Why ever not!?
That’s just it! Every fiber of me is just screaming at me to just enjoy it! That FINALLY a good one came along! Someone who ‘gets’ me, although he did say he didn’t know how to describe me.
He seems like a very old soul. The things he says are wise beyond his years and he seems to truly value the simple things in life and in people.
I am just sooooooo scared, that I am sabotaging myself.
Hi Somechick, I was reading your journal a bit this morning, and the line above kind of struck me. It reminded me of some of the “overthinking” comments you have made recently.
Read between your lines here…
- Why do you put up a guard for someone you are interested in, and not for others?
- Why do you feel you have to hide? What are you hiding? Why?
I think that the answer to why you over think things may be hidden in these questions.
Im sorry if Im being too personal. Just PM me if I am. Not my intention to pry.
“Im not a psychologist, but I play one on AD…” (and I stayed in a Holiday Inn last nite!) LOL
Love your journal, keep it up 
I think what I really mean about having my guard up is, I wasn’t trying to be on my best behavior so he would like me. It’s been eternity since I actually went on a date, but I seem to recall trying to impress with good behavior, manners, no swearing, that kind of thing.
With Rob, since I didn’t think we would ever be together, I never felt like I couldn’t say or do anything in front of him. In retrospect(mostly this morning), I think it’s NOT really having my guard up or down with him. I came to the realization this morning that I am just perfectly comfortable with him. I feel like there IS nothing to hide with him. He knows all my drama, because we were friends first.
The other night he said that when you find people you enjoy being with, and are comfortable with, you keep those people around. What I had forgotten was that he also said that you don’t find THIS kind of feeling every day. I agree, I have only ever had one person I was even close to this comfortable with, and that was a very toxic relationship.
I had a long journey to liking myself. I have just learned to love me the way I am, and to realize that if someone else doesn’t like me, that is their loss, not mine. I have many things to offer someone, I just sell myself short all the time. I think Rob actually sees those things that I think no one sees. He has told me that he has always thought I was nice, sweet and cute. That he has always enjoyed being around me. I am not giving either one of us enough credit. Me, for being good enough for him, or him, for seeing that my best qualities are what is packed inside this little lawn gnome.
A couple of quick thoughts, last night my chronic Lyme was making me hurt, a lot. My legs were really achy and I felt like my bones had acid in them. I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense, but I don’t know how to describe the pain from the Lyme.
I needed to get some stuff done, so I decided to see if a simple spray of TAC would help. I used one 10 mcg spray split between my wrists. I will not say that the pain went away, but it did make it more tolerable. I was actually surprised it worked so well. I will try it again on another Lyme-y day. I just spent a couple of hours mowing the back 30…well, I only mow 7ish, but anyway…I could be hurting later, given the weather and how well my tractor rides.
I am planning on diluting some P91 this weekend and trying it. I do not have to work early tomorrow, so I may give it a go then. MMDI gave me a ratio to dilute to, so I will see what happens.
I got an order yesterday and it came with a free to-go of P91, so I am hoping I can find a useful dose, as I HATED the hell bitch I turned into using it straight from the bottle.
Gotta go clean up the tractor. Using lawn mower therapy to try to keep my mind off Rob…
I mixed the P91, set it aside until I was getting dressed, then forgot and sprayed myself with MX335…so, I am going to try the diluted version of the P91 tomorrow. I work a short shift in the morning, with the formerly bitchy co-worker. As she has shown distinct signs of being effected by what I wear, I think a short shift would be a good initial test. If I am still a hell bitch, she won’t turn into one, too, and if she reacts adversely, then I won’t have to be with her long. I am hoping it will go well.
I think I have talked myself right out of the thing with Rob. As dumb as it sounds, he is the right guy, at the right time, for the right reasons. Except that he is only in it for the sex, and I am totally smitten with him. I should have known better, because I liked him so much before. I just never thought he would make a move.
I have talked to a couple of my wiser, more adventurous friends, and I just think that I am not cut out for the FWB thing. It’s too impersonal. No kissing? I happen to love kissing. I won’t think it means he likes me…I will just think it’s hot. I want hot sex, and I can’t do that, if I don’t have foreplay, I just can’t get into ‘slot A into slot B and thrust’…Maybe I sound silly , but I can do that myself with my toy drawer…the point of having sex with another person, for me anyway, is to get the stuff I can’t get from the toy drawer, like all things oral!
And let’s face it, I am going to fall for him, hard…and I don’t think I can take another heartbreak this soon after the utter devastation of Mr W. I know it has been a year since we split, but he kept up his psychological torture for months. I should just jump off a bridge, it will hurt less than falling for Rob.
Anyone know where I can pick up a box of kittens?
Anyone know where I can pick up a box of kittens?
Craigslist, usually. Yes, emotionless sex is often only temporarily satisfying. Ironically, Craigslist has both sex and kittens. Appropos of nothing but irony.
Just found my ‘love horoscope’ amusing today…
“Go ahead and try! You just can’t keep love away from you today. Whatever it is you’re giving off (pheromones? or some new scent?), all the admiring and affectionate bees are swarming to the hive.” I copied the text of my horoscope and pasted, the whole bold quote is what it said, including the pheromone part…LOL
I think I should just give up altogether and go live under a rock, or in a cave, because I am obviously not doing something right…funny thing is, I wasn’t looking or doing anything when Rob came along…
Anyway, will try the P91 tomorrow. i thought about trying it tonight when I go to dinner with my cherubs, but I am in a very, very blue mood tonight and don’t think it will give accurate results.
I haven’t read your entire journal yet, but these are the days when it is good to revist mixes that gave you the best results. P75 for men is like that. I prefer it for myself, as the public effects are very naughty. But it leaves me feeling unstoppable. Whether I am or not.
Chin up S.Chick! It’ll happen for you. Just keep working your phero formula!
So whats the deal with the no kissing on the booty calls? No kissing really?? WTF? Kissing is necessary. Kissing is mandatory. And Im not talking your peck on the cheek. Long, passionate, warm, wet. If no kissing, why bother? Might as well stick with the Battery operated boyfriend (BOB) if there is no kissing…IMO
I have some great mixes and I seem to be doing well with what I am wearing. I have never been so popular! I have had people tell me all day today how great I look, how happy I seem…I think I look good because I am happy, and carry myself in a more upbeat, positive manner. I wore nothing but black for five years(long story) and so now that people are seeing me in colors, and in clothes that aren’t several sizes too big, they think I look good.
One of my customers who is kind of a friend, tells me I have a ‘rocking body’…I don’t agree, because I am very curvy, but I guess if that’s what you like. Rob told me once, years ago, that there was nothing wrong with me, when I was complaining about my curves. And I look better now than I did then.He had his hands all over them the other night and seemed to like them just fine.
I ran into a couple of women yesterday, that I haven’t seen in a while and they both went on and on about how good I look. Kind of makes me feel like I was really a troll before but no one wanted to tell me. Anyway, I have lost some weight, it’s all the yard work, stacking firewood, etc. I am just more active.
I don’t NEED a guy in my life. I am a whole, complete person on my own. I am totally happy with my own company. I can occupy myself, I don’t need to be entertained. I don’t get bored easily. I have hobbies and kids, and dogs, and a 200 year old house on 35 acres to keep me busy. I WANT someone to share my life with. We don’t need to be joined at the hip, I am very low maintenance, don’t require much. The things that are important to me can’t be bought, so a little bit of time and some attention and affection mean more than gifts. Although flowers on occasion are nice. I am not a girly girl, so no one ever thinks to buy me flowers, but I love them. And since sex is my favorite thing to do, I don’t need someone to take me out to expensive dinners, don’t need pricey wine, or champagne. I would rather stay in than go out. Once in a while it’s nice to go somewhere, but it doesn’t need to be fancy.
I have learned and grown more since my dad died in December 2012 than the rest of my life. I am doing well, I am happy for the most part. I’d just like to have someone give a shit about me. Someone who likes being with me, even if we aren’t doing anything. Someone who will climb a mountain with me, or sit on the couch and read a book, while I read my own…I am not desperate or needy. And people hit on me all the time. I am just very, very picky. I did fool around with Rob but we didn’t do the deed. I can’t stop thinking about it, but I guess he can.
The night he was here, he didn’t want to leave, and he was super snuggly, and I wasn’t wearing any pheromones. I had just finished some waxing and was in the shower when he texted. Anything I had on was washed off before he got here, and I was too excited that he was coming over to re-spray myself. I would love to get him here and under the influence of some of my stuff. I know that he was around me a lot at the store when I was wearing things like IS/b and EST, P78, P83 and P74…I would have to go back over my notes to see what the exact mixes were that I wore to work. I had not seen him at work for a long time, until recently. We always hit it off really, really well, even before I found AD.
It’s just obvious that it doesn’t mean anything to him, and I am afraid I already liked him too much. I talked to a guy friend( a total man-whore) today, and I told him all the things Rob said and he said it sounds like he wants his options open as far as how he wants this to go. That he doesn’t think it is only a sex thing, or that it will stay only a sex thing. I just would have thought he would have come back for more by now, if he was going to. I guess I would have to drop a little TMI to really get an opinion, because there were some things I would have thought he’d be back for…
a couple of my friends told me that FWB aren’t supposed to kiss, because kissing implies affection. So you just get down to the nitty gritty. Hugging is okay, but not kissing..
