Teenager with low self-esteem asking for advice on confidence and talking to girls

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1

Hey guys,

Now before I start, I should let you guys know I’m not purchasing pheromones (not because of disbelief, but of lack of funds).

Well, I don’t know exactly where to post this, but I’m a boy, and I saw “tips and tricks” so I figured, why not.

I’m a teenager, and I’ve spent most of my life in the confinement of my room, and computer. Although I’m intelligent, and if I try hard enough, atheletic, I have an extreme low self-esteem. This resulted from family problems, and caused me to have little to no friends. Now, I was gonna go to my friends to ask for help on dating and the sort, but I didn’t want to look stupid in front of them, or for them to think less of me, even though I’m sure they wouldn’t, since we’re pretty close.

I have everything I think I “need” to get a girl, from clothes to ok things to say to a girl when I ask her out. But I have no phone access, AIM yes, but no phone or access to the outside world, so that may be a barrier.

But here is the thing: I need to find out how to talk to a girl, and when to say certain things, or push up the relationship.

What should I talk to her about to get to know her? I hate those long pauses I have with people (even close friends!) due to a lack of experience with people. I’ve always just lived with my dad who works 24/7, and thats it, until a year ago when I moved in with my mom, sister, and grandma, so you can see where I’m coming from.

When should I ask her out? Say those romantic things and all of that? How do I bring up my self-esteem?

So I’d love to know what you guys could tell me?

Sorry for the way my post may come along; I’m a newbie at life…

-Thanks in Advance

NPC
:slight_smile:

2

Maybe you should become an Player Character. Non Player Characters don´t get the girls :smiley:

It would probably help if u start interacting with other people at your age. Don´t play with your computer. Go out. Meet real people. That is the best way you´ll learn how to talk with girls. You will see, there are more guys and even girls like you.

Try to be honest. I have known people with little self esteem who lied the whole day about almost everything. Don´t lie! Most people will notice. And nobody likes to be around someone whose life is a lie!

Try to be yourself. Do not act like you are Mr.Hollywood. Try to be natural you, even if you think that you might not be very interesting. A natural You is better than every acted personality.

Don´t aim too high. Maybe you will find a nice but not so good looking girl. Probably she will have the same low self esteem. Make her a friend. You can really learn from her as she can learn from you. Talk!

That is in fact the best you can do. Talk to others. Listen to others.

3

I know how you feel, but believe it or not sometimes the answer is the most simple one, talk to more girls, that’s the only way you can be more confident, there are tons of “guides” on the net about improving your game and dating, but they all pretty much revolve around one thing, be confident. and don’t think too much, sometimes i find it better just to let everything go, just do it, if you think this think that then in the end you will only create problems for yourself, and end up not going for it. life is too short to waste.

4

Hi there!

Not sure I’m the most qualified person to advise but here’s a couple of tips to get you started, I’m sure others will add theirs too :slight_smile:

You need to build up confidence - doing this is a marathon not a sprint - I used to get minor panic attacks in certain circumstances - the key to getting past this is setting small manageable goals. Doing things like deciding your going to say hello to a girl as you pass her, or smile at a stranger - it will give you an amazing and instant confidence boost to be able to express yourself despite anxiety.

If you want a girl friend you need to create opportunities. If you’re a little shy then again this won’t be something that happens instantly, the best way to approach this would be to find a girl (Or a few!) that you have an opportunity to speak to every day, even if just for a few minutes. And then do so! Gradually as time passes you can expand the relationship or not, the key is that you are putting yourself out there and that will build your own confidence.

Not sure what to say to a girl? - Try this simple line, it will almost always lead to her divulging information that will lead to further questions and then onto a discussion and before you know it you’ll have run out of time. Plus if you ask she’ll feel compelled to ask back. And it’s a question that you can ask pretty much twice a week, just to get conversation going.

Monday-Wednesday - “So, have a good weekend? What did you get up to?” Thursday-Friday “So, got any plans for this weekend?”

