Listen to him Tommy. You’re kickin’ a hornets nest.
You might wanna consider deleteing that post.
Real quick like.
LOL
OoohYahhh
LOL, Texans will fly to another city to kick an ass, and fly back to prove a point.
I’s seen it.
"
Originally Posted by ElectraComplex Which colognes are in your arsenal(smell and cover scent)
Pills shmills. FLUFFER! >.>
Btw you guys are seriously making me miss Texas its been ages since I’ve been and yep there’s something in the water. 
"
…I like myself a good fluffer!
I have a confession.
Most of the women in my life have been considerably older than me. I married one of them 20 years ago.
Now that I’m single again, (the past 2 years) I feel as though my karma is trying get back in balance. I’m finding women in their 30s exceptonally attractive and exotic. And you my dear, have all that going for you, and more.
Every time you’re around Xiph I find myself wanting to break something so I can get you to handle my vital organs.
OoohYahhh
I’m not anything close to 40, but hey Mr.OoohYahhh … I’m here anytime lol
Awww, you’re a sweetheart!
I’d be pleased to have you take my arm any evening, any where.
OoohYahhh
OoohYahhh… You are making me blush 
In my 30’s…yep
Exotic…If Swedish counts then yep
Exeptionally attractive…Hmmm, now how would you know that? 
Or are you talking about inner beauty 
But please OoohYahhh…don’t go breaking bones eh? I’m not licenced to practice in the US, they wouldn’t let me touch you…
Sveedish, ehh? Well should cover the exotic.
Actually I was thinking more about getting to know the intimate parts of your gorgous mind.
Don’t worry. We don’t need no stinking license. I won’t tell anybody, if you don’t.
No one will ever know.
OoohYahhh
Jaaa, I’m from Sweeeeden jaaa 
So if I keep it a secret I get to touch you then? I have a feeling my definition of “handling vital organs” ain the same as yours tho
Wha? Run from lil’ ol’ me? Surely you jest. You know I’m only here when I can sneak outta the nursing home…they think I’m playing BINGO!
Hmm, I was on the track team…back in The Dark Ages. Just to be fair, I’ll give him a head start.
Just fine for an “old banger”, thank you. How you doin’?
<<<<<< Please pardon me if I don’t get up. You know, all that extra baggage in the trunk. As you can see I’m rather old, feeble and decrepit. Oh dear, I hope the sight of my deflated airbags doesn’t burn out your retinas. 
Oh, handsome one, you know not what you say. LOL. Seriously. I’ll venture to say you’ve never read my reports. You need to visit the Ballroom…take your smelling salts.
Aren’t you the one who should be sitting on my lap? After all, I’m probably old enough to be your Mama.
So, you like sweet buns. Well, you probably don’t know but I’m a pretty good cook. My pleasure to bring my sweet buns…sumthin’ for dessert…after you eat your words. How 'bout a glass of milk with that?
http://mail.google.com/mail/e/982
(< big boy milk!) Then I’ll read you a story. It’s about an old woman who lives in a shoe… a red stiletto with an ankle strap…it goes with the sexy Italian red lace bustier she’s wearing.
So, now you wanna be my Daddy? I’m so confused, it must be the Alzheimer’s.
Yes, I do like older men for reasons you’ll, hopefully, come to understand. (So, ya gonna tell us your age or do I have to burp it outta you?) I like younger men too. My young male friends don’t think of me the way you think of women over FORTY. They don’t categorize their friends by age. They think I’m fun, interesting and have something to offer. They tell me I’m hot and don’t think I’m old. Maybe they’re just being polite. The truth is we connect on many levels. You’d have to ask them why. Heh, WTH do I know, I’m senile.
If I was a tad younger, they’d be runnin’ for their lives. I just wanna know where guys like these were when I was their age.
No, not even close. Chaucer is safe.
Oh, how sweet, you’d like to share but I don’t take gifts from strange men…old or young. I already have something big, warm and fuzzy. His name is Wolf. Like Mr. Xev, he’s over FORTY. He’ll shake his fist at you alright…as the ambulance takes you away. Better hurry up with that platoon and save the ribbon (from your BIG gift)…you can use it as a sling.
Run along? LMAO! Now why O why would ya wanna be in a jacuzzi with an “old banger” over FORTY… who’s dressed in a sexy little something? Are ya sure you wanna see that? Your retinas, remember? Nevermind. More to the point…what makes you think I wanna splash around with you? Your rubber ducky is a more suitable companion.
Honey, that ain’t Nobody’s Secret. The ol’ pussycat’s already outta the bag.
Are you sure you’re a model? I would swear you’re Sam Whittingham, 'cause I’ve never seen anyone back peddle so fast!
I do take issue with the term, “old banger”…as it’s just plain rude. Of course, I know you’re just kidding * cough *… and didn’t mean to offend anyone. Especially us “old bangers”.
The 'ol chassis may have a few miles on 'er…but you can bet your sweet young ass… she still cooks! I’ll match what I’ve got under the hood against a “sleek sports car” any day. My seats are firm and comfy, my tank’s full and the ride is smooooth. Take you for a ride? I’ll give you a run for your money and leave you in the dust! It’s OK, you don’t have to beat me. Just try to keep up.
As I said, as you mature your perception may change and one day we “old bangers” are gonna look like what we really are…classics.
Now go stick that in your tank.
Oh, y’all go ahead. I’ll just sit this one out…ya know, the lumbago. Don’t forget his nap time is 2:00 pm, he doesn’t like peas and if he fusses just pour a little Jack in his bottle.
Bella
LOL!
Give it up, guys. You’ve bitten off more than you can chew. Bella’s more than a match for you.
I needed a laugh.
Musk
LOL, that was rich.
LOOOOOOOL. you have no idea how close to home you hit with this post.
I mean I see it here all the time and it drives me up the wall. Men here go crazy for these types of women and fall into the traps over and over again.
I think caribbean on a whole just need drama so they look for these type to give them their daily dose.
Well, all I can say is I think men know they should stay away from these types but doesn’t mean they are going to.
Wow Tommy, Since you have been here, if we compile all of your posts bad mouthing women you have ruled out every women on the planet.
Guess you will have to settle for the men then LOL J/K
My money is on Lady Bella, There’s not a women she cant leave in the dust.
Tisha
Actually when I first started reading this I was thinking how right on the mark he was.
Then I thought, hey this is reference material. There’s some things I could learn here. (I’ve been with a few of these crazy bitches. I don’t need any more.) I need to print this out.
He was doing real good.
Right up until he had to speak so poorly of that group of women who are so special to me. The women who by worldly experience, have grown into a depth of character, a sense of style, a range of sexuality and eroticism that no 20something anywhere could ever match. These are the women who, in my 20’s amd 30’s, brought me into my manhood. They showed me what it is to be a man.
How could I let this pass?
And he was doin’ so good too…
OoohYahhh
I hear you the age thing should be omitted from the post. It doesn’t even seem to fit in there.
I was more looking at the post overall and now I want to a post that explains : Why do women love bitches? or How to become that bitch that a man would love
Hello Guys and Gals
When I was writing this post the last one about women over forty I added for a chuckle.
You say it was a anti-punchline and I was doing ok up until that point.
Well let me explain YOU LADIES ARE THE PUNCHLINE. I knew when I added the last one that it was going to cause a STIR and look at the responses. LOL
Despite yourselves ladies you just could not help walking into that one. I was just having some fun playing you.
But all said and done THANK YOU for taking it in good spirits. I only meant to have a laugh and play DEVILS ADVOCATE and all that.
And I am sorry if any one was offended or felt that their manhood was slighted in anyway.
And on that note Ladies and Gentlemen I will bid you goodnight.
