Okay, post-bad date, I am going to pose you men a question.
What kind of woman do you look for when you are looking for a long term relationship? Is there going to be a different way of approaching her?
Does it matter what her relationship history is?
Does it matter if she holds a more prestigious job than you do?
Does it matter if she seems more intelligent?
Thanks.
PS: I am thinking I should wear bright nail polish, giggle a lot, and dumb down on subsequent dates.
ok i’m not sure if this applies to all men but I think that most guys would agree with me when I say that when men seek a long term relationship they want someone who they are extremely compatible with so I’d suggest that you be yourself all the time straight from the beginning otherwise when you switch from dumbing down to real they’ll split. The criteria is still the same, men still want hot girls but are willing to go for girls who are slightly uglier than they would normally accept. As for relationship history, it doesn’t matter unless you have a bad one and have constantly cheated on your boyfriends or divorced multiple times. The job thing is ok with most men but sure some of the more pompous guys want to be the main man of the house and have the biggest salary but hey it’s the 21st century so most guys are ok with it. And as for intelligence, guys usually date girls who are in the same intelligence range when they are seeking a long term relationship so it probably won’t work out well for u if the guy you’re looking for is a moron. Also the guy will probably have a job that is nearly or slightly more prestigious then yours when in a long term relationship. Giggling a lot is good as is smiles no need to dumb down and bright nail polish is nice as long as it’s not black. Good Luck
I look for magic.
Probably the same thing you’re hoping to find.
The more you are successful in “snaring” or “tricking” a guy into thinking you’re something other than what you really are, the harder it will be to find the true magic.
Do you really want to turn yourself into a giggling buffoon?
What if you find a guy who likes giggling buffoons and you marry him?
PS - It sounds to me like your “bad date” was a good date. If you were exploring some possibilities of an extended relationship and got information that caused you to understand the person more, then that is a success. You know more about the potential compatibility, and that is a success. Perhaps you should concentrate less on how you feel at the moment, and more on the longer term objective. Then you may be able to release yourself to have fun even after you’ve realized that a particular relationship isn’t headed for the long term.
1)Is she good looking enough? check
2.5) Is she willing to try things and have an open mind? check
2.75) Is she out to have fun, or be serious on the date?
4)Can she come back at me with one of her own(even if its not side splittingly funny) and keep it light hearted? check
does she try to use her intelligence to show me up. No? check (i don’t care if shes a little smarter than me, but if she makes a point of showing me or correcting me alot, O-U-T-S OUTS OUTS OUTS)
Does the comfort of the situation brought on by the previous criteria allow us to find enough in common with each other? check
This is what i look for.
After a detaled discussion with the woman I’m seeing, she finally admitted why she won’t take our relationship past what it is- her debts, she wants everything she owes to be paid up before comitting to a LTR.
Trying to explain everyone has some type of debt, weither it be money, family obligation, etc.
Personality is everything, and being attractive never hurt anyone. Those other things are pretty minor.
A good sense of humor, kind, well-mannered, hot, intelligent, caring, respectful, upbeat, mentally strong, and a good personality.
Oh hell nawh! Right at her ankles I’ll go!
Nope, unless she has killed all her past boyfriends/lovers.
Intelligence is a definite TURN ON with me! BUT one being intelligent doesn’t make them smart, and being smart does make them intelligent, and both can be minus COMMON SENSE. Either, or, all the intelligence in the world doesn’t matter if she doesn’t know how to take care of my heart. So far, I’ve found that women with funds lack respect, and I gave them the PINK SLIP.
In these days and times, I’m beginning to see a pattern … it’s easier giving money, things, and stuff, than to give one’s self.
You’re welcome
That all depends. So many people don’t want to accept that they are NOT really all that, some are too blind to see, some think that because they have that top job, they’re found attractive, and to lots, that could be so … just not to all.
I once asked a very successful ex why was she with me … why she didn’t hook up with a lawyer or judge, and she said, “because they’re boring.” Now that can be looked at in different ways … I bet they didn’t think they were boring, but because of their live styles, someone outside of their ring, would consider them so. Talking about politics is considered intelligent conversation to some, and boring to others (example).
Don’t change who you are, unless who you are is ugly.
Call me! 
Basically fun to be with and I’m there. Of course what entails fun can get complicated but there is a lot of wiggle room and give 'n take. To be with an attractive woman with a better job, intellect and education would be great but a rare find indeed. You’re lucky merely to find someone with decent chemistry and a compatible lifestyle. I’ve had a lot of bad dates myself…
Nurturing Nature. (Something I did NOT find in my Ex).
Everything else is relative.
Basically the guys here mentioned all the general traits that are good for LTR. To add one more, I would really want a person who is committed and loyal.
What am I looking for: ethical, smart, funny, fun to be with, common sense, caring, respectful of others (the old story of how they treat waiters, etc.), stability, self-respect (covers a LOT of things - decently groomed, takes care of herself, not a door-mat, not drawn to abusive relationships), NOT angry at men, bitter, etc..
A different initial approach as in how I meet her - no. Would I be a lot more particular about certain long-term compatability issues? Definitely.
Well, you know, as long as you don’t kill and eat old boyfriends/lovers, you’re probably OK. If I were single I might be a little careful givewn today’s world of incurable diseases, but by a certain age most of use have had a significant other or two.
To me - no. My wife does.
To me - no. My wife is.
No way. Don’t do it for several reasons. First - as other have said - be yourself. If a man does not appreciate a smart woman hopefully with a sense of humor - forget’em. Well, the bright nail polish would be OK. Never dumb down.
np
Sorry you had a bad date. Hang in there - it took several of my wife’s friends a while to find someone too. (They were all well educated, smart, well employed, etc.) But once they found the right guy thay have been happy for quite a while now.
Step 1: Physical Attraction
I wouldn’t say its the most important characteristic in an LTR (as in, it wont’ be the primary reason you stick with someone long term), however a strong physical attraction is often the foundation upon which other attractions, sensations, and deeper feelings are built upon. No doubt a strong physical attraction is usually a necessary requirement to building towards a long-term relationship.
Step 2: Social Attraction (having an attractive personality)
I’ve met plenty of physically HOT women who were overall less attractive because of their personality. Likewise, I’ve met good amount of women who seemed much more attractive to me after having gotten to know them a little bit more. Its the women that we enjoy being around..that are fun, captivating, stimulating that shine here. A little flirting and a well-balanced challenge (as in there’s a worthwhile, attainable reward) can go a long way. Also, how a woman carries herself can make herself seem much more attractive. I’m a sucker for a confident woman who still knows how to be a lady. You can often see these types of characteristics in a woman by how she carries and presents herself.
Step 3: Sexual Attraction
Surely there’s more to a relationship than sex, but its certainly an important part of the equation that makes two people work. I’m a personal believer that good sex is a healthy and necessary part of a long-term relationship. Good, fully satisfying sex can bring two people much closer together. Bad sex can leave so much to be desired that it hurts the relationship in the long-run. For a long-term relationship to last, there definitely needs to be long-term sexual attraction…as in this is a person that you will find sexually stimulating, and will long for sexually in the long-run.
Even if sex doesn’t happen right away (if at all) for whatever reason, I really think that sexual tension and desire needs to be there.
Step 4: Compatibility/Chemistry
I think step 3 and 4 are interchangeable steps, depending on how the relationships progresses, and how each of you view sex. Whatever the case is, its in this step that I tend to differentiate casual attractions (flings), from long-term relationship type women. The biggest ‘compatibility test’ for me is whether or not I can effortlessly maintain a good conversation with someone. When you ‘click’ with someone, its made most immediately apparent with how easily you can talk to them..this is true outside of a sexual capacity as well.
