Good report Somechick! Sounds like you’re dialing it in…
Sounds like a good mix for you Somechick! I may have to get some of the ones I don’t have yet. Still excited about trying some mixes and getting those DIHLs from men. 
I wore two sprays of P131, three sprays ISB, 20 mcg TAA and one half assed spray of MX235 to work today. Yeah, I know they say the workplace is no place for ISB, but no one is coming to my store for prim and proper…however, I do seem to be gathering a married following. My co-workers call them my fan club and this is the married contingent. In all fairness, they flock whether I wear product or not. I just get more obvious hits, especially from strangers when I do wear stuff.
I am not being snobby, or conceited, if you haven’t already figured out from reading my journal, I don’t always have an overabundance of confidence. I have much more when I do wear pheromones. And they have helped bring out a side of me that I always felt I had to keep hidden. The playful, flirty, crazy, fun side. I thought I had to act a certain way, so I did, for much of my life. I don’t anymore, and I am much happier because of it. In spite of my lack of confidence, I do recognize that I have a lot of sex appeal. I have been told it for years. I am pretty, but to me, that isn’t as important as what is inside, so I tend to have a hard time accepting compliments. I am getting a lot better about it. I am a curvy girl, in a world where it’s all about being thin these days. I am short, and have wild, curly hair. I am not any current standard of beauty. But the sex appeal…I seem to have tons of that.
I don’t mind being sexy. The whole Rob thing went for five years before he ever made a move. He liked me for my personality as much as anything. We just clicked in a way that doesn’t happen that often. He said that to me, and I had always felt it. I liked that he liked me for so long before ever letting on that he found me attractive. I felt that he knew ME, not just the hot girl at the store. I think that is part of why it’s so hard to have him be gone, without even saying goodbye. We were friends first. I thought he would at least tell me it was over. After all the talk of still doing this in five years, that I should keep him, that people you feel this way about are rare and you should keep them, etc. I am bewildered.
But I am not going to chase him. He knows how to find me. I am going to go flirt my ass off and try to take my mind off of him. Not going to be easy. I really miss him. I miss everything about him. I always did, whenever he dropped out of sight in the past, I always missed seeing him. Sometimes he would work crazy shifts, and sleep all day, so he wouldn’t be around when I was working(before he had my number), so I would go for months sometimes without seeing him.
I am going to the mountains this weekend, trying for a hike. I hope the weather will cooperate, if it does I am going to try to get in one of the 4000 footers. I will wait until spring if I have to, but this is a gorgeous time of the year to hike. I may just do a smaller mountain with the kids, and go to the Flume Gorge. The kids haven’t been there, and it is really beautiful in the fall.
Oh, and back to my married following. There are three. They are all unbelievable flirts. One I know would NEVER cheat, so while I don’t encourage him, he is harmless enough. The other two would drop trou in a heartbeat, so I try to keep them in their place. I would NOT sleep with either of them, even if I weren’t still hung up on Rob. I won’t cross that line.
Scott isn’t married anymore, but he is all big puppy eyes whenever he is around me, he must be liking the mix, too. He does like how I smell 
…he is about the only one I could see myself having ANY interest in, and that is pushing it. I think it’s going to be a while before I stop wishing for Rob to call. I know he isn’t going to, but DAMN that boy was HOT and TMI, but he feels freaking amazing!
Soooooooo…I just came home from the beach because I needed a little therapy. There was a voicemail for me, from Nike.com about an order placed on their website, to be shipped to Texas, for men’s basketball shoes. $216.50 worth of basketball shoes…but I didn’t order them. So, that means my debit card number has been stolen again and there is only one place I have used it online. I don’t think the number could have been stolen elsewhere, as they know my phone number and address, so that makes me think that they are getting all my information from someplace I have bought something. I am waiting for a call back from the company I ordered from. I hope we can figure this out, as I would really hate their site being hacked.
In other news, I wore 3 sprays ISB, two sprays MX335 and 30 mcg P78 today and everyone kept telling me I looked good today. Started right off the bat at 6am, with a guy I have known for years. He’s a cutie pie and a flirt, but he had this weird look on his face, like he was noticing me for the first time. Kind of funny, really.
