You suppose correctly. I’m sure you like being “dominated” by your man. But trust me… men love when their women initiate it or even try to lead it. We don’t need to let her lead it, but having her try to lead it is a turn on.
Men like to be in command, we all know that, but that is not restricted to the bedroom. It’s perfectly useless/pointless that you give us total command in the bedroom if outside it you act like you’re the boss of us.
Until today, my best laid was with a former girlfriend who loved taking the lead. After the end of our relationship, we continued having regular sex for almost 1 year (we would meet just for sex). I don’t know what made the sex so ‘freackin’ unbelievable, but I’m sure the fact that she loved taking the lead (and I loved not letting her take the lead, although I would let her once in a while) had a lot to do with it.
Now what on earth did I say to give you that impression? Or maybe you’re just speaking in generalities.
The point is that command is not something that is given, it is something that is taken. There are many clues along the way that this type of handling is wanted, expected. If a woman wanted to have control of everything, and to lead in a sexual fashion, that would present itself in other areas also. She likely wouldn’t want you to hold doors open for her, order for her in a restaurant, etc. The desire to have command of what transpires is not limited to the bedroom, it is a personality trait that displays itself, to some extent, in whatever is done.
For me, that just isn’t the case. I guess I’m a little old-fashioned, because I enjoy having the door held for me, I enjoy that possessive hand on the small of my back or my elbow. It speaks volumes to me of what is to come later.
There is a difference between commanding and controlling. I’m not trying to imply that I give my husband every detail about my life, ask his permission before doing anything, etc. That is not healthy. However, unless there is a really good reason not to, I do acquiesce to his desires almost all the time. Partly because of that, and partly because he is just a generous and loving guy, he also gives in to my desires a lot of the time, too. It is a give and take. Relationship is never about one person, it is a sharing and melding of two until they are two parts of one.
Now I may have given you the wrong impression here. I don’t want to be perceived as a pathetic, insipid woman who does not have opinions. The husband knows that he has to win the respect of that commanding position. At times that means by physical strength. I will at times push him to reinstate that position of dominance, and there is no lovin’ until he does.
Lot’s of great replies so far. For me I think it’s the subtle “public hints of affection” as opposed to displays. The overt kiss or hug (greetings are OK of course) in public can feel possessive to me, like I’m being marked, grab a beltloop or a back pocket (or more formally an elbow) and it just feels playful.
Don’t get too freaked out about direct eye contact, it’s not really about the eye contact so much as the admiration. It’s OK to admire his chin, just don’t admire your own hands, your compact mirror, whatever the heck is in your purse, or what the girl at the next table is wearing.
Most especially what Muskcloud said about a little footsie under the table…hottest thing ever!
I agree, except that command is not always necessarily taken. Some people give command because they don’t feel capable of commanding, even if they feel the person they’re giving command is not the best example of leadership as well. That happens pretty often.
I’m not a leader. But I’m certainly not one of those who follow a leader. I follow my lead and don’t expect others to follow me. I often give command to someone else only to end up following a different path, if you know what I mean. I’m not interested in command, but I don’t have other people ‘command’ me.
You won’t have a woman lead in a sexual fashion and not have control in other areas as well (as you perfectly said), so that’s not even in discussion (as it is so obvious).
I agree with you in the rest.
I did not perceive you as pathetic or insipid…
I understand what you are saying, but what I see in most (if not all) of my friend’s relationships is that their ‘girls’ always try to take command in their everyday’s lives. So, I say that if you want your man to take full control in your bedroom (something I totally respect, as I have nothing to do with your personal life), then you should generalise that feeling to other aspects of life, not just sex.
But then again, I’m not suggesting you become totally subservient, no man likes that!
NOTE: English is not my native language, so I apologise for any spelling mistake. Also, don’t think I am criticizing you, cause I’m certainly NOT! If it looked like I was doing it, trust me!! I was not!
plain and simple act like hes the only man in the world but dont hang on him and smother him or youll seem insecure but dont push him away either to have him chase you around… has to be 60/40 after a while he should gain some self confidence
DJAndarial gave a great advice on the no teeth smile!
A girl with the #3 smile of this site would melt me easily - 17 Types Of Smiles To Wear: A Guide For All Occasions | Attraction Mind Map
Smiles without teeth seems so sincere/unpretentious…really hard to resist.
Some random ideas:
Don’t make obvious compliments.
