Here is another example of sexy that is tasteful and ladylike:
I was never cute nor sexy (as far as I am concerned) - My female friends say I am Hot; not sure what to think anymore.
the more I get is that I look unapprochable. so not sure what it means. but I want to be sexy.
So funny! I wrote my reply before reading your post. and indeed, I never felt sexy in my life. I have what we call a cusvacious body but in Europe it’s not valued. they prefer skinny, no boobs, bno bum, type girls.
In my case, with age, I have more confidence but not to the point of saying, I am sexy and forget it, I am not cute.
Nice to have a man’s perspective.
Aw!
Why do you believe this?
I have a very curvy body, much like Christina Hendriks, and get hit on a lot. So do many other women with an hourglass figure. I highly doubt this is it.
If people say you look unapproachable, I’d suggest you take a good look at your body language and facial expression, and soften them to make you more welcoming.
Alternatively, it can be a clothing problem. If you believe your ourglass figure repells men, you may not be dressing in a way that celebrates your specific brand of femininity.
If people say you look hot, you definitely have the potential to look sexy 
It has to do a lot with self-esteem and also, role models growing up.I am a little older than you are and at the time, curvacious was equated with bimbos and the like of Samatha Fox and Sabrina. I too was compared to Christine Hendricks, this woman is just amazing. I love here and the confidence she projects.
But, what is difference between Hot and Sexy?
Also, I don’t think I repel men, I just think they are may be scared to approach me. I also have a strong personality. that’s why I think IS/B helps to soften a little bit my exterior.
As for fashion, yes, I think you are totally right. Sometimes, fashion and body type don’t mix well. I would love advice from you
I don’t think so. 
But I think maybe he’d rather be with a cute girl cuz sexy girls intimidate him.
I would say Hot is a more artless form of Sexy. Hot is mainly physical though, sexy expresses her passion
IS/B is a good start, but it does not take the place of a welcoming bodylanguage.
A strong personality can mean many things, would you care to elaborate?
How comfortable are you with feeling vulnerable?
How feminine do you feel?
For an hourglass, without seeing a picture, I recommend clothing that is not too casual, unless it’s a jersey skirt or dress. Your best skirts tend to be fitted, pencil or mermaidish, your best tops fitted, fine knits or princess seams. A V neck is always good.
My blog has some good examples of outfits and some tips on good dressing, it is in my signature.
Being in your late 30’s I’d choose clothing that is a good quality; shoes in real leather, clothing in wool and linen with some cotton. Don’t be afraid to be ladylike and show your dignity. At the same time, you are much too young for anything matronly or sumptuous. Slim heels and a visible waist remind men that you are a woman in your family forming years and help tremendously with looking sexy. Go easy on the jewellery.
From fashion, add only one or two of the fashionable colours to your wardrobe, those that flatter your colouring most. Only pick up those trends that look good on your figure. Follow the long fashion waves, the looks of this decade, but skip the short waves. Your clothes should be of too good a quality for fads that last a season or two.
Well, there is your answer. Why would he acknowledge you as a sexy girl when he feels uneasy about sexuality?
I guess instant sexyness name is misleading 
Cute isn’t a bad thing it’s still attraction and I read all attraction is sexual attraction 
Well, gals, put yourself in my shoes. I’m on the downhill side of middle age and I am “cute.” What mature woman is “cute”? HOW on earth is a mature woman “cute”? From the time I hit puberty I was generally considered “meh” in the looks department. Unlike my kid sister, who literally had people stop her on the street to make sure she was not a particular supermodel. I got remarks like, “Well, sure, [Boudicca] is cute, but let’s face it, [her sister] is drop-dead gorgeous!” When I got engaged to my now-husband, my sister was doing a modeling gig and hubby’s best friend was the photog. He proudly showed off his contact sheet of the shoot to a mutual group of friends, who promptly decreed that hubby had picked the wrong sister. And that was in my prime.
Always had a “full figure.” Every woman in my family has it (except my sister, who got my dad’s metabolism & build, so is tall and thin and model-looking, and in the end aged much better than the supermodel she looked like). Only after a crazy runaway ovarian cyst (4-6 liters, 25lb, my body thought it was preggers for 3 years) was removed last August, I found out that said full figure now looks like a blob of play-doh that’s been squished in a fist. Hitting the gym trying to recover now, but oh it’s so hard, because I wasn’t allowed to do more than walk for 6 mo. after the surgery. And my abs still aren’t fully functioning yet, so my back takes the stress and it kills me.
I used to be able to dress a certain way and, because of my figure, be thought sexy. Now my figure has deserted me and what’s left? “Cute.” At best.
Aww! I saddens me that so many ladies on the forums do not feel beautiful… I wish I could make you see yourselves in a different light.
