A gay, transgender guy and his pheromones

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Men's Journals
1

As the title says, I’m a gay transgender male (FTM) in my early 30s. That means I was assigned female at birth and lived most of my life as a girl. I’m also Black (African and American) and native American (Choctaw). I do public interest work and live in an urban area the U.S.

Some background: I’m generally a quiet person, unless I’m around family or someone I’m super comfortable with. I have social anxiety, which makes informal social settings kind of uncomfortable, but structured ones (like teaching a class or giving a speech) not that difficult at all. However, all the public speaking I’ve done in my work has helped me be more confident around people. I’m a creative type, but most of my artistic expression has been pushed aside as I focused on my career and education. For what it’s worth, I’m an INFP with a strong T inclination.

I’m a very ambitious and hardworking person, but I tend to push aside my emotions and ignore my emotional health. That method worked well for the most part, but lately my “woe is me” attitude has been affecting my work and ability to plan and get things done in my personal life as well. I notice I’m far less motivated, have difficulty concentrating or starting work, and strongly desire to live a “laissez faire” kind of life. Yes, who doesn’t want to just relax all day, right? But that’s not how I used to be like. I blame grad school for burning me out. Seeing as I can’t just take an indefinite vacation, I’m hoping I can use mones to regain control over my life.

I bought my first bottles of pheromones back in 2007, 2 years before I started to transition and way before I finally came out (2014). Back then, there weren’t any other gay guys on the forum (that I knew of), let alone trans guys, and I didn’t have much time or money to experiment as much as I could, nor with the support I wanted.

Now, I have a healthy level of male hormones in my body and am at a point in my life where I can restart this journey with pheromones. I still have a bottle of A314 that’s 2/3rds full, so I’m going to keep using it bearing in mind that its efficacy may be compromised due to age. I’ll make note of that whenever I post about it. I just bought some bottles of Ammo, TUTH, IO, and IS, all 1x strength. I also got a bottle of P102 to experiment with.

I can’t recall what exactly reminded me of pheromones just now (maybe it was seeing the gift certificate in my inbox as I did my email maintenance), but I hope it’s just the thing I need to help me out.

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2

Hi Zedster and welcome. Glad to see you started a journal. Straight guy here, but I’ll definitely read your reports.

Can you please specifiy the version# (or rev.) of your A314? Need not worry about age of A314. A lot of guys here have old bottles and it doesn’t seem to be an issue.

Thanks.

3

Ah, I also forgot to mention that I have a very youthful appearance (my family has very young genes, plus the feminization of my first puberty doesn’t help :stuck_out_tongue:), so I’m always worried whether people take me seriously or not. I played around a bit with my ancient bottle of A314 (from 2007) these last couple of days to see if it would help me at work.

(I’m borrowing the format from HankBuddy’s journal because I felt it reads so well. Thanks, Hank!)

Situation
First week back from a long holiday (boo…I wanna go back…). Day full of meetings including one with a new employee. For what it’s worth, I work with a bunch of LGBTQ/queer people.

Pheromones
A314*: less than 1 drop rubbed on neck, with some on my wrists.

Observations
I rushed into work this morning because I though we had a meeting in the morning. Right as I was stepping out of the car, I check my phone to see it was cancelled 10 minutes before. Probably means I could have slept in a few minutes more. Oh well.

Anyway, I got settled in and started to work. I didn’t notice any obvious self-effects at first, but now that I’m looking over my emails and notes, it seems I actually got quite a bit done, including finally following up on some pending items I had been pushing back.

In fact, A314 gave me a boost of assertiveness that I’m just now remembering. It was so subtle, but I think was definitely the mones working. That day, I rescheduled a meeting that did not work for me at all and had me missing a webinar that I really should attend. When my boss first asked me to schedule the meeting, I was very passive aggressive about how poor timing it was for me, because it worked for everyone else. Side note: I avoid conflict at all costs to the point of absurdity, even when there’s no real threat of conflict. As such, I often bend over backwards to accommodate other people, and deal with the ramifications it has on me.

