What I want from pheromones

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Women's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports
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That’s why they choose to be safe, because they would rather risk losing paying customers than lose testing opportunity to people who don’t know what they’re doing. They consider the custom and advanced products to be a “learning center rather than a profit center”, as Jasmin says. No, EST is not a custom product, but it is an advanced product, and the rule applies to those as well.

I know a few men who don’t want to have sex until marriage either, but that’s extremely rare. You, as several people have tried to explain to you, are very naive and delusional about the 97 or so percent remaining. You may believe that organs are the only things that separate the genders, but you’re wrong, at least according to science. Why would transsexuals be so unhappy in the opposite gender’s body if this were true? Hormones have more of a dictatorship over the way you behave than you realize. Your hypothalamus gland, as a matter of fact, is gendered–therefore your brain is gendered. This is why a transsexual person is uncomfortable in his/her body–they have a hypothalamus that does not match. This influences emotions and behavior, as I explained earlier. And, yes, a great deal of this (though certainly not all of it) is related to sex.

The Kinsey Institute figured this out a long time ago: the genitals are far, far, far from the only difference between men and women. I know many, many wonderful men. And those wonderful men have different sexual needs than I do (even the ones who are waiting for marriage) because they are men.

I don’t know why you interpret “little black dress” and “sexy confidence” as “bitchy cat”, but it tells me a little more about the problem here–“confidence” does not equate “bitch”. And I’ve met many wonderful men who agree with me on that point.

TG means Target Guy/Girl. Generally not an official SO, but someone that a forum user is hoping to attract.

You need to back up and realize that a lot of what you are saying doesn’t make sense, and that the people on this forum are trying to help you with very little to work with. We are not trying to tear you down. You are in serious trouble and if this guy rejects you, then I truly hope you call someone you trust before you do something rash in response. I feel like a hypocrite saying this because I’ve been there, but you’re young and there are so many great men out there. Don’t give up hope.

ETA:

Yes, you do, because as I explained to you before, they work differently on different people. As it stands now, you have no idea how you or your SO react to pheromones, so you may very well buy one that makes your situation worse. Beta -nol, for example, depresses the hell out of some people–so while I stand with the majority that IH is your best bet here, there is a chance that it will actually make the situation worse, because you haven’t done any experimentation. It is not best for your first pheromone usage to be at a crucial moment such as this. You can also OD on certain molecules or mixes, and the amount that causes an OD will also be determined by the specific body chemistries of the two of you.

ETA 2:

I suppose if you’re a frequent user of LSD, then this is true.

If you’re not on any kind of drug, then this is not true–people don’t just start loving you and then stop loving you five minutes later. What you’re referring to is affection, not love. Affection is fantastic. It can create memories to last a lifetime. But it is not the same as love. People who love you will love you just as much all day, every day–even when they’re angry with you and don’t feel particularly affectionate.

If he doesn’t appear to be this way–and he doesn’t seem to–then you deserve much better. Believe me.

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The policy not only refers to “custom” products, but also to the “advanced” products or “experimones”…these are single pheromones…not in a mix. New users are prohibited from ordering these products from Androtics. And being a NEW user does not apply to whether the person has purchased or used products from elsewhere. It refers to how often they have ordered from Androtics, and provided feedback on the forum.

The “Instant” Line of products are the only ones that you will be approved to purchase here. These would be the ones that we have already recommended numerous times. Instant Honesty (or Openness), or POSSIBLY Instant Sexiness…anything else will have to be purchased somewhere else.

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I typed something here and then the browser randomly refreshed itself wihtout my commanding it to, and hits forum does not cahce what you’ve typed. I also have a realkly bad headache. Therefore I will type this quickly and only respond to what is needed for further responses about pheromones, and will answer the rest later. Once you’ve typed something it is rather annoying to try and type it all again.

If you have been reading this entire thing Laurie you would know that I have had experience with him with only one pheromone; Androstonene, which does not affect me. This affected him positively, whether it could be said to be horniness that it helped with or other things I can not be sure, but considering the other guy’s reaction I wouldn’t nessecerily guess that it was the love it helped with. Since I already know for a fact that this pheromone WOULD be helpful, that is why I am asking questions first since others seem to be better in most cases, but they may have no effect or, if its possible with whatever pheroomone, a negative effect. Then I read that Androstonene can have a nagative effect as well, until I found out that agression was directed at other males rather then at females when that happens which is a positive effect in my case.

