My girlfriends libido has taken a massive dip following an Illness. We still have sex but nowhere near the amount we did before, she finds it difficult to get ‘in the mood’. So sex only happens rarely and when she feels like it, but I often get the feeling that she only does it for my sake rather than because she wants to rip my clothes off!
I’m looking for something that can ‘get her going’ and build up her interest in sex again. I’ve read good things about Turn up the Heat, would this be suitable to kick start her interest in me??
I think once we get back into the swing of things we will be fine and our relationship will get back on track!
Hi - First advice is to go and post this in the intro forum, with a bit more info about yourself and your GF, so we are in a position to offer better advice. Have a read of this thread:
This will also earn you a GC which will help offset your costs.
In the meantime, can I suggest you also read-up on Instant Shine and Instant Honesty - Two “social” mixes that are also very useful at creating a happy/good to be around feeling (IS) and to help you feel closer and bonded to someone (IH)
It is the case that TUTH can be great at enhancing passion in an established relationship - which is exactly what it is designed for but there may be other feelings/factors involved here and hitting them with a very overtly sexual product like TUTH may not help till you have got at the underlying cause.
I am unsure if pheromones will really do what your hoping they will. It depends on the illness your GF had, how severe it was and how long has she been recovered from it. I understand you not wanting to share that info.
Some illnesses zap you and although she may be over the worst of it, it takes a while to get back into the swing of things and feel fully like yourself again. If she just doesn’t feel that great yet mones are not going to make her feel better physically or make her forget she feels crappy still.
In my experience pheromones do not work well on people who are ill other then to maybe cheer them up a bit. They dont work well on those who are extremely stressed, really busy or tired because they just cant process the feeling with all the other noise going on in there heads.
Time and her taking care of herself may be the only thing that will bring back her libido.
This is not to say dont try mones or that they will never work for you. Just keep in mind that it may take a bit longer… as in repeated exposures for her to begin to process the signals.
I agree with Mobocaster, start with some Ishine which can be a energizing mix. While TUTH is good and I do think you should get it, go slow with it. It can give a aggressive vibe and make her feel pressured and if she is not feeling well to begin with she wont respond well to it.
Try some IS and IO.. But no pheromone on the market can make anyone do something that they dont want to and if this is your girl the last thing you want to do is intrude in her personal space like that while shes dealing with this illness you could come off as selfish. Until things get back right you might have to party solo if u know what i mean.
A lot more times, than not, the key to the libido is making someone comfortable. I think most of us guys automatically think you need TUTH for sex when it will usually backfire. Perhaps not in your girlfriends case, but most of the time a slow sex drive is because of other elements not usually related to sex itself.
I talked to one guy on the phone who was having marital issues and couldn’t understand why TUTH wouldn’t work for him. I suggested IH and Ishine with some A314. You get trust respect, deep communication and a feeling of well-being. Personally I would steer clear of anything sexual that is only serving to remind her that its all about sex and not love and companionship. Build up the communication and go from their. When she is relaxed and responding sexually to that, then maybe down the road add in something more like TUTH.
Right now just let her know you are there for her.
Just let the poor fem get BETTER. She may be ok physically; but mentally and emotionally illnesses take a toll, too. Her body might be ok, how’s her stamina? How’s she thinking about the illness? Is she easily tired? I mean, really, it’s not her libido - it’s her health. Nice to see priorities are solid.
A strong libido comes with a full recovery - she’s not ok; she’s putting out for you; and you want her to be enthusiastic about it, AND for her to want more? Dude, back off if you care for her. Because this is one of those things that will be held against you in later rocky times. I can hear her now:
“When I was recovering from that Illness (YOUR capitalization); all you could think of was fucking and nagging me to want more and all I wanted was to rest and recover in peace”
If you’ve ever been sick to not being able to fuck - dude! You’re not fully functional on an energy level, and sometimes nothing but rest assists the recovery process. Just because the body is deemed functional - doesn’t mean she’s got the energy, any reserves, or the will to function on her normal level. If she’s not wanting it - she’s not alright. Like a car, if there’s no fuel, and the system hasn’t been refilled - how the fuck do you make it go?
FYI I’ve had an adult circumcision operation which resulted in infection (admitted to hospital again for an additional week) so I know EXACTLY what its like to be knocked around sexually
Suppliments helped me get my drive back (after physical recovery) and is a completely logical suggestion
Sounds like you are projecting here
You don’t even know this girl, for all you know she wants to get back into sex but is unable
You should never force anything and you need to have recovery time but there are steps you can take to assist to getting things back to normal after you have been through a lot
I’ll also remind you again that the OP has not stated the nature of the illness or if she is recovered yet or not, he said “following an illness” which to me means she has recovered but her libido has sunk
I don’t think she would be having sex AT ALL if she had something serious that she wasn’t yet recovered from
My point exactly. You have misread my intention AND backed it up. The necessary steps here are to leave her alone physically to see what’s going on with her. Ask if the post illness needs support - it’s not likely she’ll need to be sandbagged with a TUTH ambush; if she’s not up to the act - he says:
The point being is get off her! Find out what she needs to feel like a sex kitten again! OP capitalized the Illness; she’s not back to normal; he feels like when they do have sex, she’s putting out for him. That implies she’s not really into it at this time. Which implies from the OP that this is not the normal state of her.
There is more to a relationship than sex. I know that’s an important part; but here is another consideration:
There is more to her than sex. She’s been sick. She needs to feel recovered and healthy. She needs to feel that he’s not just waiting around for the sex to get fun again.
