I was told I should take this from my introduction post into this section, so here we go.
Original post(with advice about pheromones removed lol not relevant):
And the response I’m replying to:
Now, my reply:
Actually, the thought of him having sex with another woman doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Call me strange, but I don’t find sex to be an exclusive thing. Human beings are not programmed to be monogamous, we do it because it has many benefits to safe child rearing.
What would bother me is if he was seeking the emotional connection with another woman, if he was trying to find love in someone else. If I saw him flirting with another woman, I wouldn’t care. He still talks to some of his exes, and when we started dating he was still somewhat involved with another woman he was trying to get rid of. Again, didn’t bother me that he was still involved in her situation. So, thats my stance on that. I know he wouldn’t agree with my view, but we aren’t entitled to agree on these subjects. And, while I feel this way does not mean I would go farther than flirting.
Weight can play a crucial role in the bedroom, as the fat pad around the penis increases, it makes it “shrink” per se. The fat essentially engulfs the penis. Thus there isn’t as deep penetration. When weight is lost, the fat pad shrinks, and more of the penis is revealed. If this tells you anything he was 7 inches when we met, now barely 5. While that is a factor, the positions that usually would work for most people in this situation do not work for me. trust me, this isn’t just a whim. We’ve been trying many new things. My favorite position is impossible now, and thats saying something because it’s one of the easier ones.
There are many other issues we have besides this, but this is just the major one. He knows it too. Luckily, here soon we both are going to be starting a very drastic diet that a friend of ours did and had amazing results with (I just don’t like it because it’s very close to a starvation diet. But it still gives you your necessary nutrition, so whatever.) I wanted to get into pheromones for both situations. One to make flirting more fun, and two when we are happy with ourselves again something to help fire it back up and maybe help ease some of our other problems.
I don’t find what I’m doing wrong in any way at all. Yes, I’m flirting and gaining the attraction of another man, but I am not acting upon anything.
What about joining activities and classes you both enjoy? Exercise can get the hormones revved up too. Plus, if you do it because it’s fun, not because it’s exercise, you’d be building your relationship and having fun, and just “accidentally” getting slimmer. One caveat – near starvation diets are hard to follow if you don’t adjust for exercise. It’s better to eat well and not just “count calories.”
All other things aside; the mind and the emotions don’t process information in the same way. While he might be intellectually ok with your flirting; doesn’t necessarily means he feels ok about it. And you attracting the attention of another man. Really? When he doesn’t feel good about himself and quite possibly doesn’t feel good about your relationship? Think about it. A vital part of a healthy relationship is coming unglued (according to you); he can’t perform per se for an easier gratification; and probably feels he can’t compete, either.
Doesn’t that sound a little like rubbing his nose in it? I’m just asking, because I’ve been in his position. No pun intended.
And when the guy at work becomes interested in you for your blatant flirting/mones around him, what then? You’ve basically led some guy on at work, and flirted behind your 'fiancee’s back due to your own relationship/esteem issues.
Plus, if you do it because it’s fun, not because it’s exercise, you’d be building your relationship and having fun, and just “accidentally” getting slimmer. One caveat – near starvation diets are hard to follow if you don’t adjust for exercise. It’s better to eat well and not just “count calories.”