Time to say hello and tell my story :) some advice would be nice!

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Hello!

I am a 34 year old male from the UK and I have a bit of a story to tell. I am also looking for some advice. I am about 6?1? tall and would say I was reasonably good looking but I am a bit overweight at 237lbs (although I’m working on this!). I have never had great success with women though. I’ve had flings here and there but I always seemed to get relegated to the friend zone. That is until a friend of mine introduced me to David DeAngelo’s stuff a few years ago! After reading one of his books I start to ?get it?. Allsorts of light bulbs were coming on over my head as I realised the error of my ways, and a few months later I ended up in my first serious relationship. I few years down the line and we ended up splitting up and I met another girl in December last year. She is the reason why I am here on this site right now. She is the reason that I am asking for advice. I will talk more about this in a moment.

I thought it would be worth mentioning that many years ago when I was 18/19 years old I tried some pheromones called Contact18. I had completely forgotten about them! From what I remember it smelt amazing and I did have some success with it (or so it seemed) but I was at college at the time with limited money and I never got a second bottle; it just got completely forgotten in the sands of time. Then this Monday while I was trying to decide what to do about this girl I am seeing (or not seeing as the case is now) I did a Google search about attraction and happened to notice the world pheromones in one of the search results. I remembered the Contact18 from years ago and I decided to do some research to see if it was for real. I ended up on this site as it seems to be the best forum for this kind of thing that exists on the net. I must be honest with you now though and say that I am still a little sceptical but I am willing to give this another try; especially if it will help me get back with this girl.

Ok so time to talk about this girl :stuck_out_tongue: I met her on a dating site at the end of November last year and soon enough we were texting and talking on the phone but she was ill at the time and didn’t want to meet up until she felt better. This dragged things out a bit longer than it should have but it got to the stage where we liked talking to each other so much that she was essentially functioning as my alarm clock and would phone me the second she woke up in the morning and we would have a groggy morning chat where we psyched each other up to getting out of bed! Eventually after a mega hectic week for both of us at work it was Friday 23rd and we had both finished for Christmas and she phoned me as I was about to start wrapping presents asking me when we were gonna meet. We tossed around a few dates before I just thought to hell with this and I told her to just come round immediately and she could help me wrap the presents. She said ok, put the phone down, and set off. I then got a moment of sudden realisation as I looked around the room and I swear to you now no word of a lie I have never scrubbed the toilet so fast in my life. I was like a madman and within 20 minutes I had cleaned the bathroom, thrown all the crap from the front room in to the back room and closed the door, and I was just getting changed after taking a shower when my phone rang and she was outside. I went downstairs to meet her and gave her a kiss and brought her inside and honestly I was so hot and out of breath from my epic cleaning session that every 2 minutes I had to leave the room to go dry my forehead with a towel until I cooled down.

So, we finished wrapping the presents and I decided to put a movie on. I sat back and she glanced over and said ?are you comfy over there?? and in one of the best decisions I have ever made I got up and walked over to her and lay down beside her with my arm around her and that was it. On our first date, we just cuddled all the way through the movie and fell asleep in each other’s arms. And there we stayed for the whole night. There was no sex or even kissing, yet it what was one of the most intimate experiences of my life. After that we spent Christmas eve together and every single day of the holidays except for Christmas day we were together.
But something wasn’t right. I could feel it when we kissed so I confronted her about it and she said she wasn’t feeling the ?spark?. At this point I realised that the relationship was doomed. I’ve heard that from girls before and it’s always spelt doom, but yet she was still keen on being sex friends (the ?spark? seemed to be there when she was horny) and so this is how we continued. We essentially did everything that a boyfriend and girlfriend do except it wasn’t fully satisfying to me because I felt our days were numbered. It all came to a very sudden head 2 weeks ago. We were having a discussion and she happened to mention that she had never had a sex friend that turned in to a proper relationship. That got me thinking again, and that night we were in bed and I brought it up and asked her if she thinks we are ever going to get in a proper relationship. She was honest and said no (which I had been expecting so it wasn’t such big blow) and I just said ?ok? and thought to myself at least I am getting some good sex. But then a bit later as we were fooling around I kept thinking about it and I just couldn’t get turned on. I then had a sudden moment of realisation that actually, this was where it might have to end. I had feelings of both attraction and affection for her, but she was feeling only affection (this is how I interpret it). I told her I had to go, got out of bed and got changed, and despite her telling me she didn’t want me to go I put my shoes on and went home. The next day she text me asking if I’m not talking to her any more and later that night I text her back and I told her that that’s what I was trying to decide. She was upset and had a bit of a go at me and even tried accusing me of just using her for sex, but she knew it was BS, she just didn’t understand why I was thinking of leaving her. She came round to my house 30 mins later to get a DVD and I took it outside and met her on the carpark and she started saying how she was disappointed in me and I stopped her and told her that that’s not the reason why I was leaving, then I told her straight. I told her that I liked her and I would miss her but I had feelings for her, but she didn’t and so I wasn’t prepared to stick around as my feelings grew and end up getting hurt when it comes to an end, and I certainly wasn’t willing to hang around while she met some other guy who she felt the ?spark? with and went off with him instead. She then looked away and there was this horrible silence that seemed like ages and after a while I couldn’t take it and said ?well? bye then? and walked off.