Even if I am not allowed to order EST from this store we can still talk about the product. Since it will have the same effect on my boyfriend whether I have used it before or not, whether I have used other phereomones before or not, or whether I know it’s chemical makeup or not, there is no reason for me not to use it if it will be helpful. (And it’s true,k it’s also posiible it wouldn’t be helpful… just as it is possible that any more well-known pheromone such as couplins or andro-anything or Instant anything would not be helpful.) The effect described by sheba in her thread was THE EXACT PERFECT EFFECT I need for this encounter. If it is an experimental pheromonee, then it may not be known exactly what effect it is supposed to have… however everyone who has said something about this one has described it in the same way.

As for Instanht Honesty I will have to review this thread again when I respond to the rest of the posts since my last to see whether or not I’m still worried abuot the ill effects Instant Honesty could have.

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I have not posted to this thread but I have been keeping careful watch, reading each and every post. I just think it’s important to reiterate that my boyfriend is incredibly loving and giving and understanding always. This is just his nature. He does not exhibit any signs of moodiness, irrational anger (I’ve yet to see him angry) or selfishness. Actually, those signs sound a lot like my ex boyfriend… needless to say, this is the way he became my ex. :roll_eyes:

I just don’t want you to expect to see anything from your bf that you have not seen before. Also, our relationship is still very new.. we are in the throws of our “I love you so much” “no, I love YOU so much” “I love you more” days. So I have no idea how he would react to EST if he were angry with me and I was coated in EST.

I don’t think it’d be bad for you to try EST for your encounter. I’m just trying to give as clear a picture as any before you purchase. Because, regardless of the site you choose to purchase from, it is expensive. Also, it’s been said that EST is most effective in men over 30 and my boyfriend is 30 this year. I assume from your age and the way you have described your bf, that he is much younger, possibly rendering your expensive purchase ineffective?

From all the posts that have come before mine, I think I’d have to agree that Instant Honesty might be the best way to go. I think, if he says something he didn’t mean to say or you say something you didn’t mean to say, that’s ok.. as long as the discussion comes from the heart. I know you mentioned that it is your desire to “get him and keep him”. But do you really want him or need him if he’s not the one for you? And do you really need to temper what you say if he is the one for you?

I mentioned my ex earlier, and let me just tell you.. I met that man when I was turning 28.. and he was the be all and end all for me. I loved that man and I wanted that man. I had to chase that man.. and he was just the moodiest thing. Only loving when he felt like. There was always some reason he just had to be a jerk. And you know what? He was only loving when I was walking away? Now, I’m not saying that’s your man. But he had me mind, body and soul for two years.. and just “wasn’t sure” and as soon as I met my current bf, guess what? The ex bf.. he wanted me to move in with him. He wanted to get married. He wanted me to leave my boyfriend and go on a cruise with him to the Bahamas. Girl, puhleeez… I laughed his a$$ all the way to the dial tone. Because I finally had someone consistent and true. I finally had a man that LOVED me.. every day of the week. Would talk with me and listen to me, even when I wasn’t making sense. Finally! And it was sooo much better that I was able to turn my back on my ex with no qualms and no regrets… only shaking my head that I had loved him through his rediculousness for so long.

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Girl, if I could rep you again, I would…but the forum is making me “spread the love”…:roll_eyes: Anyway, I just wanted to say AMEN!! I went through the same thing…men who only want you when they think they can’t have you…been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

I, like you, finally figured it out! We don’t need men like that! I am now engaged to the man that I have waited for my entire life…my family and friends all agree…he is so completely different from the selfish, arrogant men who can’t figure out what they want. :wink:

Mewgirl, honestly, try some Instant Honesty, and maybe it will get to the bottom of things. If it brings things to the surface, then it did its job. Just think about this…a lot of us here use pheromones for differemnt reasons…to spice up a relationship, help us in social situations, etc etc etc. But, if you need to resort to chemical products to KEEP this man, is he really the man you want?

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Aww, thank you, Dolly!

