Letting go requires a lot of strength and courage. Deep inside yourself you knew it was the thing to do. This sure will be for the best.
Well I am sure it is for the best letting Rob go. Sometimes it is nice to get that closure and I hate when things end like the way they did with Rob. Oh well. There are a lot of fish in the sea so all is good. So maybe you can focus on getting your new place and get settled in instead of dealing with him.
Happy Thanksgiving and enjoy the time with the kids.
I have been using a simple mix of 30 mcg P74 and 30 mcg TAA for the past week or so at work. With the exception of one day, it works quite well on bitchy co-worker. She should have been extra stressed because of the holiday and because I have been distracted by house buying stuff. She wasn’t. She was pretty chill. I still like it better when I have some Puppy Love, or the Instant Shine Instant Openness mix that I was using, but I am out of both and I knew I couldn’t order in time for the holiday anyway. Last order I paid the $30 to get it here quicker and it wasn’t any quicker. So I will order some stuff soon.
The P74/TAA mix I have been wearing has gotten me a TON of comments on my hair. Most people tell me how much they like it, but I get a lot of people asking me if I have done something different with it. Several people stared at my hair like they had never really looked at it before. it’s kind of funny.
I wore 20mcg P83 out to do some shopping one night before Christmas and I had several people tell me I smelled good. That was all I was wearing. I have to admit, I sprayed P83 yesterday and really liked the smell.
I am going to need some P130 in whatever I wear today. It is finally snowing and something is wrong with my plow. It’s old and a POS, and I really thought I would be moved into a new house by now. I am hopeful that the house I am trying to buy will work out. I offered, they countered, I countered their counter, they came back with their bottom line, etc…so I said I would pay what that bottom line was, I don’t see why they won’t accept it, but you never know. I love the house. But it’s bittersweet, because I know it was a house Rob would have adored. I feel like Noah in the Notebook, but I know he won’t be back…there’s always Scott who seems to finally be ready for something real. he has been texting me. I told him I didn’t like feeling good enough to fuck but not good enough for anything else and he said he wasn’t just looking to fuck. So we shall see. I haven’t seen Rob for 3 months, though he did text and ask me how my Christmas was. Why should he care? He doesn’t want me.
I don’t know, I am just overwhelmed and miserable and there’s not much I can do about any of what it bothering me. I can’t force Rob to care about me, he obviously didn’t love me. I can’t force the home owners to sell me the house. I just want to run off to the mountains and become a hermit
Thank God I wore some P130 yesterday! I was erroneously told that the house I was trying to buy was sold to someone else. Since I had submitted my offer to pay their asking price within an hour of them rejecting my previous offer, I was devastated that someone else could have swooped in and bought it.
I walked around crushed like a bug for about 2 hours, while at work, so I couldn’t even cry. Had I not been wearing the P130, I wouldn’t have been able to hold back the tears. Anyhow, in the end, they accepted my offer, so pending home inspection stuff and financial stuff, I have it under contract!
P130 will remain my go-to for anxiety of nearly any kind. it works so amazingly well.
Scott plowed for me, we kind of made plans for me to go plow with him later in the evening, but he was too tired. So, I stayed home and processed all the up and downs of the day. He was so sweet, though! He back dragged the snow right up by my porch, so I didn’t even have to shovel when I got home 
…I think he was kind of showing off in his new plow truck.
Great to hear you got the house! Your persistence paid out. This is gonna be a great year for you, I’m sure.
Wow great about the house!!!
I am really excited for you to start a new happier chapter in your life. Seems like you have a lot of things past you now and this is just great news and a great start.
How is it going Somechick? I hope you are all moved in and life is really turning around and going in a much better direction for you. I hope you are doing well and are in a much better place in your life now.
I second that. We miss you lady.
Actually, the house I was so happy to be buying turned out to be a giant money pit. They seriously misrepresented the property and I didn’t find out until I spent over $700 on a home inspection. But, I am glad I found out before I bought it and went broke trying to fix it. It is an amazing little house. It is like a story book cottage and woodland garden. If I had a spare $150k I would still buy it, but I do not. If it had been cheap and needed that much, I’d have bought it but they wanted all the money for it and I just can’t do it, as a single mom.
Soooo…I have an offer in on another house. We are trying to get the seller to come down to my offering price, by waiting out their counter offer. The house has been on the market for a while, and I have made the only offer. it has a lot less charm than the other house, but it needs a lot less and it would be a TON less work to take care of, which suits me. The other house would have been a full time job in itself, I’d never have gotten to climb any mountains.
