Need some dude advice

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports
1

I’m entering enemy territory for intel and assistance.. :wink:

I very much like this guy. He’s pretty incredible. Self starter, go getter, self made, dominant, moody, arrogant, hot, funny, smart, kind - all around awesome. We knew each other professionally - met at a short term conference. Became friendly, and I recognized that he was attracted to me, at least physically, though played his cards very close to his chest.

I asked him out for a drink the last day. He said yes! Yippee! He said he would call. He walked me out and was very friendly and nice. And nervous.

Couple days later I get a call saying no thanks - he’s got some 'sues with women and doesn’t want to drag me into them, as he doesn’t know me. So thanks, but no thanks on that drink. Plus, he’s psycho-super busy. (His excuse.) Talk about a downer. :roll_eyes:

Through various reasons, we end up spending four hours hanging out in his office together socially (literally right after that. *Awk-*ward at first.) Great chat, lots of fun, no discussion re the phone call. See him again a week later and he’s all smiles, super busy and on the phone, talking with others, but invites me to join him for the last 10 mins of lunch in his office, a wistful “Well, see you later?” upon my leaving. (Nope - we have no reason to. The professional association is over. Unless??) I asked if I could keep in touch socially and he says: “Of course, you know where I am. I always return phone calls and always return emails.”

He seems to run hot and cold - professionally there, then hinting at more socially, then not. Asked an advice question over email tonight and he replied - yeah! I however suffer from an acute crackberry addiction, so I, of course, instantly reply back and pout when he doesn’t do the same. I pout when everyone I know doesn’t feed my crackberry addiction though. :slight_smile:

He’s absolutely not looking for a relationship right now. We didn’t meet in a social setting but a work setting, so I do understand that. My plan of action was to keep in social contact sporadically and see what happens.

Advice? Input? I’ve bent a few ears over on the girls side, but now that I’ve stepped back a bit, I’m looking for some rational guy advice.

2

My first impressions from this, and the thread in the girl’s section is that, although he may be an alpha male, successful in his business dealings etc, he seems very unsure of himself regarding women and, as already stated, has issues with women. If this were me, I would be wary of letting our friendship get too intimate for fear of ruining the friendship ( the dreaded friend zone!!). Equally, it may be that he likes you, wants more but isn’t sure you feel the same way. Don’t forget, most guys don’t understand the subtleties of female communication. It is not uncommon for a guy to drop what he considers a hint “Well, see you later?” only to get cold feet.

My advice would be to get him out for a friendly drink, make it plain it’s as friends, no pressure, just tell him there’s a couple of things you need his opinion on ( we love giving our opinion, it makes us feel important) but would rather discuss them face to face.

Spray on the socials, maybe something a little sexy (MX135, Instant Sexiness etc but get the girls to advise you on this), get him to open up, tell him how you feel and that you get the impression that he feels the same way and see what comes out of your nice ‘friends’ chat.

Now, get some sleep :wink:

3

:slight_smile: I’m trying to sleep, honest!

There’s no confusion - it’s out there. He knows precisely that I am interested. He’s made (positive) references to men with younger women, then given me a significant look. A hairy eyeball. The elephant in the room is there. I’m the one that asked him out, I’m the one that’s been chasing. (and yet not chasing - how zen)

We’re not quite friends, which is also the basis for some heartburn. How do I build that up in tandem with, or instead of, anything else? The best way to describe is… former business associates that are friendly, of sorts… Unfortunately not at the level where I can pull him out for social hour - That’s what I was trying to do when I was shot down. :frowning:

I do have some further business stuff I am thinking of asking to pull him in on, but I’m not sure if its wise…

4

He’s interested, you’re interested. Like you said, he’s got issues with women. Given the stress that you guys have in your field, I’m not surprised he’s busy, maybe he wants to take it further but, being so career minded, doesn’t feel that he can give you the time and commitment that you deserve?

If he’s alpha, which he clearly is, why not be the alpha female, grab the bull by the horns and tell him that he is taking you out to dinner friday, he will pick you up at 8 but he is allowed to choose the restaurant.

If a girl that I liked tried that with me, I’d be hooked. Have a look round and see how many of the guys on here wish that women would come onto them for a change.

5

He feels threatened in some way. Possibilities :

  • May / Dec relationship if either of you is that much older than the other
  • He may appear alpha @ his particular job function but is he really ?
  • Does he wonder WHY ? Does he possibly think you’re creepin in on his business or clients to the extent he’s afraid of losing of clients. You did say you were entering ‘enemy’
    territory.
  • Afraid he may not measure up if you two got up close & personal
  • Exterior view of himself & his lifestyle may look way successful but truth is he’s broke as a joke.
  • There’s someone else as in married or fairly serious committment.
  • Then there’s the plain old … work is all he’s got. Top dawg as long as he’s in the office or on the job but exit through either of those doors and the facade vanishes leaving
    nothing (@ least in his mind).
6

Yes, that is very true. I know that if a girl i like, asked me out, (or rather told me were going out :stuck_out_tongue:) i would be loving life. Its also very hot in general aha :stuck_out_tongue:

And, about the whole being friends thing. I know being stuck in the friends zone is awful. But by the sounds of things, you sound as if you are unsure your even in the friend zone :open_mouth:

I’m not sure if i speak for all men when i say this, but i find it much easier to start a relationship with a girl if we start to do friends things first. One thing
that i personally like is if i go shopping with a girl :stuck_out_tongue: Cause it gives us time to talk, to find out more about each other, (and if its dress shopping then is even better :stuck_out_tongue: aha, you get to see our jaw drop, and you get to feel good about that aha :stuck_out_tongue:) And, like diamond said, we like to give our advice, it makes us feel important. And at the end of your shopping excursion if all goes well, say something along the lines of :

“hey, i had a fun time today. It was kind of like a date aha :stuck_out_tongue: And i was wondering, would you like to go on a real date sometime?”

