my own weapons to this fight. QEG prefers women for their qualities and what they can bring to a relationship. I obviously don’t have the body parts and gentle touch and soft hair that women do. Why compete with that though? What can I bring to the table that will interest and attract her? I don’t have an answer yet but one thing I can think of is the ass smack. There’s a level of trust that allows me to touch her ass in the first place, and something there that allowed me to smack it. If I had to put words in her mouth, I would say that what she means by “more than bisexual, but not a full lesbian” is that she likes women sexually but still enjoys some things about the straight lifestyle, just not to the point of being 50 / 50. Smacking asses is inherently a guy thing. There might be other things I can think of and these are what I need to do to get to the next level with her.
Two, there is no next level with her. She already said it herself. The line might be drawn at sharing a bed, any associated touching, and maybe a few playful smacks here and there. I’m going to again put words in her mouth and say that there is no predetermined next level. We don’t know what’s out there.
Which brings us to three: chipping away seems to be working. The little arm touches, the kino, the flirting, these are all chips. That’s why I so happy with even small results like her using the word “date.” Patience and persistence are on my side.
My acne has gotten much better. I now have just “regular” acne that can be kept under control with daily cleansing, and not the big nodules I had before. I also got a bottle of blemish reducing gel to help heal the old dark and red marks. Overall, I’m happy with my skin now and am taking all precautions to keep it healthy.
She basically didn’t really stop to hug me; it was like a walking hug. She seemed happy but I’m not sure if it was because she was sad the date was ending or she didn’t want to prolong a goodbye. On the bright side, she said I smelled amazing. After I got home, I received the standard “thanks for tonight” text.