The battles between me and my siblings have been bad. I have been using P74 and P130 to get through the day. P130 is an anxiety killer and I don’t know what I would do without it.
I thank you for checking in on me. That is very kind of you
Aw! Thanks for thinking of me! 
There is some light at the end of the tunnel, and it’s not the train . You’ll emerge stronger out of it all. Good luck on that second house!
My housing situation has turned into a nightmare, and I am using P130 to keep myself out of the loony bin. I am so mentally tired. I cannot process any more! My head is full!
But I have an excellent lawyer, realtor and mortgage guy on my side, so I won’t let my siblings run me over on the way to the bank.
I got a new tattoo on January 2. I love it so much! I was wearing 30 Mcg P74 and 20 Mcg P96, kind of just seeing what it would give me for selfies. Well, I sat like a rock for the tattoo, which is on my left foot, so I felt pretty badass…I mean, I am badass and all, but I think the 'mones were amplifying it. The artist was awesome. He did a sleeve for my brother and is working on the other arm. My bro is much more hard core into it than I am. All of mine are small. I have one on both feet now. Everyone whines about how bad it hurts, but I don’t think it’s that bad. I do have a high pain tolerance, though.
Ironically, while I was getting it done, Rob texted me. Rob is a locksmith…the tattoo is a lock and key…hmmmmmm! It is a heart lock and skeleton key. In a convoluted way, it isn’t just about my heart being locked. It is about the house I have spent my whole life in. My heart is here, and it always will be. All the doors have skeleton keys because it is 200 years old. I used to play with them as a kid. it’s kind of my way of taking a piece of my home with me. And it is a teeny tiny bit to do with keeping my heart locked up.
I didn’t block Rob, though I stopped texting him. He texts me from time to time, and doesn’t usually say much beyond ‘how are you’ ‘hope you had a nice Christmas’…
Well, two weeks ago he texted on Saturday and asked how I was. I told him I was making chili mac and cheese. The next morning, he texted and asked how it was, said he was jealous(he loves it) and I said ‘you know where I live’…he was here in 20 minutes. But I only had 20 minutes before work, so we didn’t do much more than small talk until I was ready to walk out the door. Basically, he said that nothing has changed, he still wants to see me, blah blah blah…I asked him why he never talks to me, he said he is the one who always reaches out. I told him he blew me off…long story short(ish) he says he gets tired of telling me things and having me never believe him. Which is exactly what I thought happened. I asked him to call me so I could fix things, because I thought that was the problem. He never did. When I asked him why he said it is because I like to ‘talk for him’, that I seem to assume I know what he is feeling or thinking and I am usually wrong. he got tired of it and needed a break. Neither of us handled it well.
I didn’t sleep with him, I have no idea if he will come back again, but if he wants to come back we need a serious chat about where we are both at, and if it is not the same place, then we are done. If we are in the same place, we will see. No more games. None on his part, none on mine. I am too old for this shit. I wouldn’t even give him a chance at all, but I wanted to give him the gifts I bought him in FL, then I saw his face when he said he hoped that I would believe in him, but I never did. He was hurt. He retreated to lick his wounds. He just should have shared that with me. I don’t know…
There is always Scott…he wants back in, too. He came and plowed my driveway the other morning, I didn’t even ask him to. He did SUCH a good job, he was totally showing off with the new plow. I wanted to go out and see him but I was getting ready to go to my six month surgical follow up.
I need to place an order still, but it takes so long to get, that I get impatient! LOL
Do you intend on wearing any mones for that next conversation with Rob if he comes back?
Yes, I welcome suggestions but I was thinking some P74, and some IH would be good. I have had good results with them. I’d have tried some Puppy Love, but it’s in that order I haven’t placed yet…LOL
I also have P130, P132, P96, P83. P78, TAA, TAC, CTTM, and a couple of sprays of IShine left. And maybe a couple of sprays of ISB
P96 IH TAC could be interesting
I’ll go for your initial choice, p74 and IH with some IO perhaps, to make his mouth busy on its other ability. Im interested to see if it will help him open up and talk. I’ll suggest not to use mones that affects you more because I think it’s helping Rob instead and not you, hehehe.
Yes, that could be interesting! I will make a note of that combo!
I had a good title for this post, but I forgot it. It has not been the best few days in some ways…
Friday I received the results of my surgical follow up. They were not as we had hoped. We are still going to keep and eye on things but if they don’t improve at the next test, we will assess our options then. I was very hopeful that it would all be behind me, as I have SO freaking many other things to worry about right now. It would have been nice to have one less on the list. So I am awash in P130 at the moment! LOL, not really only 20 mcg but it’s about the only thing keeping me from a noose in the wood shed.
