Somechick's Journal

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Women's Journals
141

OMG!!! I tried 2 sprays of P91 for a total of 10 mcg, one split between wrists, one to throat. About ten minutes in, I noticed that I was very mellow, but not happy mellow, just kind of numbish…but then! I became the super bitchiest PMSing evil, broom- ridiing, demon I could possibly be. I was at work before the full on evil showed up.

I was in such a bad mood! I hated it! I was seriously cranky at everyone and annoyed at every little thing. Even most people that don’t annoy me, did.

And then Scott drove in, and I was WOUND up tight! I swear I have never worked myself into such a tizzy over a guy in my life! I am soooooo frustrated with him! I KNOW there is nothing going on with us, I KNOW he isn’t into me anymore, even though he said he still was(before he left, the night we had sex), but every time I see him, I want to rip his clothes off and have my way with him. So, when he showed up tonight, I was fit to be tied! I kept walking by him, and I was basically hissing and spitting like a pissed off kitten. He was in the office doorway, talking to my boss, and about the fifth time I swept by him, he said something to the effect of me being all worked up. I snapped something at him, I can’t remember what I said. I just wanted to scream! I look better than I have since I have known him, I get tons of other offers and yet, the ONE guy I can’t get out of my head, doesn’t want me anymore! ARGH!!!

Anyway, I don’t know if I like the P91, I was soooooo evil and bitchy and HORRIBLE. I could feel how awful I was, and I couldn’t stop it. I may try this again, but I am going to wait a few days. Too much tension! And not in a good way. Would be good for some hate sex…not that I have ever had that, but my brother has told me about his escapades! LOL…I should turn him onto Androtics!

142

Gosh, I hope everything plays out the way you most prefer it Somechick. Rob sounds like he would meet that immediate need (lol) :wink: maybe if you get to that point in your relationship he’ll help you to move on from Scott. Scott, well, keep in mind this is one woman’s opinion, he doesn’t have the same interest level as you. I’m sorry, forgive me for going there. It pains me to say that :frowning: . I mean, dude didn’t even bother to text you back that day. Wtf?!. You’re looking and feeling good at this point in your life, don’t waste good days pining dear. Please.

:slight_smile: Girl Power!!! Good for you for being able to get the truck going. You should be proud of that victory. It sounds like a beauty and with only 31,900 miles, there’s still lots of life left in it. Savor the use you’ll get out of it. Being your dad’s former truck, the sentimental aspect makes it priceless.

Thanks for posting that mix, I will definitely give it a try in future times. I don’t have P130 yet. I have to look through your journal to see what the effects are of that ‘P.’ Also will research the threads to learn more about it.

143

Thanks for that. Confirmed some of my guesses about P91. It’s close to TAL, I think.

144

I have to 100% agree with Outset on this one! Whatever bullshit Scott is going through- don’t let him take you down with him. And it’s so sexy that you fixed that hot truck yourself and have it on the road! So Bad ass!! (I’m also voting for Rob)

Monesmademedoit: if TAL is similar to p91, how come it doesn’t make women cranky when they were it on themselves?

145

An educated guess is that P91 and TAL should both be indicative of high androgens. Two different metabolic pathways. Self effects of high erone are great, if I wear it. Can be very off putting to others, as can -enone. People don’t like being dominated or aggressively approached.

Some describe P91 as chilled. To me, P91 is on par with TAF in terms of a stimulant quality. Anything but chilled.

146

I know it probably sounds crazy but I swear I am still feeling the crankiness from the P91 that I sprayed Friday! I wore my favorite mix yesterday and today and I am still cranky and easily frustrated and no matter what I try, I can’t get my happy on.

Usually if I wear MX335, P130 and B-nol, I am a super happy camper. Not even close this weekend! I don’t know if the P91 really has that kind of staying power or not. I want to try it again and see if I can tell better if it does seem to last this long, but I HATED how super-beast bitchy it made me feel!

