I’ve come a long way since first joining this site, let alone earlier. One of the things I learned over the last 7 years is how women relate to men. Namely, women being are attracted to one type of guy and not other. No need to reiterate what, how, or why; this topic has been done to death on here, and many PUA forums too. However, not only that, for the first time in my life, I started to develop friendship feelings, rather than sexual feelings, toward girls I perceive as “nice”.
One important thing to note is that the female counterpart of “nice guy” (not necessarily the same as NiceGuy(R)*, although there’s some overlap) isn’t “nice girl”, but “wholesome girl”. A wholesome girl will be nice to you and your friends, doesn’t give off a sense of danger, and has commonly feminine traits. But at the same time, she almost seems “too good” of a person. After all, as humans, we all have a dark side. But you just don’t see it in a wholesome girl any more than you do in a nice guy.
I know a few girls like that, like the one in my karaoke group. She’s one of the sweetest girls you’ll meet. I really like hanging out with her, but just don’t have much in the way of romantic interest in her. My feelings toward girls like her are more like affection and comfort (think Est and P96), than true sexual interest (think ISexi/A and ISexi/B). By contrast, I also know girls who are equally sweet, but also have that little extra trait that goes slightly against their sweet persona, which makes them all the more intriguing, not to mention they tend to be much more fun to be around. Doesn’t even be sexual fun, just the kind where you’re smiling on the drive home. Which leads to romantic interest, the emotions of which I can control, if it’s not reciprocated.
That’s because over the years, I started liking girls with a big of a dark side and/or a mild flaw. A gothic-themed tattoo or even full-length sleeve tattoos, having shoplifted something as a teenager, an unusual interest (like trains, rare for most women), a messy apartment, poor boundaries on the dance floor (but stopping before going too far!), SOMETHING. It just makes them look and feel more human, and makes it much easier to relate to them. After all, I have a dark side of my own: a NiceGuy(R)-esque past, which I recovered from; acting a little off-the-wall when drunk; and occasionally engaging in dangerous hobbies, like flying small planes.
That said, there are flaws/dark sides that are absolute deal breakers for me. For example, bad with directions enough to get lost going 2 miles on one street, severe past criminal conviction, and drug use. If I find out something like that, then I either politely end things or ghost out, striking a balance between politeness and my safety.
I suppose one difference between men and women, is that I’d probably be able to somehow “convert” my feelings of affection and comfort toward a wholesome girl into sexual interest. Unlike women, whose feelings toward nice guys are far more rigid. And that’s OK, as unfair as it may be; it’s just evolutionary biology doing its work. Luckily, we at PheroTalk can harness that evolutionary biology for our own gain, thanks to Androtics products.
Of course, it’s very easy to go too far in the opposite direction, where someone’s dark side and flaws becomes their main personality. In which case, she’d become a bad person as a whole, effectively killing my attraction for her. But I won’t date a girl who’s a bad person any more than a mature girl will date a guy who’s a bad person.
Thoughts? Agreements or disagreements? Comments?
- NiceGuy(R) refers to that kind of nice guy. Someone who becomes friends with girls and does favors for them, in hopes of sex/relationships down the road, then when it doesn’t happen, gets angry and vents about it on the internet. That’s not nice; that’s covert manipulation. But I digress.
, never seen so many cute girls, with unbelievably, fat obnoxious assholes, just an observation.