Another customer kept looking at me and saying 'Damn, girl!" Of course, he is a boob man, but he was obviously checking out the whole package today.
Both Scotts were in today and both of them were staring and DIHL at me. Kid I have known for a long time, who has told me I have a sweet ass, was in this morning, and he was practically drooling.
So, I guess I look good today. Wish there were someone checking me out that might actually be date potential, but the day isn’t over yet.
The widower down the street was in Sunday. He was funny, he walked in and said 'Hi, dear"…I really think he wants to ask me out, but can’t seem to do it. We were talking about my dating, or lack thereof and he said I was too fussy. I told him I was not going to lower my standards and he told me that I should not lower them. I do enjoy talking to him, but I have no romantic interest in him, at all. I probably sound snotty saying that, but I don’t want to settle for someone I am not really into, just to avoid being alone. I’d rather be alone, than hurt someone when it didn’t work out. I married someone that I settled for, I won’t settle again. It isn’t fair to make someone feel that way.
So, when my new order gets here, I am going to try the MX274 and see what that gets me, and keep playing with the stuff I have already. I am having fun with it, most of the time.
Old friend of mine, who was a giant slut before he recently got married, told me not to count Rob out yet, because he did text to check on me after my head injury. As nice as it sounds to think he isn’t gone, he hasn’t wanted to see me for a month now, so I am assuming it is over.
I am going to have to move on eventually. Right now anyone else would be settling. 
So, Rob spent the night with me last night 
I had given up thinking I would hear from him. I wasn’t being negative, I just didn’t want to hold on to something that was gone. It was more than five weeks since he was here with me that Monday afternoon, so I thought he had moved on. I said that to him last night, and he said something( I can’t remember his exact wording) but something to the effect of “that’s never going to happen”…but then later on he also said he would didn’t think he would ever introduce anyone to his kids. I didn’t take offense, because it is way to soon to think about that, even if we were in an actual relationship. I don’t know WHAT we are doing, but I decided last night to just enjoy whatever happened last night, and not think too much about what it is, or isn’t. And I loved every minute of it. He is very easy to be with, unbelievably comfortable to be around. I have never felt so at ease with someone so soon, sexually or otherwise. Yes, I did have a high level of comfort and intimacy with the ex Mr W, but it was never quite this easy. Rob feels like coming home.
He was very content being here, said he had nowhere he had to be. I don’t know if he was planning to stay all along, but he spent the night, and even later than he said he was going to stay. He wasn’t overly cuddly, but he did seem to have to have contact with me. He was touching some part of me all night.. We didn’t actually get a lot of sleep, because we always talk so much. We seem to just really enjoy each other’s company. He called me things like honey, babe, all night…I don’t want to fall any harder for him, but I am not sure I can help it. If only he would fall for me, too…
He didn’t say when I might see him again, but he did say that he has had a schedule change, so he is not around the days/nights I thought he was anymore. I hope it won’t be so long, though it was worth the wait, since I got to spend the whole night with him.
I wore 3 sprays ISB, 20 mcg P74 and 50 mcg EST.
Just a couple of quick observations about my night with Rob.
I wore the ISB, P74 and EST, as I said in my last post. He told me some funny stories about his younger days, as well as some sad things about his childhood. He has told me in the past that he doesn’t talk to a lot of people and that I know more about him than most people. He told me that before we ever even kissed. I think this was even more pronounced while he was hanging out with me in my bed, looking perfectly comfortable and happy to be there.
I thought he was going to leave between 6-6:30, but he didn’t make any move to go until I had to get up and get ready for work at 7:30. I would have let him stay longer but he would have been late for basketball if he hadn’t gone when he did.
He looks damn good asleep, and he is very easy to wake up to. I don’t know when, or if I will be that lucky again, but I am really happy I had the chance to spend a whole night with him. He had no interest in the tv, didn’t want to do anything but lay there, touch me and talk until we fell asleep. I haven’t had anyone in my bed overnight for more than a year, so it was a little hard to sleep. I liked having his body touching me all night, though. He has a gorgeous body
The sex had both of us saying, “Wow”…and not able to think much more than that for a few minutes. He joked that he should have stretched first.
