I’ll have to second this suggestion – not forever, of course, MM is a good read, but I’d agree that it would be too tempting at this point for LTD, and probably not a good path.
I’ll remark that a diary is not a substitute for a wingman (which was what I wanted to respond to yesterday but was diverted) but I will also second keeping a log/diary/journal as a record of your reflections and observations as a useful tool.
Okay … back to the wingman topic.
LTD, before I begin, I want to express my regrets if any of what I say sounds … curt or insensitive. I don’t currently have a better way to say what I want to say.
I’m hoping you’ll consider that a wingman is not a crutch or a Plan B, and that the idea is that your wingman – a guy or girl – is there to observe you “do something” rather than to “do good” or “not do good”.
In other words, s/he is an extra pair of eyes and ears who can give you objective feedback on things you might not have noticed or considered while you were “doing something” (e.g., opening a set.) Your wing is ideally not judging whether you “did good” or “did not do good” … but is giving ~you~ information on which to base ~your~ decisions.
For example, a wing – while you are focused on faces, eye contact, and saying ‘hello’ – might be looking at foot language (placement, movement, direction, angle) or body language (arched back, head tilt) or the actions of the secondary members of the set. You might have a high enough level of excitement that even some in-your-eye facial expressions get by you unnoticed.
I suggest looking for a wing who is not judgmental, who can just be a keen observer. I’d even suggest you avoid any kind of evaluation of your performance with your wing that involves criticism. That way you will be glad to have your wing with you … and more than a few times at first.
The value of a wing goes up over time, as s/he gets to know you, and as you get learn to listen to his/her voice and get the intuitive shape of the kinds of observations your wing provides. (Don’t ever forget your wing’s birthday; take good care of him/her.) Later, you might need a wing less often, but later each session is likely to give you even more valuable insights as you refine your social interactions.
And a thought about performance. What you have is a form of performance anxiety. How do performers prepare for a performance? Rehearsal. Anywhere. Everywhere. With strangers on the street. Try making your “conversational hello” performance SUCK: the most pitiful, awful, immediately rejectable, cheezy act in history; ~then~ try making it graceful and eloquent and as smooth as creme pie. Rehearse enough times that you no longer care whether someone else thinks you’ve done good or not … and then, your performance anxiety will be gone.
Best wishes, LTD
We all pulling for you fellow Pherodude. 