I consider myself intelligent but when a girl tells me something like ‘‘you are very intelligent’’ I don’t feel anything.In a good day i’d probably forget the compliment in 2 minutes and in a bad day i’d think to my self ‘‘is that good or bad?’’.
It’s a good thing to compliment on facts.Tell him how you really admired something he did for you or for others.Has much more effect than a generic compliment.
I always love when girls ask for help on something i’m skilled at.Makes me feel apreciated and useful.
On another vein, I have found that the quickest way to build rapport with a stranger is to ask them for help that they can easily give, but that you can’t (or it appears that you can’t) do for yourself. Even if it’s something as simple as asking for help carrying a heavy load.
People, men especially, need to feel appreciated. By providing a service in that fashion, they are displaying their value in ways that words don’t quite touch. I can compliment my man til the cows come home about his strength, but I get a much better reaction if I just let him catch me watching admiringly when he’s working hard.
you might want to look up the whole love languages things. What’s deeply meaningful for one guy is kind of shallow to the next.
I don’t think I can post a link so just google “love languages.” until I learned about it, I didn’t realize how I got emotionally attached to someone i liked. There is no single cureall for guys.(emotionally I mean)
For example, mine love language is spending time. If a person I like is wanting to spend time with me not for a particular reason but because they want to. I generally get emotionally attached to her (it’s not a involuntary thing though).
Unfortunately pop culture conspires against this love language at least in the dating game.
Try that, there’s all sorts of quizzes around to find the main love language.
The five love languages… it’s a well thought out book. It is written by Gary Chapman.
The theory here is that everyone gives and receives love in certain ways, and although it varies from person to person, there are really only five ways in which that is done. If you can determine which one (or two) is the way your intended gives and receives love, then what you do can speak volumes to them, instead of being less meaningful. For instance, if your girlfriend receives love best through “words of affirmation”, meaning compliments and other verbal building up, then all the gifts in the world won’t mean much to her. Yet if she receives love best through gifts, then all the quality time in the world will still leave her feeling unappreciated.
I remember when I first read this book and discovered my own language, which is ‘acts of service’, and then identified my husband’s language and those of my children. It made a HUGE difference in how we related to each other. His are ‘physical touch’ and ‘words of affirmation’, whereas my oldest daughter is ‘quality time.’ Knowing that made it easier to make each one feel appreciated and loved. Since mine is ‘acts of service’ I kept doing little things for them, taking over their unpleasant duties, etc. because for me that is expressing love. But I wasn’t getting through. Likewise my daughter wanted to love me by spending lots of time near me, but to me that was clingy and uncomfortable.
If I remember correctly, the five ‘languages’ are:
Physical touch
Quality time
Giving of gifts
Words of affirmation
Acts of service
If you’re having trouble connecting with your loved ones in a meaningful way, and feel as if your best efforts mean nothing, check this book out. It is written from a Christian perspective, so be forewarned in case that is an issue for you.
I’d like to challenge ONE of those! Which one is definitely NOT love, even though, for lots of people that BELIEVE it is, it’s the only way they know how to show it, and it’s normally one-sided?
I have to wonder if you’re referring to the giving of gifts? If so, I would argue that it is indeed an expression of love. True, some people allow it to become something else, as in the case of a greedy SO who abuses the privelege, or a sugar-daddy type relationship. That is not the least bit healthy. But think of it this way… when my three-year-old daughter brings me a slightly rumpled dandelion, she has given me a gift of pure love in the brightest and sweetest way she could think of.
Gifts don’t have to be $ or even related to money at all. The best ones usually aren’t. And sometimes the most meaningful ones are. I could care less about gifts, generally speaking. Even at Christmastime, although I like to give them. But my husband made me a very generous $ gift when he put money away for the express purpose of me buying a plane ticket to see my aged parents. They are old and their health is failing, and there is going to come a time when I will have to leave at the drop of a hat to go to them. We live far away, and coming up with plane money at the last minute would be difficult for us. So that is a $ gift that was purely driven by love and earned him no benefit other than my gratitude.
From the tone of your post I have a feeling that you’ve been burned somehow. I am sorry.
You put it as I see it … IF IT’S FROM THE HEART, and you know the difference. Lots don’t know, 'cause they weren’t taught. UNDERSTANDING is the key to life … it will take you far.
Nope, I’ve never been burned THAT WAY, even though it’s the norm in my little neck of the woods. I’d like to THINK that I KNOW when someone loves me from the heart, and still … NO ONE can ACT forever.
Or maybe you’re just speaking in generalities.