You can obviously word it better :stuck_out_tongue: But my point is that if he seems to have a good time, and drops any hints, or is flirty or anything like that, and he doesnt ask you out. Then take matters into your own hands :stuck_out_tongue: Like i said before, its hot when women take charge like that (but not too much! :O)

Anyways, hope i helped, Marc~:smiley:

7

I would love to do the alpha female thing and ask him/take him out/tell him we’re going out (anywhere) - BUT, I tried that. I was shot down. He said yes, and then he said no. (Awful, really. I was so happy, then so bummed.) Trust me, I thought my asking him out would be MUCH better received! :wink: He does bring up that he works “all the time” often, so I do know that the timing is holding him back in come form. But what else?

I am unsure if I am in the friend zone. He’s friendly to me, and I seem to get IOI’s, but nothing moves forward. I sort of think thats where I need to work into right now, and then wait… wait… wait… and see how things progress.

Keep it coming! You guys are great! Thanks!

8

Shameless Bump. :slight_smile:

9

:smiley: at the bump.

Okay, first, if you do plan on pursuing this romantically, I suggest leaving business out of it entirely. It only complicates the situation by adding in more factors. Also, it only reinforces your business relationship, not your social relationship with him.

It may be the case where you need to be blunt with him. Put it all on the table and let him know you’re interested and you want to get to know him, but if he’s not interested or is too busy/hesitating then you have no problem moving on. Put the ball in his court, and if he plays ball, you’re in, if not, save your time and move on.

At that point, if you still feel he is a good business contact, there’s absolutely no harm in maintaining contact, but I would keep it strictly business.

Diamond mentions a good point, perhaps he feels that he’s too busy to fully nurture a romantic relationship. I myself have turned down opportunities for relationships because I didn’t feel I could have been fully involved (distance, time, other factors that would separate us).

10

Is this gay relationship or what?

11

I don’t think so, she’s in the guy’s section entering ‘enemy territory’. She’s on the other side, if you know what I mean. Please do correct me if I’m wrong.

12

No… I’m a woman. I’m wondering where my little happy faced female sign is though next to my username ?? I suppose that’s been confusing people! Sorry! :slight_smile:

I do think the busy-ness is a part of it. Is it advisable to move into friend territory if that is the case?

It is all on the table, believe me. I was VERY forward when I first asked him out for drinks. (Supposedly what all men want!) I think it’s its a combo of him being busy and wary with women, but at least moderately interested. How to stoke interest then… hmmm…

Or, am I reading signs wrong?

13

You’re very right - all woman right here. :slight_smile:

I work in defense, so I use a lot of military/LE terms/phrases/jokes.

14

I can’t say anything about reading his signs correctly, as I haven’t seen them :stuck_out_tongue:, but if it’s all on the table, is there really much more you can do?

Maybe you can find out what his concerns with women are and address them?

It might be advisable to continue trying to establish a relationship with him while also exploring alternatives. Give him some time to think about it until either he or you gets tired of thinking/waiting. At that point, you haven’t really lost any time and you can pursue any of the other relationships you have set up.

15

I’ve just seen therapy girl selling the perfect mix for you but I think it’s gone now.

Shine with 20x cops and chocolatini scent. If he’s got a pulse, that’s sure to get it racing.

I think you are going to separate business and pleasure until you get your hands on some good copulins, then, to paraphrase, carpe jugulum

16

Haha! :slight_smile: I was indeed wearing cops when I asked him out… Seemed to work initially!

Re, the signs - just what I typed in the first post. The “yes” then “no” threw me for a loop. I’m not going to over analyze and scrutinize every action here. I’ve already hurt some girls with that. :slight_smile:

There’s really not much more I can do - I suppose I’m hoping for insight into what he may be thinking/feeling from you lads, who probably have a far better idea than 40 of my gabbing girlfriends…

Thanks again, Guys!
Edit -

Oh, and I jazzed up my profile to include my gender. Hope that clarifies! :slight_smile:

17

Oh okay so this is a straight relationship.

Anyway, from my own personal experience the sad truth is that most women suck at courting men. :wink:

They tend to be either too aggressive and intimidating or coming across as desperate or slutty.

Women totally need to learn a lot more from men to be smooth. But its understandable because men have had a head start in the game for about 50.000 years. :smiley::smiley::smiley:

18

I don’t mind you critisizing us ladies… maybe we do suck at courting men… but would you care to make the critisism constructive? :roll_eyes: Offer us advice on how to improve?

19

Could there be “rank” issues??

20

Believe it or not most things that work on women also work on men such as sweet talk and attention. :wink::wink::wink: