Thank you, Bella! 
I didn’t get either job, even the crappiest one, and I don’t know why. I have excellent education, references, interviewed well, I just don’t know what to do anymore. 
Sorry but that just means they weren’t the right job. Something better is in store.
However quite honestly I cannot understand why you seem to continue to wear A314 especially after all the negative stuff that happened at the last job. Sure it might make you feel empowered and confident, but its how the other people feel. You told me they were intimidated by you when you wore it and felt threatened. You thought it was why they caused so much trouble for you and then your boss took their side even though it was clear what was happening. I just don’t see A314 doing anything good for you by causing others to feel intimidated, If I was an employer I’d want everyone to like work and not feel threatened by someone, especially someone I was considering to hire.
I’d sans the A314, P91 and cops for interviews. Seemingly you are saying I’m a confident sexual woman who likes to socialize. To me that never made sense for an interview. Even p74 I’d go without.
KISS - IH and Ishine. Says I am a confident trustworthy person. It accents traits valued at work, unlike everything else more valued at a club.
I know the right job is in the works. Remember your pot of gold is just 13 inches away. Keep fighting
Thank you for your awesome comments which I cannot reply to just yet as I am unsuccessfully trying to obliterate…and see? despite my unsuccessful attempts at obliteration, I still have excellent grammar and spelling…so obviously I need to work a little harder with the oblivion factor…
I’m sorry this one slipped by you. And not to add to your misery, sweetheart, but I must say I have to agree with SteveO. You need to rethink wearing A314 and/or cops for this purpose. How you feel is, of course, very important but this combination just doesn’t seem to be working to your advantage in these situations.
Hang in there, SteveO is right. I know it’s difficult right now but please don’t give up! You will have another even better opportunity!
Bella
SK, don’t despair. I’ve been there so many times in the past, I’ve lost count. Paper leaking out of my ears and glowing references that somehow missed the target. I wish I could say that the ‘best’ man or woman wins, but I’ve been in countless interviews, formal and informal, over the years and to put it mildly, I’ve been surprised at what I’ve learned. When I have time, I’ll share what I’ve learned with you over PM if you want.
But for now, make sure that you’re not intimidating them. In the ‘crappy’ jobs, they’re not necessarily looking for ‘the best’. They’re looking for ‘good enough’. If you power in and let them have it with both barrels, they’ll dive under the table and think: ‘****! Next!’
They don’t want to see a formidable intellect and a go-getting attitude. They think that person will get up and leave after a few months and they have to go through the recruitment process again. I’ve known some of them to look at it like I look at a pile of washing up that needs to be done.
‘Aww, crap. Do I have to?’
They hate recruiting, they hate seeing some of the oddballs that turn up, they hate everything about it. I’ve sat in boardrooms when the boss let off steam after interviewing. It’s eye-opening, an invaluable learning experience and an opportunity to discover what they’re really thinking. More often than not, it’s a ‘WTF?’ moment. Forget the sanitised interview feedback, lol.
While I’m on the subject of feedback, if you fail the interview, make sure you ask for it, lol. Many expect you to give up and go away quietly. It works quite well if you catch them on the hop. Getting an unrehearsed response can be illuminating.
Make sure that you give them what they want to see and nothing more than that. What they want and what you think they want are often completely different. Took me long enough to figure that out.
Musk
Thank you all for your great advice, it totally makes sense. Though I did call and found out they happened to get people with more experience than me, and that they needed to totally reword that letter.
My mother took her own life at the age of 40, i have never shared this with anyone. I found these under her bed at gramma’s house after she died and i was just checking if I forgot anything when I was leaving.
Here is one poem…
"I wait…
I listen…every nerve aware…
I hold my breath and wish that someone would pound at me…shake me until I am weak…I have only a craving to to fling my arms and laugh and cry…I ache to call out, to break the stifling dam that holds me, and dares me to to move, to touch, to feel…
I shudder at the sound of a voice…and yet…I respond…but is it I?
It is only the test of being…"
Here is another of my mom’s poems that I found under the bed:
"Hello…out there!
…You are the Black Dot that makes
…my mouth grow small…
That sits on my nose
…and dares me to live again…
One day, perhaps, I will…
…know…
…That “love is not all”…
And you will only…
…sit back
To conspire with my soul
…To say…
…at last…
…she is the fool."
I hope these are not offensive to anyone, to me, they are brutally honest, beautiful, painful and well written.
Another:
"And because it has come…
…and as it ever was…
Too briefly…
…I saw again…
Alone and haunted…
So suddenly it came
…with tears
…And all the pain…the same..
…the all sad beauty…
A one thing
Yes
It was there…here…
A cruel light…one…
…clear moment…
And then…
…so suddenly
…Beyond everything…away…
Knowing…
…The all, but for this, is…
…nothing,
…but shimmering ashes
…trying not to die…
A slave to being
To the Blackness of my love"
Okay, what the hell…they only get better and better, and it would be selfish not to share…
"And you…if only now I never
…knew you…
The desert hot sand that sticks…
…to my wet hands…
Open and blind…waiting for
every grain to dry…
…and fall away…
Until I may slip them around
…each daffodil
And know it is mine…
…again."
She had a great talent for poetry, there is more, which is even more beautiful, yet also more poignant. It feels right to finally share this, but at the same time, I would never wish to cause pain to any reader.
Maybe this sounds terrible, but I kind of can identify with her feelings/words/expressions. I just couldn’t express then as eloquently as she did. I think I’m better at technical writing (ie, reports, etc).
What the hell…
"I walk along a crooked path
Where I do not know
I feel the sun burn on my back
And then it blinds my eye
I twist and turn and amble on
But still beneath the sky
While sky and stars watch where I go
I’ll keep this tired pace
I cannot see the path for long
Its turns are sharp and fast
But if I stop I’ll never know
My will to stay must last"
More poetry written by my mom that I think she never meant anyone to see. But she’s dead now, and I think it’s too beautiful to not share. Sorry mom, I think you understand.
"Recall your sinful actions
And spite your aching heart
Look back, and cry aloud…
You played the evil part!
Your eyes will swell from weeping
Your soul will cringe and die
When you recall the sins
The heart cannot deny"
I wish i could ask her all about these these things, but by the time I found them, it was too late. Someone really, really hurt her badly. My dad? Very likely. Others? i guess I’ll never know…
Since i can’t sleep and it’s 6:17 am…
Another mom poem:
"She lived…
…To be loved and admired
She lived…
…For a chance at fame
She lived…
…For all to desire
She lived…
…To achieve a name
She lived…
…And for beauty’s sake
She lived…
…The world to enthrall
She lived…
…But she was alone
She lived…
…And was nothing at all"
Here’s a good one:
"What is it
…to be nothing
A nobody that is..
…to speak of nothing
Is
…of a void
A nowhere
…Where time has ceased…
…to toll the hours…
Hours of days…
Days of eternity…
Where flesh is…
…warm and vital
And mortals love…
Each moment…
…is forever.
Curious souls..
…that lit…
(I’m not sure if this next part is a continuation of the previous poem, or if it’s a new one)
"The moments pass
And forget they have
…Been..
Never see a new world
But cry
…wasted tears of
…lost seasons
And know only
…To crouch
…in the fog
And chant a hymn
…in praise
…of no-one"
There are more, but I think my favorite one is the “Black Dot that makes my mouth grow small” one.
I hope I haven’t offended anyone with this sharing, if so, then, oops, maybe you should’ve had a V8, lol.
If you did, then they need some more.
SillyKitty has passed away