Today, after my boss confirmed that only a few of the original invitees actually needed to be there, I moved the meeting to a time that worked better for me, and sent a polite email to everyone that since only 3 of us were needed in that meeting, the others who couldn’t work with the new time didn’t need to worry about it. It was such a small and obvious thing to do, but the day before I just didn’t have it in me to make that call. I think I can say that A314 helped me better assert my needs in a professional manner.

Nothing remarkable to say about my webinar or the rescheduled meeting that followed. After these, our department met with our new employee to explain to them what we do. There were 4 of us total and I didn’t feel particularly different; I tend to be warm/joking in small settings where there’s some familiarity. I might have been acting a bit too casual, stretching and leaning back in my chair when I would normally sit upright and look very proper. I did notice that the new person kept looking at me, even when I wasn’t speaking. I didn’t know if that was just their way of showing engagement with all of us, but I did find it odd when my supervisor, who was directly across from me and on one side of the employee, was speaking, this new employee would turn to look over at me from time to time. Maybe a hit, maybe no.

Conclusion
Even though I kinda messed up my dose (a full drop didn’t come out of the bottle), it did have subtle but perceptible self-effects, and possibly effects on the new person. 12 years later, and A314 still has some potency. I can’t complain :slight_smile:

*A314, as I mentioned, is from 2007. I still use it because it seems to still have some effect, but the dosage may be different compared to a new batch.

4

Situation
Same week as my previous post, but Friday. More meetings, including one bright and early (early for me, anyway) with the “big” boss.

Pheromones
A314*: 2 drops total: 1 drop on neck, 1 drop to wrists

Observations
Like Thursday, I didn’t notice any self-effects right away, since A314 is oil-based.

We started the day off with a meeting with our executive director about funding and reporting our work. I’ve met with the ED before, so no intimidation on my end. I was quiet for the most part because I was tired and at the bottom of the pecking order among who was in the room (my direct supervisor, our dept. manager, and then the ED), and felt anything that needed to be said could be handled by those two before me. I was just fine with sitting back and perking up if my input was needed. The ED did make a comment about me in a way to include me into the conversation. Can’t say it was due to the mones or just good managing skills.

Our meeting ran half an hour over, and my supervisor and I were supposed to go to another meeting with the second in command. Since I had my laptop with me, I discretely emailed him (with a CC to my supervisor) to let him know we were still meeting with the ED and would let him know when we were done. I did feel kinda bad about obviously typing (I was taking notes on paper), but I figured it was the smartest/professional thing to do. Turns out I was right because he was wondering where we were and had even emailed our manager to find out what was going on.

Nothing remarkable to say about the next meeting. We had lunch and I was not impressed by the food, but I wasn’t upset. Just felt meh about it. I had a meal replacement drink back at my desk and figured I’d just drink that.

The lateness of the first meeting cascaded into my next conference call, but it was among peers/people younger than me, so I didn’t feel worried or embarrassed. I got on the call, explained my tardiness, and gave my updates as needed.

The rest of the day I emailed and worked on my new assignments from Thursday’s meeting. I didn’t have the usual anxious feeling when it’s crunch time: I just worked at my pace. My approach was that it would get done when it got done–and it did :slight_smile:

Despite a week of little sleep, I actually had more energy and mental clarity this Friday than I had the day before or even earlier in the week. I noticed this in particular when everyone else kept complaining about wanting to go home early because they were tired, but I felt just fine. I did end up going home “early” (around 6 PM), but not because I was tired: I felt that I had done all that I needed to do for the day and was ready to go home. Other days this week, I was in the office until 8 or 9:30 PM, which is very late.

Conclusion
Overall, A314 left me feeling very calm, relaxed, and tempered. Self-assured may be a good way to describe it (or “chill”). I wasn’t overly worried about things that might normally get me anxious or upset, I didn’t feel compelled to “perform” or do more than what was required of me (or what I felt was adequate). My energy levels were surprisingly even, despite little sleep. I think I need to try out A314 at this same dosage before I make any definite conclusions, but I think this is a good amount for a regular day in the office. I may need to up the amount if I want to feel more assertive, or combine it with something else to give me an edge.

*A314, as I mentioned, is from 2007. I still use it because it seems to still have some effect, but the dosage may be different compared to a new batch.