We were talking about my cooking skills and how much I love to cook, and he said, “Okay, next time I am calling hours earlier so you can feed me first”, and I told him I would be happy to feed him. I love to cook for people, especially really hot ones that sleep in my bed
I have been thinking lately about the impact that pheromones have made on my life. I have been using them for several years now and I know they work, because I have seen the changes in people around me and in myself when I wear them.
I used to be invisible. I had posted about that before, I am sure. I am 5’1", so I am easy to overlook, and people always did. I also held myself back, I don’t really know why. I just felt that I had to. Now I let it all out. I feel so much better about myself when I interact with people the way I want to, versus how I used to think I should.
With things like P130, TAA, MX335, TAH, IS, ISB, P74, P83 and EST in my arsenal, I will talk to anyone. I used to be afraid to talk to people. I am naturally introverted, and I still am, even with the pheromones, but now I am more willing to engage with people that would have once intimidated me. I don’t worry about what people think of me. I always used to say I didn’t care what people thought, but deep down I did. I am sure that some part of me still does, but I do not let other people’s opinions of me stop me from being myself.
I am considered by many to be a unique individual. I have pink streaks in my hair right now(gotta support the boobies in October), I wear crazy nail art, because I love to paint teeny, tiny things, I make up stories and call people silly names. I have turned into a total flirt. Where once I was extremely shy, now I am much less so. I make and wear funky jewelry, and have been known to skip in parking lots with my daughter. If it’s too quiet in a store, my daughter and I will sing…NOT loud! I sing in the car and don’t care who sees me.
It’s like when I discovered pheromones and started using them, I found the key to letting my true self out. Now that I have been out in the world for a while, it has become a habit of being the real me, so even when I am not wearing anything, I still feel comfortable enough with myself to be ME.
I feel as if I have freed myself from my inhibitions and it has made me stronger, more confident and happier in pretty much all aspects of my life.
I let the 'chick out of the bag, and she ain’t going back in!
Today I tried MX274. I didn’t realize it wasn’t neroli, but that is okay. I used 2 sprays. I know we are supposed to start with one, but after all this time, I am not really a newbie, though by no means a pro…
So, two sprays to the throat. I didn’t really notice much of anything. I was calm, not bubbly like I am with MX335. I didn’t get into the music on the radio, just listened to it more as background noise. With MX335, I am really into music. I totally get down in the car.
I worked today, and people seemed to really enjoy talking to me. Lots of extended eye contact. One regular came around the corner and gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. I have known him for a long time, but never got a kiss. When I remarked on it, he just laughed. He is a total hoot. His personality is HUGE and though he is in his 60’s, he is in a band and plays some real dive bars.
Hot Scott was in, very flirty, and he couldn’t seem to break eye contact. Not that I really mind, he is adorable, and he has beautiful eyes. he turned to give me a huge grin as he walked out, and continued to keep his eye on me all the way out to his truck.
It was crazy busy and normally if it had been this busy, I would have been overwhelmed and tweaked. I did get a little grouchy, but I didn’t totally lose it. I ended up behind by about an hour, it didn’t bother me half as much as it normally would have. However, at about the 6 hour mark, I started to get very melancholy. This happened to me with one of the other pheromones I tried. I can’t remember which one.
I started thinking about Rob and how I wish we weren’t just a casual sex thing, that he would stick around, etc, etc…I had to redirect myself to think about work and stop the pity party, but it was hard! It was strangely like I was almost unable to get out of the blue mood I was in.
After work, I went to one of my peaceful places, which happens to be a church. I had a little decompress time and I seem better than I was, regarding the blues. My daughter was being very difficult when I got home, and I found that I wasn’t nearly as short with her as I usually am when she comes at me like this, after a long, difficult day. I let it roll off my back a lot quicker.
I will try this again tomorrow and see what happens, but at the moment it seems to have more obvious effects on others around me. I got a lot of compliments today, and people kept telling me how good I looked. It seems to have a calming effect on me, but it’s a subtle mix, in my opinion. We shall see that tomorrow brings!
Not for nuthin, but if you’re getting boy toy hits, why bother taking care of it yourself? People will always judge you no matter what you do, and in this short bit of existence we have on this Earth you may as well do what you want and enjoy life.