The next 10 days was horrible and I thought I would never hear from her again but on Saturday I got a text from her asking if she had left her black top at my house. She hadn’t, and an hour later I phoned her back to tell her and we had a very brief chat and she reminded me that I left my brothers Wii game at her house. I then I started thinking that maybe actually she is missing me so I have been trying to figure out a way of acting/being more attractive the next time I see her which led me ultimately to this site. Unfortunately, I saw her yesterday which I think was a mistake. She knew I was alone at home and asked me if I fancied going round to collect the game and I should have said that I couldn’t be bothered tonight but like an idiot I went round and she was outside having a smoke with her mate. We said hi and she said ?you can go in if you want? so I went in and sat down in the front and the game wasn’t even there (it was still under a pile of crap under the coffee table) so we ended up the 3 of us talking as friends for an hour or so and then I went home. I am gonna continue to not contact her unless she contacts me, but I need to go back to see her some time because I broke her laptop a few weeks ago and I promised that I would sort it one day (this was just before our fallout). I told her I haven’t forgotten about it (she didn’t ask about it but I know she desperately wants it sorting but she would never ask me because she knows it would look like the only reason she was asking to see me was to get her laptop fixed; so that’s good I guess). Besides, this gives me an excuse to see her again when I’m wearing my mones! :wink:

So now here I am. I have pheromones ordered (Chikara, NPA, A314 1.29a and Ammo x2) I wish I had done a little more research before rushing to buy them but I am hoping there is something there that will be useful. I know that I will defiantly be seeing this girl one more time and she will be coming to my place for a few hours so I will be alone with her in a comfortable & familiar place.
A little bit more about this girl. She is 31, tall (5?10?) and very good looking. I would also say she is an Alpha female as she is quite a high flyer at work and has been very successful. She worked her way up from the bottom to become a senior manager and has a lot of people working for her.
Because of this, I was thinking of being a bit risky and doing 2 sprays of the 1.29a with 1 drop of NPA, or just doing 1 or 2 sprays of the Ammo x2 on its own.

If you have read all this then you are very patient :smiley: Thank you. Any advice on the relationship would be just as welcome as for the mones. I am very curious to know what you people think my chance of success will be. I hope all is not lost, but wish me luck! I shall report back for sure :slight_smile:

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Hello and wlecome to the forum.

Wow - I have never read through a novel so fast in my life.

I actually think your chances of the relationship going where you want it to go are pretty slim. She already knows you and the pheromones are not a magical Love Potion out of a Harry Potter novel.

If she is an alpha she is looking for an alpha. And she is probably looking for a particular kind of alpha. And if you are that guy you are right in that while you will be good friends with benefits with you falling more and more in love with her, one day she will meet the right guy and it will be more painful to break it off then than now.

Now to give yourself more of an alpha vibe for the short run what you need to do is use the A314 & Ammo combo as a base. There is a thread in my signature block about this combo. It is pretty powerful and will give you the vibe she is probably looking for.

But wait .. there is more. Hold the NPA back just a little. Just have her over and see how things go. If things seem to be heading in the right direction, excuse yourself to your clean bathroom and apply some NPA. NPA is actually some pretty good stuff. I use it also. If she is heading in that direction the NPA will certainly help. If you misread the signs then you will come off as a stag in rut and she will flee. But don’t let that worry you. Be confident.

FYI: I never saw any real results with the Chikara.

I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear overall but it is my honest assessment.

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bosshank, actually the truth is exactly what I wanted to hear; even if it wasn’t what I had hoped to hear :slight_smile: so thank you for being honest with me.

I do agree with you though, but looking back I have realised a few things that I did that demonstrated lower value. I looked to her for approval a few times (especially with clothes; I am CRAP with choosing clothes that look good. I don’t know how to get around this either) and I also was rather indecisive and didn’t ‘lead the way’ very often. I also failed a couple of shittests that I didn’t notice until she tried the same things again for a 2nd time (I didn’t fail them the 2nd time though!). On top of all that I made myself far too available. These are behaviours that I could change now that I have realised.

On the plus side, perhaps I redeemed myself a bit by walking away instead of becoming a lapdog. I think it came as a bit of a shock to her. My plan when I see her again is to present a ?new me?. I have realised that I don’t need her (and I made it clear to her) and I am willing to walk away for good in order to save my feelings. I have been losing some weight and getting exercise and looking at the things that I did wrong so if I add the pheromones on top then it is my hope that it might give me an edge and that all this combined will portray me in a new light.

There are another couple of things that I think are worth mentioning. When we were having the conversation about attraction she seemed frustrated and she told me that she hates how she doesn’t feel the ?spark? because I’m exactly the type of guy that she would want to spend her life with. She told me how she enjoyed every minute we spend together even if we are just watching TV and we were VERY touchy-feely with each other all the time. The affection was like a drug. But as much as I hate to say it, she told me she is attracted to dickheads.

I appreciate that I am never going to be a ?dickhead? and I don’t even want to be, but I need to start flipping some of the same switches and adding some excitement in there. I think I need to start reading the David DeAngelo stuff again.

At the end of the day I think I am going to lose her but at the very least I guess this could be seen as an interesting experiment. I shall keep this thread updated, but it could be a week or 2 before I see her next.

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I think you are doing some good things for yourself with exercise and losing weight.
And you may have made a couple mistakes in the relationship but a lot of the things you did would work in a normal relationship where both sides respect each other and want the same thing. For example asking her opinion of clothes because she has a better sense of style. Fairly typical in a normal relationship. You rely on each others strengths. It is only when one person relies completely on the other that it becomes burdensome.

But when she tells you she knows she is attracted to dickheads, then that tells you something. First off - you do not want to become a dickhead. Maybe more assertive, but do not mistake the cocky/funny thing for being a dickhead. And negs are not mean or hurtful insults, they are funny cracks like you would do with any friend. But these are designed to let a girl know you have a backbone and will not be puddy in her hands.

Most (but certainly not all) women who are attracted to dickheads - even in cases like yours where they find a great guy the really like and would love to settle down with but are still drawn to the dickhead - are usually still working out “family of origin” issues. In particular they tend to be working out issues with their father. In other words somehow dad was a dickhead - not present, verbally or physically abusive, a philanderer, whatever - and they are trying to fix that relationship by dating and fixing/taming(?) some other dickhead. And often they know it but until they come to terms with where they have been … they will only leave broken relationships with otherwise great guys in their wake.

So the best thing to do is still be her friend (like you have said), but not be so available (like you have said) and start looking elsewhere (like you have said). If she is smart she will come to her senses and come back and claim you. If not she will lose you and continue to set herself up to be hurt until she does put it to rest. She is the one with everything to lose, not you.

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bosshank you sound like a very wise man. What you said is interesting because I know there have been some issues with her and her dad. Her parents are separated and I’ve met her mum a few times but never her dad. She only sees him occasionally. I feel that I should talk to her about it some time. I never pried any deeper whenever she talked about him and I feel I should have because he is obviously important to her.

I have also noticed that in the past she has been drawn to what I can only describe as toxic relationships. Guys (and girls actually) who are married or are otherwise forbidden fruit. She got off over it (I know because she’s told me this), and its that feeling that she got with those people that she is chasing and looked for in me but didn’t find. Its as if she’s got the game wrong. If I was to name one bad thing about her, it would be that. She’s been cheated on and treated quite badly by some of her ex’s as well.

Saying that though, she was once engaged to a guy (who I actually met one time) who seems like a really nice, down to earth chap. That made me think that she’s not completely on the wrong track, but I’ve always felt that there was something not quite right with her way of thinking about relationships. At 31 though, shouldn’t she have realised these things? I don’t know. Its a shame because she is such a genuine down to earth girl in every other respect.

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Wow… just wow, zorman! You’ve gotten through some very rough situations and looks like you have some growing pains along with your gal!

Just am amazed at the help that the Bosshank has given out freely. I do enjoy the giving inclination of so many of the users on this forum to help there fellow man/woman. :smiley:

For mones, I’d suggest JUST AMMO to start out with and when you have a good handle on its effects on others do the same testing with A314. You’ll have much more precise results and influence in others when you know what these mones do by themselves.

Wish things work out for you, bud! :slight_smile:

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Welcome to pherotalk Zorman!

Like bossy said, that intro was amazingly good. I have loads of work to do daily and sometimes going through all these intro’s esp long ones can be a bit tidious.

I am not sure if its the story or how you wrote it.

I agree with what the advice the guys have given so far and since I seem to find myself in relationships where am given the bitter end then left I will leave the advice up to the masters

Your gc was issued!