I had an AWFUL day at work today. It was just one of those kind of Mercury retrograde, everything that can go wrong, did, kind of days. I started off with one of my assiest customers coming in and being particularly assy. Then while making cheese sauce for tomorrow’s lunch special, I splashed it into my EYE! In case anyone should wonder, NO, cheese sauce doesn’t make a good substitute contact lens rewetting solution. I was not happy about my new cheesy outlook…haha…not funny…

I had on my usual fave mix, and I was cranky and just overall not able to get happy. None of my usual Sunday fan club came in, either, so that may have made things worse. I had no one to distract me. It was just crazy busy and I work alone all day on Sunday.

And then Scott came in…he very rarely comes in on Sunday. He was the only one in the store, we were having a normal conversation. Not personal but not awkward like most of them have been since we slept together. He was kind of opening up about some new business venture, because he was yawning and I told him he works too hard. We were actually doing well conversing, then someone came in and ruined it. oh, but he did comment on the purple hair, and I told him I was tired of being ignored. He asked who was ignoring me, and I couldn’t frigging say YOU!

I KNOW he isn’t into me, I am committed to moving on, but I would really like to feel better about the whole thing, at least. I know I overthink everything, but he basically stalked me, though not in a creepy way, for three damn years before we slept together. I can’t have sucked so bad that he totally stopped liking me, could I? I do not suck in bed, they usually never want to frigging leave!

It’s fine, and I do appreciate Outset and LadyScientist chiming in with your thoughts on it. It’s nice to have someone else take a look from the outside. My little work friend still swears up and down that it isn’t over . I know she talks to him more than I do, but I keep telling her she is wrong.
I understand that he doesn’t like me anymore. I really do. I am going to get over him, it is just NOT EASY! I don’t know what it is about him that makes me so crazy!

I did text him and apologize for being a bitch, and congratulated him on his new business venture. He texted back and said I was just jacked up, not a bitch. He thanked me for the sandwich I made him and said he hoped my day got better. I texted him and said I just needed to get laid, but then I texted again and said I shouldn’t have said that, I am sorry…GRRRRR, I dont know WHY I have such communication issues with him now. We were not at all like this pre-sex! We could always talk to each other!

Okay, enough about the dead end that is the Scott situation…

I have worn TAL and it seems to make the younger guys like me. I am more a TAH girl, as I have been told many times that I am sex kittenish…and I do not mind that at all. It is how I feel, although for a sex kitten, one time in the last YEAR is not good! LOL

I like to wear TAH sometimes with my usual mixes, P83, P74, EST, etc. I don’t think I have really tried replacing TAL for the TAH in any of the mixes I have tried in the past. I will have to go back and re-read my own journal and see.it might be worth a try. I have a full bottle of TAL…I wonder though, why doesn’t it make me a HellBitch, if the P91 does?

I also have a to-go of P132, I am going to try adding that with my MX335 and B-Nol, and see if it gives me a mellower happy than the P130. I seem to remember using P132 a while back and it made me very quietly serene. Like almost motionless standing in line waiting for something, when I normally would have been very fidgety.

I love my mix, but sometimes I think a little less energy would be good. All the happy, but a little less of the bounce. I will probably try it tomorrow since I am off in the morning and I have things to do. I need to go get my lil truck inspected and I hate sitting in a garage, that isn’t my dad’s, waiting for a mechanic, that isn’t my dad to work on my vehicle. So, a little less bounce and a little more serenity could be just the thing I need to have a good morning.

147

OMG! for me P91 is so frigging NOT chilled! I hated it. I swear it is still making me cranky two days later.

Another thought about the P91. I have hyperacussis, or a heightened sensitivity to noise. Some days are much worse than others. Some days noise makes me want to jump off a bridge( no, not really. I am not suicidal). My brain gets overwhelmed trying to process sounds. I noticed that since Friday when I sprayed the P91,my sensitivity has been really, really bad. I am having a much harder time than usual dealing with it. I don’t know if it is related or not. I think I will try to gauge my reactions to sound before and after my next test of the P91. It will be a few days, though. I have to work up the courage to turn into the super beast.