The OP is not saying that he’s spoken to her and asked her what needs to happen for her to feel “like her old self” is he? He’s asking us for phero advice to ‘get her going’ - really? The implication is that the relationship ‘getting back on track’ is dependent on her having her previous libido back. He has not said that he’s spoken to her about seeing if there is more constitution to rebuild / recover, nor does he say or imply she need supplements or if he even knows. You are assuming that she’s not on anything, and that’s unlikely. All supplements need to be checked to see if they can work together. All assumptions aside, all accusations of my projecting aside:
HAS THE FEMALE IN QUESTION BEEN ASKED IF THERE’S ANYTHING HER BOYFRIEND CAN DO APART FROM WAVING HIS “MEMBER” AROUND?
Glad to see that my thread has caused a stir, Ill try and quickly fill in some gaps here…
My gf’s illness was over 18 months ago now, she has been back in her normal routine for well over a year, i.e work, holidays, nights out, etc. I chat to her regularly about how she is feeling and what she wants to do and what she thinks about sex, occasionally her libido will peak and she will come-on to me and initiate sex, which is great. I was looking for advice on here for the times that I want to initiate sex, as we all know, men can be up and running in seconds whereas the ladies, if not in the right frame of mind/mood it can take a little longer.
If she says she does not want sex or subtly rejects my advances then that’s the end of the matter, some of the replies make it sound like I’m hounding the poor girl!
Perfect example…Her birthday last week, I buy her some great, thoughtful gifts that she loves, once opened, she makes a off-the-cuff comment about me seeing the rewards for my thoughtful gifts…happy days! Later, once this moment has passed and I make a move, her mood has changed and that’s the end of that. I was looking for a product on here to help bring the feelings she has to the surface more often, as I wrote in my original thread, once she begins to enjoy sex again, things will be great and if I know her as well as I think I do, she will want it as much as me.
Thank you for clarifying. 18 months is a while after a illness so I think we can partially rule that out unless is was an illness that has a effect on her hormones or something serious. Illness can range from the flu to the “C” word and some illnesses take longer then others for full recovery both inside and out. I am going to assume it wasn’t on the serious side.
Lets cover pheromones first. I suggest TUTH but not to use all the time. Use it when your know your going to be in a environment and situation that can result in sex.
Get Ishine and IH for day to day use around her to enforce that warm comfort and connection feeling.
You may want to look into a body wash called Dial Magnetic. You can find it in pharmacies. It has a low dose of A1 which is the ease and affection mone.
Keep in mind as you mentioned the female sex drive is different then the male sex drive for a number of reasons. We are the carriers of the offspring and our libido is directly connected to that biologically. When we are fertile which is only one week out of the month our libidos rise and when we are not they fall. Our bodies dont compute sex for pleasure or fun thats a mental aspect. To the body its a means of procreation. Men are fertile all the time and women simply are not so we have sex for different reasons then men.
To get a clearer picture of chemical attraction, sex and love watch this discovery channel documentary when you have time. Its crudely done and somewhat corny but explains the chemical side of things better. If your familiar with mones you will recognize some of the chemicals they refer to.
Be warned there is nudity and sexual content in this documentary. Its short (30 min or so) and comes in three part which will load automatically.
So… I am assuming you have been together for 18 months or longer unless she was ill before you met. If so whats occurring is normal. You mentioned it takes longer and a bit more work and relationships are work. They are going to have there ebbs and flows in the sex department. I have been married a long time and its one of the reasons I started using mones. Just remember that they wont solve everything, they are one of many tools you can use to help keep things “fresh” If you both are committed to making it work this is just one of those ebbs
Here’s the thing: If a fem’s previously been a happy sex monster and that changes for whatever reason; sex then, isn’t the answer. Something else is going on and the socials are a sounder avenue - just like you said. Find out what changed. It could be any number of things and she seems to be changing her mind from one minute to the next.
If it’s not recovery, find out what changed and don’t take the “oh, I’m just not feeling it right now” because that doesn’t help anyone. Sex is a major part of every relationship (of the romantic nature) since something has changed - it could be as simple as how she sees herself - it’s important to know why it’s changed. Then a successful course of action can be planned and executed.
18 months is a long time to be in this kind of slump. Especially if she was previously enthusiastic. I would be ripping his and my clothes off as soon as I was able. Let’s hope he gets results with Tish’s advice.
ok well there are too many variables that we don’t know imo.
1.) being extremely ill for an extended period can dramatically alter a persons weight, as can the recovery period afterwards. Is she noticeably heavier or even skinnier than before the illness? A lot of women will attach their sex drive to their own sense of self esteem. IE if she doesn’t feel sexy, she won’t feel sexual.
Tell her she’s pretty once in a while, and don’t do it just before you plan on going for it. I know for us guys our attraction is obvious but most women won’t consider an erect penis in front of her as a compliment.
2.) Are her cycles normal? If an illness is serious enough, it can create a permanent change in a persons hormonal balance. For all sakes and purposes they’re healthy in as much as they aren’t bed ridden or feeling under the weather, but functions that are governed by certain hormones can be thrown off balance effecting sex drive, appetite, mood etc. It may require further medical examinations.
For this, there may be some dietary changes that can help normalize her balance, and elevate her testosterone but really anything regarding body chemistry should be advised by a doctor.
3.) There’s always the possibility that to a degree it could be you. I wasn’t there while she was sick so I don’t know how attentive you were during this time. For all we know you could have done some little thing that could seem so insignificant to you that you don’t even remember it, but it could have made her think you were unreliable or even weak.
For this I suggest following Steve’s advice of A314 and IH. Trust and Respect are never bad and usually have to be established before a woman can feel sexual anyway.
Especially if she was previously enthusiastic. I would be ripping his and my clothes off as soon as I was able. Let’s hope he gets results with Tish’s advice.