Avoiding a V-day massacre: mad at boyfriend, what do I wear tonight?

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So my boyfriend (who is usually so wonderful to me!) is not a big fan of Valentine’s Day. He informed me of this a few weeks ago, and I expressed my disappointment because I love V-day. :o Anyway, I thought we had found a compromise when a friend invited me to a Latin music gig she’s playing tonight where they’re serving 1/2 price sushi, offering free salsa lessons, and giving the women free roses. Perfect, I thought: sushi (which we both love) and dancing & roses (which I love!). I told him about the event, he thought it sounded nice, so we agreed that we would attend.

He just called a few minutes ago, and I greeted him with a, “Happy V-day!”

“Oh…” he said. He had forgotten. He had also forgotten that we had a date tonight, and had made plans to help his pal “Jose” study for an exam. :angry:

I was, ahem, not happy. To put it mildly. I had just spent the morning putting together a little V-day gift baggie for him (nothing expensive, just little things I know he needs/wants) and bumping into plastic cupids and chocolate hearts in every store. All week there have been V-day radio ads, TV ads, newsprint ads, banners in storefronts. How could he have possibly forgotten???

Anyway, he remembered once I reminded him. And instead of immediately apologizing and offering to call “Jose” to cancel (which was obviously the correct thing to do since our plans were made weeks ago), he actually hemmed and hawed and wanted me to go alone. On Valentine’s Day. I swear to God, I was so angry, I didn’t even want to talk to him.

Finally, he called “Jose” to cancel, called me back, and is picking me up at 7. But he still hasn’t apologized. And I’m still so mad… and really hurt. I know V-day isn’t important to him, but it is important to me! And I had told him so very clearly. And I thought we had worked out a way of celebrating that would make us both happy.

So now I need to figure out what pheromones to wear when he picks me up tonight. I’d like to avoid MX135 and IS/b because I find that TAH makes me vulnerable and weepy… especially if I’m already upset. Other than those two, what do you all think I should wear tonight? My goals are to (1) communicate to him why I’m upset in a clear but non-shrill manner, (2) maintain my dignity (avoid crying, or at least keep it to a few isolated tears), (3) work out some sort of resolution by the end of the night. An apology is going to be necessary, here.

Let’s hear it ladies. What should I wear? And I’m also taking suggestions on what I should say and how I should say it. :o

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Suddenly I don’t mind being single on Valentine’s day anymore…

For your night…hmmm…I would try;
*Mx300 for that alpha vibe
*IS for the confidence & mood boost, & to give you a happy, shiny vibe
*IH to get the conversation to be more intimate…& to get that apology!

Good luck…let us know how it goes :slight_smile:

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Scanning your list of what you have on-hand, I would wear MX300 (include a shot to your chest/throat area for maximum self-effect) and Instant Honesty.

As far as what to say, I would try to impress upon him that you understand he doesn’t care for Valentine’s Day, but that the actual day itself is beside the point: he made plans with you first and in the future you expect that he respect that. Otherwise, you need adequate warning when he is going to do something else. Come at this from a rational standpoint rather than “my feelings are hurt that you wanted to do something with Jose on Valentine’s Day” angle, because that’s probably not going to make a dent. Make it a general respect issue.

Whether you actually do understand his feelings re: Valentine’s Day or not, at least make an effort at seeming as though this is so. He’s not understanding your enthusiasm for it at this point, but if he thinks you’re meeting him halfway on this, it may help him to meet you halfway on other things in the future.

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3 sprays Instant Forgiveness
2 sprays of Instant Good Humor
2 Sprays of Ishine 2x

When he gets there tell him that you were very disappointed that he forgot Valentine’s Day, but much worse was forgetting your date! However since it’s Valentine’s Day and it’s so important to you that you won’t let anything mess it up you have already forgiven his misdeed. Go to the party and make sure he has a wonderful time. Then after the party remind him again how very nice Valentine’s Day is for lovers so that next year he’ll look forward to it and will keep reminding YOU that Valentine’s Day is coming. :slight_smile: Just 2 pennys from a guy.

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Oh gosh, I bet you feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.
You want to go but you are so mad you sorta kinda dont wanna go?

I know that’s how Id feel, Im not sure I could go w/o just being in a horrible mood, so it would probably be better for me to not go at all. lol
So many conflicting feelings, that is a hard situation.
So you are a better woman than me.

I wish you the best luck, and I hope you have a wonderful time.
It sounds like a lot of fun, I dont think my bf would go for the dancing though lol. We also love sushi!!
maybe there will be a nice latin gent who will offer a dance, ok maybe that’s not such a good idea. :cool:

Let us know how it turns out!!

