How to GET INTO the friend zone!?

Lounge
1

I’m in a FWB situation where I would like to bow out and still be friends. She has developed feelings that I don’t share. Keeping the friendship is important to me, but I feel that the sex has to stop. Time apart is easy as we both work hectic schedules.

I know this may be a bit unusual since most people here are looking at getting out of the friend zone, well, I want in.

I’m 38, divorced, and a single parent. She’s 34, very outgoing, no kids, and has never been married. There’s more about me in my intro thread, but this might be enough for you all to start with. Any suggestions?

2

Hello Now1more

Confront her. The only way is the honest way, at least that is how I look at it. You might lose her but you have to ask yourself, what is better for you in the long run?.

God bless

Joe

3

Thanks Joe, I do believe you are correct in honesty, but in this case I would like for her to back off without me being rude or off-putting. I’ll explain.

A few years ago I was in a similar situation. The woman I was seeing had several FWB relationships and was cool with it. We entered a relationship that was clearly defined. Well, she went away for vacation and when she returned she told me she was in love with me. I handled it wrong and bolted. Didn’t talk to her for over a week. I was completely honest, but needed some time to articulate and break it to her gently. We remained friends, but she got herself into a rebound relationship, whirlwind romance with an ex, and was married a few months later (after having been divorced for 10 years). We remained friends, but the tension was still there. She’s been married now for two years and at times talks about what a mistake it was, then at other times you can read between the lines and knows that she’s not happy.

In my current relationship, it has pretty much gone down the same way. We started off as great friends, moved into and FWB, and then she has admitted that she is in love with me. I’m afraid that something “not so good” may happen if I directly confront her as she does drink a lot. One of the reasons that I can not fully involve myself with her emotionally. I wrestle with the feelings that this may seem underhanded by not being direct, but I would like to back out slowly while having her believe that it was her intentions.

Maybe that gives a little more insight and hopefully you all can sympathize with me wanting to do the right thing by being honest, but my guilt complex has me feeling responsible if something goes awry.

4

How often do you see her?

Not sure why but people keep telling me that seeing her every day = love, and seeing her less frequently means something else, like friends etc

I guess seeing her 1ce a week, or less than once a week wouldnt give out that love vibe

This is just advice i’ve received/seen from other people with similar matters, im not sure I myself “get it” 100% though

5

How much we see each other varies. It’s been as much as twice a week to once every three weeks. I would have to say on average, probably once a week. It all depends on what we both have going on at the time. We don’t really text or chat on the phone a lot, mostly message through FB.

She has a very active social life, while I have the home/family life.

6

Thanks for explanation, it makes a lot of sense now.

In this case, lets approach it in a different way. Although I hate taking that route, but sometimes, to not really hurt other people’s feelings to the point that it breaks something inside them, it must be done.

  1. tell her, you have lots of thing going on at work, and you are emotionally drained and need a break. Now take however long you want as a break. The less time they spend with you, the more disinterest she will develop on you

  2. Since you both are FWB, I suggest you tell her that you are not interested in anything more, and you both need a small break. I know this is the honest route, but you can’t really control how people react to things and she needs to move on.

  3. the most important person is yourself and what you want. I’m not saying that you should be selfish but let me give you an example. I had a friend who had a shaky personality. People wants him to act how ever they pleased and he always delivered, his life is complicated because what some people like, it displeases other people, and he always wanted to please. So we both decided it was for the best to stick to one personality, and attract people in your life that accept what he chose to be.

In this situation, the girl you are with wants a certain thing from you, in this case a long term commitment, that you are going to suffer for a long time, or move on and let her deal with it like a grown up woman.

4)can you see yourself being in a relationship with her, if she breaks the habits that you hate about her? If so, then just confront her about it. Tell her that there are things that you don’t like about her. If she really likes you, and sensible, she will realize that you care for her and what she is doing is not for her benefit as well

  1. Tell her you have STD( I’m playing :stuck_out_tongue:)

God bless

Joe

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This is NOT a pua forum, this is a pheromone tips and tricks for men section of a pheromone forum. Please remember these posts, unless specifically about pheromones, belong in the lounge.

8

Joe, thanks again. Seems sensible.

Steve, I was hoping someone would say something as simple as, “Yeah, 4 sprays of IJ!”

I’m not sure if just wearing some heavy nones would just turn her off. By repeating the process over the course of several weeks may have her thinking differently about me, especially with the little amount of time we do spend together and the time span between.

9

You want simple. Be her friend.

Dont have sex, dont pursue sex, dont flirt. Treat her like you would any other friend you dont have a sexual relationship with. When you meet up always do so in a public area so sex is not likely to come into play. If she asks to go some where more private bow out. Its important to Increase the time apart more.

If she pushes the issue tell her the truth of course. You care about her but you want to slow this down a bit because your not looking for a long term committed relationship and you dont want to lead her on. You can say it politely without telling her things you dont like about her. People dont change because you dont like something about them and there is no need to tell someone what you dont like about them. Its just hurtful and its more about you then her.

I know you dont want to hurt her but the longer you let it go on the more chance there is of that occurring. Your not responsible for your former “friend with benefits” poor decision in a current partner.

For future reference for almost every women there really is no such thing as FWB. We are emotion driven creatures and while we need a connection to a male to have sex with them to begin with sex always deepens that connection. Its the way we are made and how nature intended it. Those who can generally have some emotional disfunction or disconnect derived from past experiences. I am not saying men and women cant be friends. My best friend is male. Just dont have sex with them because that changes the dynamic. Its instinctual.

You will never make it into the friends box. By its very definition is means a male you wont have sex with but like. She already had sex with you. There is a connection. I know men are more instinctually driven but you need to know this before you have sex and be responsible for your part in it.

(((Joe))) I am shocked. LOL While on some levels this is true, you can have what you want without hurting others and still be considerate of there emotions and needs. The statement points something out though. Your speaking about someone you dont love or care about. He obviously cares although he is not in love. Honesty done correctly doesn’t have to be hurtful.

As for a pheromones that will put you in the friends box. Hmm thats a hard one. I would usually go with a women’s primary. I wish they had TAL still. IH can create intimacy if you use it but if you only use it when not in a intimate atmosphere around her you may be able to save the connection, have both of you open up about your true feelings and remain friendly.

She is sexually attracted to you and comfortable with you so heavy anone will just make her horny.

I am leaning toward P124, TAK or P85 if you can get your hands on those.

If not stick to IH and thats it.

Oh one more piece of advice. Ask your self what would you tell your son or daughter is they came to you with this problem. Ask it from both perspectives the male and the female one. You will know the right thing to do. After all you are someones son and she is someones daughter. :wink:

Tisha