Tips on fixing "outer" game issues that can affect "inner game."

Lounge
1

Getting your inner game right, and becoming congruent with the vibe you are emanating using your mones is such an important factor in the attraction process, that without question, if you don’t fix what is broken within you, it doesn’t matter what super duper mix you come up with, you may land that first date, but you won’t get a call back. Been there, done that.

Life is not like the movies in that you’re a normal guy one day, then the next you’re presented with this life changing decision that makes you become the man you need to be to land the perfect woman.

In fact, life and who you are, is a representation of many small decisions you have made over your lifetime. I at one time weighed 340 pounds, and as I explained to my nieces who I raised and took care of for 18 years that I didn’t just wake up one day fat. It was the culmination of many days of making bad choices in terms of food, and exercise, or lack thereof.

My point is, there are many small things in your life that are occurring, that affect your inner game, and in turn affect your ability to attract the woman of your dreams. These things will sound petty, but add them all together and you will see, at least to a woman, these things are signs of a much larger problem.

Now what made me think of this post, was my making a silly comment on Facebook when I posted in my status how wearing a new pair of underwear can boost confidence…so here goes.

A list of small things that can help improve your inner game.

  1. New / clean underwear - Like the scout motto says, “always be prepared.” I don’t care if you are going out gaming, to church, or just to get a Sunday paper at the store. Always have on a clean pair of underwear. Imagine if you’re out and you have one of those moments where you meet someone, and it continuously leads to more, where next thing you know, you’re talking about heading back to your place and making the beast with two backs and all of a sudden you think about having that old, tore up pair of underwear on. This goes for socks too. Of course this may not stop you, especially if you’re a young horn dog, but it can have a subtle impact on your psyche as you do meet someone new, or come across someone you’ve been trying to hook up with. It’s just another small chink in your confidence that can be remedied by spending $20-$40 a month.
  2. Clean room / Car - Once again, the logic is that if you’ve got a pig sty of a room or car to take a lady back to, you may be hesitant, or reluctant to act impulsively. Whether you realize it or not, there is something, somewhere playing in your head, knocking your confidence down another notch. Not to mention, a high quality girl / woman may have second thoughts about your value and status if you can’t keep certain parts of your life organized.
  3. Condoms - Always have one on your person, and of course in your bedroom. If you go out to meet women, and ONS are something you are interested in, and you leave condoms at home, then you’ve subconsciously set yourself up for failure, as you’re not expecting it to happen. And if safe sex is not a concern of yours, dude, this world doesn’t need another single mother of a child with an absent father.
  4. Dress for success - One of the best statements I read concerning how important looks were to women was, “you don’t have to be the best looking guy out there, just be the best looking version of yourself.” When I leave the house, I am always dressed in a manner that if I did happen to come across someone I wanted to approach, I wouldn’t have thoughts concerning my t-shirt has a coffee stain, or my pants are all wrinkled and hair mussed up. I’m not always dressed up like I’m going out on the town, but if I’m casual, it’s a nice enough casual that I feel comfortable and confident knowing I look good for the look.
  5. Teeth - If you have yellow stained teeth this can be a real confidence killer. When I was a kid we were doing some stupid stuff with an old beat up car on my step dads farm and as we pulled a Dukes of Hazzard move through a dry creek bed, I fractured my front teeth. For years I would cover my mouth if I laughed or smiled. In fact I tried not to smile for fear that people would see my teeth. When I got them fixed, I started to smile all the damn time. Get some crest white strips. You wear them 2x’s a day for 30 mins at a time. I am wearing it right now as I write this, and my teeth are almost as white as the veneers they used to fix my front teeth years ago.
  6. Skin - Take care of your skin. Start wearing sun screen so you don’t wrinkle prematurely. I’ve always had great skin, been complimented on it a lot. But even tho’ I don’t get too much sun exposure, at 43 I’m definitely starting to see signs of laugh lines etc. So I purchased a Deep Wrinkle daily moisturizer with SPF 30. I always get told I look much younger, women have confused me for anywhere from 28-34, but never over 34.
  7. Hair - Quit going to supercuts, great clips etc. Find a good stylist and pay the $ for a good quality hair cut. The girl that does my hair is so good, even with a ball cap on, I had a woman walk up to me and say, “You got a great hair cut, I can tell, I’m a stylist and whoever cut your hair did a great job.” Women notice this kind of small thing, but knowing my hair looks good makes me feel that much better about myself.
  8. Lack sexual confidence / premature ejaculation - There are courses that teach you how to be a better lover as well as teach you how to control your ejaculation. David Deida has an amazing book titled “The Enlightened Sex Manual.” Great book on being a better lover. There is also Alex Allman who has the Command and Control program, as well as the Revolutionary Sex program. Another good one is “Two Girls Teach Sex.” I just purchased that last one recently, and it has amazing tips on how to help your woman achieve multiple orgasms. Knowing you’re armed with this knowledge and have the skills will keep fear of intimacy or feelings of inadequacy from being a sticking point in your game.

These are just a few tips, I’m hoping others add onto them. It all sounds petty, but I guess the important thing I’m trying to impart here is, eliminate all the noise in your head that you can, so you can focus on the truly important things. These are simple things you can easily fix, and as you fix these, and start to see more and more successes in your life, it gives you the confidence to push further and harder on the tougher issues.

2

Persistence, keeping on keeping on, is one of the most important keys to success any important undertaking. Most people do not fail because of lack of intelligence, talent, resources or even looks. A person fails because he doesn’t try. Doesn’t work it at his mission. Or gave up too soon.

3

True to some extent, I think you might be oversimplifying things a bit. The way people think, the beliefs and values that have been instilled in them, or they have created for themselves can set up limiting beliefs that through acting in ways that validate them, become self-fulfilling prophecies.

This is one of the main reasons for this post. A guy takes a shower, but puts on a pair of old tore up and stained underwear he found on the floor of his messy bedroom. Heads out to the club in his wrinkled shirt that is 2 sizes too big for him, and leaves his condoms at home.

He sees a cute girl sitting at the corner of the bar, instead of walking right up to her and saying hi, he sits there and tries to work up the courage over the next half hour.

She is aware of his constant staring, and is becoming increasingly uncomfortable. He finally walks over, and as he begins to speak in a stammer and stutter he sees a look of horror come over her face.

He walks away thinking a number of things, none of which will help his self-esteem any, but will confirm his inability to meet the woman of his dreams…and why? Because he is acting in a way that would validate his limiting beliefs…and he probably doesn’t even realize it.

4

interesting post. should help me stop picking up women that sound like elmer fudd

5

Very interesting post. Reminds me somewhat of a paper I once wrote entitled “The Hidden Depth of Shallowness”

Essentially I made the observation and argument that most times (not all), those people that we (society) criticize for being shallow, vain or superficial are in fact usually more psychologically healthy than the ones doing the criticizing.

It’s far too long to totally sum it up but among the various angles covered was the perspective that how one presents themselves on the outside, both influences, and reflects how they feel on the inside. Go to a club and spot a woman of any body type that looks like she took time getting ready…a sexy but tasteful outfit, light makeup, hair styled etc. And then next to her place a goth type. black eyeliner, black lipstick, long hair straight and dyed black, black lace gloves etc. (this being a goth the person fitting this description can be either gender lol) but seriously, which one is most likely to be smiling when you spot them. Which person is most likely to be “in the moment” meaning that if it’s a party, they’re actually having fun and being social. Which is most likely to be critical of the other?

My personal experience has been that when I would talk to people of either gender that presented themselves in an attractive way (regardless of their natural features of body type) they tended to be more social, smiled more and kept conversations pleasant. On the flip side those that presented themselves like they REALLY want to be the next Kurt Cobain or Marylin Manson (or their female counterparts) tended to sulk, avoided eye contact, rarely if ever smile and conversations would range from either the most depressing and negative aspects of their lives, to criticism of the shallow “beautiful people” and in the case of women…the men that like them.
I’ve been told numerous times how superficial I am for going after the types of women that I do. “You should focus on the inside instead of the packaging” I’m constantly told. Yet 90% of the time when I open a box labeled “depressing psychotic shit”, sure enough inside the box was depressing psychotic shit. On the flip side I’ve dated women that had what some might consider a bit of a weight issue…nothing major just a little bigger than most people consider ideal, but they present themselves attractively, like they actually care enough about themselves to want to look their best. And I’ve found the conversations enjoyable, interesting and fun.

Outer game is not a MUST, but it CAN effect both how you feel about yourself. (A man wearing Armani just seems to carry himself differently than a man in a wife beater and ripped jeans), and the impression of the inner you that other people perceive.