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Renny, that’s an excellent recipe :slight_smile: …one that everyone needs to add to their arsenal. :wink:

Happy Valentines Day, Boo.

Big warm hugs and a smoochie from me!

Bella

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Just sending back some of the good vibes a friend has been sending me over the last couple of years. Happy V day back at ya!

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Ah, Honey, my heart goes out to you! You deserve better.

<3<3<3

My personal feelings about this is that it isn’t about Valentine’s Day. It is about his callousness towards your feelings and his willingness to hurt you. I’d dump him and find someone who treats me better, because when it starts out bad it just goes downhill. If it starts well, it can still go downhill, but at least you have something to remind him of… things that made you happy and feel loved. But from where you stand now? Meh.

Adding to Renny’s list I’d make him wear:

4 sprays of Begging Your Forgiveness
2 sprays of Sincere Apology
3 sprays of Making Restitution
2 sprays of I Promise I’ll Never Do It Again

For you:

3 sprays MX135
3 sprays MX300
3 sprays Instant Honesty (back of hair)

Diane

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Most guys hate V-day with a passion. I do. It’s so damn commercial, plastic, corny and feels forced on you. We wanna do all those sweet nothings because it’s our idea and we really want to do it, not because it is expected, traditional or a plot by big-buck marketing firms. You’re lucky he cared about you enough to, although belatedly, swallow his distain and grin 'n bare it. He must really love you!

Just a heads up: most guys would have second thoughts about a woman pressuring them to do something they really hate. So don’t make it a habit. It comes off as narcissistic and dismissive. Obviously you aren’t as concerned about his feelings as you were about your own…

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Well, the way I see it, lets put ourselves in her shoes.

You have a loved one. And a day that means something to you, regardless of any reasons why it should have a value to begin with. You compromise for your loved one by trying to woo them with sushi(which they love), possibly so you can give them a positive memory of a day they dislike. They agree and make the date with you.

They forget.” Alright… understandable.” They made other plans with someone else.” Well, if they forgot , so naturally they’d make other plans. Sure.” They tell you to go alone. “Wait what ?” They don’t apologize. “….”

The way I see things, shes WAS concerned about him, and full aware he hated V-day JUST as he was aware she loved it. In fact, she was trying accommodate him by making little baggies of things HE WANTED, food that HE LOVED , all just so she could spend V-Day with him. She didn’t guilt trip him into it by crying, or pressuring him into by calling him a selfish bastard for not liking V-day. And despite all her endearing efforts, he forgot the date and told her to go alone. And didn’t apologize.

And while he DID cancel the plans and kept up his word about spending the day with her (again, belatedly which is fine as long as he did it), most people would feel hurt if they were told to go alone on a promised date that they tried hard to make entertaining for the other.

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Wow! This is really balsy, Geggogi, coming in the women’s section and implying a woman is selfish on Valentine’s Day. I’d duck and cover if I were you.

My husband hates Valentine’s Day. I hate Father’s Day (personal reasons). Do we punish and ignore each other because of it? NEVER. We both find ways to make those days special for the other, because we love each other. And the way we respond to those days mean something, whether we choose to allow the commercialism (or other personal reasons) to affect us or not.

Diane

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Yep massive nads o’ titanium! Not that your haven’t tossed a few choice our way! Actually I didn’t imply anything. I wrote the truth. I think both parties share blame although each party always thinks they’re right and the other is to blame. She pressured him into doing something she knew damn well he didn’t want to do. Strike 1 for her. He said yes to please her but tried to wiggle out in a cowardly manner. Strike 1 for him. He felt bad for being a dick and decided to follow through with the event for her sake. I’d call it even at that point. That wasn’t good enough for her, blah, blah. Such is life.

Personally I don’t bother with holidays much. I try to make every day special and toss in random surprises on whims. The mystery and shock enhances the enjoyment whether it be a expensive gift, gala event, European vacation, etc. Being obligated to do chokes the life out of it. Doing it because you want to means your are sincere.

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Exactly. But choosing to want to do something you personally dislike because it makes the other person feel special - that can be rewarding also. It depends on your attitude. Do you want to nurture your partner and your relationship, or do you want to nurture your dislike of a particular day? Do you want to step up and put some effort into the relationship, or take the easy route and ramp up the tension? Personally, I think the rewards for both of us outweigh the negatives by so much, the choice is easy.