Rob came over Saturday afternoon and had a little food and coffee with me. I wore 30 mcg P74, two sprays of IH on my forearms so maybe when I was talking with my hands, I would send him a little cloud, and 2 sprays CTTM, as I am out of IO.
We never talked about why he was gone for all that time. We talked about the house issues, how I feel about moving, he played me music, like he always does. He is always introducing me to something new, or surprising me with playing something very old and obscure. I have always loved that about him. While our communication issues did weigh on me, it was the way it always is with us. Ah! That is my title! Peaceful, Easy Feeling! When we are together, that is how I feel. That is the most peaceful and easy I have ever felt in my whole life.
He stayed much longer than he said he was going to. He is always visibly reluctant to leave me, always makes an excuse to stay a bit longer. But it felt nice to have a respite from all the estate stress while he was here.
He said he would be back for coffee in the morning, and I must have made a face, because he asked me if I didn’t believe him, and I told him that the last time he said he’d be back for coffee in the morning, that I didn’t see him for 3.5 months. He said he’d be back.
I was absolutely convinced he wouldn’t come back. I didn’t even make the coffee. I had it all set up, but that was because I had it ready for myself and I wasn’t going to drink it until I was ready to take some to work with me. I was about done getting ready for work and he texted. He showed up.
When I went out to the kitchen to greet him, he said “you didn’t think I was coming back, did you?” And that opened the door for the conversation we needed to have.
It didn’t go as planned, or as it should have, and I didn’t get all the answers I wanted. But it was a start. He said he never says anything he doesn’t mean, so if he told me he felt something, he did. I brought up John Prine, and how he blew me off for the concert. He said it wasn’t his fault, it was work. I said, that was true but he blew me off for the whole weekend, and he asked if he could make it up by taking me to see JP in Boston this spring. Which spawned a whole other conversation about how we never go anywhere. I mentioned we’d been sleeping together all this time and he didn’t know my birthday. He said he barely remembers any of his family members, other than his kids. I have to give him some there, because my ex-husband always remembered my birthday wrong, even after 13 years.
I had to leave for work, and after I had been there a while, I texted him and said I didn’t know why he came back. He asked why wouldn’t he come back. He explained that he was dealing with some personal stuff and didn’t want to be a burden to me when I had so much going on in my own life. I know he did lose the house his kids were living in, the land lady wouldn’t fix the broken plumbing, they had to move out and find a new place for the kids, change schools, she wouldn’t give back the security deposit because they didn’t give enough notice, etc. All that is true, but he could have TOLD me he needed a break.
He ended up calling me while I was at work, and we got more talked about in those few minutes than we did over the time we spent together. He said he was in this for the same reasons as I am, and that he will have to work harder to make sure I know that. He texted throughout the day to tell me he missed me.
I can’t remember everything, I am too muddle headed from all the house shit I had to deal with today. I am getting ready to buy a motor home and leave town. Field trips across America!
Then I got home from work, and found that he had gone through some papers on my desk. I don’t see that he rifled the house or anything, he could have been trying to use my computer, I don’t know. There were papers moved, and an envelope was intentionally left hanging over my computer monitor. I don’t know what to think. He had to know I would see it and know he had touched things on my desk. Is it a big deal? nothing is missing. I talked to my bestie and she said 'Remember, he isn’t Joey…"( ex Mr Wonderful), cautioning me against judging Rob because of Joey’s actions, which is what got me into this in the first place. All the doubting stems from Joe…
Thoughts?
Dear friend, you are worrying me out of my mind with that noose in the woodshed reference. If I remember well, you have kids who love you and depend on you, right? Your life depends on much more than P130. If you are really in such despair, please get outside help, by all means. There is no shame in doing that.
The guy went through your stuff? Bad, bad, bad. He’s alternating between being a nice guy and a total poison: bad too. That dude looks fricking toxic. Looks like he’s burning your mind like battery acid. Maybe consider deleting the guy from your existence. You can find way better.
You take care of yourself, now.
I am not really going to get a noose and head out to the wood shed! Just my way of venting about how overwhelmed I feel. I know my kids love and need me, so no worries about that, okay?
As for going through my stuff, it wasn’t as bad as it sounds. I tend to be overly suspicious because of my past mistakes( Joe) . Some papers were moved but he did not go through the drawers or anything and since my desk is always a giant mess, if he had tried to use my computer, he could easily have made the mess with the papers. None of what was moved was important. I am not making excuses, I didn’t jump back in with him. If he wants back in, he is going to have to work for it. I did not sleep with him this weekend…