Howdy from Canada - can pheros help me spice up a marriage?

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1

Hello everybody,

Like SteveO says, I should introduce myself. I am from the eastern half of Canada I am a happily married mid 50’s male, married to a woman 15 years my Junior. I sometimes think that I married my mid-age crisis :wink:. But we have been married over 10 years now and are still each other’s best friends. We have had our share of ups and downs over years, but we have survived and are still as much in love as we ever were. But, its our sex life that really needs work. At first things were fine, well, maybe not great, but certainly not bad :roll_eyes:. The years and a couple of events have led us to a point where our sex-life is essentially non-existant. She is still responsive, but is hesitant to “step over the line”. This is because of past issues in our marriage in which a couple of kids have also played a role. You run after a kid who learned to read before they were 4 years old and another still in diapers who is probably just as smart and at the end of the day eager to go to bed begins to mean going there to sleep!

Anyways, we have talked about improving things over the last few years, but have never really found any appropriate solutions that seemed to work. There is an issue with my size (she says I am too big). It causes her to feel uncomfortable and even pain during sex. This is partly (mainly?) because she does not relax enough, and she is aware of that. Being tense and expecting sex to be uncomfortable or painful has become a self fulfilling prophecy.

Then the idea of pheromones crossed my path a couple of years ago. To be honest, it first interested me because I was considering having an affair. But now, I want that affair to be with my wife. Affairs are far too costly to a marriage unless it is with your partner :wink:. I have seen the fall out too many times in friends lives.

First, I figure I meed TUTH. I think that goes without saying. But I also need her to relax and let her body respond as it wants to sexual stimulation(s). She is fully responsive to foreplay, but go further than that and she tenses up, and that is a wall that needs to come down.

Like I said, we are best friends, and have no intention of splitting up. But we are interested in possible solutions and pheromones seem to be the best one I have seen yet.

So, hopefully that was not TMI :slight_smile:. Any advice as to what I should get?

2

Welcome to the forum Mr-Messy. Perhaps you might also try Instant Female Magic. But be careful as it has been said to cause a side effect in some men, it puts some men on a downer somehow. YMMV though (mine does). And be aware that people really close to you, such as a spouse, may subconsciously find a new phero-signature weird, so tread carefully and start off small. Though it sounds like you are letting her in on your plan - am I right?

3

Hi Mr. Messy, welcome to the forum!

TUTH should get things going in the bedroom. You might also want to consider Instant Honesty and Instant Openness. These are social pheromones, maybe they might help to get her to relax a bit more.

ntk23’s suggestion of Instant Female Magic may be a good one.

Good for you for trying to work things out with your wife. Good luck.

4

Yes, she is in on the plan. But I also want to do “blind” tests when she is not aware that I am wearing some. And I like the idea of starting with small doses. We are not in any partiCular hurry. (exuse the Capital C’s … the lower Case one just Crapped out)

5

Welcome to the forum Mr-Messy!!!

I think you should stick with Turn up the Heat and Instant Honesty. You’ll have to play with the dosage of TUTH though as applying too much can have an adverse affect, esentially, an OD. Also, the -none that’s in it can have a build-up effect so you may either want to use it lightly or only in those situations where you REALLY want it to do it’s job. The Honesty will help her to open up to you, feel like she can trust you, help her to really connect and relate to you.

Also, I suggest that you concentrate on romancing your wife. As a mommy of 3 myself, I know how we mommies can let the parental responsibilities overwhelm everything else in our lives. Let her know how much you’re IN LOVE with her, not just how much you LOVE her…there’s a difference :wink: . I think this would be a big boost to her confidence and would definitely deepen your relationship even further (add some more sparks :wink: ), although it sounds like you’ve got a pretty good thing goin’ already :slight_smile: . Maybe those sparks will flame her fire of desire so she can relax a bit more when things get “intense”. Also, (hopefully I read your post correctly:o ), I’m assuming by the “issue of your size”, you mean…ahemmm…well, you know…and you didn’t mean body mass size, right?:o If so, making sure that she’s “O”-so satisfied first, if you know what I mean :wink:, hopefully enabling her to remain relaxed throughout the rest of it.

Well, that’s my 2-cents worth and I hope you don’t mind me butting my nose into such a personal area of your life.

Good luck to ya!

~~River

6

Hi MR Messy and Welcome to PheroTalk!

You are on a journey of discovery that is going to rock your socks. I can’t wait to hear all about your naughty adventures, now that you are in the know :slight_smile:.

Let me first say that your situation is one that is very common. When we become mothers, we women tend to take to that mother role and forgot that we are also wifes/partners. After becoming mothers women tend not to feel so attractive and that can last for a longtime depending on the woman. The first thing I would suggest is getting a babysitter and get her out of the house.