Diane

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My personal feelings on Valentine’s Day and Sweetest Day are this: why do you need a day set aside by some entity in which to let your significant other know you love them? That is essentially insulting, in my opinion. If you love someone, you should be showing them every day. It shouldn’t be demanded that on a certain day you buy certain things or go to certain places to show your love.

So I can understand it when people say they dislike it. I’ll participate in it, or I won’t, it really makes no difference to me one way or the other.

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Now i can see where both sides are coming from in this battle of wills, but i’m afraid i have to agree with Diane’s side… mostly. While i agree with Gegogi that you should be doing this anyways and surprising your SO with little things all the time, that doesn’t mean you can’t participate in this one too.

Some of ya’ll seem to see this as a chore or a unwanted event. I see it as an excuse. In our busy lives it’s not always easy to take the time out and have a nice romantic night in… sometimes we get so caught up in work, hobbies, taking care of kids, etc. that those gentle, slow moving nights with the one you love fall by the wayside. So what’s the problem with a big ol’ reminder to slow down and smell the roses?

Now, i HATE the commercial aspect of V-day, i won’t even argue with someone about that. I HATE IT. But who says you HAVE to buy a big box of chocolates and roses for your sweetie? Last V-day was spent with my girlfriend walking in a park together during the afternoon, cooking her a nice candlelight dinner that we used as an excuse to dress up nicely, then going to see a community theater production of Alice in Wonderland. Nothing in there about plastic hearts, boxed chocolates, etc. Just two people spending a nice, relaxing, intimate night together.

So if you don’t enjoy Vday, that’s just fine. But how about making some OTHER night in the month to have an intimate night? Just think of it as a reminder, not as a demand. Maybe that’ll help ya understand where these women are coming from. :roll_eyes:

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Hey MFG, my point is that he was expecting to be unhappy on V-day. That’s why he ignored it. Why he expects that is of no concern. Razzing from boys in school when he made a big deal of it with his 5th grade sweetie, an ex who was unhappy no matter what he did, his own feelings about commercialization, guilt cuz he blew it last year…whatever. The productive course is to change the way he feels about it. If she wants a guy who likes V-day she has to make V-day something for him to look forward to.

EDIT: an update would be good, I really hope things worked out for the best.

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I think that’s really what we, well at least I do, see it as – a reminder. And to be honest, it doesn’t even necessarily have to be Valentine’s Day.

I think it’s a great idea you have to schedule just about any night to add some renewing surprise and excitement. Last year, me and the SO did absolutely nothing for it but spent a day, many weeks before V-day I might add, going up into the Poconos and relaxing- because he had off a few days from work and we had damn well been wanting a excuse to get out and explore a new place together. And because he also has an unnatural obsession with snow. Me, I can’t stand the sight of it but it was easily replaced with the thought of spending time with him and seeing him smile goofily when he reported in with “ Oh, do you see how big the flakes are !?! This means that the atmosphere…etc etc”

Speaking of which, I spent my V-day with him this year on Sunday- at the Academy of Natural Sciences. Oh yes. Rambunctious children galore, dinosaur bones and stuffed bird carcasses - not a lick of rose or box of chocolates and sweet nothings here :stuck_out_tongue: We had a pretty sweet time, and his eyes were glazed with amusement and excitement at every turn.

Hope to hear an update as well !

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Im curious how Smelly’s night turned out.

It really isnt about Valentine’s day, but how he treated the situation. To me it doesnt sound like he was being that honest w/her.
I of course dont know the whole situation so I could be totally wrong.

I also was thinking something similar to what MFG said, sometimes we need to plan things or they will never happen.
Especially w/work, kids, just life, stuff easily gets in the way, you think, “oh Ill have time later” and later turns to never.
It does happen.

I am really lucky that I have a bf that does make an effort on Valentine’s Day. As a teenager I had a bf that didnt give a crap and it really hurt my feelings. So even at 32 it means a lot to me that my bf knows I care about it, therefore he makes an effort.
I also gave him things I knew he’d enjoy, really nice pieces of steak from Omaha Steaks, and a video game I knew he wanted. Perfection I think lol.
There are give and takes in all relationships.

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But then you miss out on Steak and Knobber Day. :roll_eyes:

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haha It took me a minute to notice the lady under the table.
Id say “S&K Day” is at least once a week for my bf, but not at the same time, that’s kinda gross and my bf likes sharing his steak w/me. He says it’s no fun eating by himself. :smiley:

I mean the boy did get Omaha Steaks: The Private Reserve Grand Trio for his Valentines Day gift, but I know those will be gone by March 20th.

:cool: