It was the use of the word “closet homo” that set me off. The tone of it was ignorant. Just because he may be sensitive or didn’t immediately jump into bed with her (her criteria for thinking he’s gay) doesn’t make him a homosexual.
I think that if she’s going to date him and constantly test him for being gay, she isn’t concentrating on his needs or even really her own.
She’s also seriously confusing him. The whole business at first with pulling away and then trying to sleep with him, then when he doesn’t take her home she insinuates he’s gay? That doesn’t sound like a winning start to any relationship to me. Even if you think she’s “fixed it”. First impressions.
Well I am not fond of the term “closet homo” either and I understand your feelings on that but thats no reason to stop seeing the guy. I would agree with you if she kept questioning him about it but girls think about these things so do guys. I hear lots of phrases the men use over in there forum that I dont particularly care for either but I dont confuse my feelings for the phrase’s with my feelings on the situation at hand.
Its not like she called him a homo or kept accusing him of being gay. She asked him one time and not just because he didnt sleep with her or make a move. His behavior was suspect. While I agree its a blow to some men’s ego to be asked the question its not something to stop seeing each other over unless once answered the person asking keeps insinuating it to the person they are seeing.
I think it would be premature to stop seeing him now because of something said once on a date.
I disagree that she is testing him, she was just sharing the mix she wore when the censored activity occured. Obviously the activity anwsered the question of whether he was gay or not which is why she labeled the Gay test mix. I dont think she is actually testing him with this mix. Its like the panty scourcher mix or the woody maker mix. Its just a desciption of a mix we used with a specific outcome.
Maybe thats not normal for your dates because of your confidence level but for two nervous people its normal to sometimes have a little false start. Both people are worried about doing the right thing or the wrong thing. Yes first impression count but they are not the only impression that counts.
I have been a coach a long time in social interaction, dating, sex and transition. If people stopped seeing each other every time someone made a mistake or said something stupid you would have a lot of people sitting all alone in the world. I would agree if she was saying these things verbally to him every date or constantly giving mixed signals it would be a problem but she is not. Talking it over with us is just for support.
Now I know for a fact Men come in here and talk about women they are seeing all the time and what we think they are thinking or why they do what they are doing… How to break down there resistance… How to get past the bitch shields. Fullmoon is just doing the same thing. Looking for honest support.
Its just touching base with your friends and getting our thoughts on the situation because sometimes when your nervous and anxious you cant think clear. Its not what she is basing the relationship on.
Tisha you are a very wise woman, however I think in this case you may have missed a few details.
Regardless, my advice stands. She needs to find somebody she is less paranoid about and he needs a more aggressive woman.
Otherwise I don’t see this going in a good direction.
Was just offering a solution that’d make everybody happy.
Also btw if you notice tisha I try to discourage the manipulative stuff and the shovenist goals around here. Theres a difference between persuasion/attraction and manipulation/being a creeper. (last bit unrelated to this thread, just in reference to some things you mentioned)
Its rare I miss anything but I wont say its not possible. (Teasing you)
Just because I dont agree with your take on it doesn’t make either of us wrong or right. We can only go by whats been shared which is not the same as being right there and we are bond to have different takes on things once in a while. That’s fine I appreciate everyone’s opinion whether I agree with it or not.
I agree John you do and I have noticed that. I hope you didnt think I was implying that you didnt.
Hmm. Looks like I opened a massive can of worms with this one. First of all, apologies if I made any comments which may have offended anyone. I was a ball of nerves and was not thinking right.
I seldom am attracted to a man physically, mentally, and emotionally and I wanted to make sure everything was alright.
The last time point 1. happened, the SNAG I fell for turned out to be bi-sexual with a strong gay preference. As in, he was attracted to girls, but way more attracted to men. There were many warning signs - like the fact that he would rate other men from a scale to 0-10 and practically turn a blind eye to a buxom blonde walking down the street.
Closet Homo is offensive on retrospect. I apologise. Wasn’t thinking straight. I have gay friends who call others out as ‘closet homo’s’ so I didn’t realise it was offensive.
The ‘her hair looks better’ analogy works better for me (Thanks Tish!). It’s hard to explain, I guess I was a huge ball of nerves and not thinking right (i.e. we are on an internet forum, he-lo! nobody can see how you look like!), therefore the ‘some guy calling you fat’ just didn’t make sense to me at all.
We are currently dating exclusively and very much in the early stages of a serious relationship. He has subtly brought up the issue of long term plans i.e. job, house, kids!! couple of years from now so it seems like he’s in this for the long haul.
He explained his initial uh, hesitation as him trying to show that he was not in this just to get his jollies - and he was worried that having intimate relations too early might cloud judgement etc etc. and he was really looking for a compatible partner for the long term.
So overall, I am really happy. He seems like a thoughtful sensible guy who is extremely mature, and he is completely nuts about me at the moment.
The mix I wore wasn’t meant to be offensive. It was a bit tongue in cheek and I was just poking a bit of fun at myself for being so paranoid in the beginning.
It loosened his inhibitions, made him forget his words mid-sentence, and paved the way for a night AND day of awesome love-making. Uh, what can I say? It was pretty damn good for the both of us.
Sexual compatibility - check, check, and triple check.
(Teasing you)
Have fun and I really hope it works out for you two!