Daedelus' journal

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Men's Journals
181

I thought I’d share a few tentative conclusions comparing biofeedback and brainwave entrainment. I think biofeedback is ultimately better in general.

Brainwave entrainment (binaural beats, isochronic tones, monaural beats, etc.) can “force” your brain into particular brain state. This is both good and bad. Binaural beats are the mildest, followed by monaural beats, pitch modulation, and isochronic tones. Michael Hutchinson, a key figure in the mind-machine industry in the 80’s (and now living poor, quadrapalegic, but describes himself as “extremely happy”) has some misgivings about brainwave entrainment, and is concerned that excessive brainwave entrainment could cause hypersynchrony or seizure kindling Of course, he’s not a scientist per-se, but the area is still a black box.

I personally believe I’ve experienced one of these “kindling” type events from using too many gamma waves. the experience was one of intense feeling or mania that came and went, coupled with a bit of a foggy feeling. I think it’s rare but still it’s something to keep in consideration. It would come and go randomly, like a brief seizure, getting gradually milder and milder. So obviously this stuff may have the potential to do very scary things, if not cause harm. Granted, I was using a “custom” setting and a fairly intense entrainment with “bursts” rather than a slow ramp (I learned my lesson). Obviously moderation is important here, but I think that scientists should investigate this phenomenon further, and possibly the government should consider wheather some of these “mind machines” or entrainment technologies aren’t some kind of drug or medical device.

Biofeedback, OTOH, is much more flexible and doesn’t force your brain into any particular state- you have to learn how to do that. OTOH, I have found brainwave entrainment can hamper certain biofeedback tasks, such as quickly raising or lowering skin conductance. Brainwave entrainment can “lock” your brain into a particular mental state moreso than biofeedback- I’ve noticed this effect for up to about 8-16 hours after a brainwave entrainment session. It makes it a little harder to raise or lower mental energy- lower entrainment make it harder to raise energy, higher entrainments make it harder to lower energy.

In the end, I think brainwave entrainment is not superior to traditional meditation (or what most people think of as traditional meditation- sitting and learning to accept feelings, thoughts, and sensations as they arise and pass away- there are many other meditation techniques), and many people are looking at it like some kind of shortcut. Shortcuts can have advantages, and often unexpected disadvantages and risks. A key part of alot of traditional meditation, anyways, is learnig to cultivate things within yourself (in the case of zazen- sitting and focused attention, it is partly learning to cultivate equanimity, realizing that sitting for an hour doing nothing is not necessarily boring). You may or may not necessarily learn that from binaural beats, or any other technology . But I think biofeedabck is better on the whole as far as technology goes.

182

Your lucky you didn’t turned into the incredible hulk, LOL :wink:

183

You wouldn’t know it if you talked to me in person either. The fact that this is a text forum actually magnifies communication difficulties, and I would hope from my posts, that you would consider me educated in English grammar, punctuation, and conjugation (though I admittedly stray from the strict rules more than often :stuck_out_tongue:) I am an American, even if my first language wasn’t English, I speak English just fine.

While the languge barrier was one factor, IME, the cultural barrier is the largest factor. Something you will surely experience if you move somewhere foreign, perhaps something you have already experienced. It is those precise experiences that lead me to believe that understanding other cultures will give you better results when trying to target different ethnicities.

Cute. :wink: Thanks, but I’m already over it. As you can see, I’ve already accepted my experiences in childhood, and they’re just a part of me now. Made me stronger, I could give a fuck. Maybe you should ask yourself those questions, and the answers would probably be yes.

I was just sharing my experiences because you seemed to feel that I couldn’t understand what ‘limitations’ are, or how it feels like to be singled out for something that is out of your control. So I clarified.

Uh…great for him. I know two Koreans, both are Christian. One is happy, another is unhappy. Sucks for one, cool for the other. :confused:

Sigh..I want to ask..in the nicest possible way…You’re joking, right? Of course unease is common for teenagers. That’s practically the whole experience of being a teenager, and half the fun. That’s not what I meant by having my masculinity challenged. It’s a little ridiculous if another guy in the locker room won’t accept your own evaluation of your weight, due to it being ‘impossible for me to have that much muscle’. You tell me, is it out of the ordinary for a 6’0" guy to weigh 175? Was it necessary that I be rippling with muscle? No, not really. This wasn’t unease. Unease is something I’m familiar with and, to a point, relish. This is just straight up hating. Can you believe that guy wanted to prove his point by fighting me?

We eventually did later that year, and he was a fucking pussy.