5

Well, here’s where my noobishness gets to shine…How do you tell which version is which? On the label, it has MMVFA in the corner, but I don’t think that means anything. I was trying to log back in to my Androtics account so I could check my order history, but I can’t remember the old password and customer service wasn’t really helpful.

6

For revision number there is sometimes a small sticker under the bottle.

For lost password see Recover Password right under Login on the store. And enter your original e-mail.

7

Welcome back man. Nice reports and yes we need more gay men testers here. I seen Hank having really good luck with A314 and I was also watching Lillians Journal as she was having luck with A314 and TUTH also. I decided to test some of the women’s` pheromones myself to see how they would effect people being a male. IS/A didn’t go to well for me. I really like IS/B and MX274 actually worked really well and on other guys to. My Gay male friends loved it, the only problem is the dam cookie scent didn’t go to well of it. I am tuned and also and good luck.

8

Awesome to see you journaling, Zedster! Definitely subscribing.

Yeah, seems like A314 is working well for you, despite it being 8 years old! Yeah, it’s a great product for the work environment. I’d be interested in seeing what three drops would do for you. I’m using Royale version, and three drops puts me in commando mode. Two drops seems to be my sweet spot. I’m supposed to play pool again with my school teacher friend. I’ll see if I can intimidate him and screw up his game with 3 drops.

9

I just might try out 3 drops sooner rather than later. I wanted to confirm the effects at 2 first (probably will try that tomorrow).

10

No such luck with the label, I’m afraid. As for the password recovery, I didn’t want to bore anyone with the details, but I already made several attempts at retrieving my password with that same method, but never got the recovery email. To be sure I was using the right/original email, I contacted customer support, who confirmed my address was correct, and even said they had set up my account so it would prompt me to reset my password on my next log in. Finally, I was recommended to create a new account if I was still having trouble. I did get an email that showed my billing and mailing address, but no password reset. I just created a new account, which means my old order info has been lost to the sands of time…

11

Sad thing. But hey, what’s important is that you’re back! Keep up the good work with those report.

12

Just finished watching the US State of the Union and will need to go to bed soon, but just a quick note: I don’t think 3 drops of A314 is good for me. I got really irritated at stuff, though didn’t really act out on it, just brooded. I’ll try 3 drops tomorrow to verify the effects, but I think 2 is my sweet spot.

13

Another super busy day…I still need to write a proper post about what 3 drops of A314 did, but as I reflected on how it affected me in general, I think I can use the Myers-Briggs* personality types to describe it.

As I mentioned in my intro post to this journal, I’m an INFP. For those who don’t know what that personality type system means, here’s a quick rundown. A314 affected my “P” (Perception), pushing me towards “J” (Judgment): not only was I was simply more focused, but I wanted to complete my work, not just give up/get bored/let it linger. That’s definitely a J trait, that desire for finality. What I think the Judging trait also does is accentuate the desire for rules, order, tradition, and constricting/values (lawyers and cops tend to be Judging types).

The irritation that I felt while wearing 3 drops definitely came up when people violated certain “rules” and values that I hold, things that I may normally have been annoyed by (if at all), but then let go of quickly. One of these “transgressions” irritated me so much that I was bothered by it for the rest of the day (like a good 6 or 7 hours).

I do plan to try 3 drops one more time, but I think like HankBuddy, 2 drops is good for me.

*Yes, many people claim Myers Briggs is totally useless or junk science (though I don’t think it claims to be a science). I don’t believe Myers Briggs is “truth” in the sense that it determines who you are, but I do find it useful in understanding how I (and other people) perceive and interact with the world and information.

14

Wow! 8 year old A134! Do you remember its effect 8 years ago? can you compare?

8 years man. You should be in the world records! :slight_smile:

15

Hey, Zedster, I’m INTJ, though I’ve been gravitating towards ENTJ lately. Yeah, A314 suits me just fine. Seems like two drops is your sweet spot. You might want to consider getting P74, P96, or TAC. These molecules will help temper A314 if you get into one of those “transgression” situations. I’ve been experimenting with TAC. That’s stuff works well, though it doesn’t combat road rage as well as IG.

16

I agree fully on the road rage bit. Bruce David Banner should use IG!

17

Ha ha, I know, right? I think the effects were the same when I first got it, though I think it had more of a self-confidence boost than a “focus and get stuff stuff done” effect.