148

I’ve washed off 10 mcg P91 before, because I didn’t like the jittery feel. I wanted to relax and could not. However, 1-2 mcg is far milder. To understand it, dilute the 5 mcg. Far more versatile using 1 mcg. You control the effects. You probably would not like 500 nanograms -enone. 50 is a different matter. There are very few truly gender-exclusive mones or useless ones. Pretend this is 1 mcg of someone’s sweat. Your body is reacting as if that person was there. 100 years ago, it only existed in a natural form.

149

Hmmm, I do have some perfumer’s alcohol and empty to go bottles. Maybe I will try diluting it. I didn’t really notice any self effects with the 5 mcg, but I did only use it once and in limited testing grounds. I will see what I can do with the diluted version.

Thanks for your input. Why do you think I would not like 500 nanograms of -enone? Would it also make me crazy? and how would I go about getting and trying 50? Buying the 250 and diluting it? I am interested!

150

I base that on LadySci reports on 250 nanograms and on measurements of -enone on female skin. The sample sizes and demographics are too small. Asians may not tolerate even 50 nano.

You would choose 125-250 nanograms from the store and perfumer’s alcohol. 1000 nanograms is quite potent. 250 nano can be diluted as 1 mL to 4 mL alcohol in a TOGO, yielding 5 mL of 50 nanograms.

151

Well, I broke my phone and thought it was going to be a boring weekend, but even without any contacts in my loaner phone, hot boy Rob just texted and wants to know what my plans are for tonight…am I brave enough???

Probably not…more’s the pity

152

OMG!!! I didn’t wuss!!! Well, I kind of did…I have four crazy hell hounds here that go nuts when anyone comes in the house. So Rob texted, asked me what I was doing tonight, then he called me and said he wanted to stop and say ‘hi’…I told him he couldn’t come in because of the dogs, and he was okay with that. I met him in the driveway and we talked, but the mosquitos were nuts for him. I don’t blame them at all…I think there are little heart bubbles floating over me right now…LOL…

So, I went to show him my barn because he was admiring it, and yes, he actually meant he liked the barn. He seemed to like my whole house, barn. shed, huge old maple tree, etc…God, I should RUN from this one!!!

The motion sensor tripped the light and he was checking out all the stuff out there, old cars, old boat stuff of my ex-husband’s, stuff from the last 104 years of my family living here. Then we were standing by the door, I tripped the sensor again and the light came on, he pulled me over by him and went in for a feel…then he kissed me…I don’t know if anyone here needs details, I was not prepared to get busy in barn, but I did have a lot of fun…then he hung around for an hour and talked to me, about EVERYTHING!

He said he would love to just curl up and watch a movie with me and let me snuggle up to him and put my head on his chest. He told me all the things he likes about me, and I am sitting here with the biggest, dumb smile on my face!

He said that he thinks that when you meet someone you actually like, and enjoy being around, and like talking to, and feel comfortable with, that you should keep that person around…I don’t know what that means, but he is definitely NOT disappointed in me…

And wouldn’t you know it? Ex Mr Wonderful texted while I was out in the barn with Rob…so weird, it’s like he knows, he called me the night I slept with Scott…I should have just told him I had just fucked someone else, he would probably go away!

So, I don’t know what to do with Rob now…I think I like him, and that is bad isn’t it?

153

Holy excessive journaling! I can’t call anyone and talk about this, I am going crazy!!!

I am such an idiot, I can’t believe it…I am driving myself absolutely nuts here because I overthink everything!!!

I have actually had a crush on Rob in the past, but thought he was unattainable. So I got myself over it. I always enjoyed seeing him. We get along well, I like that he is drama free, has no giant drug/alcohol problems, is a responsible, loving dad, he reads!( huge for me because I have never had a guy that reads as much as I do), we are comfortable together. I never thought I had a chance, so I never had my guard up. He knows the real me, because I never felt I had to hide.

Anyway, he is adorable and smart and I like him. I am totally afraid I am going to fall for him and get my heart broken again, so I am over-analyzing every word. I can’t stop myself! And yet, if I rethink every word, and I believe him, he likes me…I am going to try some P130, it has helped me in the past when I couldn’t get out of my own head!

154

It is a proven fact that writing things, even if they are never to be read, organizes thoughts and leads to clear thinking and good decisions. Among the proven abilities of intuition is to detect when something is a trick or “not right,” even though not knowing how the trick is done. We know planes don’t disappear, but we don’t know how or why.

If you feel something “isn’t right,” don’t stop yourself, but investigate. Have you missed something? Have you forgotten or overlooked something? Your brain knows this information. There will be some stress, until you access it. Then, it and the answer will become clear, and there will be no stress. Sometimes, time is the answer. Don’t say no, but don’t say yes either. You will discover the the hidden information in your subconscious. It will then become a firm answer. You don’t have to do nothing, but you don’t have to jump into an empty pool blindfolded either.

155

it’s funny, but everything about this ‘feels’ right, it’s just that I have been treated so badly in the past that I am afraid to believe that this one is for real. I have known him for years and I have never had any reason to doubt anything he said or did. He seems like a genuinely nice person, he always has. That’s why I have always enjoyed being around him. Last night it was as if neither one of us wanted to say goodbye. He had to leave to drive into Boston for work, but he was really having a hard time with just going. I had to kind of make him leave.

I guess I just haven’t had enough nice guys in my life, so when one does appear, I can’t believe it. But for years we never thought we would end up together so we were both just ourselves. We didn’t pretend to be someone we weren’t, and we weren’t on our best ‘getting to know you’ behavior. We were just two people who got along really well, and made each other smile. If I take him as he has always been, then I am an idiot for being so cynical. And he did kind of call me on that last night.

He knew me through all the BS with ex Mr Wonderful, the years of me wearing nothing but black and being all depressed and mopey, and he still liked me. He liked talking to me, and being around me, even when there was nothing at all between us but friendship. He remembers practically every conversation we have ever had. I don’t know anyone who listens to me that well! I remember stupid stuff like that, but I have never had anyone who remembered every little detail. It’s kind of cute. It’s the kind of thing I would do if I liked someone. I would cherish every word, like a giddy little girl( he is no giddy girl, though!)

I am only doubting him now, because the whole dynamic of our friendship has changed. Unless he has lied about every single thing he said to me in the past five years, I should just enjoy it and see what happens. We aren’t running away to Paris or anything.

156

Write down what you feel might happen…tomorrow or next week. Look back in one month about how correct you were. With each month, your accuracy will get surprisingly better each time. This kind of self feedback leads to better and happier decisions.

157

Wow I applaud Monesmademedoit for reaching out this way- such a different side to him! No scientific ramble about what mones to use? LOL! <3

__

It’s only natural to have a freak out when you meet someone new or start something new. Especially those of us who have had rocky relationships in the past, it’s the fear of trusting someone and knowing where you may or may not stand. Being hesitant to trust someone immediately IS a good defense mechanism to protect yourself but it can also turn into paranoid-crazy mode when you keep denying the facts because you are too scared to let someone in.

The beginning stages of any new relationship is like a tipping point, it can go really well or no where at all. There is no way you can be certain which way it is going to go, so you just have to keep being yourself and try to enjoy it without worrying too much. (easier said than done!) Often when I start panicking, I take a step back and ask myself if this is really something worth worrying about or not? Often I can convince myself that it isn’t and to move along. Other times, it is my gut warning me to back out.