Oh, I am a cougar now! I stopped fighting it when the right boy came along! LOL…I don’t know how long he will stick around, but he is pretty awesome, so I hope for a little while
I never did try the P274 again. It took me two days to stop feeling blue, even after dosing myself with P74 and MX335. I don’t know what it was, and I will try again, but I needed to try to stop feeling so blue.
I have been wearing 20 mcg P74 and two sprays of MX335 most days, and feeling pretty good most of the time. I am having a very hard time with life right now. I am not going to jump off a cliff or anything, though I may joke about it( I know, I know, it’s no laughing matter) as a coping mechanism.
I am living in the house I have been in my whole life, a place I love like most people love people. This place has a heartbeat, it hold 104 years of my family’s memories and I am going to lose it. I can’t help but feel it is just one more way I am disappointing my father. He would HATE to see our land have a house farm on it, but I can’t afford to buy out my brother and sister and have any money on hand. Sooooo, I have looked into a couple of options and I am just overwhelmed by all this estate stuff. Hence the blues…it would be different if there were someone in my life to come to at the end of the day, to give me a hug and kiss and tell me I would get through this. I don’t NEED someone, I am getting by on my own, but I do WANT someone someday, to share my life with. I just refuse to settle for someone I don’t want to be with, just so I don’t have to be alone. I know I have said that so many times, it probably makes you want to scream. I don’t blame you. But I won’t be with someone that I don’t feel anything for.
I have someone new training at work, and we are bonding like crazy. He is late 50’s and gay, though I knew him for years before I figured it out. He seems more asexual, actually. I can’t imagine him having any kind of sexual feelings. That’s how he comes across, and he isn’t in a relationship now, so I have no idea if he would be different if there were someone in his life. I would think the P74 helped us bond, because we didn’t really like each other much until he started working with me.
I went to the mountains last weekend, for the day. I don’t know how it works, but I don’t even need to BE there yet, just the simple act of driving toward the mountains makes me happy. I leave all the stress of the estate behind, all the drama around me( NOT mine!) and just go breathe the mountain air. It snowed up there and the spruce trees were all dusted with white like powdered sugar. It was cold and beautiful and made me so happy. I looked at the mountains and thought about all the ones I will be climbing next year, and I am so happy to have that goal. No matter what happens with my house, or my personal life, or who is or isn’t calling, the mountains will always be there for me. So I am making my goal the climbing of the 48, because then no one, but me, can take that away.
I am going to carry my dad’s boots with me and just before I summit, I am going to change into his boots and my dad will summit all the mountains he wished to climb ,with me. I know that sounds silly, but I wear his boots when I plow, too, and it almost feels like he isn’t gone.
I haven’t seen Rob since the night he stayed here with me. He texted me last week to see how I was and ask if I had a nice Halloween, but nothing since. I think I really suck at this friends with benefits thing, and I am pretty sure I won’t see him much anymore. If at all. I think I was a safe choice for him, he didn’t have to worry about falling for me, but I can’t keep seeing him, no matter how infrequently and not get too attached. He knows I like him, I told him I did. He told me he liked me. But then I don’t hear from him for weeks, and that says a lot. I will never be more to him than just a random piece of ass, and I can’t do that forever. The best parts of me are not t & a…I actually have a lot to offer someone, besides great sex.
And I just realized that the last time I ordered, I ordered ISA, instead of ISB…so last time I saw Rob I was wearing ISA and P74…
I am also trying to be the ‘master of my domain’…so I am going a little crazy…
I have a dilemma, and I don’t expect anyone to see this, or respond but if I don’t get it off my chest, I will explode…
The widower from down the street finally asked me out today. He said when he finally got the balls to really take me out, he’d be by…he is super nice, he is a BIG guy, he’s gotta be 6’5", and BIG! He makes me feel even shorter than usual. He has a full beard, which looks nice on him, but I really, really hate facial hair( we can thank my ex-husband for that)…
He is a funny guy. He is from town, so he remembers the old days, he is probably ten years older than me, maybe a little more.
He is nice, has a good job and I enjoy talking to him. BUT there is ZERO chemistry. I am not even slightly attracted to him. He is like a buddy. The thought of him kissing me, makes me cringe. I did this same thing with my ex-husband. No chemistry but I liked him. It doesn’t work. You need chemistry, I will never underestimate the importance of it again.
