I am a 26 year old white soldier. I grew up in a socially repressive environment. That being said, I have a strong aversion to approaching women. I have no problem conversing with anyone, but the first step and the thought of rejection terrifies me. I know this seems like an unrealistic mental block, but it is what it is. I am looking for something to draw women to me so that I can build up my confidence in talking to women that I don’t know. I don’t go to bars or night/dance clubs. What do you guru’s suggest? So many choices.
Hey SLYCKT, Welcome Soldier 
Instant Shine and A314 are good confidence builders, and makes you feel good. If you would want to attract women, You should try Come Talk to Me Mix 2, Openess and Instant Honesty if you want to make ladies more approachable
My initial feelings would be Instant Shine and Instant Openness. Otherwise I’d be looking at books and classes/activities that will help you get more comfortable with yourself.
Just some quick thoughts.
Juggler says
How do you get over approach anxiety? Anxiety is like a fire. The best way to extinguish anxiety is to smoother it. Anxiety’s oxygen is time. If you have time to think about something you will become anxious. Don’t give yourself time. Find all those moments when you would be thinking of approaching and squish them out of existence.
For instance, don’t make up an opener from a distance. That gives you too much time to become anxious, as you second guess yourself, search for the right opener and make the walk over to her. That crap gives you too much time to think. Instead as soon as you see someone who looks interesting walk to within conversational distance and then create an opener. Chances are you will have come up with something that is natural and much more in the moment and unrehearse sounding. Sure you may say something stupid - you are putting yourself on the spot. But at least you will say something and not spend time being anxious about it.
Also, give up the need for perfection. Here is a tip about perfectionists: they don’t do anything. Resign yourself to not saying the perfect thing. Trying to say the perfect thing only puts too much importance on the interaction. Give yourself permission to confidently and unremorsefully say less than perfect things. You want to play loose, carefree and a little dangerous with the interaction - that is sexy…
Sean Newman says
Today I’m going to share a dirty little secret that all attractive men know, but few will admit to.
No one starts out totally comfortable talking to strangers. But in order to become an attractive men and get the women you want, it’s something you have to get used to.
Now there are a lot more Secrets of the Naturals for you to know, and you can learn all of them with Surefire Attraction Secrets but for now, let’s focus on this first one.
After all, you need the fundamentals before you get the advanced skills.
So you’re still challenged by the idea of talking to perfect strangers, and there’s no easy way to get past it without adding more anxiety, right?
Here’s a low-risk way to get yourself comfortable and get past the idea that strangers are to be feared FOREVER.
** Do this, and you will never have a problem with approach anxiety again. **
This workout routine can work for ANYONE who’s spending more time thinking than doing.
You won’t turn into a magic pickup guru overnight like others may promise. But you will get happier and more social and more comfortable with girls than you could have ever imagined in 30 days. That’s all.
Not years. 30 days.
Ready?
Step 1. **
You are not to go to any bars or clubs for the next month. At all. You may go to pubs with your friends, but no “sarging.” No bars. Nothing.
What you will do is make changes daily. Here’s how.
Step 2.
For the next month, you will take a 30-minute walk every day. Pick a neighborhood that’s easy to get to from home or work, and go there at about the same time every day. Ideally pick a place you can walk right after work. It can be a street with shops, or a park. But it must be a place where people are about.
When you are on your walk, you nod to yourself and keep repeating under your breath “I’m going to look silly but i’m going to have fun.” Just do it.
Now comes the crucial part. When you walk past a woman, ANY woman, smile, look up at her and say “Hello.” That’s it. Just greet her. She does not have to say anything back. These are the simple steps to get you out of your head.
You have that goal. Now the next thing to look for is a woman, any woman, who is not walking. Do the same thing. Walk up and say “Hello.” Wait until she says “Hello” back, then when she does, introduce yourself.
She will then tell you her name, and then you immediately tell her how you take a walk every day and have conversations with friendly-looking people because you’re quite shy, and are learning how to just enjoy small talk and getting to know people.
Do NOT run any routines or anything else. Just have a conversation about how you have trouble having conversations. I want you to be totally honest and sincere. And if she joins the conversation, that’s great. Keep talking. If she has something to do that prevents her from talking, that’s fine as well. Wish her a good day and move on.
To review, here is your homework for the next month.
1) 30-minute walk, rain or shine, EVERY DAY.
2) Walk in a place where there are people about
3) When walking, nod your head a little and repeat to yourself “I may look silly but I’m going to have fun talking to people.”
4) When walking past people, smile and say “Hello” to one person. It does NOT matter if they say Hello back or even look up.
5) The first woman you see on your walk, stop and greet her with a smile and “Hello.” Then introduce yourself politely and ask her name.
When she tells you her name, tell her you like to walk every day and have conversations with friendly-looking people because you are quite shy, and learning how to be social andenjoy small talk.
6) Once you say that, you are free to go. You do not need to say anything else. But you are also free to stay and talk.
7) No matter what else happens, make sure you walk for the full 30 minutes.
8) Get home and keep a checklist of the things you did.
One check for walking for 30 minutes.
One check for everyone you greeted with a hello.
One check for every woman you stopped and chatted with.
9) When you see you have three checks, celebrate. Go to your favorite pub and watch the game with your buds. Order your favorite food. Give yourself a high-five. Whatever. But make sure you celebrate doing it.
Give me 30 days of this, and you will have a better life. I give you my word.
** Sean Newman
Magnus will help you tap it away
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlIrvu78NO0)