Remember she is looking to you also, and as her partner and best-friend let her know just how sexy she is. Buy her some lingerie, chocolates, flowers, you know, things that say you want romance from her. Pheromones are actually a very nice gift as well. Might I recommend some Instant Sexiness B. Not only will it be seductive for you, but if you frame it right it will let her know she is still super-sexy to you. In other words, don’t just say here’s some mones baby. Nope you will have to frame it that you think she is incredibly sexy and that this special mix is designed only for sexy women to wear.

Have a lovely evening planned and make her feel as sexy as possible. IFM & TUTH are two great suggestions along with the foreplay to get her to release all inhibitions and allow you two to enjoy each other like never before.

If you have any questions you can call me on the pheromone hotline:
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7

I am certainly interested in the journey. She is a little sceptical, but I think that will change once I get some pheros :slight_smile:. Your suggestions are great, but she is not that open to some of them. Because of two pregnancies, she has put on a little weight, perhaps 15 lbs, maybe a little more, so she is not inclined to where lingerie. Chocolate is already an addiction, but she relies on my will to keep her from eating too much chocolate as that would mean gaining more weight. AS far as getting out of the house together, the cost of a baby sitter alone is almost out of reach, let alone an evening out. Being between jobs lets me be around her more, but it has its drawbacks.

That said, I still have no problems romancing her. Its the little things that count, such as bringing her a diet hot chocolate at just the right time. She loves roses, but considers them a waste of money because they die. I gave her a dozen silk roses once - all I do now is refresh the Rose Oil that I put on them. They smell real, look real, until you realize that they are silk.

Thanks for the suggestions though. All I have to do is find workable versions. As for getting out, she has a number of things that take her out of the house, but without me. I have never begrudged her the time out and never have second thoughts about taking care of the kids.

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Hello Welcome to Pherotalk :slight_smile:

First lets cover the pheromones, I do suggest Turn Up The Heat to increase her arousal.

I also suggest Double AMMO to use during the day before the night time activities commence. This is why, its a sexy mildly arousing mix. You will be building anticipation and this will help her loosen up (no pun intended) in the bedroom later.

Next I suggest Instant Female Magic, this one calms and comforts. It also will ease her nerves and is good for easing women into certain situations they feel uptight about.

Next I suggest some Instant Honesty this it s deep chatty mix but thats not why I suggest it. It gives a feeling of closeness and intimacy which women love. Plus I find for myself and my hubby that it gives us both the new feeling like when we first met.

So this is what you would do, Wear AMMO and some Instant Female Magic during the day time. Then as night rolls around and the timing is good spray on a little Turn Up The Heat Instant Honesty and maybe one more squirt of IFM to the back of your neck and see if that helps her any.

Give it time though. Let her get used to your new pheromone signature by starting with one product at a time and increasing the dosage a bit each day. People closest to us know our pheromone signatures even though they are not aware of it. So you would do this first before trying the above combo.

You mentioned babysitter so I know your kids are young still, Watching kids is a job as I am sure you know so be sure to time it when she looks like she has had a great day. pheromones work but if she is stressed out or pooped she wont respond. Believe me I have two kids myself. You dont have to buy her anything. Just doing something sweet would set me off… :smiley: Well everything sets me off so you cant go by me (snort). Watching the kids for a half hour so she can take a bath or something like that would do it. She gets a chance to rejuvenate and she will think your a prince. You mention you have no problems in that department so thats good.

Ok on to the next issue… If you dont want to respond you dont have to I am just going to throw a few suggestions out there for you. Some you may have tried already.

Lube, there are all sorts of lube at the erotic toy store. When your big lube is a important tool.

Dont know if she is willing but change positions to change the angle of penetration. She will have more control on top and being in control will help her nerves. She should be able to find a angle that suits her more.

Now there are two ways to be to big. Width and length. You cant do much about the width but she can. At the sex toy store you can get ummmmm lets call them inserts that she can put in that will help loosen it up so the width wont bother her. There is a product called the “vaginal dilator” that could help as well.

Length, you can buy rings or donuts to wear so you dont go to far. They even have them that will feel good for you to wear so it wont take away from the experience.

Some people suggest a product called anal ease which is used for back door entry. I have heard of some people using it for this particular problem but I feel it would be to numbing and she wouldn’t have any fun then.

Has she spoken to her gyno about it. They have prescriptions that can help as well.

Next she needs to work on the tension thing. She needs to remember that babies come out of there so there is no way your not gonna fit. Sex should be fun, I know this is hard when you have kids running about and you dont want to pay for babysitters but you really should try to get time alone at least once a month. By alone I mean the kids are not where you are. Knowing kids are in the next room can tense some women up. They always have that worry “what if they come in” its natural. Do you have any relatives close by that will watch them for you for a few hours? I would switch off with my sister in law. One weekend I had them all the next she had them all.

The main thing to remember is to communicate and try different things.

As you can see we are a pretty open bunch here. I hope I didnt embarrass you or make you uncomfortable in any way. If I did just tell me to shut up :wink:

Tisha