I think kissing is a must. I don’t think I would enjoy myself nearly as much with no kissing. I am not sure I would even bother. I would probably just go for the toy drawer. Kissing is a huge turn on for me. I guess I don’t understand why it isn’t for everyone. But then I have been a little sheltered
Sooooo…I texted Rob and told him I had no kids this weekend…he said he could think of something for us to do. I don’t think I need to try very hard to figure out what he means…
So, now I am under the influence of TAF and cleaning my house like a mad woman. I think I may be a little TOO worried about cleaning things. After all, he isn’t coming for the scenery. He will be here to get laid. And that scares the crap out of me!
Somechick, Couple of things…
Unless your house is a hoarders garbage house, which I assume it is not, guys dont care if you vacuumed or not. I understand wanting to put your best foot forward, but dont be so worried.
Butterflies are all right. From reading your previous posts it sounds like you are ready for the next step? No? I would again assume that if you know you are going to get laid when he comes over, and if you didnt want that to happen, you wouldnt have invited him over? Yes?
Either way, cant wait to hear about it!
LMAO! It’s not hoarder’s dirty, but my family HAS lived in this house for 104 years, so there is way too much crap here! And it’s a 200 year old farmhouse with a dirt front yard, so it’s DUSTY! I just don’t want him to leave me a note in the dust on my dresser when he leaves…no, really it’s not that bad. I have been working 7 days a week since May though, so it does need some tidying.
As for the butterflies, I am ready to take it further. I am scared because, um, he is huge…and I am not…that probably sounds funny coming from someone who admits having her mind in the gutter 24/7, but I have not been around a lot. I am picky. Everyone I have ever been with has been on the smaller size. And I can’t stop thinking about it! I have had sex once in the past 14 months and it sucked. There was basically no foreplay. I don’t think that it will be like that at all with Rob. Even what we did in the barn was more fun than that. I just want it to be good enough so he will come back for more, because as hot as the barn was, once is never going to be enough.
OMG, you are way too funny! Well it sounds like from your fun in the barn shows that he knows what foreplay is, so I wouldnt worry about that. So I guess size does matter huh??
Lol.. Just ask him to be gentle and I think it will be alright.
Reminds me of a roomate I had in college…he was 6’11", Italian, and hung like an anaconda. One night we had a double date and we met at the restaurant. He walks into the restaurant with this teeny tiny little blonde gal that is maybe 5 feet tall, no boobs, barely any hips, looked like she was 14 (she was 21), maybe 100 lbs, but I wouldnt bet on it. She was a super nice lady, and we had a good time, but all I could think about all night was him and her in the sack. Odd couple. 69?? No way! Impossible. Maybe that was the kink of it for him, I dont know…Sooooo…if those two could make it “happen”, I think you will be fine
Well, I am 5’1", mostly boobs and butt(and hair) and my first boyfriend was 6’4" and 240 lbs. We managed to do about everything we wanted to do in the front of his pickup and it was an S-10, if you are familiar with those. Fortunately it had a bench seat because my truck has buckets and a five speed and I can’t imagine trying to get busy in it. Although, I wouldn’t be opposed to doing it in the back of my Tahoe…sometimes you need a little adventure! Never let it get boring!
I am seriously in lust right now, though. I just want him here NOW! It has been a long time and he is hot and we have great chemistry and OMG! I am going crazy wanting him!!! Can it be Friday already!?!
I have an old winter beater ('95 Chevy Suburban) with bench seats. Nuff said. 
So do tell us what your phero plan will be on Friday…
I am undecided on my phero plan. I don’t think I need any cops, so I am leaving those out. He didn’t seem to have any trouble finding me attractive that night in the barn…I think some EST, some TAH, maybe some P83 and P74. I am wary about the P83, it has worked wonders in the past with ex Mr W, but I don’t think I want the crushy self effects. I am already crushing on him, and I don’t want to make it worse, since he is just in it for the sex.
And of course I am going to have to use a little TAC…
Somechick,
I wish you all the best! I just got a batch of Experimones in today so I was looking to just research some examples of other research, and I came across your posts! I started at your first one from several years ago and read pretty much all the way through… so much for going to bed early tonight (hehe, it is already Friday for me my time!)
Knock him dead and don’t put too much expectations on the situation, I have found that that tends to put undue stress and tension out there and that messes with performance… Take a relaxing shower or bath before getting ready for your night.
Keep posting!