Butterfly, I appreciate the idea, but when so many of one’s inputs as to appearance (mostly from men, I might add) have been so negative, how does one believe otherwise? My husband isn’t big on issuing compliments; his idea of a compliment is, “You look nice.” (That, when I’d spent hours on hair and makeup and dress for a black tie affair.) So I haven’t even heard it from him, in all our years of happy marriage. sigh
My bf doesn’t like to compliment either. I know it is frustrating because your SO is the one person whose opinion actually matters. I am glad I don’t have a sister because people compare sisters all the time and I know I’d probably be the ugly one. That is really horrible that people said your husband chose the wrong sister! Even though I don’t have a sister I kinda know what it is like because guys would choose my mom over me. Well, if it makes you feel any better, the guys who posted in this thread said that they’d rather have a cute girl for a long-term relationship. Being cute or sexy both have downsides I guess.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my sister dearly. Anybody messes with her, they gotta go through me first. I just wish I’d gotten a little more of her genetic mix, I guess. She’s tall and thin and glamorous and I’ve never been any of that. You’d think by now I’d at least be considered “elegant,” but oh well.
I took my first hit of Shine a little while ago. Frankly I don’t give a rip right now.
People have been cruel to compare you in this way. But you have to know that you can be beautiful even when there are other beautiful women. There are any different kinds of beauty, and all kinds do have their followers. We don’t all have to look the same. Accepting yourself is the beginning of feeling beautiful. If Christina Hendriks tried to look like Natalie Portman, she’d be pretty rediculous. As herself, she is quite formidable. Learn to make the most of your own look.
*BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER. THIS IS A FICKLE WORLD OF COURSE. HOWEVER, IF SOMEONE DOES NOT SEE OR VALUE YOU FOR YOUR PERSONALITY AND WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER THEN THE PROBLEM IS WITH THEM.
THEY ARE UGLY. YOU GOT TO LEARN TO DO THE SAME
HE DEFINITELY PICKED THE RIGHT SISTER , YOU JUST HAVE TO REALIZE HE CHOOSE THE COMPLETE PACKAGE , WHAT A SMART MAN.
*
that is good advice.
Well, I’m trying. That’s part of the reason for the mone experiments, is to get myself away from “cute” (and some comments were much worse than cute), and into at least “elegant,” or “attractive.” I dunno that I aspire to “beautiful,” though it would be nice. I’m not looking for miracles. I’d be delighted to be called “hot.”
But since the surgery I at least have somewhat of a figure back, even if it looks like a child’s play-doh sculpture. (Huge surgical scars, the removal of a large volume from the abdomen, and slumped faux-baby fat, do not make for as attractive a shape as I’d hoped.) And I’m busting tail in the gym to try to burn off the fat. I got a friend who has a degree in, and teaches, fashion history to help me put together colors and shapes that look good on me, and a couple things surprised me. I’m trying to stay within the guidelines we got laid out (because I also got a face makeover with her). Kinda my own, on the cheap, version of TLC’s What Not To Wear, lol.
And that helps. I feel better going to booksignings now than I did before the surgery. (Except for needing my energy levels back to normal.)
And maybe I need to ‘splain something else, too. I AM NOT looking to cheat on my hubby. Not interested, don’t wanna, ain’t goin’ there. And he knows that, and he trusts me. But the time was when I had a body and an attitude that wouldn’t quit, and I used to get “hits” all the time without having to do much. And that was a real ego-boost for me, given the verbal crap. It was like I could comfort myself with, “They may SAY this, but those other guys REALLY think THIS!” But that hasn’t happened in a long time. Years, actually. And I’m not sure what happened. And I want it back. But I’m thinking maybe I’m too old to get it back now, especially after all the surgery crap.
Where it gets really confusing is that I don’t know what my fans expect. I put up (on websites, FB, etc.) the shot my publisher likes, because it’s “cute” and casual. Then I get a fan going, “Will you please put up a PRETTY picture for a change?” So I get some pub stills made, with makeup and hair and stuff, and I put one of those up. And someone else says, “OMG, that is horrible, take it down.” So just for @#!^s and giggles, I put up a photo from 15 years ago. Guess what? Everybody liked that one. sigh
I can relate to what boudicca is saying. Even if a SO finds you beautiful, pretty, sexy it doesn’t matter because it has to do with self-esteem that has been built over the years
Butterfly: remember what I wrote? you might be beautifyl but not feel that way because you grew up in an place and environment that did not validate you as a beautiful human being or worst, totally made you feel akward and unpretty.
I too have a sister that attracts looks way more than me. And i’ve always been told by family that she was prettier than me. Although my BF and parents would try to reassure, the damage was done by extended family and social circle.
As a grown woman, you know that you should not be sabotaging yourself but your emotions goes the opposite way.
It is very tough to live
Cookie, you’re exactly right. My immediate family has always been very supportive and complimentary. It’s the other folks, friends and distant relatives, that tore down my fragile self-esteem at exactly the time frame in my life when it was being built.
I went through a period of time when I felt sexy and hot, when my marriage was established and I’d established my first career. In recent years, however, I’ve had several surgeries, this big one the most recent, and it’s had a drastic effect upon my figure, which was my one sure “hotstuff” feature. Now I look like a potato. Or better yet, think about taking a lump of play-doh, gouging a knife along one side, then squeezing it in your fist to close up the knife gouge, leaving finger marks. That’s what my torso looks like now.