Somechick's Journal

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Women's Journals
341

I read the whole thing, but I rather you treat yourself to a nice dinner!! :slight_smile: you deserve it…
Have fun, there is silver lining in here and you just don’t see it yet!!! It’s there, I promise.

Take this time to kick your insecurities to the curb and see your dreams become real. I won’t even pretend it won’t be hard…it will be, but isn’t it worth it!!!

What thing in life that was EVER TRULY and TRULY worth it, was the easiest thing you ever did?! When you finally have your bakery you’re going to smile so widely that your cheeks will hurt for days, but there will be some crappy days before then…that’s just the cost of success my dear…but you know it’s worth it.

342

I have to admit I am really stressed about the estate stuff, being in limbo sucks! And I am depressed about Rob. I feel that he is gone from my life, and that, too, sucks. He was so good for me in so many ways, and I didn’t appreciate that. Though to be fair, he must not appreciate what I have to offer, either, or he’d be with me still.

Anyway, on to my experiment!

I really loved one of my freebies. It is an embargoed MX, so I can’t tell you which one it was. And that stinks because it is out of stock, so there can’t be any more reports about it, to get it out of embargo status…

I have attempted to recreate the self effects of this MX. I bought an empty to-go bottle and sprayed in equal sprays Instant Shine and Instant Openness.
The first time I tried it, I sprayed myself with two sprays of this mix. I was almost instantly happy. I just felt like smiling. And with everything currently going on, it takes a little work to get me to smile.

I was very upbeat and happy even though I had to go out in the torrential downpour that was happening, to get food for dinner. I was calm and relaxed and happy in the store. No real effects on others around me, but I didn’t really have anyone spend any amount of time near me. There was a short period of extreme irritation when I got home, but once that settled I was pretty mellow for the rest of the night. I was not too stressed about being way behind in getting ready for vacation, in spite of the fact that I leave tomorrow and I still have not finished packing.

Wore this same mix, two sprays to work this morning. Bitchy co-worker was pretty calm and mellow, and she shouldn’t have been since the owner screwed up reading his schedule and was there when he wasn’t supposed to be. She is insane when anyone messes up her routine. Today she just went about her business, asked me nicely to do things and didn’t show any signs of irritation. Lately we have not been able to do anything right. It sucks going to work every single day wondering what you are going to do that is wrong in her eyes, even if it’s what she told you to do yesterday.

The boss was also calm and mellow. But he is most of the time anyway. Though he did get into it with Bitchy the other day, and he walked out.

Part of the reason I am attempting this experiment is because the MX had such a good effect on her. She does well with Puppy Love, so I am going to try to wear the two together when I think I have my proportions correct.

I was in an excellent mood this morning, people even commented on how happy I seemed. I know part of it is because I am going to Florida tomorrow, but part of it is the mix. The MX made me so happy, and I felt like a rock star. People treated me like I was someone special( I am awesome, of course, but…) or famous.
One of my pseudo stalkers was in this morning. I thought I had lost him, which was good. I told him I was seeing someone and he still kept slipping his number into the money he handed me to pay for his stuff. He is nice enough, but there is NO attraction, and he is the polar opposite of me politically. I’d probably punch him. That puts kind of a damper on romance…he also has a really, really dumb nickname on a dating site that I once saw him on. I know that is being extremely picky, but it makes him sound kind of girly…I like my men, well, manly… But he was in this AM and he was falling all over himself to talk to me. He said he’d be back later. Maybe he will forget.

I am going to try this mix another time, and then I am going to try a 2:1 ratio of Shine to Openness, and see what effects I get.

343

A guy with a girly dumb nickname? What kind of a guy would pick that up :slight_smile:? What is it? CurlySoo? JayString? LolHePop? BobBulgum? P_P_Longstocking?

344

I do not understand men! I am at Disney and I get a text from Rob the day after I got here.
" how is Disney? I wish I was there with you", so I texted back and told him it was nice to hear from him and I wished he was here, too. And he hasn’t said another word…argh!!! Why???
If you aren’t going to fix this, why say anything?! We haven’t seen each other for a month.

I am so happy here, though. No stress. No worries. Having an awesome time. I have been wearing Shine a lot. Wait staff seems to love us. We get treated very well. Lots of hovering. Lots of drink refills, checking to see that everything is okay. Lots of calling me things like love, babe, baby girl, etc. Everyone seems like they can’t do enough for us. The chef at the restaurant we ate at in Epcot gave my daughter filet mignon instead of sirloin, realized what he did and made her the sirloin, too.

I do wish I had brought my experimental mix with me. I think it would have been fun. I wish I could stay until we got sick of the place. I am so good with not having to worry about finding a house!

