Heya heya!First off, lemme say thanks. I love the products, and they have been awesome! They have replaced my colognes and I have gotten MANY compliments from the Instant Shine. Thanks all! I have browsed the forums before, and it has helped me in picking out my scents. That being said… ;)I could use advice from folks here. About a week back, my wife and I were out with some friends and coming back from a party. We had another couple in the car, and just chit-chatting. We are all pretty good looking, and all happy and smiles. Then it goes like this:Friend’s wife- Yeah, that whole monogamy thing? I did that. Not really my thing. I was married for about eight years, before my divorce, and didn’t really work for me. Friend- /laughsFriend’s wife- Yeah, I guess I am kind of a tramp.Friend- No, you’re a slut.Friend’s wife - /laughs! I guess you’re right. Friend- But that’s ok, I get to play too!Friend’s wife- /grinsMe and my wife- O.O & O.OWe kind of play it off, and laugh and then drop them off, saying our good nights. But then on our ride home we start talking.Me- Whoa. We got hit on there I think.Wifey- Yeah, we did!Me-Whoa. /laughsWifey - /grinsMe- What?Wifey- That would be kind of really hot.Me - /JAWDROPSo. We have been talking about it… a lot… and we think that it would be fun to have this happen. Mind you, neither of us are prudes, our sex life is great, but this is brand new for both of us. We have been married almost ten years, and I love my wife, and she loves me and we both have been faithful to each other. This is not us going into this being swingers, but bringing others into the bedroom. I am straight, and the thought of two girls is amazing. She is bi-curious, and the thought of her being with me and another woman has been turning her on. Any advice for the wet-behind-the-ears-threesome-and-foursome-noob from both the guys and the gals would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks all!
I think my first question would be: How long have you been married?
My second would be: How secure is your relationship?
This sort of thing can be a major stressor to a marriage in the aftermath, fun though it might be at the time.
And sometimes fantasy is waaaay better than reality.
I say don’t do it, a threesome with a couple of girls you just met, or even date casually is one thing, a threesome with a person that has a legal right to half your shit if five kinds of stupid…no offense.
First, usually the wife will have a laundry list of terms and conditions, most likely to include you being able to do ANYTHING you want…except actually enjoy the experience. Yeah I know she says the idea of seeing you with another woman turns her on…and she probably believes that right now that it’s just a “what if”, lots of women have told me they were ok with a no strings “friends with benefits” type of situation…yeeeah, that most of those ended badly.
See I can already sense your excitement through text on a screen, make no mistake that your wife will sense it during the actual moment and having a woman that is emotionally and financially invested in you, seeing you excited about experiencing another woman will NOT go over well.
I think there is a key thing this female friend mentioned you should keep in mind.
Did her attitude on monogamy play a role in that divorce. Many people think they are secure enough to experiment with swinging and they try it and it ends up breaking the bond of marriage even though they both agreed to it.
I definitely stress what Rad is saying, not the money aspect for all we know she could be the one with the money LOL.
Fantasies are hot and they turn you on when you fantasize about them but often times when they come to fruition underlying feelings that were not present in the fantasy rear there ugly head. Thats because we control every aspect in our fantasies.
However thats not true in reality. Suppose you do something to this women you have never done to your wife or you simply groan louder for some reason that can set off feelings of resentment in her because in her fantasy that didnt occur. Suddenly she looking at it different. Any little thing can shatter that fantasy and cause strife in your relationship.
If you started out in the relationship as swingers its far different then jumping in 10 years into marriage. I have also seen this scenario play out with couples and it never once has ended up well. Women are emotion driven and the bond between herself and her partner is vital.
I am not trying to discourage you but really seriously think about this before committing to it. That bond is part of the foundation of your relationship. Its easy to fix the structure of a relationship but once that foundation is damaged its much harder to repair and the structure often caves in.
Tisha
Bisexual women are great sex and for short term. But if I want a woman in a long term relationship and she is bi-curious or bisexual or even messed around with another woman one time, then she is out. I have plenty of experiences with bisexual women. At this point, I like to stay away from them. At 24 it was cool, but at 34, definitely, “NO THANKS.”
That’s one of the important things that rule out a woman for me in terms of long term relationship material. If I don’t hear something like, “I never messed around with a woman and never plan to,” then she is pretty much out.
Tish is right, my assumption that you were the one with the money was sexist. However, the fact is regardless of who is the primary breadwinner a divorce is a huge financial burden to both parties. Now I’m not saying that this will end badly for a fact, but the risk is there. Any smart gambler will tell you that winning is about measuring risk vs reward.
The reward in this case is most likely a single night of an exciting sexual experience. A more far fetched reward would be it becoming an ongoing thing.
The risk, is feelings of jealousy, possessiveness, and territorial defensiveness all coming to the surface and the problems that can bring.
Threesomes are great fun I admit, but in a long term relationship it’s risky. You have to try and look at it from an instinctive standpoint and how instincts drive emotional response.
Men will usually develop jealousy during a MMF threesome because on an instinctive level men are afraid of being “tricked” into investing their resources in raising a child that may or my not be theirs. (That we consciously know children are not part of the equation has nothing to do with the instinctive reactions)
Women will develop jealousy in a MFF dynamic because if conception occurs with both women, then HER offspring now have to share half of the mans resources…which reduces the chances of her offspring surviving.
Now as I said, these scenarios are realistically probably not even factors, that doesn’t change the emotional response to the situation. A man may have zero interest in having children at all, that doesn’t stop him from finding signs of health, fertility and good genes attractive. Likewise any time you bring a third party into a sexual relationship instinctive feelings can be triggered.