If I went out with John, I would be settling, and that isn’t fair to him. I am sure people will think, it’s just a date, but I can tell he likes me, and I don’t want to lead him on, or hurt him. His wife was sick for five years before she died. He doesn’t need any more pain.
I might not see Rob often, and I am stupid as shit for hoping it will be something it’s not. But there was never any question that there is a shitload of chemistry between us.
I can’t pretend chemistry exists where it does not, any more than I can pretend it doesn’t exist where it does(saw something along those lines on Pinterest.)
I am just doomed. I should take the payout on my dad’s estate and run away to the mountains and become a hermit.
I saw your post yesterday while I was out to dinner with G, and I asked his opinion. We all know men think differently than women, so I wanted to ask him directly what he thought. He said you should just tell him you aren’t interested in a romantic relationship. It’s best to tell him now rather than let him think there might be something there won’t and hurting him later. G said he would want it this way. I asked if he would be hurt and he said, “Not really. It would hurt a lot more later.”
I agree with him but I sympathize because you appear emotionally open like me. It’s hard for us to tell people no and it’s hard to look at a man and say, “I’m sorry I’m just not interested.”
I know exactly how you feel about Rob too. You nailed it when you said it was the chemistry. That’s what I miss with JJ. It was that mysterious link that tied us together, where I could sink in to him until we felt like one. Hang in there. We both need some amazing person to replace that missing place we want to fill again.
Sue1anne
Thanks Sue1anne, I figured that most men would feel that way, but it’s nice to have it confirmed. He hasn’t been back around since Sunday, and I am actually pretty relieved about that. I am sure that it was mostly that he feels comfortable with me and it’s been a long time since he dated, more than any real attraction to me. I was a safe choice for him.
I was wearing 2 sprays of MX335 with 20mcg of P74 and 20 mcg of P132 today. Had a lot of compliments on various things, my hair, my nail art, my eyes. One guy said he would love to ask me out, but his girlfriend wouldn’t like it, but that I am totally his type! LOL!
I have been thinking a lot lately about my love life. I have said I am picky before, but that’s not really true, so much as I am just NOT attracted to a lot of people. I think many people are attractive, but I am not attracted TO them. I don’t know if this is normal, or if I am just weird. I think it would help my social life if I were attracted to more people, but I can’t force that. There have truly only been a small handful of people in my life that I have had any kind of chemistry with. Not sure there is much I can do about that.
I just ordered the Love Pack, so if I have a chance, I will be trying that out. I won’t report on it, until I know it is okay to. I’d love to hit Rob with it, and if I get a chance, I will. I got ISB today, also, so I can hit him with ISB and P74 like I THOUGHT I was last time! I wish there was something I could use to get him to come around a little more often. (I am trying to stay positive and think that he isn’t awol…) I can’t really see myself seeing anyone else until I get over wanting to be with Rob, and that could be a while, so fingers crossed that he calls soon…
oh honey, chemistry is why we are all here. It is either there or it isn’t.
I will sacrifice MANY things for a man whom I have incredible chemistry with, because it just doesn’t come by often. and you know? Sometimes it’s with people that you wouldn’t even normally find attractive or like, but they reel you in and you end up having mind-blowing make out sessions with them that keep your head spinning all day.
No one needs another guy friend. Let me tell you how many people make this mistake- we all want a “good” man- I get it. But if I don’t wanna push this good man against the wall and rip his clothes off the second he walks in the door then he may as well be a bad man bc it’s just not gonna do it for me.
Everyone deserves to feel desired. For women who just don’t give a shit about physical affection/sex/chemistry, then this type of relationship is perfect for them, but not for women like us.
My point: you are not weird. Listen to yourself.
How long do I keep pining over Rob, though? LOL!
I have crazy chemistry with him, we can talk for hours about ANYTHING, we have many similar interests, he is holy gorgeous, but doesn’t know it, and he likes my body more than any other guy I think I have ever been with. He sounded very much like he wasn’t only in this for sex, but I really underestimated him, and I kept saying it was just for sex, and I think I made him think it means less to me than it does…although, I did tell him I knew how I could make sure he didn’t call again( long story…) and he asked how, I said because I am not in this just for sex, I like you, and he said he knew. So he does know how I feel, he told me that he liked me, but I kept doubting him, so he said he was going to stop telling me that, and he has…I screwed this all up, bad!
