Hey,
It’s not really mone related, obviously, but I’m wondering if anyone here is good with online dating? Any tips or recommendations? I suck at it and would like to meet some women and go on dates from it, perhaps to test some of my mone arsenal, but it seems hard to get dates easily.
Anyone have advice?
-Ovid
I’m not particularly good with it, but I have picked up a few things from friends who use dating sites a lot.
Your photos are very important, both in how they make you look and what they say about you. People have a lot less to judge you by online, so appearance becomes more important, and different photos can make a huge difference in how attractive you look.
What you’re doing in a photo can imply a lot about your personality and circumstances. A photo that you’ve obviously taken yourself in a mirror with a phone suggests to some people that you don’t have any close friends to take a photo for you, or that you’ve just thrown together a profile on a whim. A photo where you’re trying to show off your abs suggests some degree of vanity and a certain set of values.
Send messages and write profiles that stand out from what everyone else is doing without seeming weird or like you’re trying too hard. If someone gets 30 messages today, then they probably won’t have time to look through all of them, and will head to the most interesting ones.
Don’t try and be everything to everyone. Rather than trying to be generic in the hope that you don’t put anyone off, make your profile specific to who you are and what you’re looking for. Yes, you’ll repel a percentage of people, but they were people that you weren’t too compatible with anyway, and you’ll also be far more attractive to people that you are compatible with.
Don’t try too hard. Writing a profile that makes you sound absolutely awesome in every possible way, and going into intense detail about this, is likely to make you look insecure. Even if it doesn’t a lot of people who you might be interested in will feel that they can’t measure up to your extreme awesomeness and be put off.
Hey Ovid,
I’ve had quite a bit of experience with online dating. Honestly, the first thing I can say is this: the words you write to a woman when making first contact are of utmost importance! More often than not, guys will simply say “hey” or “hello” and leave it at that. I usually don’t even bother with them if they are going to be that lazy. I just hit “delete”. And if a guy says something that sounds generically cut-and-paste, like, “You are cute. Wanna chat?” I might give them a chance, but I’m certainly not impressed. The ones that have really impressed me are the ones who have something to say that proves they are talking specifically to me, he’s interested in who I am, and we have something in common. For starters, this should contain at least 3 sentences. He should bring up something that’s written in my profile, to prove he read it. He should ask me a question so that I have something to reply to, and the opportunity for communication is started.
Think of it this way: some people assume that internet dating is easier than IRL dating, because there are more options. In my opinion, it’s actually harder. In person, a girl can see what you really look like, how you conduct yourself, and she can feel you out. You can see her body language, her personality, and before you even ask her out, you can get a good idea of whether you might have a chance or fail. Online, you may have more options of people, but you don’t have nearly the opportunity to scope them out. So you have to do a little more work to show her, “Yes, I’m a nice dude, I’m fun, I think you are interesting, I’m worth your time!”
Once she’s read your message, before she responds, she’ll move on to step 2. She’ll look at your profile. Fourfiveone’s advice is great for this step. No mirror shots, no ab shots. Your face should be clearly visible. Don’t make faces or wear sunglasses in more than one shot. Smile. Don’t try to be badass. Limit group shots, you don’t want her to be confused about which one you are. NO shots of you with another girl, or a group of girls! She will assume that it’s an ex, and a group of girls will make her think you are a player. Girls don’t like players. Try to avoid bar scene pictures, you don’t want her thinking you are a chronic party boy or a drunk.
With writing your profile, Fourfiveone is spot on. Throw in some unique things about yourself. You don’t want to look like every other guy out there, you want to stand out a bit. Also, don’t throw in your negatives. Too many guys go with “I’m gonna lay it all out so you don’t get blindsided down the road”, and start listing their handicaps, their emotional issues, their baggage, etc. Nice intent, but it’s misguided. A girl shouldn’t know too much about your faults until she can balance them against your strengths. Everyone has faults, and learning about them is part of the process of getting to know someone over time. But until you’ve already made a bond, you really don’t want to stack the odds against yourself.
I’ve been doing this for 10 years
That being said. It’s generally a waste of time and money (more ways than one).
Paid sites don’t mean serious girls. I’ve found a lot of the women that are on online dating sites… are there for one of 4 reasons: Socially Awkward, married/seperated/dating someone and want their ego stroked, batsh*t crazy, or there is an especially nasty subset that wants nothing more than free meals/plays/concerts/experiences (usually these ones are severely narcissistic.)
I can honestly say over 10 years and hunreds of first dates, I’ve had nothing meaningful come out of it but my financial house has taken hit after hit after hit. Every now and then you might get some sex out of it but I’ve never found anyone that I even remotely wanted to have a relationship with online. I’ve had countless bad experiences. IN fact I tell my worst stories so much that people are constantly insisting I should write a book (I’ve wrote notes about most of the girls I’ve wanted to include, but I keep trying to find a woman to write it and give her commentary and split sales 50/50 with me).
Here are some examples…
Former heroin addict felon that was stabbed 3 times in prison, stood me up on first date because she couldn’t remember what day her house arrest was over…
Girl that showed up with a guy clearly in his 60’s and kept speaking klingon to me and staring at him.
Pre-op transgender (the first one, that didn’t tell me until a couple of hours into the date. there was a second one that told me about 5 minutes into the date, both were passable, the first one I called out, the second one went on to tell me that graduated from an all men’s college, changing her name to the masculine form quickly confirmed this on google)
A-LDS, putting bare feet on booth and table at 20$ a meal place
A-R. the threesome with me and a friend, next day moved in with my friend…
Fat depressed teacher/trying to get me to screw her in movie parking lot in broad daylight
R.R. and the sobbing uncotrollably during sexual encounters, then going to her exes apartment after we spent the day together… cleaned his apartment fixed him a sandwhich and had sex with him because she felt bad for him
S. showing up hour late, leaving 10 minutes in for ‘trainer’ took the food I bought to go and saw her eating with guy in car in parking lot
Girl at Papa Joe Jr’s telling me I’m a Satanist for 2 hours because of my Masonic ring
Girl in eagle creek, watching Poseidon Adventure remake and her 2 sons spill out into the living room sword fighting with turned on dildos
Sorry I vanished after our couple of dates, I was on my honeymoon
Girl downtown at the apartment with the cat making it purr on my junk
The nurse with the pothead brother that was murdered in their garage during a bad drug deal, she was a pothead too
The athletic narcissist at Papa Joe Jr’s, 3 hours about themselves, redirected everything I said back to being about them
Oh yeah. my ex-husband is in jail for arson, my son is in a wheel chair, and I feed/shelter 3 people solely off welfare
I don’t need a job, I’m a professional poker player (at the boats) and poker tutor
I’m single, but I share a one bedroom apartment with my ex/baby daddy of my one child (I recently saw her on a site again, living with same ex/baby daddy of 2 children about 7 months preggo with 3rd)
I love you, but I brought two girls home from the bar… for me though, not you. (this one is a problem to this day, 4 years later. She’s not allowed within 100 yards of me but it doesn’t stop her from following me, she is way out of my league though I should have known she was damaged)
Girl with the 5 year old who was molested by her father, yelling and spanking her kid for being a calm curious 5 year old, where I urinated on my pants in her incredibly tiny bathroom because her toilet was like 3 inches off the floor and I was getting hardcore splashback without realizing, pulled a Billy Madisson and splashed a bunch of water on my pants and said “I missed” and kept insisting I urinated on myself and she just laughed and said I’m silly no matter how much I protested that I really urinated all over my pants… and how all of her furniture was impossibly tiny.
H, 5 kids, 4 fathers, husband with 4 warrants for arrest for child molestation (of oldest kid), illegal immigrant, kids finding dildo and used condom from previous renter hidden atop bathroom vanity and blowing the condom up…
Etc.
Your mileage may vary but do this, imagine all the problems and quirks you have if you are male… keep in mind that women have far better chances at finding a man and amplify your problems 3-10 fold to generally (not in all cases mind you) have an idea of the type of women you’ll encounter. Some women are just busy with careers and/or kids and go online to try and have a dating life… these are few and far between though.
You don’t lose your memory until you stop looking at the silence, it does not need to be looking at you. The angel would move closer unless the silence stepped out of the angel’s field of vision.
I’ve been using this avatar for almost a year on a handful of forums. You are the first to say a thing about it. My faith in humanity is restored.
Thanks everyone.
I’m likely going to just avoid online dating at the moment – I seem to not get a ton of hits on it, despite having a decent profile and all that. Besides, I’m probably better off spending my time in the bars and in person.
Ryan. Ouch. Also, that does help – I know it’s not me. I did end up dating a few girls in the past online, but they were a tad nuts (although, NOTHING compared to what you managed to go through. Why did you keep at it if you kept on having such a nutso time?)
-Ovid
Well if I ever get around to the first book, and it’s a smash hit… I’ll need material for another hahah. I honestly don’t know, it keeps my life entertaining I suppose.
I agree with ryanmercer on this subject, and hey he even uses a similar signature 
ovidiusnaso, there’s different types of males. To scratch the surface, there’s the active and the passive and the mix. The passive are waiting for their luck on dating opportunities and usually stay single and cling to a gf as they will have to wait a while for a new gf if they break up. The mix are the passive but sign up on dating sites to increase their chances a bit. And the active have an abundance of attractive women and depending on how active they are, a date every 10 days as intermediate with some experience isn’t exaggerating. You saying getting dates is hard? Yeah, work on it a bit and it’ll become easy cake. Become active and go out is my advice, sorry if I couldn’t add much about online dating - ryanmercer really pretty much covered everything I had on my mind.
Yours was so good I only had to change the colors! 
I’m not great at it either but I have plenty of success when online dating. I think the best way to find success is to communicate with as many women as possible. It doesn’t matter if you get rejected, just keep trying.
I go to several places but the dating site that i usually go to is Christian mingle because i am sorta religious. If you want some details about it, go to www.freedatinghelper.com/reviews/christian-mingle/ for some.
And when you go to these dating sites, be sure to fill out your profile and fluff it up. For instance, if you were short, add a couple of inches. If you were skinny, say slim and athletic. Women judge on the profile a lot.
And ask a women to meet up in person as quick as possible. If they don’t want to, move on to the next. This is a numbers game. The more you talk to the better chance you have at succeeding.
Good luck.
I agree with what Panda said, except for the lying. I am a tall woman, and I am not attracted to guys who are shorter than me. If a guy’s profile said he was taller than me, but in person he is shorter than me, I’d be pissed. He would not get a second date, and I would instantly think he wasn’t trustworthy.
So Ryan, it sounds like you have a predilection to fall for the “Crazy/Hot Paradox”…
…When a chicks bangability conceals her craziness…
I suggest you try a plain old blind date, set up by a friend you can trust, or maybe try a singles group at church. You know, something more predictable!
Truth is stranger than fiction Man!