…And just to plug pheromones - you could always try something like InstantShine or InstantGentleman to help increase your confidence/self-esteem or one of the social products to make talking to girls easier. If Pheromones really don’t interest you… have a couple of beers - all good social lubrication! :slight_smile:

Good luck, not that you need it :slight_smile:

5

Denied just gave you some great advise follow it find stuff you love to do and then find people that love that stuff too and just go with the flow. When that girl comes around that accepts you for who you are thow any bullshit that anyone might tell you about her out the window.

Crawl-walk-run everyone has to start somewhere.

6

I know you’re seeking advice from the guys however, I think a female’s perspective may help as well. Our stories are some what similar as I spend an uneccesary amount of time at my computer and though I’m working through it, I also have self esteem issues.

First things first, you have to be comfortable with yourself because in the end that’s all that really matters. Comfort with self allows others to be comfortable in your presence. With our moods being some what contagious and transparent, people can often sense those with low self esteem and they will do one of two things; avoid you or try to exploit it and take advantage of you. Maybe you can look for some sef helps books/articles that can help you build you esteem up to where it should be. Life is work in progress so understand that just reading about it is half the battle, you’ll also need to put the things you’ve learned to practice.

Discover who you are now and who you aspire to be. Take notice of the things that interest you and participate in such activities. You are bound to find those of like-mindedness which will assist conversation wise. When I’m around those who enjoy the same things that I do, there aren’t any awkward pauses and the conversation flows. This will aid in building your social skills.

When you find a girl of interest, ask her about the things that she likes to do. You in turn can express those that interest you and who knows, you may have things in common and the conversation can be built from there.

Denied gave you some good suggestions. The key to socializing is socializing. Get out and do things that those in your age group do. Get to know people and enjoy their company. Put relationships with girls on the back burner so it is not your top priority. Start off with friendship as it makes a wonderful foundation for any type of relationship.

7

Denied’s advice is awesome. Get out of your room. Get involved in some group. Is your sister older or very close to your age? If so she is the best thing you’ve got going. Talk to her!

It’s sounds like there is a target girl already. Let her know how you feel but don’t be “mushy”. If she says “no” and she probably will, don’t chase her. Be cool toward her sometimes (ignore her) and flirty sometimes make her think you don’t care, but make her wonder if there is a spark, and just maybe she’ll come around. In the meantime be flirty with all the girls you know and be open minded about all of them.

8

There’s a lot of good advice in here. So I’ll try and add what I can. It’s obvious you and I aren’t the only ones who have gone through similar experiences. I’ve been on my road of self-refinement for almost half my life.

I started out fairly young (as far as I can tell). I also had lots of small social problems that added up to me not having many friends until 7th grade, which is when I decided to start doing something about it.

I’m a complete bookworm. I read and read and read about how to socialize well, what the factors were (looks, behavior, personality, etc..), and found ways to improve slowly but surely. High school came, jumped into the water and did okay. But to be honest, it didn’t really click until I got kicked out of my first high school. Going to a new, huge public school, for my senior year kinda sucked, but it forced me to utilize my amassed social skills to develop friends like I had never done before. It was cool, I never really had girls going out of their way to try and sleep with me - it was a nice feeling. :smiley:

So I know where you’re coming from.

Really, the best advice I can give is learn as much as you can, take your time, but most importantly, go out and live. Get as many experiences under your belt as quickly as you can, but at your own pace. Go in the direction you choose, at the speed you choose, just be sure not to let yourself stagnate. Push yourself to be uncomfortable, learn to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations. Then you’ll be able to act quickly and competently in any given situation, no matter how new or strange it is.

Heh, I remember thinking as a younger me “Knowledge is all I need, knowledge is really just the results of accumulated experience.” My dad would always smile and tell me that “knowledge is power, but experience is king.” I understand now what he means, and he’s absolutely correct. There is no substitute for experience. So get out there and live. :smiley:

Enjoy!

-Phya

9

I’m also shy trying very hard to be confident. I’ve been trying most of this year and I am defiantly seeing improvements it’s just these things take time.

I recommend you try and get some NLP MP3’s. “The secret Universal Mind” I listen to it every night whilst I am asleep and it removes negative thoughts, the next day you’re much more positive. I’ve not been listening to it as much recently because I started getting black eyes lol but I’m cranky and self conscious if I skip a night. Also try “Instant Confidence” by Paul Mckenna same kind of thing but specifically designed for confidence.

Start a journal, that’s what I am doing. Write down all the times in a day you felt confident, why you felt confident and what it felt like. Do the same with when you felt shy, why you felt shy, just don’t beat yourself up over it. Understand your mind only wants what’s best for you, try to look at it positively. If you catch yourself having negative thoughts get rid of them as quick as you can. (If you do get phereomones you can record doses, mixes etc down in your journal to.)

Getting out of your comfort zone is good as well. I blush at times when I feel self conscious which is a kind of cycle in itself, my mind when it feels out of its comfort zone tells itself not to blush which makes me self conscious which causes me to blush. Pheromones have helped with this, not necessarily directly though. Instant Shine makes you feel more confident so when I feel self conscious I smell my wrist and breathe in the scent. I know it’s not the pheromones, it’s a mental queue I’ve attached to the smell of the essential oils that reminds me I have Instant Shine on therefore I must be confident, it works.

Another great trick similar to the one above is when you feel self conscious have a vivid scene already stored in your mind of a time you felt confident and just remind yourself of that time when you start to feel self conscious. If you picture it you’ll take yourself out of your head and back to the time you felt confident.

The best advice is to defiantly make some friends (easier said than done) preferably girls, not necessarily ones you’re attracted to. The female mind is baffling but being around girls will help you understand girls better, they’re not monsters and most have as many issues as the rest of us, even the pretty ones.

I can’t believe I’m giving advice on how to become confident lol, I’m still trying myself, but just writing about the issue is a big help for me. :slight_smile:

10

Whoa, everyone has given some powerful advice, and well, you really should try all of them, you know. Hah!

Not too long ago, I was something like you - stuck with amazing grades, and the computer. Nope, little to no friends, and almost no money - besides the few dollars and everything else in coins. :smiley:

Back in the days, website were admittedly easy to… uhm.. circumvent protection - hence I actually got into this pay site about seduction.. and well, essentially they walked you through self-esteem (like most of the rest said here), and self-portrayal (how to portray yourself) and loads of other topics.. though that site is long gone.

Like the rest have also said, you are WHAT YOU THINK you are - so if you’re having the mindset that you’re not gonna get gals, then, well.. it’s going to be difficult.

Having said that, I’ve actually made quite a name around places in the recent years - being intelligent is NOT bad, in fact, being intelligent can be sexy, for girls - and well, being intelligent, bad, AND capable nails it for you.

It’s easier than it looks, you just have to belief in yourself! - and yes, the computer IS a very good tool.

(BTW: drop me a PM if you want my $15 coupon, mine is still unused, and well, if it could help you out - or combine it with your own coupon, why not?) :slight_smile:

11

AH man :open_mouth:!

You guys really are great :smiley:

I have to admit, at first I was a little shy and felt awkward dumping something I haven’t told anyone short of myself into a forum, even if it was a preferred place in my opinion. When I begin taking WildFlower’s advice, and get a journal, I already have this whole thread to remember: I put myself and my private thoughts in view of everyone to see, and it’s brought to me nothing but positive things.

I have to say, thank you everyone for the greatly appreciated and enjoyed advice you guys have given me :slight_smile:.

I was talking with my mom today, and she said she was fine with letting me live out my youth before I lose it, so she said as long as I made some good hearted friends, I could go to movies and socialize with them outside of my computer screen :smiley:!

Once again, thank you everyone who’s posted here, each and every last post has been filled with great ideas, and advice :slight_smile:.

I’m trying to put my self on the spot, and let myself show more. My sister (turning 14 in 2 days btw) loved my personality, she said she really just didn’t know why I never let it show, and when I think about it, yes, I really am a great person on the inside, and I’m definently going to let it show.

Yes, there is a girl in mind. She’s on my mind nowadays mostly because I know she likes me, because my friends some how, like mstearious_won said, saw through all of the lies that I said about socializing like crazy, and having plenty of gals around my neighborhood, just not in school, and asked her if she liked me, and she, seriously, said yes. They really are good friends for trying to pull me out of problems and letting me enjoy my life too, much like you guys are doing now :slight_smile:. I guess it really is easy to see through that bull, and I’m going to be in their position soon as I build my confidence up.

I’m really glad that I made this thread and put myself under the light. I mean I really would have never have done something like this, I was just never that kind of guy to let anything show, or let anything slide.

But look at all the positive replies and confidence I got from it!!!

I have about 3 more years left in High School, and about 28 days before I leave this school for a new one next year, so I’m going to end this in a bang, put myself out there, and prepare myself greatly for next year :slight_smile:.

I’m sure that this flame you guys have helped to feed will grow into a furnace one day, since when I get to doing something, I stick to it constantly.

Once again, thanks again,

NPC

12

Congrats! that feeling of gaining freedom is always awesome! just remember - parents have their own boundaries too - don’t overstep them, take it slowly… step by step!

Perhaps its because of your comfort level with your sister - perhaps you’re more familiar with her thats why you’re showing the “real” you rather than a shy/made up side of yourself?

oh no. please.. don’t lie to girls. you may use half-truths, but not lies. half-truths ensure that you have something to “fall-back” on in case someone finds out… you can always jokingly said.. “No, i’m not a guy who lies, i just tell half the truth!” - this ALWAYS works in all of my situations, and they laugh it off!

Woohoo. make a big big impression in your new school - with the pheromone cloud floating above you, dude!

Oh yes, have fun with that $15 voucher I sent ya! Hopefully, you can chalk up like $35 bucks to get what you’re looking for - $15-15-5=35!

13

Thanks again for the $15 mate :smiley:.

So, right now I’m on the ordering page, and I’m going to buy some TO GO’s.

I can only buy two for right now, so which should I get? I put together the sugestions that you guys gave me, and got this:

  1. Instant Openess (must have)
  2. Instant Honesty
  3. Instant shine

Thanks again

NPC

14

I’d get Ammo togo and Instant shine togo if i were you, you will have more pheros in the combo and the result is more balanced.

but on the other hand if you are not really looking for any sexual attraction but only for the friendly chatiness or the “wanna get to know each other” thing, then i suggest IO and IH, these two work great together i think (alpha and beta -nol).

15

NPC, your last long post looks pretty confident to me :smiley:

I think you are already improving after making this thread!

Everyone’s post have great advices, and I think there is nothing to add to them.

Good luck to you, you have plenty of time in your life, and with determination, everything can be accomplished!

16

Oh I see that you already ordered, I hope the problem gets solved

If you have those

There is nothing on the label aren’t very explicit

INstant openness say “sit back and watch the barriers melt”
Honesty: “you wont believe your ear”
shine “confident and more brillant”

But I am sure if you request the remove of the label and ask them to mark 1, 2, 3 corresponding a order, they will be more than glad to do it :slight_smile:

17

nope mockingbird, he hasnt ordered.. i think he was asking which should he order if he can do only 2 outta the 3 :smiley:

18

https://pheromonetalk.com/t/fedex-pickup/12453/3

Pretty sure he did :slight_smile:

19

oops. my bad :stuck_out_tongue: just woke up and havent looked through all the posts yet lol.
ahhh, that post sounds like when i was 13 and was afraid of parents looking through my mail… hehehehheh. (but they ALWAYS end up doing so)

20

NPC, I’ll recommend the Ishine because it will help you to sparkle…even if you don’t see what is happening you’ll just have to trust it. Be sure to check my stupid newbie thread for Tisha’s post on how to find the best amount to wear. Have fun and best to you!