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Hi mewgirl, I’m not picking on you, I respect you and I feel empathy toward your situation. The statement I quoted above is a misconception that a lot of new folks have. I had it myself.
It may be true on a chemical level to say that x pheromone produces y hormonal/neural activity. However we as humans filter our reactions to hormonal/neural processes through our brains. For instance suppose you got into a carseat on a hot sunny day wearing shorts. The backs of your legs are going to signal to your brain that the seat is hot. What you say and how you react is going to be very dependent on the situation. If your kinda foulmouthed like I am sometimes and you were with a buddy you were very familiar with you might say “Oh sh** that hurts like h*ll.” If you are with your lovable Grandmother who is a church lady, you might say something like “Oh…dang. That seat is HOT”.
With pheromones the process is even more complex. A skilled phero user learns how to present themselves to achieve effects on others. In effect this is akin to the seat learning how to apply heat to your legs. The target then filters their response to the pheromone based on how they want to appear to you and others around them.
The consumer products sold here have a much easier learning curve than the single pheromones or the experimental mixes. I’m going on my 4th month and am just now learning to get results from one of the more commonly used putatives. I got results from the consumer products right off the bat but it still took time to learn how to use them effectively. I am still learning surprising things about ishine, the very first one I tried and the one I use most often.
Good luck! :slight_smile:

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I REALLY CANT STANHD THIS POSTS GETTING DELETED WHEN MY BROWSER GOES BACK WITH NO COMMAND FROM ME.

I would retype the whole thing but it took me 44 minutes and now I have less then 15 minutes left. My boyfriend is selfish in ways but he is not selfish because he dioesn’t care, and no one who knows him would expect him to act that way in a relationship and the reason for that is not because of any false front. His ex-wife messed him up and he has some social disorders as well. Sometimes he doesnt even know hes being selfish, sometimes he doesnt even know hes hurting me. He is indeed very loving.

We have loved each other for four years, but the “I love you more thing” is still how we feel and act whenever he is not mad at me and sometimes when he is. (Not in a giggly fashion like stereotypical teenage cheerleaders but in a truly loving fashion.)

You are right that your boyfriend was not mad at you when you used this. But your post was not the only one I was going by. Your post is what started me to think about this pheromone. But everyone else, in your thread, in a few scattered posts around here outside yur thread, and in a few articles posted elsewhere online some of which compare it to a more well researched pheromone that has similar effects on women, all say the same thing about EST. As for my boyfriend specifically, when he is mad at me he still cares about me/misses me etc. Sometimes when he’s really mad he might let me suffer, even physically, when there is some way in which he could help, but that’s on the surface and the other things are underneath. One day he hung up on me and was still mad the next morning (though he was still talking to me), but he told me that that night when he heard footsteps at 4 am he was hoping I had snuck into his house to sleep (not have sex) with him that night.

My bf is 25½. The post you are referring to is from Laurie, who also said (along with others) that someone under 30 who is “willing to settle down” (whatever that means) would also be affected by this pheromone. So that would apply to anyone I am in a relationship of that kind with, if they did not want to get married, why would they be with me in the first place? (Yes I know there are some people who “date for fun” and whatnot, but I personally do not even believe in dating).

In most cases you are right but there is one specific thing he sometimes wants to say, doesn’t because he’s worried about my reaction to it, and then a few minutes later, we have worked things out, he doesn’t even want to say it anymore because he doesn’t feel that way. However if he had said it we would not have been able to continue talking, and that is because of his thoughts not because of my reaction to it. But if he doesn’t say it out loud he won’t have the thoughts about not continuing to talk. So I don’t want him to say that today because I won’t be able to ask him this.

He makes me happier, and he makes me happier then someone else that actually acts more like he loves me then my boyfriend does, when we are together I am happy, period, he feels the same way as long as he is not worried about his family at the time (often this incudes when he is mad at me he still likes to be around me in other parts of his brain, not the sexual parts I am talking about either). And that is good enough for me, is all I need, is him.

Once we live together, my boyfriend will also be more loving towards me, he will be able to see when I am upset, I will be able to see when he is upset, and as soon as we KNOW the other person is really really upset, both of our first instinct is to hold them or whatever will help them out. Also his parents will not be involved… that is really the major problem here, a lot of times when he gets mad at me it’s because of his parents’ invovlement, he does not want to get mad at them either even when he knows they are wrong, he has admitted this to me as well but he doesn’t really remeber his psychoanalyzations so it doesn’t stop him from getting mad at me the next time he’s mad at them.