Also, I’ve always battled with the “who likes who more” part of the relationship. Some guy in art school told me (he was actually really dumb and this was profound and actually stuck with me for many many years):

“Love isn’t a race. There really isn’t a set end point, but there might be a sort of destination of ‘true feeling’ to reach towards. The thing is, each person might get there at different times and may never be at the same point and the same time. But that’s not what’s important- just wanting to get there is important enough”

It has always made me feel better whenever I feel like I’m crushing too hard on someone, wondering if he feels the same way, then realizing that, well, even if he doesn’t, he MAY someday and I may not. Hopefully we both just keep going through these ebbs and flows of emotion around the same point with each other.

158

I tend to over-think EVERYTHING! And it has been so long since I had someone that I really liked emotionally, physically and intellectually, that I am scared to let myself like him too much. Every time we have ever talked, I had every reason to believe he was being honest with me. He had never tried to make a move, until recently, so he never had anything to gain by playing with me. So, if I take him as I always have, then he really is the person I think he is.

The more I think about this whole situation, the more I know he is who and what he says he is. I had a huge crush on Scott, and we had crazy, hot chemistry. I think that he was just not ready to let someone in. He JUST got divorced. Honestly, it’s probably better anyway, because we would have had incredible sex(I think) but we would have had nothing at all to talk about.

Rob interests me on so many levels. I won’t say he is perfect, not one is. But he is someone who enjoys learning and knowledge, and so do I. He likes listening to me talk. NO ONE likes listening to me talk! I start yapping about DNA and blood type and how you can tell a person’s heritage from things like this, and people run screaming in front of cars. Not Rob. He isn’t afraid to talk to me about anything. He challenges me, and that is very exciting. I once read that the largest sex organ is the brain and that is so true! He certainly has me wanting him very, very badly. And it’s not just because of what we did the other night, because frankly, I am scared to death of him now that I see what he is packing!

Long ago, Mr Wonderful pretended to be something he was not, to get me to like him. He played the part well, and hooked me like a fish. There were things to love about him, sure, but had he been honest about his drug and alcohol problems, I never would have dated him.

Way before that, I had a ‘friend’ and I use the term loosely, who spent many months wooing me, and getting me to trust him, and care for him, and one night when a group of us had been out, he got me drunk and raped me.

So, trust comes hard. I have no reason not to trust Rob. I HATE that I even have any second thoughts about this, because for the first time in my life, I feel like this is the right guy, at the right time, for the right reasons. Even my ex-husband wasn’t the right guy. He got me when I was vulnerable, after the above mentioned assault. He wouldn’t go away, he was there for me when I needed someone, and he was nice to me. He had an agenda, I just didn’t know it at the time. It doesn’t matter now, anyway, because I got two amazing kids out of it.

I think what scares me most about Rob is that I could fall in love with him, and I have myself convinced that no one is ever going to love me again. I don’t know why, maybe just fallout from everything Mr W put me through. I am making Rob pay for other people’s mistakes and that is not fair. If I am honest with myself, I would know that of everyone I have ever met, if anyone is going to see what is on the inside, it would be Rob.
We talked about it the other night. He asked me why I didn’t think he could really like me, and I told him that my best qualities were on the inside but most people don’t see them. They don’t take the time. He said it has taken us five years to get here and that he has seen beautiful people who are so ugly on the inside that it ruins them. That he has learned that it is the whole person that matters, that character is more important than looks. He knows me, from all the conversations we have had over the years. He knows all my drama, well not what I related above… and he still likes me.

Dammit! I should just got to the SPCA and get me a crazy cat lady starter kit and get it over with!

159

Hi Somechick, I am very sorry to hear about your assault. Inexcusable. Should not happen. I wish you all the luck in the world in getting that awful incident behind you.

Try not to over think things. I know its hard. The right guy for you will come along as long as your eyes and heart are open. And definitely go with your intuition (you know you have it) or your gut feel. If it doesnt feel right, it probably isnt. You need to listen to it, and learn how to Hear it. (Two different things) It will tell you which way to go. :slight_smile:

160

Not just yet.