My friend (who is interested in pheromones) needs a little help in the sexual department – but not in the way you would think. Her boyfriend is a great guy, very sweet and affectionate but HYPER-sexual, and she’s wondering if there’s anything she can do. You know, sometimes we aren’t in the mood for… ahem… affection.
He doesn’t understand this (not in a “I don’t care, get on your back!”… just, “say what?”). They’ve talked about it, too, quite often. None of the boys we’ve talked to have gotten it either…
I mean, I understand that this is the prime time of sexual life for guys, early twenties, and so many times guys take no to sex as a personal attack. Some almost look ready to cry they’re so hurt. It’s quite a vulnerable subject.
But at the same time, she has to sleep! Her body has to recuperate!
I’m no help in this situation, and I thought I might cash in on the wealth of women here.
My first reaction was, “Hand him a box of tissues.” But that is cruel, and at the same time I think we have two very valid things going on.
Does she want to try pheromones to boost her own sexuality? Is there at all some combination of pheromones to SUBDUE sexual urges? Does he just need a beating? (just kidding!)
Honestly…I don’t know if there is much you can do. I’ve never found a way to not be frisky even in a similar situation, and she never found a way to be extra frisky.
Pherhaps she could use pheromones on him to entice herself, but if she needs to recover that may not be the best of ideas.
Perhaps she could “give him a hand” or send him to the bathroom when it is a problem.
I’ll tell you why i’m extra frisky and perhaps you ladies can come up with a solution.
My friskyness has two aspects
I like making my girl excited and having her get off, because I want to make her feel that good.
Getting her off is more of a turn on for me than anything else.
If #1 is rejected there is a feeling of “why don’t you want me to make you feel good?” As a guy, why wouldn’t you want to feel good? It just makes sence.
#1 relates to #2 because by stoping #1 you are removing one of the best turn on imaginable.
There is a third aspect to be considered. If they are in love, the guy may want to express this emotion through sex. If he is particularly taken by her in a fashion he has never experience then he may feel like a expression of his love was just shot down.
This is mostly subconscious, but it still weighs on the emotions.
Some guys are understanding and some aren’t. That’s the way it is. You might be able to “re-educate” him but that’s a long 'n winding road and likely to lead nowhere. She could take up with an older man as they tend to have better control of their libido and be less self-centered. Unfortunately, If the repeated straight talk doesn’t do it there isn’t much hope. He doesn’t understand that sex between a loving couple is supposed to be a reciprocal relationship, and is not the same as tossing off.
If he truly cares about her and she’s not in the mood, he would understand and not press the issue. If the pressure is unbearable, he can always fly solo. No shame there. She might even get off on watching.
Incidentally, guys don’t like to admit it, but it is often the woman that demands more sex than they care to have.
Some people’s sex drives are just different. I have a friend who can’t get enough and needs it every single day, while I can take it or leave it if it’s more than once a week. They need to keep communicating about what works in terms of when the other person is not in the mood.
It usually not the question of “not wanting to feel good” for me. Sometimes I am just lazy and can’t get it up for a performance.. know what I mean?
In general (as in, stereotypical) relationship, the guy wants sex more than the girl.. ever heard of “not tonight, dear, I have a headache?”
For me, I do use the pheromones to get myself in the mood. And another simple thing that has worked amazingly well to rev up our sex life was doing it BEFORE getting into bed (which has become too much of a routine after 8 years). Like, we’ll sneak up to the room around 10pm, when we are not totally exausted, and after we have our roll in the hay, we’ll come down and hang out and watch TV..
well, how many times a day are we talking about here?
and how long have they been together?
It’s one thing when a couple starts out well-matched in sexual appetite and then time and circumstance drives their desired sexual frequency farther apart … but if they’re still in the romance phase and there’s a lot of difference between them, it could be they aren’t meant for each other.
Maybe she’s not that turned on by him even though she loves him. Maybe she’s one of the women who really don’t want sex that often, no matter who her partner is. Some women won’t find out what it is to really want sex until they’re in their mid to late 30s.
I have to wonder if he’s considered that she might enjoy quality over quantity … I mean, how much time is he taking to please her if they do it 3 times a day? Most of us don’t go from 0 to 60 very fast … lots of women take 30-40 minutes of devoted clitoral stimulation to come, so … these are the things that come to mind!
Given his current high need level, if they stay together I think he needs to make up the difference between them with masturbation.
Another thing to think about is whether he’s using sex to avoid his feelings … I’ve known a few guys like that. It’s just another variation of addiction.
and can’t get it up for a performance.. know what I mean?