Not a great explanation but I don’t want this to shut down. Will edit tomorrow sorry.

Thank you for your post Sheba you are great.

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thank you for your post sheba you are great.

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I am reviewing everything in this topic because I know there were a couple of times when my time ran out or when my typing was erased by the computer and the board does not cache.

It’s not exactly that type of talk. If it turned into that type of talk it could be bad right now. If we end up needing that type of talk, it would be better done later on after I have a place to be where the things about his parents will not interfere because he will have somewhere to go and can stay longer if wanted/needed.

I am not saying your advice about Instant Honesty is invalid. I am saying that the thing about sex confusing things further really doesn’t apply (which is something you of course did not know). And actually the type of talk you are talking about would be easier (as in we could more easily do it without getting mad - both of us) if we had just had sex (assuming he wasn’t worried about getting home).

You not only said that EVERY MAN EVERYWHERE would have sex with someone they didn’t love, you also made a point to say “If I did not believe that then… .” If there are three percent of men in the world who do not think this, then your statement was untrue. However, if the number is as low as three percent it would be unlikely for any person with the same ideas to be able to meet and be in relationships with only people with those same ideas, which seems to happen since I’m not the only one, male or female, who is disgusted by “playas” and other people with a similar idea of things, and it would also be close to impossible that I personally, just one person in 100 billion or something, had been able to meet so many males that agreee with me or have ideas that are close to mine… even if you narrow those men down to the three boyfriends I have had (the fourth will have sex with people he doesn’t love), and even more close to impossible that I’d meet a man who agrees with me that the men (and women) who do not feel this way are doing something wrong.

You’re wrong, these men have different sexual needs from you because they are NOT YOU. I have different sexual ideas then you because I am NOT YOU. And I am female.

Most men who are of the mind that, “I am going to wait for marriage no matter what,” however, are going to be unlikely to discuss their particular sexual fantasies and turn-ons with someone they are not in a relationship with, so how would you know what their sexual needs (if they have any) are in the first place?

I never said being confident means you are a bitch. “sexy confidence,” and “bitchy cat”, however, are two things describing the same generic fantasy-type image given by this product’s description. They ever specifically talk about the color of the dress, and it is indeed true that the woman doing this in the movie is usually wearing black. “Walking with confidence” is describing a style of walking, not a personality. And “walking with confidence” doesn’t mean you are a bitch either, doing the “bitchy cat” stereotypical sexual fantasy also doesn’t mean you are a bitch. It is however what you’re doing for the fantasy.

Never said they would. What I said instead was “feelings of love.” Not, “whether or not he loves me.”

Unfortunately I won’t be able to try and redo my post in response to Sheba better until it is approved so I can edit it.

Yeah that’s not really what I want right now. I just want him to listen. It’s not about feelings and all at the moment. I think if anything extra is brought up it will be harmful right now, unless he is feeling loving towards me first (which will most likely be if we have sex, then after we do that), in which case it will be natural to do so anyway and will not need any pheromones. To clear confusion I am not asking him to listen to my feelings, I am asking him to listen to my words. He does not always think enough to tell me everything, but when there is something “under the surface” and we are having an honest conversation I can tell. As for me I’m not really worried for him to know, because he will feel sorry but won’t remember it when it actually happens. This is not a big “bring all to the surface” conversation though unless we both start to feel even closer to each other then normal and decide to have a conversation like that. In which case we will already be together and I can go ahead and do the things I need to do to make things work. If there is a pheromone that can get us to the point where we feel like that that will work great. But this is not, “I’ve been feeling this way about my mother or casual friend for a long time and am gonna tell her,” it is, “We are completely together one person one soul, and now I’m gonna tell you that I felt a certain way when this thing happened.” But if we get to feeling that way we will not need a pheromone to help us say that. Nor will we end up breaking up if we don’t say it, since we are already together before it happens.

