sorry about the weird formatting. hitori is a bi girl, btw…
mASF Discussion Forum on Fast Seduction 101
Here’s the story with value gambits: A value gambit is where you give people a tiny opportunity to take value off of you, and see how they respond to it.
When I go out to have fun and be social, this is my rule: Forget everything you know. So I just act like myself - I don’t break things down as they happen. When things feel socially necessary, I do them. And every once in a while my intuition flags some specific thing for my attention for later. Anyway, what I noticed at that time was that I was giving people little chances to one-up me. Nothing that would sting if they took it, mostly just set-ups for banter.
The whole idea came to a head one night when I was talking with this girl I don’t like.
A little set-up on this girl: She’s a tease. Like, she’s not that hot, and as far as I can tell she doesn’t hook up much, but she leads guys around by the cock ruthlessly. This is in a relatively high-game, high-energy, party-kid group.
Now, to me, she always seemed pretty useless. And I hate the word “tease”, as usually when it’s used it’s used stupidly, but this girl really is one, and IMHO that’s bad form. But at one point during a party, I decide - if my guy friends are so into her, and they’re normally smart boys, maybe there’s something there I’m missing. So I give her a chance.
It just so happens that things line up so that we are outside together, and we start making with the small talk. Now, we’re both kind of Alpha Females or whatever - at least, that’s how ASFers would describe us in terms of this group. But in very different ways. So it starts with compliments.
“It’s cool how you’re so witty and together and everything,” she says, or words to this affect. “I wish I could do that.”
“Yeah,” I say, “but you’re awesome with the guys. They’re totally all into you.”
Her, “Yeah. Well like… You could be too. Have you even dated any of them? You haven’t, right?”
Me, “No…” At this point, I have a feeling of intention, but no real sense of what the intention is. I say, “I’m not really looking for a relationship right now. And if I just want to hook up I like… Go into the city.”
Her, “Oh, you’re -that- kind of girl.” Her voice implies disapproval. At this exact second, she’s cut. Like, she uses up her last (well, really, only) chance with me like a rubber band snapping.
Now, there’s a lot of different responses she could have come up with at that point - first and foremost, she could have played the girl-solidarity card. Almost anything, really. But at the second that decision (well, more of a character-assessment I guess) processed, I flagged it for later thought.
Anyway, what I think is that girls - and socially-intelligent people - do this shit all the time without realizing it. Like, usually it’s just micro-adjustments and not nearly so clear-cut, but I think it happens all the time. And I think it’s how some of what I’d otherwise classify as “magical thinking” associated with self-esteem and frame finds its expression - how LSE people find friends and LTRs that will treat them shitty, how HSE people find friends and LTRs that will MVET. And I think there’s a lot of other, similarly subtle stuff that goes on without us even being aware that we’re doing it, most of the time.
That was my original email about value gambits, from November of '06. Since that time they’ve become a bigger and bigger part of my game, and I would describe them - with absolute honesty - as the cornerstone of my screening for both friends and LTRs. This is how you separate human wheat from human chaff: give them a chance to take from you, and see what they do.
I do this because I like to give and make things better - socially, primarily - and I like to be around people who feel the same way. In effect, I guess you could say that this way I create and manage social circles that collectively MVET.
The other day I was cuddling with a boy in bed, and I said, “You know, it’s funny.”
He goes, “What is?”
And me, “When I don’t date anybody for a while, and I go without cuddling, the next time I cuddle I get the shakes.”
Him, “The shakes?”
Me, “Yeah. Like… Adrenaline rush. It’s kind of embarassing.”
He goes, “I like cuddling.” End of conversation. Test passed.
-Hitori
Hitori’s Blog:
Chick Logic