184

Daedelus and Phya sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, LOL.. alrite guys kiss and make up..:wink:

185

Yes, I lived in England for a while as a young teenager… then I came back to the US. There was always the feeling of not quite fitting in at first. I still sometimes feel like I don’t really fit in, in the US where I live. After a few years in England I really liked it, even though I’m sure I sounded like an American. For one thing if you don’t/can’t drive over there, it’s not a big deal. Also, the culture is a little less individualistic or vain, maybe the only “negative” I noticed is the English are a bit more cynical, perhaps due to the fact that their recent history was overshadowed by two wars that were very costly- especially World War I, which is a much bigger deal over there than for US.

It was also very interesting to live in towns that were hundreds of years old, often well over a half a millenium old (one village I was living in was over 800 years old, and some family friends lived in a village that was over 1000 years old). It did create a deep feeling of being rooted in something.

Well, what you are describing could be part of that. Feeling the need to challenge other people, or even fight them, could be part of somebody trying to define themselves. Unfortunately, some people choose to define themselves, by defining other people in a negative manner, with hostility or prejudice. This works for a while, but eventually it limits a person, or worse.

186

I have not posted here in several days, so I thought I’d update my journal.

This past week I’ve actually been recovering from that “freak out” experience I described earlier. I’ve been taking alot of supplements and herbs for the brain, such as gotu kola, tumeric, rosemary, antioxidants, CQ-10. I got hold of some GABA and that has helped alot. I used alot of low-intensity “dis-entrainment”, lots of theta and delta, and left brain stimulation. I still have a bit of a freaky sensation when I fall asleep at night, so I take valerian root for that. Also, I’m avoiding caffeine totally.

I’m actually considering possibly taking a nootropic like piracetam, there was a discussion about it in the lounge. For now I think GABA works very well for now and I don’t want to change what works yet.

A few days ago I bought a rudraksha mala at the witch/new age shop, along with some resin incense for buring. A mala is like a rosary and you use it to count things like mantras, breaths, prostrations, etc. in Hinduism and Buddhism. Usually it has 27, 54 or 108 beads, plus a “guru” or “stupa” bead and a tassle or toggle. It’s also kind of a luck charm as some believe that any “merit” you accumulate while using a mala brings you protection, and in Hinduism rudraksha beads represent the compassion and power of Shiva- usually a mala is worn around the neck, on the wrist, or smaller ones are carried in a pocket or purse.

The woman at the shop talked in a very quiet voice (I was wearing Instant Gentleman at the time, as I’ve found that also has made me feel more “grounded” the past week), and she offered to bless the mala with lavender and sage, which made me laugh a bit at that, but I let her put some herbs on the mala. I started up some small talk about sandalwood or tumeric being traditional, but she said Hindus were tolerant so no doubt it wouldn’t hurt (I hope I didn’t offend her, it just seemed a bit odd at the time and I’m not a wiccan).

I have been listening to alot of New Age and Space music- I found space music in particular soothing last week (whereas bass in alot of music was starting to drive me nuts). Bluemars.org is one I have been listening to alot. Also, I have been trying to find music by a group called Enterphase, but I don’t have alot of luck so I’ll probably have to order it off Amazon.

187

Today I went to Borders bookstore and bought some stuff.

So, when I went to check out, the clerk, who was an older woman (middle aged), got interested a bit in what I was buying and we had some small talk. I almost wish I had been wearing pheromones at the time to see how that would have turned out, but I forgot to wear any today.

188

Hello, it has been weeks since I posted anything in this journal so I just thought I would post something. I have nothing new to say about pheromones at all, unfortunately. I sometimes wear pheromones but I’ve got nothing to report on them. I have been busy with other things.

189

Hello. Unfortunately, I don’t wear pheromones much now days. I think my use for them is over. No hard feelings but I just feel like I don’t need them anymore. Maybe I will one of these days. I gave up on finding a job, maybe I will get one eventually. Right now, I am studying other things, spiritual/religious things.

I am doing fine. I can’t imagine it has only been a few months since I visited this place, it seems like a very long time. I have been meditating, made alot of progress in that (several mystical realizations), and my personality is very different than it was. I can’t identify with the old me, and that is OK. I am not missing anything.

I am definitely NOT a lone wolf anymore, BTW. Although I still like solitude, I am much more comfortable just being nothing in particular, not much of an identity or ego. If I had to identify with something, it would be compassion.

May you all be happy, easily satisfied, and free from troubles.

190

Back at ya Daedelus.

191

Hey buddy, it has been a long time that we have not chat, good to hear from you & great that you are doing fine there :slight_smile: Happy New Year btw :smiley: I see well you have stopped wearing pheros there, it is ok buddy, just do whatever you are ok/happy with :slight_smile:

So you are not a lone wolf anymore eh? Ok there is a change there & as long you are happy with it, just continue with it :slight_smile: Thanks for your good wishes, i wish the same thing to you back & do visit us in the forum if you got the time :slight_smile:

Take care buddy & see you :slight_smile:

192

Good to see you again Daedelu and glad to hear that you are feeling much better and calmer. Also glad to hear that you are not the “lone wolf” anymore but do not mind solitude from time to time.

