Alittle help from the people that know best...

Sorry for the lack of report, my week has been alittle blah…

So I’ve got a little Q for whoever can answer…

I’ve been arguing with the SO a lot lately. At first, I thought it was the IS/b pheromones making me feel moody and whatnot, but (as Lor has pointed out to me ) even as I stopped applying it, the arguments continued. Now, just a few days ago, I’ve realized that I’ve started to become attracted to my pastry teacher… I don’t even know how or why since he’s much older than I am, but I’m thinking its connected to the constant bickering and screaming and crying bouts I have with my b/f. Of course, once I realized it, I told him about my growing feelings for this person and how afraid I was of even going to class, and just how afraid I am, in general, over “us”. He said needed some time to think about it. But days have passed now and he hasn’t spoken a word to me about it. Meanwhile I’m going to classes, and my heart skips a beat when my teacher smiles gently at me…

So. I kinda feel myself spiraling into some kind of depression…Feel ditched. Feel confused. Feel disappointed in myself. Heart hurts. I wanna be optimistic with “us” but I feel like no one is there to receive it. I wanna bring it up again but I mean… Why is he acting like nothing happened ? Where is he when I need him ?

And my negatively is affecting everyone in my life. So. I guess the question here is, what the best “feel good, pick me up” pheromone ? I know I know..! I don’t expect a pheromone to fix it. But I guess right now I need that temporary-happy pill because the one guy I expected to pick me up when I fall down isn’t here apparently. And I could use a clearer more optimistic look on life so I can find the strength to do something to fix this… and NOT something stupid like forgetting him and finding someone else.

My recommendations:

Pick me up:
Instant Shine

Calm the Tension:
MX274

Heart to Heart:
Instant Honesty

What else do you own besides Instant Sexiness/B?

How long have you been with your b/f? Do you live together or separately? Has it ever been like this before?

Maybe some Instant Honesty (back of your head), Instant Shine, a good dose of MX274, and a long heart to heart might be in order before you make any decisions?

Diane

I agree with Di those three would be the first to look at and are great choices.

Some possibilities, phenomonally to consider…

You have mentioned that the bickering is occurring even without the mones. I don’t want you to revel to much because its personal between you and your BF but did he start the bickering or did you ?

See it may not be the mones directly but there is a possibility that with you sending new signals he is confused and trying to process those signals. People close to us know our natural mone signature and need time to adjust to it when we change it rapidly. These new signals may be making him feel a little insecure though. Instead of him just reacting he is going through his mind trying to place why it is you seem different and he may be scared your distancing and doesn’t know how to handle that so he lashes out.

For example it took about a week of use with Instant sexiness for my husband to really respond as I expected. At first he just kept looking at me funny like a grew a boob on my forehead or something. A few days into using them he began to ask questions trying to place what was different about me…

“Is that a new blouse ?” Nope had it for years

‘Did you get your hair done different ?’ Nope didn’t change my hair

My husband and I are secure in our relationship so he never got to the point of feeling threatened or insecure. I did pay more attention to him during this time though which is natural because I was using mones to effect him. After about a week he realized I was still me and he stopped trying to process it and just reacted to it.

Now I don’t know your situation and this may not apply to you but its something to consider.

IH and MX274 will help him feel closer to you so that will help if he is having these feelings of insecurity.

Another possibility if you feel your the one bickering is that IS/B which is TAH based doesn’t mesh well with you. You may be a TAL girl and not a TAH girl. I feel ditzey and out of sorts when I use TAH. I use TAL to off set it so I can use the TAH based products. Perhaps you feel out of sorts and bickering is the result of that feeling.

Again it may not apply to your situation.

Ishine will help with moods so defiantly try that one.

Keep in mind a certain amount of bickering can happen in relationships but if you have a good foundation you will both with stand that. If you feel your foundation is weak then working on improving that with connecting bonding mones will help you strengthen it. This is a positive not a negative.

Its hard to say because I don’t know what your fight was about and you don’t need to share that. Is he ignoring you now, is this why your feeling ditched ? Or is he ignoring the subject of conflict which is totally normal for men ? They tend to not want to keep rehashing the argument. They argued and now they are done arguing. He said his piece and you said yours and now you have to see if either of you actually heard what the other was saying and if you can separate what is said in hurt and what that person is really feeling.

How do you want him to respond to telling him you are attracted to someone else. There really is nothing he can say or do about that.

Now a word on your teacher… I am all for honesty but you don’t need to tell your boyfriend your attracted to someone else unless of course your feel that attraction is going to go somewhere. You didn’t indicate if your attraction is returned from your teacher and if its something that you are going to pursue. You don’t need to feel bad about it either, you didn’t do anything wrong.

In your lifetime you will meet many people you are attracted to some very strongly. So will your boyfriend but it all comes back to that foundation I mentioned. If you have Love trust and respect for one another. If you share common goals and morals those attractions wont hurt the relationship and in many ways they strengthen it. However do not tell him your attracted to someone else. Its not something he needs to know unless it is going to effect your relationship. Its perfectly normal and doesn’t mean you feel less for him.

This is true, negativity attracts negativity and you need to focus more on the positives. I know this can be hard but try and the more you do the more positive experiences and feelings will come back to you. Every time you feel that negative feeling creeping in replace it with a positive one.

For instance instead of focusing on how you feel over the argument which is obviously distress focus on what you learned about each other from it and how it can make your relationship grow. If the argument was so bad it indicates a separation which I don’t think is the case then find the positive there as well. There is one… there can be no positive without a negative and vice versa.