18

I’ve been thinking about P74 and P76 based of your experiences and what other guys have said about it. Even though I probably own one of the oldest bottles of pheromones around, I still feel as though I’m a novice so I want to become familiar with the newbie pack first before experimenting with the putatives. Those two are definitely on my list, though. Can’t wait to read more about your experiences with TAC.

19

An experimented patient newbie. That’s great. It’s indeed important to get acquainted with the commercial line before moving on toward the putatives.

20

Situation
New work week. Still testing my old bottle of A314 (It’s so old it doesn’t have which version/rev. it is marked). I decide to see what 3 drops does for me. To reiterate, I work with a bunch of LGBTQ/queer people. We have a big all staff meeting to talk about a major issue that just came up and how we’re handling it.

Pheromones
A314*: 3 drops rubbed on neck and wrists.

Observations
Unlike last week where I efficiently checked things off my to-to list, I didn’t get any work done today. The minute my sense of “right and wrong” was violated, I couldn’t focus or think about anything else.

So here’s the rundown:

I got in to the office, checked email, then went into the big all staff meeting. Apparently something HUGE went down in the last few days. Some really bad decisions were made, no one who should have been consulted was consulted…basically we had a big mess on our hands. A lot of the staff were just as shocked as I was about the whole thing and expressed (very professionally, I might add), their disappointment and hope that things would happen differently in the future. I sat listening, taking notes, and learning more and more about my organization.

People make mistakes and I get that. That didn’t bother me as much as the fact that the mistake could have easily been avoided, and should have been, given the type of organization we are and the values we claim to adhere. I was more shocked/bewildered than upset.

What really got me upset was a comment that one woman made because of how incredibly self-centered and super defensive it was. This is someone who had nothing to do with the mistake. However, the first thing that came out her mouth: she thanked the person who screwed everything up for apologizing and said it wasn’t time to play the “blame game.” Um…this isn’t a game, this is a super serious mistake, but OK. Maybe the person who goofed is your BFF so that’s why you’re getting so defensive?

This woman then has the audacity to claim that “any of us could have made that mistake” and that she would want to be thanked if she apologized for screwing things up.(!!!)

Given the kind of mistake it was, this was not an appropriate thing to say or do. What happened has ramifications well beyond our organization and has real, detrimental impacts on people who rely on us, some very vulnerable people, and saying “thanks for owning up to what everyone knows was your fault” doesn’t make any sense, other than to deflect from the gravity of the mistake and the people it impacted, and recenter the attention on the feelings of the person in charge (and this apparent BFF). Moreover, I highly doubt “any one of us could have made that mistake” because of the nature of the decision. I won’t get into details because I’m not trying to gossip, just give context for my reaction to A314, but it takes a certain level of obliviousness, disconnect, and more over privilege to make the mistake that was made. And this woman projected all that she had onto the rest of us. I was beyond annoyed!

I think on a mone-free day, I would have been pissed, but then eventually let it go (filing that info away for another day) and focused on my work. Instead, I think the 3 drops of A314 had me dwelling on this transgression all day–her voice whined “let’s not play the blame game” over and over in my head as I sat at my desk trying to focus. I really wanted to talk to someone about it, to make sure I wasn’t making a big deal about it, but I’m still kinda new to the org and don’t think I’m close enough in anyone to confide in them like that. So I ended up circling around the office a few times, glancing at people at their desks, trying to decide if I should talk or not, and instead turning that into several trips to the water cooler. I was basically useless for the rest of the day and evening.

Conclusion
Like I said in my quick recap, I think A314 accentuates what’s called the “judging” personality trait in the Myers Briggs methodology (P/J spectrum). I’m an INFP, but 2 drops gives me enough “J”, enough desire to do what needs to be done, that I complete assignments so they don’t linger. 3 drops gets me into this is right, and this is wrong, and if you do wrong, it must be fixed. The woman made some inappropriate comments and had a very self-centered attitude in a very serious situation and got away with it. That offended the J that A314 accentuated, and I had no power to correct it.

I plan to try 3 drops one more time, perhaps on a day where I don’t have much work to do in case I get stuck in another “perpetually offended” moment.