Even if I find someone physically and socially attractive, often I’ve found that I’m simply incompatible with someone(although I might make more of an effort with someone I’m really attracted to). Compatibility to me is a ‘fit’ between our levels of maturity (important at my age), attitude, philosophies etc etc. For a long term relationship to work, I definitely think the lady would have to be on ‘the same page’ as myself. Another important factor is how well she fits in my life. Does she get along with my friends and family? Is she into the same things that I am, and can we enjoy activities together? Am I in a point in my life thats conducive to a long term relationship, and is she?
Another note: compatibility without sexual/emotional/sexual attraction= friend.
Compatibility with sexual/emotional/sexual attraction= LTR
If a guy feels someone is LTR material in the beginning, he may bank more on the lady and approach things differently. This can be detrimental to the guy in most cases…personally I think its a bad idea to start grouping women as LTR material and non LTR material right off the bat…simply because there’s only so much you can know about someone initially. Focus on the more light-hearted attractions first and have fun…if all the right pieces are there, an LTR will progress very naturally. That being said, I personally wouldn’t treat someone who became a LTR any differently initially, though I can see many why many guys would.
Not necessarily if it seems that there is a genuine, realistic congruency in how you view the relationship…as in you guys both see the relationship as a serious commitment. Its hard to emotionally invest yourself into someone like that if you feel like they aren’t going to reciprocate. I think a persons past relationship history can say a lot about how a LTR with that person would be like. Obviously you would question someone as long-term material if she had been in and out of a lot of relationships…but this is workable.
Nope. I respect my girlfriends job (medical field) far more than my own (financial services), but I’m very proud of what I do as well.
So long as her intelligence isn’t detrimental to our compatibility. Obviously I’d be more compatible with someone who was about as intelligent as myself…but this too is workable. If you’re more intelligent than your man, don’t throw it in his face.
Thanks.
Whatever you do have fun with it and don’t look into things too much initially (kinda like pheromone use eh?). Enjoy the company of whomever you’re with, and do what you can to give that person an enjoyable experience. Don’t let your expectations, or his expectations get in the way of whats in front of you right here, right now.
This quote is really good… I agree 100% on it. Too bad sometimes people think it’s not important (parents sometimes..)..
How much time does it take for you to feel emotional attraction.
Seems like for me it takes time.. in some cases more than six months, in others a few weeks..
Like you said, intelligence is important to me. A date with somebody who doesn’t understand what I’m talking, gets boring soon.. it’s happened to me and made me realise more what kind of person I’m seeking.. there are other factors too of course…
Loyalty\Honesty - If your talking long-term, then being able to trust her is most important to me. I have no interest in girls with a reputation of cheating, lying and manipulation.
High self-esteem - I want a girl who has enough self-respect to look after herself, eg: non-smoker, healthy lifestyle. I like a girl who still looks after her appearance, but not so much where she feels uncomfortable or self-conscience about herself without makeup or fashion accesories. I find myself more attracted to girls who do not feel the need to wear much make-up if any at all. A little bit of make-up, perfume, ect is good - but don’t over do it. I suppose I find a girls self-esteem more attractive than her physical features.
Intelligence - There needs to be a light on upstairs! If she’s smarter than me, then even better! A girl with a thirst for knowledge and motivation for personal development is extremely appealing to me. I have no problems with a girl who holds a more prestigious\higher paying job than me.
Other - I like my freedom and personal space. I do not take to being told what to do very well at all.
In most (not all) circumstances, I see devotion to a religion\god a weakness - I am an "Atheist".
Healthy sexlife is important.
I do not have a specific taste for physical appearance or general personality, I admire each girl for her own uniqueness.
If you spend some time really considering and articulating what you want and what you need … and then can go out without being relentlessly focussed on your wants and needs, you might just happen upon a match.
Even if you don’t happen to be looking at the moment you meet.
A girl that’s attractive, great personality, can keep me interested, have depth, and remain exciting. If the only excitement I get from her is when we fuck, then there will be a need for new conquest.