Take a deep breath, its going to be OK. This is all part of building that strong foundation.

If you need to talk we are here for ya :wink:

Tisha

I agree with Tisha 100% here, and there’s lots to think about.

The only TAH containing products I can wear also contain TAL, like MX135. I haven’t tried Instant Sexiness/B, but I’d probably respond about like you do. TAH makes me emotionally needy. It causes my husband to treat me as if I have low value, and he becomes disrespectful to me. That leads to some very down times for me, and I don’t feel strong enough, emotionally, wearing TAH to fight that.

A lot of women swear by Instant Sexiness/B and it works well for them, makes them feel sexy and kittenish, and many men respond well to that. But it isn’t for everyone.

If you are certain it is the Instant Sexiness/B that is bringing you down, I’d also recommend either switching to Instant Sexiness/A or wearing a good dose of TAL along with it, or wearing Instant Sexiness/A and /B together.

Diane

hey cookie.

my 2 cents:

anytime we feel a major let down from the one we want the most support from, its definately not uncommon to feel attraction for someone you have something in common with, trying to maintain an intimate connection with someone.
im an artist, intimate connections are what i live for.
(not physical ones)

i think with this perspective, whatever is going on emotionally between you and your teacher will probably dissipate.

since pheromones dont cause dissagreements but rather intensify or diffuse them, i want to share an insight i had this year.

i never connected using copulins and the intense arguments from my SO before, but i am seeing a connection now.

there are trace copulins in the instant sexiness and mx134.
food for thought.

my opinion is that the only pheromone i would use around your boyfriend -
and at this point yourself-
is androstenol.

i would use alphanol with a light perfume cover and that is it.
if you do a little research on the alphanol by itself, you will see why.

its not just something that people say causes mindless chatter.

its youthful and fun and light and loving.
keeping it simple.
again, this is just my opinion.

good luck kiddo.
:slight_smile:

Sorry I haven’t been clear about that, Diane. Sometimes I don’t know differentiate what is too personal or what’s not informative enough. We’ve been together for 4 and a half years now, and we do live separately (until we finish schooling). I currently own Instant Sexiness A, Instant Sexiness B, Instant Honesty, and Instant Openness (have yet to test it out).

Some similar HAS happened before, which led to us to making sure that if there was ANY attraction beyond the norm, we would tell each other, perhaps for the simple sake of knowing what was going on in each other’ s lives but more so that both of us could talk about things reasonably and share our emotions before anything became worse.
I guess this leads to Tish’s comment about not having to tell him. When I think about it, I’ve been in this relationship since I was 16 aka, when I didn’t know any better ( and I’m probably still working my way ) so I’m not surprised that certain nuances in this relationship are pretty darn weird compared to most relationship dynamics. It sounds completely logical that I shouldn’t tell him, and you probably know much better than me.

I’ll be honest with you, though. I felt the need to tell him because I started WANTING something to happen between me and the teacher. Of course, I wouldn’t of. But there was a tiny part in the back of me that wanted and wondered what it would be like to become closer, and honestly it scared the crap out of me.
Loved the advice about the positives of this relationship. I often forget the importance of an optimistic attitude, and rather focus too much on negative emotions. Workin on it, workin on it. :frowning:

Funny you should mention that, I’ve stopped using all phero’s since this whole issue started with the exception of Honesty ( which, now that I think about it, made me feel really downbeat and gloomy about the situation.) This is partially because.. I really don’t feel like “getting sexy” when things are still left unresolved.
So Im thinking – maybe I’ll try Instant Honesty with some mx274 like you guys have mentioned orr, this androstenol that you speak of. AND I’ll research alphanol so I don’t end up asking another stupid question~

Until then…Oh Valentines Day..how cruel your timing is…!

androstenol is i was refering to in my post.

it is the key ingredient in instant openess.

instant openess is a nice mellowed-out version of instant honesty (in a way).

androstenol by itself is heavenly and simple,
but IO is great too.

Lor is right sometimes the basics like IO are the most effective and we forget because of our pherocrazed natures. There is just so much to play with here LOL Go with basic IO which is primarily anol and see how you do. Remember to give it some time. Sometimes it takes a week of using a product to clearly see what its doing. Hell after years of using them I still discover new nuances and patterns for some of my favorite mixes.

Believe me this is totally normal but you have a level head and you know what you want. Dont feel bad, wanting is human nature.

Tisha

I’ll try to make a more official report once I try Instant Openness a little more, but I did talk to him with one spray of it, on my neck and he at very close range.

He finally voice his fears about it and explained what he was going through and his emotions whatnot- what surprised me was that he had already planned out certain solutions in his head, when he rarely makes that initiative. We talked about the ways we could BOTH approach this and eventually it felt like I was resynchronizing back up with him.

And just like Lor said ( I must mention you like 4 times in every post - that’s how dead on you are sometimes !) I can already feel this little crush of mine fizzing out. I couldn’t be any happier to see that happening, trust me.

So thanks a bunch for the wisdom and encouragement, Lor, Tish and Diane. You guys certainly did a Charlie’s Angel-esque number on me. :stuck_out_tongue: I’ll report back with Openess once I’ve given it a better test drive.

anytime,cookie.

this forum allows for alot of perspectives,
and in sharing your situation
you spark a bouncing-off of ideas
that every one of us can relate to to some degree.

we are all better for it.

thank you :slight_smile: