So, I am currently single, but going on dates with this one guy who I’m not quite sure about. He really likes me, but it’s really hard for me to show interest in guys anymore. Still, I’m nice to him, I laugh and smile and I go out on dates with him and have a good time. He is a gentleman, very confident, sweet, fun to be around, and talkative. But I still can’t figure out if I like him or not. Why?
Well we haven’t kissed yet and I’m afraid that were not physically compatible (if that’s what you call it). Right now I really feel nothing that compels me to just throw myself at him. I even run inside as fast as I can when he drops me off at the door. I feel so bad because he’s a nice guy, but I have no idea how it would turn out if I ever became his gf.
Would it be a mistake to DTR? (Define our relationship) And risk having him ask me out and then accept?
Or should I keep evaluating the situation? (I’ve been evaluating it for a few months now) I don’t want him to think the worst
Or should I just give up on this? Does anyone think I might not ever like him in a physical sense?
I talked to my mom a little about it. I’m still gonna stay friends with him, but I’m just gonna keep it casual until A. He kisses me and I find myself very attracted to him. Or B. I find another person
Yeah, I’m with M on this one…If you’ve been out on several dates and still not one kiss…and no strong desire to? Then he isn’t for you…I personally don’t see the point in “settling for second best”, if I don’t feel the butterflies then I don’t try and give it a go
If you get along great it’s better to stay friends and get that decided before you do anything to try and see if it may or may not work romantically…it’s harder to go back from that place…and good friends are gems to hold on to
Let him know that you’re not feeling romantic towards him. If he sticks around, you can change your mind later if you do start feeling it. If he’s feeling romantic towards you he’ll tell himself all sorts of perfectly logical reasons for you to run inside at the end of the date. None of them will be that you were feeling awkward about kissing him goodnite.
sound advice here… i agree. I could see if you’ve been on one date and you weren’t sure… but a few months now? Nah… you obviously aren’t head over heels for him… as xiphoid said… don’t settle for second best - we all deserve #1
All good advice. I guess it’s just not happening. He fits a lot of what I want in a guy, but I guess the physical attraction is only somewhat there (I’m attracted to his looks, but that’s it). Sad that I haven’t found someone after over a year, but I won’t settle. That’s why I needed to ask to see what others thoughts were.
If you don’t mind my asking how many dates have you been on? Because if you’ve been on more than say three or four dates and he hasn’t kissed you yet either one of two things are happening:
a) As the book/movie says “he’s just not that into you.”
b) He’s a complete wuss.
In either case it’s not looking particularly good. If your really curious you could always try going in for a kiss yourself and see what happens… if it then turns out that after the kiss the two of you are not “physically compatible” you could always decide to cut it off. But at the end of the day it’s not fair to either of you to drag out a relationship that’s going nowhere, so one way or the other you should make a decision before too much time has passed.
And if you end up deciding that the two of you will never be anything more than just friends, make sure he understand this so that your not unfairly stringing him along.
Yeah I saw that movie. He is a gentleman tho. Maybe he felt that I wasn’t wanting to kiss him just yet. Every time I’ve kissed a guy the feeling was mutual. It’ll just feel like the right time to kiss him. I haven’t had a “feel good” right time with him yet.
Yeah, I understand. The last thing I want to do is string him along. I don’t want to lose a good friend. Thanks for the advice.
some guys need a little more clear of a sign that you are that interested in him,
Personally I tend to be one that waits until she shows some more advanced signs to move forward.
Just don’t try and break his neck on the couch for a first kiss… (your head laying in his lap, watching a movie, you roll over and look up then grab the back of his head and pull yourself up)
Eh, I think I might just give up on this one. It’s like everyone said, If I’ve dated him for this long theres a good chance I won’t be attracted to him ever.
Listen, Darlin’, you’re young, smart and pretty. You need to feel it to move forward. Ya can’t make it happen. You’re putting too much pressure on yourself, take it easy. Trust me, when you meet someone and feel it, there will be no question.
Not for nothin’, but it took me forever to find Wolfie…I’m glad I waited.
In the meantime, when you need a little love…we’re here.
JUST the mere fact that you are asking for advice means you’re not sure yourself, you can’t ask anyone to tell you or give you advice in this situation, I think you’ll make the right decision, IMHO ur not into him, you cannot FORCE yourself to like him or “Create” an attraction that’s not there.
He can’t meet ALL of your needs, you’ll never be TRUELY satisfied.
How come you’re having such a difficult time with this guy if you’re just not feeling it?
My advice is… if it’s not an obvious yes… it’s probably a no.
I suspect that what he isn’t, that you want in a man, is… aggressive. As in, “gentleman”, okay, but he sounds like he wants you to make all the moves.
Maybe I misread something, but in my experience women like it when a man knows what he wants and isn’t ashamed to either go after it, or at least communicate his interest and desires bluntly.
happykitsune My Secret Weapons: Instant Shine 2x, Instant Sexiness A, Instant Honesty 2x, Instant Openness 2x, TUTH, MX135, IS/b
With those secret weapons and going out on 3-4 dates with her, I’m pretty sure I’d find her IRRESISTABLE by now, look @ her, she’s gorgeous + secret weapons, how could a guy NOT want to kiss her goodnight & wish her sweet dreams? I dunno, do you smoke happykitsune? IF there was a connection and we got along very very well and enjoyed each other’s company, That’s the ONLY thing I could imagine stopping ME from wanting to kiss you. (No one likes to kiss an ashtray! lol). (I say that because this happened to me before / currently, I really like the girl but she smokes a 1/2 pack a day and makes me want to vomit, I’m terrified to want to kiss her and afraid what her lips taste like)
But think about this… if you want to kiss a woman… do you just wait for her to kiss you, or do you find some way to express your interest so she at least knows you’re interested and thinking along the lines of a kiss? Every guy I ever met who a woman called “a gentleman” was really just a nice guy who either was taught by his single parent (mother) that you never do anything without her permission first, which leads to inaction on his part while he waits for her to take the lead (which never happens) or he was clueless as to how to express his interest without risking rejection, and more afraid of rejection than losing the kiss.
Women, in my experience, find confidence very attractive. Knowing a guy likes her doesn’t amount to much if he doesn’t do something about it too.
I’m a complete gentlemen and agree with that philosophy, don’t do anything without a woman’s full permission. I’d still kiss her on the front cheek at least at some random time during the date when I make her smile & laugh, maybe give her a hug and hold it a little extra long, grab her hand and hold it, be & stay in close proximity wherever is comfortable… etc… All preludes to a first kiss. If the guy hasn’t even tried ANY of those things, I say walk. A Guy’s got to have some guts to send strong IOI first until you reciprocate and then eventually move in for a kiss.
The BIGGEST problem is she’s NOT SURE if she Even WANTS to kiss the bloke. I see not sure as a huge no. If you WANT to kiss someone, you really feel it. You’re not “uncertain” and “hoping” things will change or a kiss might improve it.
I wouldn’t mind the GIRL coming 90% I go 10% but that hasn’t happened yet! haha…