Don’t know what I am going to do with Rob, but tomorrow we go back to Epcot for the Food and Wine festival. Food from around the world will keep my mind off himfor a few minutes…

345

This behavior is hard to analyze. Wether he’s playing with you or wether he’s trying to mend things up but he fears to ruin your vacation. He might also feel that he has a lot to say to you and that texting has its limitations. In all cases, by writing something very nice, he showed some openness, by answering something very nice too, you did the same. You kinda met halfway. Just make the most out of those vacations and maybe see what he is up to when you get back. One thing is sure, he probably understood a few things since he came out of the silence phase he went through last week.

346

I say just have fun and enjoy the vacation. Life is stressful and we are meant to be free and live not weighted down with problems and stress. I have to stop myself at least a few times a day from being angry with something. I was doing some reflection on my life the other day and realized no matter how bad things may have seemed I always made it through that problem and have been ok in life and why would anything now going on being any different.

I know it is easier said than done, but if you work it at a little at a time you will actually catch yourself and stop and just breath and realize whatever is going on it will be ok.

Nothing happens overnight but just a little at a time.

I have read your journal completely and know you deserve to be happy. Try not to let these things ruin your happy life that you are meant to have.

I have been praying for you and know things will get better for you.

I am jealous of you being at Disney LOL. Enjoy

347

Thank you. I will take all the prayers I can get! I offered to bring Rob with us back when things were still good. I think he would have loved it. Maybe you will get down here sometime soon. The Food and Wine festival is going on right now. My son and I have tried quite a few new foods. My daughter isn’t very adventurous.

348

I hate being back to reality… :frowning:

I wore mostly just plain old Instant Shine on my trip. I wouldn’t say that most of the people I was near reacted at all, but Disney is busy and people are so on the go that there might have been reactions I didn’t observe. But there were definitely some that you could not miss!

I was drawing by the pool yesterday while my daughter swam. A British woman and her son walked by to the vending machines. On her way back she stopped to tell me she liked my drawing, that it was beautiful. I told her it wasn’t done and showed her a few more that were in my sketch book. She called them brilliant and then just kind of stood beaming at me. How could you not like having your doodles called brilliant? :slight_smile:

The night before, my daughter and I had gone to Downtown Disney, and while walking back to the bus, I stepped off a curb wrong and hurt my hip. I was in pain, though I knew it would be fine if I just went back to my room and rested and took some Advil. The bus was full and we were going to have to stand. I asked if we could wait for the next bus as I didn’t think I would do well with keeping my balance when the bus stopped and started moving again. The man helping people find the correct bus lines told me to wait off to the side, and then he got a van and drove us back to the resort. He said he just couldn’t see my having to stand there in pain and wait for 20 minutes for the next bus. While he drove us, he told us how he came to here from Puerto Rico, lived in Illinois for 13 years and had been at Disney for 4, how amazing Disney is to work for, but how he misses snow, etc, etc…very nice man.

Wait staff was incredibly nice to us the whole time we were there. One server came over and shook my hand after she took the folder with her tip in it. She gripped my hand tightly and said 'Thank you so much , ma’am! I appreciate you"

But the most amazing hit was when we went to board our flight home. I made eye contact with the flight attendant by the door, said hello and asked her how she was. She was super friendly. During the flight when it was time to bring drinks, she asked what we wanted to drink. My daughter didn’t want anything(at that time…) but my son and I both asked for soda. She said, “I’ll tell you what, I will bring the can and two glasses of ice. Technically it’s three servings, but…” and she did. Gave me an unopened can and two glasses.

Then she asked about the henna tattoos on my hand and my daughter’s. I told her that we got them in Morocco in Epcot and it was an elephant for luck. So she started asking questions about Disney. I answered them. She kept eye contact, smiled a lot and then sat on the floor in the aisle so we could talk. We talked most of the flight, she gave me her email so I can send her some information, and invited us to Texas to visit if we ever want to go to Texas. Then she went and got her phone and showed me pictures of her daughter. Told me about her ex husband and how he doesn’t see his little girl, how he didn’t work and she took care of him, flying even when she was pregnant.
She came by again and said , “I just want you to know that I think you are awesome.”
When we got off the plane, she hugged me and told me I was a beautiful person. My kids were stunned! I was actually stunned, too. And I really hope she doesn’t get in trouble. I don’t know if that kind of thing is frowned upon. She made it the best flight I have ever taken.

So I am home, and I don’t want to be. Now I have to find a house and move, and go back to work with Bitchy Co-Worker. At least I have a supply of Puppy Love! And my experimental mix!
I didn’t obsess over Rob while I was gone, I was too busy. But I expect that I will need a lot of P130 to keep me from overthinking every single little thing about our relationship, or lack thereof…I miss him so much, and I think I probably always will.