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Yeah that’s not really what I want right now. I just want him to listen. It’s not about feelings and all at the moment. I think if anything extra is brought up it will be harmful right now, unless he is feeling loving towards me first (which will most likely be if we have sex, then after we do that), in which case it will be natural to do so anyway and will not need any pheromones. To clear confusion I am not asking him to listen to my feelings, I am asking him to listen to my words. He does not always think enough to tell me everything, but when there is something “under the surface” and we are having an honest conversation I can tell. As for me I’m not really worried for him to know, because he will feel sorry but won’t remember it when it actually happens. This is not a big “bring all to the surface” conversation though unless we both start to feel even closer to each other then normal and decide to have a conversation like that. In which case we will already be together and I can go ahead and do the things I need to do to make things work. If there is a pheromone that can get us to the point where we feel like that that will work great. But this is not, “I’ve been feeling this way about my mother or casual friend for a long time and am gonna tell her,” it is, “We are completely together one person one soul, and now I’m gonna tell you that I felt a certain way when this thing happened.” But if we get to feeling that way we will not need a pheromone to help us say that. Nor will we end up breaking up if we don’t say it, since we are already together before it happens.

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Actaully if I was with my loveable grandmother who was an old-fashioned, easily-offended church lady, I would also say, “Oh sh** that hurts like h*ll” (assuming I would have said that with the friend). However I don’t quite think that was your point.

That’s not true. The way I am “presenting myself,” as you say, would be the same no matter what. I already KNOW there is a problem, therefore I am going to take action to try and correct it. (That is, physical action with my body or words.) The pheromones are to help. Without the pheromones, I would still act in exactly the same way. If you wanted a specific result from somebody, and you thought you could achieve it with certain actions, and pheromones did not exist in bottles, would you then not do the action either? I already know what I’m doing in my situation. But the pheromones might help me even more. In any other situation I could use pheromones in, with the expection of sexual applications, the same thing would apply. And in the case of sexual applications, I am not going to act in any specific way just to make someone horny, unless it is because I feel like doing so myself. I am sure a lot of people figure out how they can act to best achieve their purpose. But they would probably do that whether they were wearing pheromones or not, and if they don’t, I still would.

I was using pheromones for over 2 years. But it was only one type.

See you say “using them effectively.” But there are only two possible ways that can apply; mixing (which was part of what I said you would need experience for), or how you act or move. And like I said how I act or move will be the same whether I am wearing pheromones or not (unless it is because the pheromones are affecting me).

To be honest I don’t know how accurate your testing results can be as far as the research team here is concerened, because the results that you are posting (, if you are posting results,) are not showing the true effect of the pheromone. If you use a pheromone to attract random sex partners, but also comb your hair in a way a hot girl told you she likes that day, and also try to make a point to be less of an asshole then you usually are (I’m not saying you’re an asshole it’s just an example), and also wear deodarant which you usually don’t do, and also don’t drink any beer that night, none of which are things you would have done if you hadn’t bought the pheromone, then you have no idea if when you get 3 girls asking you that night, it was because of pheromones. It could have just been because of how you acted and were cleaner, and you would have gotten those offers without the pheromones as well. In which case posting that the putative theorized to be a sexual pheromone, but with only a few testimonials so far, one of which was iffy, did indeed help you to get sex, you could be hindering the research.

If you use a phero in a business environment, trying to get a lrage proposal accepted by another company, but also wear a suit that day (which you have never done before) and ask for someone to edit your spelling errors (also never done before), and you’re only doing this because you bought a pheromone, well, the same thing applies to this situation as well. If your changing your personality, then the pheromone is not affecting how people respond to your normal personality, but instead it’s always going to be possible that people like your new personality better.

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Well now you are aware. I did not say you could not talk about or get advice from others on the product. While its true that a first time customer can have experience with pheromones if you read the above post that I linked, you would see it says “with androtic products” Your opinion is apprieciated but Androtics knows what they are doing.

We have no control over your browser going back without a command from you. I understand what you mean about it being annoying when the forum wont cache your post it has happened to me at times as well after writing a long response but there are no plans to change that at this time. You can try typing your respones in notepad and when you have it the way you want copy and paste it here. This is what I do now for large posts so I dont have to retype them. Just a suggestion.

No offence but using one poorly made pheromone (my opinion) on one or two test subjects is not experience. I know you mentioned that it seems to work on him at times. I am just wondering if it works then why are you looking to change it. Have you been wearing it around him frequantly when your together and feel this may be part of what is triggering his anger at times?

What we refer to when we say “presenting ones self” is this and its just a example and not directed at your situation.
If your wearing say… Instant Openness but your shy and sit in a corner and refuse to talk to anyone then you will not see any results from the product. You need to make a effort to present yourself as someone open to conversation. Yes if pheromones didnt exist you would have to do the same thing and make that effort but the Instant Openness makes it easier to do by making those around more open to conversation without risking as much rejection. It also for some has self effects which influances the wearer to be more open. It dosnt change the situation it just enhances it and its part of effectively using pheromones.

Yes there are many variables when testing pheromones and this is where experience comes in and one of the reasons they insist that people gain experience with the proven consumer products first before moving on to the advanced. The experienced user knows what to look for and what will effect his/her results and they know that pheromones are not a “one size fits all”. kind of product. We try to point people in the best possible direction for there situation so they can acheive the desired results. Is it a perfect science? No it is not but it is extrememly helpful to be able to compare notes with other people with experience so you dont end up spending thousands on finding the product that is right for you.

Yes there are many reports that go into those details and I think it would be helpful to you to actually read past the first page of the forum when you have the time. I am not trying to be insulting at all I know that right now your on a time limit because your meeting with your BF is nearing.

On Instant Honesty I am thinking pheromone wise this is as close as you can get to making him listen to you. I feel you dont want him to talk because you are afraid of what he may say which is natural but I have never come across a pheromone that will only make a person listen without responding. I also am getting the feeling (and I could be wrong) that by “listen” you mean not just hear what you say but do what you say. There is no pheromone for that either. As I said before pheromones enhance but they can not change a person or his feelings. I know you plan to do that with your actions but I really think Instant Honesty will help. You can consider Instant Openness instead though. Its induces less intense conversation and if your objective is to get him to have sex with you in more of fun casual way then it will work in conjuntion with cops. I dont mean casual in the same way that people use the words “casual sex” to describe a chance sexual encounter with a stranger. I mean in a more fun, light hearted encounter while still connecting on the emotional level you both normally achieve when together.

By some of the posts you have made I think you have a few mis conceptions on copulins I would like to clear up. Cops wont cause every man you encounter to become horny for you. There has to be some other attraction involved. So suppose you wear them around a person who just hates you it wont make him stop hating you even though they may become aroused by the presense of cops. So you would not see result from that person like you would from someone that has a attraction to you that they never acted on before due to fear or confidence or whatever reason.
Because of what you said about there being a attraction and love between the both of you and only wanting to open the door by using sex to basically get him to react the way you want then I think copulins are what you should use. Keep in mind they will smell nasty as sin to you so you need to cover them with a perfume or something.

I cant find anywhere where she said “EVERY MAN EVERYWHERE”. She was just speaking of men and women in general.

I happen to agree with Laurie and dolly and feel you are making a issue of it because deep down you know it rings true and your afraid of what that may mean for you and your boyfriend.

I think you need him more then you love him. Truely loving means trust, honest communication, respect and acceptance. It is how you treat a person. I am sorry if that seems harsh but you have spent alot of time trying to convience us that he does love you and that sex with you means he loves you. I feel you are trying to reinforce that thought in your head because its to painful to deal with if its not true. I dont know your boyfirend and he may very well love you as you say but I do know men and lots of them. Its just as possible for a man to have sex without love as it is with love. It depends on the individual and his beliefs and values. I think the issue is more that you believe that they mean the same thing and this opens you up to a world of hurt.

Again I am not saying he dosnt love you. Only the both of you can truely know whats in your heart and you need not further try to convience us of that. You did mention that he dosnt like you right now. It is possible to have love for someone and not like them but its not possible to make him like you if he dosnt. He either does or he dosnt because no matter how much you change or what you do you are still you.

I think by communicating with him you will show him far more that you love him then you will by manipulating him with sex to get the outcome you want. Before anyone says isnt this why most women have sex. No it is not. Maybe in your world that is the definition of love but in mine in every other person I know its just using someone for your own gain. Love has nothing to do with it.

Tisha

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I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with my good friend Tisha on this one.

She is very on-point when she says that you need him more than anything else. That is what I am reading from your posts too. It’s an air of desperation. You proved that when you said that you were thinking about suicide if the pheromones didn’t get you the result that you wanted.

You may want to think about taking some time off from the relationship, so that you can figure out how to be happy WITHOUT him…then, if you still feel that you love him, it will make your relationship that much stronger.

I would like to add, mewgirl, that I have been in the situation as you are, where you say this person loves you but doesn’t like you. I had to decide that I didn’t want to spend my life with someone like that. If the person really doesn’t like you, there is nothing you can do, short of faking a completely different personality. In the end, after trying to be a different person, your true personality will come back out. It is really so much nicer when you find a person who not only loves you, but ALSO likes you THE WAY YOU ARE. It is fabulous to love someone and also be best friends with them. Trust me…I know from experience.

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I’ve read several of your posts, Mewgirl. And it was odd, but I noticed that I felt unhappy and vaguely agitated while reading them. Couldn’t put my finger on exactly what was bothering me…

Now I think I may have figured it out. You’ve been arguing with yourself–using a classic politician’s tactic called the “straw man” argument. (You probably remember this from civics or debate class.) The politician takes certain words his or her opponent uses and then makes up a new statement from them, using twisted logic. The result is something preposterous and hard to defend. A statement the opponent did not mean and would not support.

A: Peace is good.
B: Oh, so we should never fight for our rights?
A: I never said that.
B: If we never fight for our rights, in the interest of peace, we will lose all of them. Then peace will be the least of our concerns.
A: What I said was that peace is good and that was all that I said.
B: A universal good? Above all others? I for one believe it is irresponsible to give away our sacred rights – hiding scared and craven. To hope peace can somehow save us. How can you suggest that being a coward and giving in is good? How can you support terror???
A: I never said I supported terror! You are putting words in my mouth.
B: Answer the question!!!

Then it is easy for politician B to win because B controls both sides of the debate. This is good for scoring points, but not for learning about what A has to say.

You are not debating, Mewgirl. And I know you don’t mean any offense. But, frequently, I’ve seen you ask a question and then deconstruct and oppose the answers you receive, using a straw man representation of the responses. You will often be in the right using this tactic. However, you will miss out on what other people have to teach.

(Sorry in advance. I will only answer questions I feel comfortable with. :slight_smile: )

All the best,
Kitten

56

Tisha, dolly and Kitten, you are all amazing.

Kitten is correct, because as Tisha said–I never said ALL MEN EVERYWHERE would do so, I said all men are more likely to do so than women, because of biology. And I acknowledged twice that there are exceptions. And, yes, I think if you don’t believe this than you are naive. However, as long as you change what I said, then I appear ridiculous and you always win. Luckily everyone on this forum can read.

Who said that these men were “playas” just because they’ll have sex with women they don’t love? So long as they’re single and nothing was promised to these women, assuming all parties involved are consenting adults, they can do whatever they like. I don’t see why you’d be disgusted with that.

And I’m probably rounding up with the three percent, honestly.

This is a good point, but why can’t both things be true? If you think your sexual needs are unaffected by the fact that you’re female, then you need to read up a bit on the subject. Sorry, but I’m going to trust the Kinsey Institute (which discovered that men are much more sex driven than women, and think about sex every two minutes, whereas women do so considerably less), a bunch of highly respected doctors and scientists, before I trust you. Gender heavily affects such things.

Because they’re close friends of mine and they told me. We discuss sex, as well as religion, politics, etc. They agree with me that men are more sex-driven than women are, and they are well aware of how rare their attitudes are. I never said I was never in a relationship with any of them, by the way. One actually proposed to me back in HS (it would never have worked, but for reasons other than the sex issue). Trust me, I know these guys pretty well.

Sorry, I don’t see being sexy or being confident as having anything to do with being bitchy. We use Angelina Jolie to describe the results of Instant Sexiness A pretty often, and while she has played some royal bitches, from what I have seen of her I wouldn’t describe her as bitchy at all. She seems quite nice, actually.

Yes, and those feelings you’re referring to are affection, not love, and it’s important to understand the difference. People do not feel more love for you after you have sex with them than they felt beforehand. It does not work that way.

Basically, dolly is correct–you need this guy more than you love him, and 1. the fact that you felt the need to start this thread with a huge disclaimer about your relationship before you described it to us and 2. the fact that you’re afraid to have a deep discussion with him unless you have sex with him first–because you feel like he will have additional love for you if you do that–are enormous warning signs.

Ultimately, listen to Tisha (bolding is mine):

This is the strongest piece of advice you have been given in this entire thread. Please use it.