Remember you are always welcome here whether you are using the pheros or not and if you decide to work the the pheros some more we will be here.

193

If I had to report anything pheromone related, it would be that for whatever reason… I have less body odor and I smell different than I did before. I have heard of similar things happening in various religious traditions- yogis are sometimes said to lose much/all body odor and/or acquire a perfume odor, and of course Christian saints sometimes have “the odor of sanctity”. I don’t notice anything quite that extreme but there is a definite reduction in body odor. Perhaps whatever happens mentally, also tends to change hormones. If I had to describe the smell, it would be similar to androstenols. There may be other pheromones involved, too, maybe androsterone. Who knows, maybe I am exuding TAK. People seem to be comfortable around me, like I am not that threatening.

I don’t have as many problems interacting with people now days, I am not really self-conscious in the sense of having internal dialogue about myself. Of course some of the meditations I do can result in contrition and/or awareness of sadness/suffering, expressions of emotion that are not always socially acceptable (and I am comfortable with those emotions, at least when I am alone), so it is something I watch so I don’t shock other people or unnecessarily disturb them. I notice much less libidinal and id type impulses. I don’t get angry at all anymore really, and if something does bother me, it tends to go away quickly. I feel relatively “clean” compared to how I felt last year, looking back I felt “dirty” or disgusted alot.

I have gotten much better at biofeedback, too. When I started out, I could not do the exercises that promote detachment or lowering the galvanic skin response with my eyes open. Now I can, with a bit of time.

194

Hello, its been a while since i updated this post. I have done some soul searching and changed direction in my life a bit. I delt with depression around Lent and started looking into psychotherapy. The therapist feels i may have Asberger’s syndrome and i should get evaluated for that and will give me a referal at the next session. I also am having issues with sexual orientation and gender identity, but it may be hard to seperate out my feelings if Asberger’s is also a factor.

2 months ago an online friend suggested i was gay or bisexual but repressed, and i’ve been feeling dysphoric ever since, very uncomfortable with myself (he himself is gay, though lives a celibate life now, as a liberal roman catholic). I’m comming to terms with it, not sure i want to label myself as gay or bisexual, and really at this point all i have is somewhat vague, no real world experiences either way. My therapist feels Asbergs is more likely for me being a 34 year old single person without any relationship history in real life, than my sexual orientation.

I tried making contact with a woman on craiglist as a friend suggestion and things went well, we exchanged e-mails but when she called me, she got cold feet. She’s apparrently never used Craiglist before.

I also mess around on Second Life alot, i have friends there now, many not coincidentally have Asberger’s, it seems common on Second Life. I feel like i’ve grown so much as a person in the last 3-4 years, i’m not exactly the same person i was, many things i’ve found against i’ve come to accept and alot of things i used to not value and i’ve gotten rid alot of things i felt i valued but really could live without.

195

Hello, this is to update what i previously said. I was recently diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome early last month. i’m applying for SSI and vocational rehab at the moment, and seeing a psychiatrist and getting therapy for depression and anxiety that are secondary/assosciated with my Asperger’s. I went to a support/social group for Aspies the other day for the first time, iwas the second oldest person there and found it somewhat depressing, but i didn’t need to explain my story to people.

196

Hi. Just to update i am on foodstamps now and going to vocational rehab, still waiting on my SSI claims. I have made alot of progress in therapy but struggling through winter depression and so forth. i’ve decided i’m bisexual and not gay but i still am uncertain about some gender identity issues and how to deal with ambiguous feelings. I’ve also been thinking i have a degree of demisexuality (grey asexuality), i don’t experience as much primary sexual attraction to either gender, though i do experience secondary attraction, this is not typical for guys realy at all (it is my understanding it is closer to female sexuality). I have been getting more informed on queer issues and had contacts online with bisexuals activists and been clued in on some of the issues around sexuality and gender.

Mostly i decided i’m reserved, people have told me that (I used to identify as the lone wolf, wel, the wolf bit is gone but lone bit still fits). I’m also fairly passive, not so asertive. it is draining for me to be assertive at all, i have to be judicious with the energy in that. I’m not cold and aloof though i can give that appearance casually i think, its more an exterior thing due to the Asperger’s. And i have alot of mistrust and paranoia issues regarding people i don’t know.

I do not wear pheromones now days except sometimes Instant Openess/Honesty and also Instant Gentlemen or Scent of Eros. I avoid androstenone as i don’t care for the vibe it creates at all really. I notice sometimes Instant Openess makes me spacey and some people have commented on that.