P.S Oh and Tish I am old as you WANT ME to be.
Jezuz bella, you know how to cream ‘em into soup gal! Too bad daddykins is missin’ the fun!
Well I guess since I’ve been blathering on like some drooling old codger in a rocker on the front porch of the old folks home, I might as well take a pass at this one too.
How to become that bitch that a man would love?
Don’t. Be a bitch that is.
Tommy’s post is really very instructive about what to avoid.
Up to a point.
There are a few other no-gos;
Baggage - Please check it at the door. If I ‘remind’ you of your ex this is not going to work. If I have to tiptoe through a minefield to keep from setting off your hangups and aversions this is not going to work. I have enough of my own personal problems. I won’t ask you to fix them for me. I will not fix yours.
Now that we have eliminated a sizable part of the female population, here’s what I try to find in a woman;
(This is my personal perspective. I’m sure that other folks have some to add but I suspect the generalities are the same.)
Laughter - A cheerful, fun person with a positive outlook on life.
Intellectual Intelligence - At least intellectual enough to hold her own in conversation with me. But the more, the better. Greater mental and intellectual strength will surely lead to greater character and sexuality. This is how younger women really get to me.
Emotional Intelligence - The ability to modulate emotional intensity to a level appropriate for the situation. I am only beginning to understand the depth of emotion that women are capable of, but lets keep that to our private affairs. I am beginning to realize that women think in a cascade of emotions, one leads to another. I expect that any emotions applied to me be at least tangentally related to me or the situation at hand.
Style - Not fashion but individualism. An independent sense of who she is, or least wants to be.
Grace - An effortless, easy, comfort with herself expressed in movement, thought, and speech.
Honesty - Not only truthfulness, but a willingness to be open and transparent. Related to #3 Mysterious and Ominous above.
Responsibility - Takes responability for her own actions. It’s not all someone else’s fault.
Independence - She wants a man to complement her, not complete her. Being actively on the hunt for a ‘soulmate’ is a big red flag.
Accomplishment - I want a woman who has excelled in at least one area of her life. It doesn’t matter what it is. I want to know that she has the focus, intensity, and passion to be very good at something.
Health - General good health. I realize that this might be my personal requirement. It’s not just that I don’t want a sexually transmitted disease. I don’t want to deal with chronic disease and disabilities.
Sexuality - Open minded and adventurous. An active erotic imagination. I want to know that when I create a safe, open place to dream, that she is able to run wild and free. Whether it’s fun and games, exploring sexual spirituality, or the dynamics of the dominant-submissive relationship, or whatever, I want to know that we are both able to live life to it’s very fullest when we are in the privacy and safety of our own world.
Well there you have it. That’s pretty much all I’m looking for.
Of couse there is that whiskey down the leg thing…
And sucking shots from your bellybutton…
And the chocolate syrup…
Martha Stewart where are you?
LOL!!! And omg lol @ martha stewart!!! I almost fell of my chair laughing…oh man…OoohYahhh!!!
It’s not really all that funny.
She is:
Brilliant
Beautiful
Blond
and a Billionairess
Besides… Now that she’s out of prison, she’s workin’ that bad girl thing, and you know that turns me on.
On top of all that - You know how I have that thang about truffles? I once saw a picture of Martha digging truffles. Rooting in the dirt, head down, immersed in the musky, lustful aroma wafting from the fungal grail. A picture I’ll never forget.
Just the sort of thing that fuels a foodies sexual fantasies.
My ambition is to work my way up through the well heeled foodie babes until I reach the top of the foodie chain, so to speak.
Doesn’t seem all that funny to me.
Since Martha is an executive power broker type, she would probably be interested in our pheromones. There is even a good chance that she is right here on our forum. What do think her screen name would be?
And no, it’s not Bella. Although I’m sure she knows her and just refuses to introduce me.
Any other ideas?
OoohYahhh