Off to email my new bestie! Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts!

349

Very nice sounds like you enjoyed your trip as you should of. Glad to hear you didn’t stress about things.

350

Happy to see you back.

351

Oh WTF!? how do I get myself into these things!?

I texted Rob today to tell him that I brought him something back from my trip. He texted back several hours later( he was at basketball when I texted) and said ‘that was very nice of you, thank you for thinking about me’ I texted and said I could leave it on my porch for him. He goes back to Boston at 5 am on Mondays, so I won’t be up. He said , ’ oh you’re still in your house?’ and I said that I hadn’t found another place yet. He stopped replying.

Earlier today, Scott was in the store. We talked a little bit, he was um, obviously ‘happy’ to see me…I know tmi, but really, I kind of like knowing he is THAT attracted to me…
So tonight while I was watching Walking Dead, he texted me. Said I looked good and it was nice to see me today. Little small talk and he said I think it’s time we ‘see’ each other again. So I told him I wasn’t sure that I like feeling good enough to fuck but not good enough for anything else.
He told me he has been too frigging busy to do anything but that he wasn’t looking just to fuck, although that was great…

And now I don’t know what to do. I do not know if Rob is totally done or not. He makes no effort to see me, and he hardly talks to me. Earlier I was pretty convinced that he was just sick of my shit. Sick of me doubting him all the time, my not thinking that this was real. It all stemmed from the way it started. I thought he just wanted a fwb, but later on that didn’t seem to be true. I can’t keep trying to get him to talk to me if he doesn’t want to. But he said several times in the past few weeks that he wasn’t gone, that he did still want me, then he went back to ignoring me…I am SO CONFUSED!

it would be so easy to jump into something with Scott to help me get over Rob, but Rob is the one I really want to be with.

I sound like such a flake! What do I do!?!?!?!

352

It seems that Rob’s tease-then-stop-replying pattern is becoming more frequent and thus, probably less accidental. Maybe he’s playing after all. That remains a definite possibility.

If you call him on the phone, will he talk or flee? I’d suggest you have a vocal conversation with him and ask all the questions you have to ask. An open discussion between two adults who both had the time (during your trip) to take a step back and consider the possible futures ahead is often the best thing to do. Texting is a great modern tool, but it lacks the tone you can detect in his voice that will tell you (with words, or with vibes) that its either worth it to try it out again with him or just the time to definitely move on, and that’d mean you delete the guy from your contacts and burn the bridges.

As for Scott, don’t feel bad. You have needs. You are being left hanging on in limbo outside a relationship and what had to happen happened. Now I’d say get the clear picture and do whatever’s best for you.

The way Rob is acting communication-wise by stopping to reply is a lack of respect in my book. And that can hurt like hell. Let him know how you feel about this aspect, in a constructive way, then look at his reaction. If he acts like a child again or turns defensive or angry, by all means, flee. If he’s into you, he’ll apologize and he won’t do it again.

Just my man’s opinion.

353

I texted Rob this morning, and said that I was hurt and confused and he said he was ‘still here, I didn’t go anywhere’. so I said’ but you don’t want to see me’ and he said ‘you keep saying that, I didn’t say that’…so I think you are right, we need to speak on the phone or in person, because I am hurt and confused. It feels like we took a giant step back to the beginning when there weren’t so many feelings involved. I need the goodbye, though, before I can move on. And it sucks because I really love him…

Thanks for your input. I appreciate it.

354

I have totally enjoyed reading your journal. It has been exciting to see how mones have changed your life for the better, and you’ve grown along with them.
I hope it’s ok to say that you sound like someone I would like to meet.:slight_smile:
Keep up the good work!

355

Thanks for reading my whole journal. It’s pretty long, so kudos for sticking with it! I haven’t even read the whole thing in ages!
Have been sick all this week, so my testing has been skewed by that, but I am still working on things. I will try to report later on.
As for sounding like someone you’d like to meet, it is perfectly okay to say that, but I think I am too old… :wink:

356

I have been testing a mix of Instant Shine and Instant Openness. I started with a 1:1 ratio and then I went to a 2:1 ratio.

I tried this with Puppy Love around my perpetually crabby co-worker, who is also a partial owner, but a very small percentage. She responded quite well to the 1:1 ratio, so I had high hopes for the 2:1 ratio.

