Butterfly said something brilliant here people tend to miss. Beauty can not be seen with your eyes thats why most women cant find it when they look in the mirror. Its something you feel.
A sunset is just a sunset. Its how that sunset makes you feel when you look at it that makes it beautiful
I know lots of visually attractive women who are pleasing to look at. They attract men’s attention for a short period simply because most men tend to think first with the left brain when looking at the world around them before the right brain kicks in. In women it tends to be opposite. When that right brain kicks in suddenly that stunning women who was so pleasing to look at, sometimes, is not that attractive anymore simply because beauty is not visual.
I see these women working so hard on the outside to look good and its never enough. They dont think or feel they are beautiful and they wonder why. Its because they are working on the wrong part of themselves. That can only be worked on inside of us. I am not saying there is something wrong with striving to be the best you can be on the outside as well. Hell I work out and have all the same hangups as everyone else. Its getting harder to ward off the progression of time but I know I will always be beautiful simply because of who I am not because what I look like.
Its the same as happiness. People think its a destination. They think if only I can weigh this much I will be happy or If only I looked this way I will be happy and then they get there and wonder why they are not happy. Its simply because they are working from the outside in instead of the inside out. Happiness, Beauty, Love, Joy, Contentment, sexiness etc etc… all of those things are not found outside of us.
People dont like to hear that. It’s harder to hear because saying something about the way a person looks is just preference, people all like different things. It says more about them then it does you. When it comes to the realization that beauty comes from within it says something about who we are. Not as easy to change as whats on the outside.
Boudicca and Cookie your both beautiful women. I cant see you but I know this because I can feel you from parts of yourself you have shared here on the forum so far. Reach for that feeling of beauty inside and the rest will follow. The weight will come off and the reflection in the mirror will be congruent with the rest of you.
People who judge you simply by looks like those fans you mentioned are ignorant and someone’s ignorance is not a reflection of you. So it matters little what they say. I know it can feel hurtful. I am not immune to feeling hurt myself. Growing up people would say lots of hurtful things just because of who the believed my grandmother was and subsequently who they thought I would become. But it’s all ignorance and like maman used to say “never feel good or bad about yourself because of someone else’s ignorance, its about them not you”
By the way Boudicca… “Boudicca the Celtic Queen” knew this. It wasn’t how she looked that made her beautiful and revered it was who she was. Keep that in mind during your recovery from surgery. You will get there because you have the heart of a warrior princess. 
That’s another illusion though. Compliments are great we all love them but they dont validate you. Only you can validate you. All the compliments in the world can not validate you if you dont feel it. We spend so much time talking to ourselves in our heads about how we look fat or we are not pretty enough etc etc… no wonder we feel ugly.
Think of the things you say to yourself when you look in the mirror. Would you say those things about anyone else even if you thought they were true ? Would you tell your best friend, sister, daughter, “Boy you look fat and disgusting”, “damn your getting old”. Nope I bet you wouldn’t. But women tend to look at themselves and say these things all the time and with that action we validate it as the truth. I know people will roll there eyes and say “oh boy tish is on her lala land tangent again” LOL. But seriously for now on look in the mirror and just point out whats good about you. Just try it for a month. If your in the process of losing weight or reshaping your body then look at the progress you are making not the amount you need to lose. If you hate your ankles like I do notice your killer thighs LOL. I have a pudgy little nose but great skin and hair. Focus on those things you love about you and the more you do the more you will begin to love you just the way you are. Loving you just the way you are doesn’t mean you have to stop improving your appearance.
Dont wait for other people to compliment you or validate you. Do it yourself.
Boudicca you have been married for over 20 years. That in itself is a compliment to your beauty. He doesnt need to tell you. Every morning you wake up and he is there showing you. Men show feelings though action not verbally like women do.
Tisha
Hope its from total a*holes who wanted to bring you down, because your friends and people who loves you should always make you feel like you’re drop dead gorgeous even if you look like you’re covered in shit!
), but I’m more confident now, and a big part of that is new friends, who build me up instead of tearing me down. This means that especially men react to me as if I WAS more beautiful 
Yeah, sing that again sister! Make it a damn mantra. I have a previous life of being told (constantly) in the worst case “well, you’re not ugly” 
I did the ultimate housekeeping - I emigrated!