And I keep wishing that I would have another chance, that our night together wouldn’t be the only time I woke up to that amazing guy on the pillow next to me. I miss him.
Girl! get your panties out of a knot!! You are working yourself into a frenzy!
Anytime you have a fear about something (not just you, but ppl), we project it onto the ppl around us and manifest these fears into reality. Dwelling on "this isn’t just about sex to me’ with him over and over is going to scare him into thinking that you’re a nut ball.
It’s hard, but sometimes you have to take people for their word. I know it is hard to trust and if you can’t- then get yourself some therapy because it’s gonna be an issue with everyone, not just Rob.
My advice; Take a chill pill. Relax. Stop stressing about whether he likes your or not. Stop worrying about what it will be or what it is not. It is not about 'living in the moment" it’s about trusting yourself and your desires==> letting yourself act on these desires, and believing that you have the strength and willpower to deal with whatever happens, as it happens, and WHEN it happens.
Believe in yourself- not him. That’s the stem of this problem.
What’s the worst thing? You get attached, he used you, your feelings are hurt, it sucks, you feel shitty about yourself, feel stupid for trusting him, recognize the warning signs for the future, learn to trust again, find someone knew, and eventually you move on.
It’s all easier said than done, and I’m not one to judge because I go through these similar freak outs ALL THE TIME. It’s just part of the loving process. Sometimes we just need reminders. Hang in there girl- you got this.
In my defense, I haven’t gone over the 'it’s not just sex for me ’ over and over. Just told him that once, and he kept coming back after that. We had some very deep, what we want out of life, kind of conversations the night he spent with me. He told me that he didn’t want to get married again but he’d be happy living with someone for the rest of his life, after I told him I would never get married again.
If I take him at his word, he’s here for the long run. He has said it every time we have been together, or something to that effect. Even the day he said he didn’t do commitment, although he did say things to the contrary the night he stayed here.
I am freaking, yes. I have come to realize that part of that is because I am crazy about him and I am afraid he is going to hurt me, and partly because this is just a REALLY hard time of year for me. I HATE Thanksgiving, and every year shortly before I start to freak about everything. This year, it’s Rob…
Sorry for being a whiner…
Another, probably unnecessary report, about P130
I was really driving myself crazy about all the stuff going on with the estate, not knowing where I am going to live, my water pump just went in my Tahoe and I need to get it fixed, winter is on its way, meaning a huge chunk of change for heat, etc…as annoying as it sounds, this is the time that I wish I had someone around a little more often. It would be nice to climb in bed, and let sex take my mind off things…it IS my favorite thing to do, and I would really like to do it more than , say, 8 times a year, or so…
Anyhow, I was stressed, and I didn’t want to start my work day that way, so I sprayed one 10 mcg spray of P130 on my forearm and split it between the two of them. It didn’t even take five minutes for it to begin its magic.
It really makes me stop overthinking. it totally quiets all the noise in my head. I don’t get all giddy happy or anything, but it stops the craziness in my head.
I really needed that! I will probably use it a lot this week. I HATE Thanksgiving. I know that sounds bad, but it’s because my family has gotten so small in the last few years. Thanksgiving was always about spending time with my mom, since my dad raised me. When she got sick, I helped her make dinner. When she got too sick, she came to my house and kept me company while I cooked. The first year I made dinner without her, it was like there was a giant hole in my holiday. No one kept me company, everyone stayed out of the kitchen until right before dinner, then they all sat and stared at me while I struggled to get dinner done without crying. As soon as they were done eating, everyone disappeared, and left all the cleanup to me.
Last year was the first year that I had no parents for Thanksgiving. I hated it ever since my mom died but since my dad loved it, I made it nice for him. Then with him gone, it just points out the glaring lack of family to me. I did okay last year, surprisingly. I decided to start new traditions with my kids, and we had a pretty okay day. But Thanksgiving will always be my least favorite holiday because it is the one that I most miss my parents at.
I think P130 is going to help me make dinner this year.