The first day, was my first day back from vacation, so I was afraid of what I would find with her. I knew she’d be tired so I was pretty sure she would be nasty and mean. She texted me the night before and told me to wait for her if I got there before her, as the alarm had been acting strange while I was gone. So I was standing by the door when she got there. She said hello and then was quiet for a couple of minutes, as is her way. But in fewer than ten minutes she was quite animated and joked, laughed, shared personal things(This is very rare!). I thought I had a hit! She responded amazingly well to this mix. The whole atmosphere was relaxed and we all got along well, everything we had to do, we did as a team and it went off without any issues. And the night before our boss had taken a header on his way in to work, and was not feeling well, so she should have been stressed and particularly pissy.
She was great to be around for the whole 8 hour shift.

The rest of the week, I am not sure of. I wore the same mix but I have been sick, with the worst cold I have had in recent memory. I have actually taken Nyquil every night for the last week and fallen asleep on the couch by 8 PM. This never happens that many nights. I have only ever had to reach for the Nyquil ONE night per cold!

Bitchy Co-worker was awful the rest of the week. I am not sure if it is because of the mix, or if being sick, I was not congruent with my pheromones. My other co-worker, R, was also sick, so we were NOT as productive as normal. The work got done, and done correctly, but nothing above and beyond. we just managed to drag through the days.

I came home Friday night and took Nyquil at 5:15, got up once to take more, and let the dogs out, and slept until 8 AM Saturday morning.

I am going to try it again on Tuesday morning. Hoping that I will feel better enough that I can better gauge the results.

One thing I did notice was that I had almost no voice for several days(which was probably great in some people’s eyes!) and was obviously not feeling well. Customers were more concerned than usual about how I was feeling. I got a TON of sympathy and offers of soup!
Oh, and one twentysomething boy told me he should buy me lunch because I am beautiful and it would make me feel better! LOL! I’d like it better if his boss bought me lunch. He’s from Glasgow and I could listen to him talk all day!

357

I hope you get to feeling better soon!
As for your age, that’s nonsense! :wink:
Looking forward to more reports.

358

Going to look at a house in a few minutes. I already looked at it twice. The seller’s agent was noticeably uncomfortable around me, It was weird. I don’t usually have that effect on women. I am usually more invisible to alpha types.
Today I am going to wear some Puppy Love and my mix of Shine and Openness and see if I can’t bring her around =)

359

I went and looked at the house again. I wore my mix of Instant Shine and Instant Openness 2:1 and 2 sprays of Puppy Love. The realtor was much more friendly and her body language wasn’t quite as weird. She walked me around the property a lot more thoroughly and was very open with me and with my realtor. My realtor is someone I have known for almost 40 years, as I grew up with her daughter. She really wants to help me get this house. I suspect that some of that is what I was wearing, I was drawing her in as well as the seller’s agent.
I think my offer will be going to the seller on Friday. I am not as confident as I was earlier today. Things just got difficult this afternoon and it was a blow to my positivity. Still, fingers crossed, I love this house. It is a very unique property.

I have hated Thanksgiving since my mom died, but this year as it is only going to be me and my two kids, we are not having a traditional dinner. We are doing apps and desserts. I am very relaxed and unstressed about Thanksgiving now. And last year it snowed, my plow broke, my dog ate my homemade dinner rolls, and we lost the power, so after that, this year is wonderful! Although, last year Scott plowed my driveway for me when I couldn’t so I had a nice talk with him in the morning, when he called to see if I was okay.

Okay, so Bitchy Co-worker has been awful and my mix wasn’t helping last week. I thought part of it was my not being congruent because I was sick. I am feeling much better this week, so I am in a better mood, but I also decided to play around with application points and see if I could get some better results. I have been wearing most of my stuff on the front and sides of my neck and in my hair. I decided to try applying some of my IS/IO mix to the tops of my forearms because when I am working, I am moving my hands and arms around quite a bit and I could make a nice cloud around me that way. She really responded! Even when she was telling us what we did wrong, she was calm and nice about it and did not talk to us like we were idiots. It’s a holiday week, so we expected her to get bitchy as the week wore on, but she didn’t. She was calm, open, funny and relaxed. She was very much like she was when I wore the embargoed, no longer available MX that I am trying to mimic.
I am going to try again next week and will move app points around to see if it makes a difference.

360

oh and I am positive that I am single again…

after ignoring me for two weeks, Rob texted me Saturday night and said 'how are you babe?". I asked him if he sent it to the wrong person, and I got “okay never mind then sorry to bother you” . I told him I truly thought it was an accidental text and he had never bothered me and he never replied. So I had enough, and I said “I love you, and I miss you…that is all, I’m not going to keep bothering you. I hope you are happy and well and I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving”…

I give up, it’s over, but a goodbye would have been nice. I won’t hear from him again. He tested the waters, didn’t get the response he wanted so he stopped talking. Whatever. His loss. I don’t really care anymore.

Happy Thanksgiving!